How to go on ?

[IndianaJoneS]

Hey guys, maybe you can help me, I'm a little stranded to be honest.

The "past" :

Met a 30yrs old single women (no kids) and we went shopping. It all went fairly well with me teasing her, having fun, both of us laughing and entertained (1st date).

2nd date, we went swimming together. I kinoed her from the beginning and it all went really smooth. I was a little nervous, but decided to kiss her early what I simply did. Then we played a little push pull. She swam away, I hunted her, like little kids... Then I grabbed her, pulled her close to me, she said "But we don't even know each other", I just continued kissing her and making out. We ended having sex twice, once in the bathin cabin and later in the car on the parking site. It was a really nice trip, I absolutely enjoyed it, we had 6 hrs of total fun. During the date she made some plans like "oh lets do this ... and that" bla bla

Afterwards she insisted on driving me home what she did.

Now, the "problem" :

- Before this date, we already had talked about spending the weekend together.
- The 2nd date was on tuesday
- When she drove me home, I said "Let me know tomorrow (on wednesday) about the weekend"
- She said : "Lets meet on sunday, friday / saturday I help at house moving
- Yesterday (wednesday) I wrote her SMS, telling her she is hot and that I really enjoyed our time together (literally : "You are hot. I'm looking forward to meet you again")
- Somehow reserved answers from her, no compliments or anything from her side, but I think, thats her personality
- Then later she wrote : "We have to postpone our date, my father visits me ..."
- I think : "what the ****"

I want her. But I don't wanna to be desperated, texting her 10 times. So, I just wrote : "ok, enjoy your weekend, let me know when you have time". I really desire her Actually, I'm a little AFC stype desperated, but didn't show her. I played it cool, but that's not how I feel inside...

Any ideas how to continue from here ?

Thank you very much !




I never did this before, always had 3 or 4 standard dates before any physical moves, what honestly bores me now..

 

[ThreeStorms]

2nd date, we went swimming together. I kinoed her from the beginning and it all went really smooth. I was a little nervous, but decided to kiss her early what I simply did. Then we played a little push pull. She swam away, I hunted her, like little kids... Then I grabbed her, pulled her close to me, she said "But we don't even know each other", I just continued kissing her and making out. We ended having sex twice, once in the bathin cabin and later in the car on the parking site. It was a really nice trip, I absolutely enjoyed it, we had 6 hrs of total fun. During the date she made some plans like "oh lets do this ... and that" bla bla

Daumen hoch! :cheer:

I think you did the right thing with your last message. The previous one (you are oh so hot) is not very smooth, but it should not matter. Just live your life and spin some plates if possible. If she enjoyed the sex, she will definitely come back for more.

 

[window]

give her a little space then give her a call..

 

[3countriesPlan]

Girls always say that crap
Common Excuses:
1. Father Visiting, Mother Visiting
2. Grandparent or Uncle in hospital (they never die though wtf)
3. Something came up at work

It all means lowered interest so just decrease your interest in her and increase your interest in hanging out with your friends and going bowling or whatever it is you do.

 

[Kailex]

Now, the "problem" :

- Before this date, we already had talked about spending the weekend together.
- The 2nd date was on tuesday
- When she drove me home, I said "Let me know tomorrow (on wednesday) about the weekend"

This is where the mistake began.
You start displaying massive insecurity AFTER laying her. Why?
If you two had already talked about spending the weekend together, why would you feel the need to say: Let me know tomorrow about the weekend?

Don't demand a deadline on her decision. If you two had talked about it, then there's no need to ask her to tell you the next day if she can or not.

This was probably a red flag to her.

- She said : "Lets meet on sunday, friday / saturday I help at house moving
- Yesterday (wednesday) I wrote her SMS, telling her she is hot and that I really enjoyed our time together (literally : "You are hot. I'm looking forward to meet you again")

You are hot? Really?
And then saying you look forward to meeting her? Why?
All of this should be IMPLIED - NOT direct. You shouldn't have to say EITHER of those things. Not only that, but that was on the day that she was supposed to "get back to you"?

I'm guessing you sent her that because she DIDN'T get back to you about the weekend.

- Somehow reserved answers from her, no compliments or anything from her side, but I think, thats her personality
- Then later she wrote : "We have to postpone our date, my father visits me ..."
- I think : "what the ****"

Why should she compliment you?

All of these bullets are displaying insecurity and neediness from you. She's postponing her date (Well, not postponing, more like CANCELLING)... because you've all of a sudden went from the cool and suave guy who was chasing her in the water to the guy that needs to be validated and is needy. STOP IT.

I want her. But I don't wanna to be desperated, texting her 10 times. So, I just wrote : "ok, enjoy your weekend, let me know when you have time". I really desire her Actually, I'm a little AFC stype desperated, but didn't show her. I played it cool, but that's not how I feel inside...

Lies.

You DID show her.
As soon as you started texting her that she was hot and that you looked forward to seeing her and asking her to get back to you about something that was already talked about... you showed your interest in full force. SHE needs to be wondering if YOU remember about the weekend plans, not the other way around.

If you would have played it cool, you two would still be spending the weekend together.

BTW, in the future, WEEKENDS are for steady plates... not to be SPENT AN ENTIRE WEEKEND with someone for a third date.

You killed your mystery there by being too available.

Pull back.
Her IL is fading and FAST.

 

[IndianaJoneS]

First of all Kailex and all others, thank you very much for your long answer and time you spent !

This is where the mistake began.
You start displaying massive insecurity AFTER laying her. Why?

I think, I became attached very fast It was SOO very good. Had a relationship for 1 1/2 years and it was all 08/15 standard. I really felt like in heaven and afterwards immediatly turned desperate.

If you two had already talked about spending the weekend together, why would you feel the need to say: Let me know tomorrow about the weekend?

Yeah, you are right. I was insecure and displayed it to her...

Don't demand a deadline on her decision. If you two had talked about it, then there's no need to ask her to tell you the next day if she can or not.

Again, you are right.

This was probably a red flag to her.

After she making plans all the time, I thought 'everything is ok', this will be an easy one. Maybe big mistake...

You are hot? Really?

It was in german, more like "you are some kind of a hot *****"

Why not, I think, it's no sign of insecurity and weakness. I'm attracted to her and show it to her straight forward.

And then saying you look forward to meeting her? Why?
All of this should be IMPLIED - NOT direct. You shouldn't have to say EITHER of those things. Not only that, but that was on the day that she was supposed to "get back to you"?

She drove me home after hour swimming pool / sauna action. Yeah, it was implied. We had already talked about...

I'm guessing you sent her that because she DIDN'T get back to you about the weekend.

No, I sent her, because of immediate insecurity after hour car sex. I thought like : "This is it". I need to have it again. Play it safe and such things...

Why should she compliment you?

Because, I conquered her in storm and WAS the coolest guy in whole town (before the spontaneous AFC conversion later). I don't think she hasn't experienced that in a time. I really did a great job.

All of these bullets are displaying insecurity and neediness from you. She's postponing her date (Well, not postponing, more like CANCELLING)... because you've all of a sudden went from the cool and suave guy who was chasing her in the water to the guy that needs to be validated and is needy. STOP IT.

Actually I AM needy and desperated regarding her

Lies.

You DID show her.
As soon as you started texting her that she was hot and that you looked forward to seeing her and asking her to get back to you about something that was already talked about... you showed your interest in full force. SHE needs to be wondering if YOU remember about the weekend plans, not the other way around.

If you would have played it cool, you two would still be spending the weekend together.

BTW, in the future, WEEKENDS are for steady plates... not to be SPENT AN ENTIRE WEEKEND with someone for a third date.

You killed your mystery there by being too available.

Pull back.
Her IL is fading and FAST.

You think I can get back to the game ? The next message between us will be from her side. In the meantime I'll do some things that are good for me and meet another girl, I've just met.

I'll report back.

Thanks!

 

[IndianaJoneS]

Hell, it all started AFTER the sex. I turned into a "oh no it was so nice, she's the one" - *****...

 

[IndianaJoneS]

Thursday :

No contact from me, she texting me in the evening : "Oh what I bad day, hope yours was better. Have a nice evening."

Me, after 2 hours or so : "Hey, what's up ?"

No answer ..

 

[jophil28]

Thursday :

No contact from me, she texting me in the evening : "Oh what I bad day, hope yours was better. Have a nice evening."

Me, after 2 hours or so : "Hey, what's up ?"

No answer ..

Those kinds of texts from women are enquiries. They tell her (by your reply) that you are still out there on the end of the line. When she gets your reply, her anxiety subsides and she then knows that you are still a willing member of her fan club. Hence, she does not need to reply because she got what she wanted.

You guys got to learn how to turn these "enquiries " to your advantage, not her's.

"Hey, whats up ?" does not do it.

 

[IndianaJoneS]

****, I lost control and escalated.

I called her just, after again not replying, saying that I only want messages, when she's interested in conversation and everything else is "waste of time". That I don't like kiddie games and that she knows, what I mean.

I was angry and showed it to here. She was offended.

I think, it's over.

 

[IndianaJoneS]

She saying : "Oh, I don't like this forwards and backwards (of messages) and just wanted to wish you a nice evening".

I was pissed

 

[Kailex]

This one is done.
She fished and you took the bait.

She sent out a message to basically fill her quota of sending you a message for the day. You showed your emotions and lost.

You shouldn't have texted her at ALL.
If you had NOT sent a text, this would have played out differently.

You basically got pissed because she sent you a message and you responded, but of course, she couldn't have the common courtesy to do the same with you. Hence, you got upset.

Had you NOT responded at all, SHE would have been left wondering what YOU were up to. There was NO reason for you to text: Hey what's up.

See how quickly the situation disintegrated?

 

[IndianaJoneS]

This one is done.
She fished and you took the bait.

She sent out a message to basically fill her quota of sending you a message for the day. You showed your emotions and lost.

You shouldn't have texted her at ALL.
If you had NOT sent a text, this would have played out differently.

You basically got pissed because she sent you a message and you responded, but of course, she couldn't have the common courtesy to do the same with you. Hence, you got upset.

Had you NOT responded at all, SHE would have been left wondering what YOU were up to. There was NO reason for you to text: Hey what's up.

See how quickly the situation disintegrated?

Yeah, you're right.

But honestly, I was upset and don't tolerate this. I wanted her to know that. I don't want her wondering about me, but ****ing me

 

[RepM]

Those kinds of texts from women are enquiries. They tell her (by your reply) that you are still out there on the end of the line. When she gets your reply, her anxiety subsides and she then knows that you are still a willing member of her fan club. Hence, she does not need to reply because she got what she wanted.

You guys got to learn how to turn these "enquiries " to your advantage, not her's.
"Hey, whats up ?" does not do it..

Jophill, I was wondering what was the right answer or better answer that IndianaJones should have sent..

Or do you agree with Kailex? Just ignore it for the day?