How to handle asking out co-worker

[stuka1939]

There is a cute 23 year old who I think I get good vibes from.

The thing is, I don't think the same rules apply when you see someone a few times a week as opposed to a one shot deal at the bar/club.

In the latter setting, you go for the kill right away of course.

However, what about the work place?

I don't work in the same department as this chick, and I'll see her 2-3 times a week in passing or the end of the shift.

Do you?

A.) Pounce on her right away

or

B.) Give it a few months to build rapport and friendship with her.


I would like to hear some insight.

Plus, I think I getting infatuated with this girl. HELP ME SNAP OUT OF IT!!

 

[cedd]

Don't put your meat where you get your bread.

some thoughts about coworkers...

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=53872

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=143412

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=141712

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=97454

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=73804

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=72945

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=100923

cheers

 

[jophil28]

If her cube is FAR enough away from you to provide a good amount of separation then you can proceed with caution.
One question - does she know that you exist ?
Have you gotten any IOIs yet - locked eyes, long smiles, her initiating greetings -- etc.

I am not convinced that dating coworkers is necessarily a bad thing. I have done it twice and done it very well..There are several advantages if it works out for you.

 

[King of Action]

This may come off a bit different regarding your expected response.

Don't be scared like others suggest to be with women at work. Remember the rule: Women like to see men with other women. It's ten times better at work especially if you work in big office type building. The more females in the building the more you will get noticed by other women

The best way I've come to build interest in other women at work because I have a female friend at work (sorta like Wingwomen). Come to find out, we have a whole lot in common. I hang out with my female friend, I get caught by other women at work with my female friend, I flirt and kino (all over my female friend when no one is around). Lastly, I banged my female friend. Hopefully, you can let your new lady of interest see YOU with another woman or women.

We've been friends for almost 5yrs before the sex. Hopefully, you can find a good close female friend in this new lady you're interested in.

DJ her, don't lean in at first bait lean back instead, push/pull, build vibe, gently tease her and very gently though, don't say bad things about others that you work with, dress to impress if the job requires, take her on a coffee break and don't pay for it (wanna grab coffee real quick), ask for her advice (what you think of this I'm working on), DON'T BECOME A SHOW OFF!!!

Just mix it up with being a work professional and a DJ.

 

[stuka1939]

If her cube is FAR enough away from you to provide a good amount of separation then you can proceed with caution.
One question - does she know that you exist ?
Have you gotten any IOIs yet - locked eyes, long smiles, her initiating greetings -- etc.

I am not convinced that dating coworkers is necessarily a bad thing. I have done it twice and done it very well..There are several advantages if it works out for you.

No cubicles. It is a library. I work upstairs at the Reference desk and she works downstairs (part-time) at the circ desk.

As far as IOI's.

Some possible IOI's.

Fidgety or a little nervous around me.

Catching her looking in my direction

Asked some personal questions....

Came by and visited me once...


However, there has been no prolonged eye contact or anything real obvious.

I am 31 and she is either 22 or 23.

 

[Phyzzle]

Huh, there's an article on the front page about this, advising you to move slowly.

http://www.sosuave.com/doclove/doc317.htm

 

[Latinoman]

I STRONGLY discourage men from dating at work. This is how I see things...if you come in here asking for advice on how to date or approach a woman that works in the same company...my advice will ALWAYS be the same: don't do it.

The only men that tend to pull this stunt well are the kind of men that REALLY know how to deal with women. The type (such as Jophil) that don't ask for advice on this issue in here.

 

[jophil28]

I STRONGLY discourage men from dating at work. This is how I see things...if you come in here asking for advice on how to date or approach a woman that works in the same company...my advice will ALWAYS be the same: don't do it.

The only men that tend to pull this stunt well are the kind of men that REALLY know how to deal with women. The type (such as Jophil) that don't ask for advice on this issue in here.

OK -unless you really know how to handle this situation it is best avoided.

Some guidelines-
Never date a woman at work who is your superior OR in a position to jeopardize your employment or promotional prospects IF your fling hits the skids.
Never date "the office gossip" and watch who hangs around the water cooler - avoid them.
Avoid dating a woman who works in close proximity to other women. Chicks gass bag compulsively.
Note whom she lunches with... IF she sits in the cafeteria with her girls, avoid her.
NOte who picks her up at quitting time. Say no to boyfriends.

You need to do all this BEFORE you proceed any further with her.

 

[stuka1939]

OK -unless you really know how to handle this situation it is best avoided.

Some guidelines-
Never date a woman at work who is your superior OR in a position to jeopardize your employment or promotional prospects IF your fling hits the skids.
Never date "the office gossip" and watch who hangs around the water cooler - avoid them.
Avoid dating a woman who works in close proximity to other women. Chicks gass bag compulsively.
Note whom she lunches with... IF she sits in the cafeteria with her girls, avoid her.
NOte who picks her up at quitting time. Say no to boyfriends.

You need to do all this BEFORE you proceed any further with her.

Thanks for all of the input.

I guess I am just sick of the bar scence and work can seem like a good place. I mean, we both like library work so we have that in common. She probably even looks up to me since I am older and I have my Masters Degree.

However, this is a civil service job that I cannot fukk up.

I guess I will continue to be nice to her and flirty, but won't take it any further.

 

[stuka1939]

Thanks for all of the input.

I guess I am just sick of the bar scence and work can seem like a good place. I mean, we both like library work so we have that in common. She probably even looks up to me since I am older and I have my Masters Degree.

However, this is a civil service job that I cannot fukk up.

I guess I will continue to be nice to her and flirty, but won't take it any further.

However, there is another cutie I met at orientation. She is only a part-timer and works at another branch. (That could work).

 

[NSUballer]

I STRONGLY discourage men from dating at work. This is how I see things...if you come in here asking for advice on how to date or approach a woman that works in the same company...my advice will ALWAYS be the same: don't do it.

The only men that tend to pull this stunt well are the kind of men that REALLY know how to deal with women. The type (such as Jophil) that don't ask for advice on this issue in here.

My thoughts exactly

I actually just started working with this girl thats freaking unbelievably hot.

I have only worked with her once(we work in a restaurant) and I got some extremely good vibes from her.

She introduced herself, asked who I was.

Chatted every now and then, caught her straight up staring me down a few times.

Slight kino by both of us.

I am not usually this infatuated with women where I live, but this chics body is just screaming at me every time I look at her. Shes probably 19-21 years young.

I guess I will see what happens

 

[lookyoung]

I STRONGLY discourage men from dating at work. This is how I see things...if you come in here asking for advice on how to date or approach a woman that works in the same company...my advice will ALWAYS be the same: don't do it.

The only men that tend to pull this stunt well are the kind of men that REALLY know how to deal with women. The type (such as Jophil) that don't ask for advice on this issue in here.

I have personally pulled this stunt several times at my job and it never came back to bite me in the azz. If your smart about it and are experienced with people and woman this tends to not be a problem. Now if your a CEO or are married than I would discourage it. The place were I work at my boss is a fvcking pervert who is girl crazy so he personally knows the girls that I have fvcked on the job. He really doesn't give a sh1t.

The only downfall of the work romance is if you catch feeling for the girl and she dumps you and than you have to see her everyday or if the girl catches feelings for you. If your smart about it I say go for it.

 

[Scaramouche]

Took out a Librarian once,in general they are very well informed and have far more than the average IQ and social Skills....My experience parted acrimoniously,one week later the Librarian approached me at the Loans Counter said she had been watching me and I gave out the appearance of being a Predator....One more example of Harrassment and I would lose my borrowing rights....Brother it would have been my testicles hanging up rather than my Library Card if I worked there...Think about it..

 

[cedd]

Some years ago, when I started a job in a new company, I dated a nice spanish girl working at the reception.
Beautiful but crazy, and I dumped her after a couple of weeks.
Of course she didnt like that one bit and she bustled about making me look like an ass.hol.e in the opinion of her coworkers!
This went against me for some months and brought me some useless stress. Even after she quited the company, because of her stupid female coworkers!

That was a good learn !

As we use to say in France (that sounds "english" but its a typical french slang term) :

NO ZOB IN JOB !

cheers

 

[stuka1939]

Just found out today, she is only 21. THat is a 10 year difference.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

If you go after a co worker just make sure when it ends she dumps you and not the other way around... Therefore no vendetta.

So when you are ready for it to end just start acting AFC and then you get rid of her, and she leaves you alone at work.

 

[MikeYikes122]

I'm a little bit younger than you, so I've obviously never dealt with asking out a coworker who is 10 years younger than me, but I have had a lot of experience dating coworkers who are near the age of the girl you are thinking about asking out. In fact, I have dated - or hooked up with - many girls I work with over the years and never really had any major issues. Maybe a couple awkward moments here and there, but that's really it.

Basically, it's like Latinoman said, you have to really know how to handle women to be able to date a coworker. I am one of the guys who can handle it. In fact, social game is my forte'. I can usually get some attraction or interest from almost every girl I work with or hangout with on a regular basis. I've dated and hooked up with so many girls in my social circle over the years that it's not awkward for me when the plates I'm spinning meet each other. There's no drama or anything like that. The downside to all that is, I really need to get better at cold approaching and dating and things like that, but that is a different thread altogether.

Now, I don't know if the OP is one of these kinds of guys who is astute in social game and social situations, but I still think he should ask the girl out regardless. The worst that can happen is, they date for a little while, have a bad break-up and then avoid each other at work for a year or two until all the awkwardness blows over. Since the OP isn't her supervisor, there's no risk of sexual harassment charges. So, I say he should go for it.

 

[grinder]

Once upon a time I married a coworker. It did not end well.

If you do a search here you will find far more threads stating it is not wise to date a coworker. Why do you think that is?

One of the many benefits of SoSuave is the “library”, if you will, of shared experiences from many men.

There is wisdom here if you listen.

 

[Farfadet]

Work/Life balance

When you ask for something you may end up getting it, so be careful. Your work is a place you cannot escape, so if the relationship deteriorates, it can get nasty very quick. I got myself in a mess with a colleague I had to work with all day long in a small 7 people office. Never again.

On the other hand, if you have a relationship with someone out of the workplace, it improves your work/life balance, helps you get your head out of work, helps you find new energy out of work, and you end up more independant and confident.

A woman at work is like a candy at the shop counter : it is not because it is close that it is good for you.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

On the other hand, if you have a relationship with someone out of the workplace, it improves your work/life balance, helps you get your head out of work, helps you find new energy out of work, and you end up more independant and confident.

A woman at work is like a candy at the shop counter : it is not because it is close that it is good for you.

When you have a girl at work it makes going into work so much better. Puts you in a better mood. Gives you a good reason to go into work and makes it fun.

But when the relationship goes down, work then becomes a living hell.

So, a few months of fun which could be followed by years of misery. Take your pick.