How to know if you can really trust your girl

[jbbrain]

I'm young, but I was having problems with jealousy mostly with my crazy ex gf and a little with my current gf, when I knew deep down there was no realisatic foundation to back any of my fantasies up.

I talked to my bro about it. Hes older, and has a shyt load of experience with girls. He told me the key to handling jealousy is a little word called perspective.

The trouble with trying to convince yourself that you're the "shyt" and that shed be crazy to leave you or cheat on you is that when it happens, that very fantasy about yourself that you used as your sole defense crumbles.

"Man, I'm the shyt, but she cheated in me with an obese gorilla!"

That won't help you. Rather, what helps is using your rationality as a man. You're obviously with this girl because deep down you trust her, other wise you wouldnt be with her, right? (I hope so)

Having a good healthy perspective of the world lets real world reality set in. It begs the question "I'm with her and I trust her, but WHAT WOULD ACTUALLY HAPPEN IF SHE WERE TO CHEAT ON ME?"

Are you going to marry this chick? Probably not. Chances are you like her, you might even like her a lot, but what would your life be like if all of a sudden if she wasn't around. Would you be fine?

I know I would be. Thats how I'm getting over the jealousy thing. I let my girls do their own thing (as long as its not disrespectful to me) because at the end of the day I know I'm going to be fine with myself, all by myself, if they do decide to stray. I have my own shyt going on for me in this world. i learned that you can never really control anybody else's beahviour. Like many ppl have mentioned before, she will cheat on you at some point if that is her desire. The KEY is how you respond to this reality.

Perspective gives you the ultimate confidence. "Realize" that you don't "need" any chick (because in all reality noone really does, it's just that thousands of guys on this site are unaware of this at the moment) and jealousy won't faze you a bit.

This does not mean that you should be oblivious to your girl's actions. Be aware, but don't let all the small stuff get to you.


Why?

Because you're a man with perspective.

 

[jbbrain]

my replies are ALWAYS the last ones until the thread itself is tossed into "2nd page oblivion"

hell yeah I'm whining.

Who else has anything good to say??

 

[E-Z Rider]

In my opinion---

Most hot girls have guy friends.

Most hot girls have more guy friends than guys have girl friends.

So it's unrealistic to expect her to not have guy friends.


*How* she hangs out with them is the more important question.

Does she hang out with them a lot? (Frequency)

In what kind of situations does she hang out with them? Innocent friendly places like going out to eat... or does she invite one of them over to her house to watch movies (had a chick tell me that, ended up going out with him a week after we broke up), or go to any kind of situation that seems overly non-platonic.

Does she hang out with them all in groups, or more one-on-one things?

I think it's much worse when she starts hanging out with 1 guy friend often, than when she has a bunch.


All that said...I really wouldn't advise breaking up or even bringing up this isssue at all unless you have some compelling evidence.

But you usually won't have 'evidence' per se...the best indicator is if she starts to lose interest.

So then...the only other point of consideration is if you feel it is disrespectful to you. Even if you trust her, you need to have her respect you. Sometimes a chick will actually lose respect for you if you let her hang out with other guys too much.

Then the flip side...if she's hanging out with other guys, you can hang out with other girls (and you probably should- not cheating but just devoloping options for the future).

Thats my 2 cent...-E-Z

 

[Luckylove]

Trusting a Girl

I agree with the people on the post--if you're going to be in a relationship with this girl, you are going to have to trust her, but I do have some friendly advice that maybe helpful:

1-The guy friends: I remember my girlfriends and I talking about men and women having friends of the opposite sex. One of my long time friends brought up a good question. Suppose that one of my boyfriend's female friends were flirting and hugging. What would I do? I am the kind of woman that doesn't make a public spetacle out of herself. I try to hold myself with dignity, intergrity, and respect in public. I am not going to show out because one of my boyfriend's female friends are interacting playfully. From my perspective, there are two kinds of "flirting behaviors" that a person should be on alert. Obviously, one is what I mention a sentence or two ago which, to me, is harmless: good old flirting or "teasing" to see your friend kind of behavior. If they are teasing and being brother or sister like, or their flirting is harmless, then I wouldn't freak out. But the seconed one that you should definitely look out for is "I am hanging over you flirting or teasing". Meaning that they are hanging all over your boyfriend or girlfriend like they were still involved in a relationship with them. If this happens to you, you should pull your significant other from the side and talk to them about. If they are understanding, they will talk to their friends about it. If they aren't, you may have trouble down the road.

2-Don't Get Jealous: There is nothing like a jealous, enraged mate when it comes to seeing them get madder than hell about opposite sex friends. Play it cool. If you don't, then it will surely show. You girlfriend might start believing that you're crazy. It isn't a crime if you're jealous once in a while. Hell, we all got feelings. Yet, don't forget that jealously breaks up many friendships and relationships. Keep it real with your girlfriend. If distrusts even creeps in your relationship, you're going to have a rocky road a head of you.

3-Thinking That Guy Friends Want to Sleep With Her--Yes, you're could be right. There is a possibilty that there are guy friends who want to sleep with your girlfriend. I am going to keep it real, there have been men that I wanted to date or was very sexually attractive that were and are my friends, but that I never acted on those feelings. It depends on what kind if person that you are. If you're the kind of person who acts like a player and have intentions of sleeping with someone, you're going to show you're true colors (something that relates to number #1). If you see one of those guys acting on their feelings, don't get crazy. Try to keep it cool, and be respectable. I am not encouraging you to be a "wimp". What I am advising you to do is be the one on top of your game. Show the guy that you're in a relationship with your girlfriend, and he needs to know that it is disrespecting to you to try to make advances on her. By using body language, most guys will get the picture. If you're girlfriend is wonderful, she isn't going to fall for her guy friends' advances. If she is really in to you, she is going to respect you and not go there. I can't make any guartantees, but as many of the DJs have said, you have to trust her anyway.

I hope that I gave good advice, and I would like for you to take it into consideration. Good luck with your girlfriend!

~LL

 

[otr4]

Thanks everyone for all the advice so far.
However, I think I might have made the wrong impression about the whole situation when I wrote this post.
First off, I'm 24 and my girlfriend is 18. I think a few of you brought this up or wanted to know my age.
Secondly, a lot of you have brought up "JEALOUSY." I think most of you assume that it was jealousy that brought me to write this post. But in reality, I feel that jealousy has little to do with it.
Simply put, I like my girlfriend right now, enough to commit to her, but I ALSO have a two other girls I'm still interested in. But at the same time, I WILL NOT CHEAT on my girlfriend. I have chosen my current girlfriend above the rest and she is great, but since we are still at a VERY early stage in our relationship, and I'm still getting to know her and still learning how truley faithful she is, I DO NOT want to end up finding out, weeks (or months) from now that she has been cheating on me with one of her "guy friends" and then I would have given up two potentially awesome realtionships with these other two girls.
In other words, it was not jealousy that started this post, but a feeling that I could miss out on other opportunities with these two other cool girls-- I feel like I'm taking a BIG risk with this girl-- a girl who hangs out with A LOT of guys ALL THE TIME.
What I really want to know is, from people's direct experience, if they know of any signs or indications that have led them to find out their girlfriend has been cheating or acting unfaithfully. Does anyone have any way or idea I could find out or "test" the situation at this crucial early point in our realtionship to find out if she is truly faithful? Thanks!

 

[jbbrain]

dog, you either trust her or you don't.

If you want to be with her, then you have to trust her. Like I mentioned before, dont be oblivious to relaity however.

You don't want to be a stalker or some guy who is watching her everymove. You'll just kill yourself. But like in any relationship, you cant be an idiot. If shes cheating, signs of many different shapes and sizes will come up. You'd be a fool to not notice them.
But remember, youre in a relationship because you trust her. If you don't trsut her, the relationship is doomed for failure.

 

[dietzcoi]

"Don't dump her unless she is disrespectful"

Personally I think hanging out with a LOT of guys ALL the time is already disrespectful...

Wolves eat sheep. Do wolves hang out with some sheep they do not want to eat, while eating others? I don't think so. They eat sheep, it is their nature.

Men fvck women. Compare to the analogy above.

Of course I do not understand the female mind, but from the male perspective, having her hang out with only men is a bad thing.

Good luck

Dietzcoi

 

[Reto]

LIke what was said, HB's will always have guy friends. They're like groupies.

Signs she has hooked up with someone? Unless she is a great liar, you'll know. Her IL in you will decrease. Chances are, you'll have a "gut" feeling. Listen to it.

Here's a couple that happened to me;

I called my girl and her new room mate answered the phone, "oh, she's in the shower getting ready for you. " We hadn't made any plans...

Or, she's not as touchy/feely as she use to be...

Or, she tries to pick a fight over something stupid...(that may be a long shot. A lot of women do that for the he!! of it)...

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by otr4
One thing, however, that has been difficult to deal with, is the fact that this girl has A LOT of guy-friends. I mean, A LOT. And she hangs out with them all the time..

You should never, ever date a girl with guy friends. EVER. No exceptions to this rule.

 

[drixsa]

Re: Re: How to know if you can really trust your girl

Originally posted by myfriendblu
You should never, ever date a girl with guy friends. EVER. No exceptions to this rule.

Blu you idiot. take your amish ideals elsewhere

 

[Abbott]

Not all men are the horny apes you seem to think they are.

Originally posted by dietzcoi PART I
......Wolves eat sheep. Do wolves hang out with some sheep they do not want to eat, while eating others? I don't think so. They eat sheep, it is their nature.

Men fvck women. Compare to the analogy above. ....

This isn't fair to say, simply because it's not true. Don't tell me that all men want to screw all women. I've hung out with women before just as friends, women who I will not screw just because I'm not attracted to them. I'm not going to screw anything just because it moves and has a vagina (while disregarding all other factors).

Originally posted by dietzcoi PART II
...Of course I do not understand the female mind, but from the male perspective, having her hang out with only men is a bad thing.

Good luck

Dietzcoi

Only men? Now that has to be weird. Just about every woman I've ever ran into has girlfriends (not of the lesbian variety usually ).

I'd be very weird if I didn't have any male friends at all and only female friends.......

Ben

 

[dietzcoi]

Sorry, but it is true. Although ALL men do not want to fvck ALL women, there are enough out there to be worried about.

What kind of men want to hang around with HBs and not fvck them if they have a chance? (AFCs???)

WOlves are wolves and sheep are sheep.

Dietzcoi