How To Handle This Chit Test?

[wifehunter]

Ewww...she a hoe.

I know, just what you wanted to hear, right?

I'd get tested.

 

[BeExcellent]

Random thoughts from the old lady:

This whole interaction is the double standard in action. What double standard am I talking about?

Nice girls don't have sex right away; Girls who have sex right away aren't girlfriend material.

But the flip side of that belief is this:

Nice girls aren't sexual; how will my sexual needs get met with a nice girl?

Now in regard to your plate:

The meme she sent you expresses the way a worthwhile woman with options sorts her suitors. She expects leadership and clarity.

Your plate is looking for leadership from you, for clarity. She isn't necessarily asking for a relationship from what you shared but she certainly is getting the impression that you are using her for sex & nothing more. As she realizes you see her as disposable she feels devalued as a human being. She does not see herself as a disposable w h o r e so she is pulling away from you as reality sets in.

You are also having conflicting internal dialogue about her. She has some attributes of the nice girl (she is fun, chill, cool) but she also has some attributes of the naughty girl, which is to do with all the sexual stuff (and which you like/enjoy about her but yet are conflicted about).

She had sex with you quickly and has done freaky stuff with you because she is a sexual woman and because she did not think you were going to be judgemental about it. You guys have great sex and great sex is important to both of you. But now as she realizes you are very judgemental (you think a nice girl shouldn't have slept with you so fast nor do 3 somes etc.) she feels shame and regret. You are judgemental after all. She opened herself fully sexually and you think she is a dirty piece of trash (that you are happy to screw & toss).

Ouch. Of course she is pulling back.

As a very sexual woman myself this is a tough thing to navigate from the woman's perspective.

Women know about the double standard. For women who would just as soon pass on sex you get the nice girls who have sex to get a man but really aren't all that into sex to begin with. Often men marry this type of woman & have children & feel sexually stymied in the marriage. Not good.

Then you have women who are totally on the other end of the spectrum who will have sex easily and indiscriminately. They are trashy, unable to bond, emotionally damaged and unlikely to be a worthwhile mate but may be complete freaks.

But you also have women in the middle who really enjoy sex but also are cool people. These women want great sex but it's a crapshoot insofar as how best to accomplish that. Do you give in to desire right away (as your plate did) and risk judgemental attitudes & being discarded or do you wait and hold off on sex (which denies your own sexuality) to meet the "nice girl" script?

This girl is trying to bond with you on a human level. She doesn't sound damaged but she sounds as though she is hurt by your judgement. This is how women in the middle end up damaged...

I've rambled a good bit here to try and give you some insight. You might consider having a conversation and laying out your expectations. If you are not in relationship mode in your life right now, say so. But if you are not in relationship mode where she is concerned because of your own expectations and ideas about the "nice girl" versus the "naughty girl"...then you might consider what you are really after.

You don't want to be the asexually married man someday wondering whatever happened to that cool hot chick who loved to please you in bed.

And I'm not saying you should girlfriend your plate or anything else. These are thoughts to consider, that's all.

I will say this: Women who value sex want to remain sexy as long as possible. They are more likely to remain thin, stay in shape & mind their appearance to appeal to their man. They are unlikely to let their appearance go.

 

[bigneil]

Blah blah blah.

When a girl is interested she will have sex right away and she will stay long term if you keep her interested.

As long as she doesn't have any diseases or kids and tastes like candy, who cares what labels older women put on her?

 

[Masculinity]

So current plate I am seeing, I met on pof.. sex on first date, within an hour...

Have been seeing her a few months.. I do NOT want a relationship with her, she is too risky, and probably a slvt...

Anyhow i let her do most of the initiating, sending text messages etc etc.. i don't call her, and tell her I like her, or any of that chit..

She sent me this meme today, I am certain this is a hint or a threat???


IF THEY MISS YOU, THEY'LL CALL.. IF THEY WANT YOU, THEY WILL SAY IT.. IF THEY CARE THEY WILL SHOW IT.. AND IF NOT, THEY ARE NOT WORTH YOUR TIME..

I am certain this is a threat or a hint at me?

She wants me to be calling her, telling her i care.. PUSHING me towards a RELATIONSHIP or she is gone?

So how do i handle future chit tests like this?

I simply responded with.. It's pretty cool, should be put in a frame (sarcasm)

You ignore it and keep doing what works.

 

[soulforge]

dont reply to texts like these. if she cant open her mouth and be direct, she doesnt deserve a conversation. Ignore and move along with your life and interaction as if you never saw it.

this.. I would much appreciate her, just talking about what her expectations are.. rather than send a meme.

which to me comes more across like a threat?

for example.. I may not be worth her time, if I do not meet the expectations suggested in the meme


my reason for holding back relationship status, is not simply because this girl is highly sexed and EASY

it is also the fact, I get a feeling she is somewhat coccky and likes to power play, chit test, and on occasion has been flaky too.

dud99 always says, do not give a woman relationship status, unless she is going out of her way to prove her worth..

I really do not believe this chick is proving her worth to me..

and pulling back the sex now, makes me think, what use do I have left for her..

If she is killing off the crazy sex vibe, it does not give me much reason to continue seeing her.

 

[soulforge]

another question, pretty much every time we have have a day arranged to meet

on the day of the meet, she will send me this text

Her - If you want to hang with your mates, it's fine I can come another time.

To me it feels like, she wants me to say, YES I WANT YOU TO COME

if I had plans with my friends, I would not be arranging a date with her in the first place..

this to me seems like dis interest or she is playing games

 

[soulforge]

I am certain, that meme she sent me was a threat and a power play?

my guess is from here on, she will be expecting me to do the chasing, texting her, calling her.. etc etc

this morning, she did not send me a good morning text like she usually does. I don't give a fuk, but I can tell games are being played here.

She is expecting me to text her good morning first.. and probably initiate more.

I feel very uncomfortable in doing this, simply because.. if she had communicated and spoke to me, about the issue, I could have made more of an effort for her..

instead she chose the option of sending that meme, and kind of making a threat

"treat me this way - or else"

my plan of action is, to pull the fuk back, and not let her pull me into her frame..

If she goes cold.. I will disappear completely

 

[sazc]

this.. I would much appreciate her, just talking about what her expectations are.. rather than send a meme.

which to me comes more across like a threat?

for example.. I may not be worth her time, if I do not meet the expectations suggested in the meme


my reason for holding back relationship status, is not simply because this girl is highly sexed and EASY

it is also the fact, I get a feeling she is somewhat coccky and likes to power play, chit test, and on occasion has been flaky too.

dud99 always says, do not give a woman relationship status, unless she is going out of her way to prove her worth..

I really do not believe this chick is proving her worth to me..

and pulling back the sex now, makes me think, what use do I have left for her..

If she is killing off the crazy sex vibe, it does not give me much reason to continue seeing her.

She is being passive aggressive by sending this meme. In general people who are passive aggressive never make good partners because they can't talk and be honest about what is bothering them. I understand that you were not considering her for a partner, but it's just good information to know.
FYI passive aggression is meant to be seen as a threat. Do you really want someone intimately involved in your life who can only communicate via subtle threats?

Again, I know you weren't planning on having her take a significant place in your life, but it's good information to keep close to the chest moving forward.

As always I wish you luck

 

[Bingo-Player]

Dude you gotta chill on this girl. She's driving you bonkers over nothing. She can't lock you down. She's trying to compare you to past relationships and you're not acting the same as them so she's frustrated. She expects you to wade on her hand and foot, but if you did she'd despise you for the neediness.

I think she's emotionally damaged goods. The only response would be no response or a better choice is.

Her: blah blah blah

You: you need to chill. We're only casually dating and I'll text you when I have free time to chat and hang hun. I'm pretty busy lately and I'm not very open with someone early on. And it's kinda scary that you're sending me that stuff after hanging out a month.

That's all you gotta say. Reframe it so you're in control, and she comes off as needy, and you tickle her emotions that there could be more down the line. I'd drop her anyways, but it's one way of keeping the plate from cracking.

yeh i agree

this chicks probably used to men bending at her will ( most are )

when you dont it inevitably sends the hamster crazy

"why isnt he obessing over me" , "why doesnt he care" , "why isnt he like the rest"

when you trigger these emotions in a woman out come the physcotic hot & Cold tendencies

she will either accept that she is a c@m dumpster and submiss to you're don jaun ways

OR

her hamster will spin off its wheel in blur of insecurity and she will run away

either way what do you care you've had the puss already

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

dont reply to texts like these. if she cant open her mouth and be direct, she doesnt deserve a conversation. Ignore and move along with your life and interaction as if you never saw it.

Exactly this. In the last few years I have been learning and applying selective attention like this. Works wonders in all manner of situations.

 

[sazc]

Be aware guys, passive aggressive people who's tests are ignored assume the test wasn't blatant enough and wil escalate the next occurrence.
When you don't respond they can exhibit signs of being "unstable" mentally (b/c their hamster wheel is spinning)

These people are really toxic. Best decision is to keep them as plates, knowing that you will be moving on eventually.

NEVER White Knight anyone who displays passive aggressiveness behavior. They never learned to communicate and you won't be able to teach them how to.

 

[wifehunter]

Be aware guys, passive aggressive people who's tests are ignored assume the test wasn't blatant enough and wil escalate the next occurrence.
When you don't respond they can exhibit signs of being "unstable" mentally (b/c their hamster wheel is spinning)

These people are really toxic. Best decision is to keep them as plates, knowing that you will be moving on eventually.

NEVER White Knight anyone who displays passive aggressiveness behavior. They never learned to communicate and you won't be able to teach them how to.

And why should they communicate? If everything is handed to them, why lift a single finger? These chicks are worthless. Fukking insects, to be squashed and thrown away!

 

[sazc]

And why should they communicate? If everything is handed to them, why lift a single finger? These chicks are worthless. Fukking insects, to be squashed and thrown away!

The passive aggressiveness is this way of trying to get what they want without opening up. Opening up means that you put yourself in a vulnerable position, a position to get hurt.

I don't know that I would say that all passive aggressive people feel like the world should just be handed to them on a plate. One thing I can say about passive aggressive people is that they were never taught how to communicate properly and somewhere along the line when they did open their mouth and try to express how they felt they were shut down hardcore.

Thus learning how to get what you want by being an ass.

 

[sazc]

A lot of this has to do with your personal standards.
Choose not to be one of those fvcked-up people, and choose not to deal with any people that are fvcked up.

 

[wifehunter]

A lot of this has to do with your personal standards.
Choose not to be one of those fvcked-up people, and choose not to deal with any people that are fvcked up.

Preach it, Sister!

 

[ChristopherColumbus]

But you also have women in the middle who really enjoy sex but also are cool people. These women want great sex but it's a crapshoot insofar as how best to accomplish that. Do you give in to desire right away (as your plate did) and risk judgemental attitudes & being discarded or do you wait and hold off on sex (which denies your own sexuality) to meet the "nice girl" script?
.

This is not rocket science. She simply has to show some self-control, and hold her horses, for a few dates whilst building some sort of foundation if it is a decent relationship she is after. And she is effectively screening the guy in doing so, that is, does he also have some modicum of self-control.

Hand it out on a plate, you become a plate.

 

[BeExcellent]

It's not rocket science at all. But many men here are so focused on immediate sex they select for plate type girls only & miss girls that might be relationship material.

Then they wonder why they can't find a good girlfriend.

 

[soulforge]

It's not rocket science at all. But many men here are so focused on immediate sex they select for plate type girls only & miss girls that might be relationship material.

Then they wonder why they can't find a good girlfriend.

Seriously my first instinct when i meet a girl is to fuk her.. most guys are like this.

This is a very deep instinct in men, to fuk at first opportunity..

This is where I believe the female can take control of the situation, and hold back the sex, for a few dates...

So she does not fall into plate territory!

 

[sazc]

It's not rocket science at all. But many men here are so focused on immediate sex they select for plate type girls only & miss girls that might be relationship material.

Then they wonder why they can't find a good girlfriend.

truth is, men will fvck a female immediately if she lets them - why wouldn't they?

And you really do want the females that would naturally hold back to hold back, and the ones who are easy lays to be easy. This is what separates he wheat from the chafe.

 

[wifehunter]

If sex is 'priority one'...your frame needs work. You will easily fall into many traps.

They will destroy you.