How to hold your ground against other Alpha/dominant males in a suave way

[diogenes84]

Hey budding or blooming DJ's,

In the last year or two I have increasingly noticed something that is both a compliment and a big challenge for me:

Being treated as potential competition by other Alpha or Dominant males wherever I go and their behavior to reassert their dominance in a certain space.
Especially at work or in party environments.

Usually first some HV women start noticing me more and treating me with interest and often opening space for me. This in turn "activates" the self-perceived Alphas of that space and they feel (I think) the need to assert dominance or control over me in one way or the other. I don't seem to have this issue even with higher position or dominant women but only a few selected guys that are slightly above/equal/below my own position.

Typical and highly annoying non-verbal signs are the fatherly shoulder patting/grabbing, leaving the hand on the shoulder or "guiding the way" by waiting and providing a corridor in which to move.

This might not be a very big deal but I have noticed they are not doing it with overtly shy, submissive or friendly males that they don't perceive as a threat. Also at my work which is highly competitive (cardiology) I feel that the hacking order gets reestablished all the time and I want to hold my ground without being handed down but also not trying too hard.

Verbally I usually fare well but have yet to come up with a suave way to "counter" these nonverbal dominance gestures without seeming affected, tense or overreacting.

General experience or advice on this topic is highly appreciated as well.

 

[Plinco]

Most important, that you have good inner game; It's important to be happy and respect yourself.

If you really want to be on top, maybe you should look into starting your own business, maybe with the economic turmoil in Germany there's some opportunity hidden in plain sight.

 

[Dr.Suave]

I would take it as a compliment like you said and not worry much about it.

 

[Veréngárda]

There is no "suave" way.

That's just a concept people use to gaslight you into not standing up for yourself.

 

[TheSpaniard]

I see this often in the gym and at bars/clubs. I just start laughing and then smile more. You ever see two guys about to fight and one is smiling or laughing. It makes the other guy furious and he loses it. This was my go to tactic when I was younger getting into confrontations. Mostly because I think it’s hilarious and the other guy had no clue the type of training and how savage I really am.

It happens when an attractive woman in the gym is checking me out. I’m in better shape and lift more than most dudes at my gym. The other men see me and start ego lifting and mean mugging me. To which I laugh and look at them because I think it’s a feminine attitude. The only person who is my competition is myself. I feel like women see you having a great smile too and draws their attention towards you even more.

As for nightlife, I will pass a woman I’m not interested in to the other guy. I’ll talk him up and then he’s engaged and out of the picture. Here have my scraps… this chick I don’t want and take your attention off me bro.

Kinda the same way I feel when other dudes break their necks checking out a woman I’m with. I take it as a compliment because they’re acknowledging I’m a threat to their ego. View it as a compliment and laugh them off thinking you’re a joke dude. Make fun of them and the situation. Tell them age before beauty and wave them through the corridor first. If they do the shoulder, tell them a little harder and to the left dear. Just have fun in general and don’t take anything too seriously.

 

[Murk]

You sound beta to me, I would tell them to get their hand off me/don’t touch me, but then again nobody manhandles me in public anyway.

Stop trying to fit it and live by your own rules, would you go around touching/pushing or “guiding” people? No? Then don’t accept that from anyone else.

Your main problem is you didn’t react in the moment on (alpha) instinct, you thought about it and ran some scenarios, you made a thread, that tells me you’re not the alpha you claim to be. Start living in the moment and be true to your self and your nature. The fact this is a bunch of doctors/medical people and you’re getting manhandled/bullied by them is telling.

 

[Machine10033]

If they are already comfortable literally moving you out of the way... i don’t know what a reasonable solution would be. My dad grew up in a pretty sh!tty area and always told me no matter who it is...keep people out of your personal space. I don’t like dudes touching me... or getting to close.... alpha or not unless they are your most trusted friend you set boundaries. You set no boundaries with them.

Also if you do something extreme like shoving them... are you actually prepared to back it up if they actually say f this we are fighting.

Where is this happening? If it’s a bar or club swallow your pride... how many bar fights end up with someone hurt or killed. I made this mistake on vacation with my buddies. Standing there some dude pretty much lowered his shoulder and hit me as hard as he could. I lost it.... went after him outside the bar and was taken back when the guy apologized and said he shouldn’t have done it.... but in hindsight it was a ridiculous move to chase the dude outside... I don’t know who he is... what he’s capable of.... he could’ve been a retired mma fighter... or just out of prison... looking to go back.

In nature the alpha is capable of handling himself but also his intelligence... the most dominant buck are also the hardest for hunters to kill..... keep yourself alive and in the future make sure people respect your boundaries from the start

 

[Gamisch]

I see this often in the gym and at bars/clubs. I just start laughing and then smile more. You ever see two guys about to fight and one is smiling or laughing. It makes the other guy furious and he loses it. This was my go to tactic when I was younger getting into confrontations. Mostly because I think it’s hilarious and the other guy had no clue the type of training and how savage I really am.

It happens when an attractive woman in the gym is checking me out. I’m in better shape and lift more than most dudes at my gym. The other men see me and start ego lifting and mean mugging me. To which I laugh and look at them because I think it’s a feminine attitude. The only person who is my competition is myself. I feel like women see you having a great smile too and draws their attention towards you even more.

As for nightlife, I will pass a woman I’m not interested in to the other guy. I’ll talk him up and then he’s engaged and out of the picture. Here have my scraps… this chick I don’t want and take your attention off me bro.

Kinda the same way I feel when other dudes break their necks checking out a woman I’m with. I take it as a compliment because they’re acknowledging I’m a threat to their ego. View it as a compliment and laugh them off thinking you’re a joke dude. Make fun of them and the situation. Tell them age before beauty and wave them through the corridor first. If they do the shoulder, tell them a little harder and to the left dear. Just have fun in general and don’t take anything too seriously.

I agree especially the first part of your post. I am a life long boxer, 6,2 and will turn a man's face into mashed potatoes if needed. No need to prove myself ,so I'll just laugh it off. I am in a quiet place now and rarely get into trouble, but in my hometown dudes dont take this well. They get pissed you keep smiling friendly and keep pushing buttons UNTILL you role up your sleeves and te them its GO TIME. Than all of a sudden they wanna de escalate and go back to taking like adults lol.

You sound beta to me, I would tell them to get their hand off me/don’t touch me, but then again nobody manhandles me in public anyway.

Stop trying to fit it and live by your own rules, would you go around touching/pushing or “guiding” people? No? Then don’t accept that from anyone else.

Your main problem is you didn’t react in the moment on (alpha) instinct, you thought about it and ran some scenarios, you made a thread, that tells me you’re not the alpha you claim to be. Start living in the moment and be true to your self and your nature. The fact this is a bunch of doctors/medical people and you’re getting manhandled/bullied by them is telling.

This

And hey, nothing wrong with being beta in a professional setting. As long as your not being humiliated. You dont wanna spasz out and start over compensating and get a criminal record.

But yeah, I can understand if you get "little brother-ed" by a colleague in front of women you dont like it .Must be some scene lol, a dude AMOGing you while you dont hak e the fecking BALLS to simply say in a polite way you dont like it.

The issue goes WAY deeper then OP thinks; this is all about standing up for yourself, having personal laws, and how to act in social settings. Mind you, men , even bullies, might have SOME form of compassion especially as adults. Act like this around the wrong woman ( no boundaries) , and she'll eat you up for lunch.

 

[Barrister]

There are a number of different tactics you can employ. The very best is actually diffusing the entire situation by approaching them and being friendly. If you are in a bar, offer to buy them a drink and start asking them questions about themselves. You will be surprised how quickly the entire mood changes. This will eliminate probably 75% of what OP is talking about in my experience.

It is true that sometimes there are going to be guys who are just hyper-jealous of you or are equally ambitious and become your rivals. This generally doesn't work on those types. For them, you are left with either ignoring it altogether or doing a direct challenge yourself. I tend to ignore simply because a direct challenge normally results in unneeded drama. However, if they do openly insult you (or indirectly do so) in front of a group of people, you MUST respond or risk being seen as inferior. I agree that humor can often eviscerate them if done the right way.

 

[eli77]

I see this often in the gym and at bars/clubs. I just start laughing and then smile more. You ever see two guys about to fight and one is smiling or laughing. It makes the other guy furious and he loses it. This was my go to tactic when I was younger getting into confrontations. Mostly because I think it’s hilarious and the other guy had no clue the type of training and how savage I really am.

It happens when an attractive woman in the gym is checking me out. I’m in better shape and lift more than most dudes at my gym. The other men see me and start ego lifting and mean mugging me. To which I laugh and look at them because I think it’s a feminine attitude. The only person who is my competition is myself. I feel like women see you having a great smile too and draws their attention towards you even more.

As for nightlife, I will pass a woman I’m not interested in to the other guy. I’ll talk him up and then he’s engaged and out of the picture. Here have my scraps… this chick I don’t want and take your attention off me bro.

Kinda the same way I feel when other dudes break their necks checking out a woman I’m with. I take it as a compliment because they’re acknowledging I’m a threat to their ego. View it as a compliment and laugh them off thinking you’re a joke dude. Make fun of them and the situation. Tell them age before beauty and wave them through the corridor first. If they do the shoulder, tell them a little harder and to the left dear. Just have fun in general and don’t take anything too seriously.

So true

 

[SargeMaximus]

I heard once that you must show other men you respect their authority but aren’t intimidated by it. I think that’s the right balance

 

[Red Oke]

You're coming from the wrong frame-Alphas have value BECAUSE THEY ARE VALUABLE PEOPLE.
Take that exactly as i said it they are VALUABLE & they are PEOPLE.
The only people who you can learn from are alphas. It's a very complex subject. What you need to know is you can gain more from understanding an alpha than taking a single chick from an alpha and crashing & burning.
edit: I should do a thing on sigma males-the alpha male's alpha