Thanks to
@Zimbabwe for bringing this thread back to life. It's good.
One common problem with cold approach pickup (and dating in general) is that you are automatically penalized for being a stranger.
The fact that you aren't someone that she sees regularly in her daily life means that it will be VERY difficult for her to feel any type of connection to you until you sleep with her.
Yes! This is a problem with both using website/swipe apps* and cold approaching. This common problem is compounded by living in a more populated metro area (typicallly 500,000+ population). In a bigger metro area, it takes a lot for two people to see each other. Chance encounters do not often happen. There's upside to chance encounters not happening, as it makes it easier to hide after an interaction goes sour. It does inhibit development of relationships as it takes more work. A man's male friendships also take work in a big city as he often won't randomly encounter a lot of his friends.
I remember reading content from pre-conversion Roosh about strategies for faster sex to get to an emotional connection sooner. Since women have more options than they had decades ago, she can only respond to a few text messages. She's more likely to respond to the text message of the guy who had sex with her, provided that the sex was good sex.
*
@Jeffst1980 wrote this in 2011 when websites like OkCupid, PlentyofFish, and Match were the dominant tech players. Tinder didn't launch until 2012). For being written in 2011, this has aged well. Texting was starting to get quite popular around then.
You can go out and have a great date with a girl, only to have all the attraction evaporate in a few days as you exchange text messages, trying to plan another date.
There is the notion that attraction has an expiration date.
A guy meets a girl he likes. He starts talking to her, and there's electricity in the air. Attraction. He can tell she likes him. A lot, even. She tells him all kinds of things about herself, her eyes wide and filled with excitement. It feels as though there's a bubble around them, in which only...
www.girlschase.com
Yes, in my own dating life in the past 22 years, I have seen interactions evaporate after a first date in the text messaging phase. In the olden days (1999-2005 or so), this might have happened with phone calls and not reaching each other, though more people started getting basic cell phones in the early 2000s that made them more reachable than landlines. I bet a lot of interactions died in the 1985-2000 era based on people not connecting via landlines and leaving answering machine messages. The clip below would illustrate a variation of that.
if you attempt to "forge" a connection by texting her continually, you will likely be punished for showing too much eagerness. It's a catch 22; this is why most traditional "dating" models don't lead to relationships.
Too much communication = needy.
The best strategy is to mimic the communication strategies of high valued men and prey on her need for validation. This is what it means to be a "challenge." Since the chemistry from your first date will be forgotten in days, the only way to get her interest level up is going to be to plant the seed that you aren't sure about her yet and have other prospects.
In the 1990s, Doc Love advocated an approach of waiting a week to call after first meeting a woman. In his process flow, a man would meet a woman either through cold approach or at some social circle residence party, get her number, then call her. I remember reading about this in the early 2000s as an 18-19 year old. It's still valid advice today.
@EyeBRollin uses a variation of this technique now.
This tactic works because the typical chump guy is blowing up her phone 1-2 days later trying to escalate. The guy who goes 5-9 days without contacting her makes her wonder.
This works best if you are plate spinning and have multiple prospects. If your pipeline is one prospect, the 5-9 day waiting cycles will feel endless. Go out, constantly approach, and build the prospect pipeline.
This means to avoid giving her any closure following the first date. Don't make plans for a second date on the first one, don't text her to make sure she got in ok at the end of the night, and don't text her the next day to thank her for a nice time.
NEVER text about making her she gets in ok at the end of the night or to thank her for a nice time. These are super beta moves that kill attraction.
There have been times I've made second date plans on first ones and they held up. I don't recall this working with elite looking women, merely some of the more average looking ones. It can be justified to do because setting a date in-person can take phone call or text message miscues out of the equation. I won't say NEVER with this one, but very sparingly. Probably only in non-cold approach situations, like a first date with a social circle setup.
Wait at least a couple of days, unless she contacts you first...and even then, show restraint. Her need for validation is going to be the key to getting her out with you again, so you need to make her feel that tension and uncertainty.
5-9 days, unless she contacts first.
When you DO ask her out again, keep it short and sweet- don't try too hard to be witty and keep these dates SIMPLE. A man valued by many women will NOT bend over backwards trying to impress a girl he just met. Trying to impress her will send her running at this stage in the game.
In the event that she can not make the day you suggest and doesn't offer an alternate day, say nothing. Either wait for her to text you again, or wait a week and contact her.
If she cancels the second date abruptly, say nothing.
The common thread in these responses is to treat disinterest with amplified disinterest- meaning that you won't even offer her closure by saying, "sure, that ok." This is the only way you can demonstrate value in these situations.
All good!
I hate game playing, and it's a shame that two people that like each other can't just go out and be transparent with one another. Unfortunately, part of building a connection with a woman lies in having her feel insecure about your feelings towards her -- in the early stages, anyway. If you've had a string of (seemingly) great first dates, only to have the girl disappear afterwards, it is because you failed to leave room for doubt. You will have much better luck if you disappear for a bit immediately following the first date.
I dislike game playing too. In a way, this justifies the whole social circle approach. When you get set up through mutual friends/acquaintances, you don't have to do as much game playing, though you still need some game to close the deal. Building a social circle is difficult. The larger trend seems to be that fewer people are meeting through their social circles so there's more of a need for gaming. This is funny. As we build bigger follower networks on social media, our actual social networks seem to be weakening. For instance, my closest friend's wife has 1,000+ Facebook friends. Many years ago, when she was merely his girlfriend, she also had a Facebook friend list that same size. A couple of us guys when we were single noted this and we wondered how someone with a friend list that large had nearly a non-existant social life and could never produce a social circle set up date for any of us.
Swipe app and cold approach sourced date do require much more game playing to not only attract but also to retain.
