how to improve social circle?

[niggitywiggity]

how do I do it? here's the background info:

- the people I know right now are basically casual acquaintences... I don't have rapport with them, the vibe I get is that they're not interested in talking/hanging out with me

- I have a friend whom I'm always with (due to the fact that we're close friends and roommates), and he's pretty high energy all the time when we're hanging out, where I range from chill to high energy

so the questions are: how do I change the first situation and what do I do when I'm being chill and he's high energy? I don't want to be a guy who follows him around when he's high energy and I'm not.

 

[Tomatoes]

Talk to new people. Make new friends. Its not that hard. Channels to go threw are Work/Gym/Hobbie intrests/College/Current Friends.

Find other people who like to chill to. Dont try and Best friend people the day you meet them thow....they will think your odd.

 

[niggitywiggity]

thanks for the help, but to clarify:
I'm not looking to increase my social circle, I'm trying to find out how I can improve it.

 

[poohead]

what is a lair?

 

[Good_ol_boy]

what is a lair?

lair n
1. a place where a wild animal rests or sleeps
2. a retreat or hideaway (informal)

vti
to go to a lair, or be taken or made to go to a lair (refers to an animal)

Encarta® World English Dictionary © 1999 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved. Developed for Microsoft by Bloomsbury Publishing Plc.

 

[kingofnewbie]

dude its easier to make new social cirlce than to improve one the effect is the same. don't just stuck on same people meet new people its exciting...

 

[niggitywiggity]

ok... so you're saying I should just forget about all these peepz...
but... that's kind of hard to do--I see them everyday, which is why I'd like to improve relations.

 

[Thomas94305]

I've had a similar problem over the past year.. I've had several "acquaintances".. When we happened to bump into each other, the person was smiles, talked, was friendly. When I'd invite the other to activities, the answer was some form of no.. too busy, too tired.. yadda yadda... Odd thing, the other person would often invite me to his/her things, and I'd show, being interested in growing a friendship. That said to me the person was comfortable with me around him/her. But, after a while, I felt short changed. There was no interest in my side of the deal, activities weren't being jointly decided, the person was not that interested in me or what I wanted.

I applied DJ principles to these situations, and have a lot of improvement. With each of these acquaintances, I said "I show up to your things, but you don't do my things..." or some form of that. I quit going to his/her things unless this turned into a 2 way street.. basically, I didn't put up with games. Also, I've gotten over some shyness to meet new people. With the new people, after a few interactions, I ask myself if it's basically a good thing; are things 2 ways, good for both, etc. If it is, I continue it. If not, I make the other person lower priority, and spend time elsewhere. I might mention why I'm hesitant, and when I did, it was simply stated without anger or apology. That's improved things too. Often, the person will be more respectful. Or, I'll know early to cut my losses.

Basically, most of the bad acquaintances from before never blossomed into friendships. But there was improvement. The person either learned to respect my side, or I've put some distance between me and him/her. I hate that some people just won't be my friend, no matter how giving I've been. But that's a reflection on others, not me. The DJ has other options. My contacts I've grown over the past year are simply much more mature. It's not a big deal to call them and get some activity going. And, I'm just getting started....

At the very least, start setting limits with your current peepz.. perhaps let them know what you don't like, but not necessarily give ultimatums... AND.. BE SURE TO MAKE NEW CONTACTS.. Dont' fall into friend one-itus either.

 

[diablo]

Moved to AE...

 

[AudiTy]

Improve yourself.

 

[d9930380]

Lesson of the day.

Being a bastard gets you what you want. It's human nature. Everyone likes someone they can use, and if that's the reason why they like you then there is no friendship.

You have to be prepared to walk away from people once they start treating you like a gimp, you get no respect from people if you "try" to be their friend by being nice when they're not.

it's the same if it's just a friend or a girlfriend.

And the other dude is right, it's hard to change people's opinions, better just to get some other friends.

Ironically the old ones will probably come back to you then. Same as a bird.

 

[Vulpine]

Search > "social circle" > results

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=97442

They need a "short bus" smiley. Or a smiley with a goofy expression and a helmet on.

 

[Vulpine]

I have a friend whom I'm always with (due to the fact that we're close friends and roommates), and he's pretty high energy all the time when we're hanging out, where I range from chill to high energy

so the questions are: how do I change the first situation and what do I do when I'm being chill and he's high energy? I don't want to be a guy who follows him around when he's high energy and I'm not.

Don't smoke up if he's not, or, offer him some of yours when you're smoked up and he's not.

 

[Jariel]

You won't hear this advice very often, but humility works wonders for building and improving friendships!

When you're socialising, ask people questions about themselves, listen to them, show interest in them and encourage them. I've built more friendships, acquaintances and social groups this way than I can count.

The key to charisma is making people feel good about being with you.

 

[niggitywiggity]

Thanks for the advice guys. Thomas, I've always done what you say you do, which is basically that if the other person is unfriendly or basically playing games or whatever I'll create distance. I guess that is the correct way to deal with this. It sucks though because the first two close girl friends I got was this year and basically this quarter I ended up moving farther away from them.

So here's my plan of attack:
1. improve self more
2. increase new acquaintances/contacts/friends
-- the new acquaintances should help me improve my social skills, which will help me find new people, and so on