How to go from here - follow up on a date

[synergy1]

This post is in regards to a recent date that I thought went well ( for a change). I could use some advice on how to proceed from here.

Background: Met this women online. She is a few years younger than I am, successful in her job, works out a lot, intelligent and all around what seems like a good quality women. We seemed to have a lot in common, so we decided to meet up. The first date went really well and we were out longer than I thought we would be. Maybe this was the first mistake - being too available. The time flew by so I guess that was a good sign. The next day I offered to hang out again and she invited me over to her place. Got heavier on the kino this time around, and she seemed to respond pretty well. Since I was not really going for a ONS, I decided not to be that aggressive, but managed to at least grab a kiss.

During the date we chatted about sex, and all the important aspects of dating. Our opinions were pretty congruent and seemed to be on the same wavelength. She said she liked me and thought I was hot etc. I was also fairly straight forward in her attractiveness ( again perhaps another problem).

Since than she is not really interested in starting conversations as she was. Likewise I tried to back off a bit so not to seem too clingy. Long story short I feel the interest starting to fade again. yes this sounds like its straight out of middle school, and is still a sticking point after all these years. My general plan is to contact her sometime next week and see if she wants to meet up again.

Questions:

1- Should I be less liberal with compliments on a date?

2- Should I have cut the date short even though it was a good time?

3- Should I have not started heavy kino/ etc and tried being more aloof?

Also any suggestions on where to go from here would be helpful. I am kind of sick of having good dates/ women lose interest quickly. This also happened on a great date a month ago...the women completely stopped talking to me after. And no, maintaining radio silence does nothing...they literally will go away so you are left with no choice by to next. The issue is that you can only next so often before you are months into it and still have nothing to show for it.

Thanks in advance.

 

[Lord Hypnos]

This post is in regards to a recent date that I thought went well ( for a change). I could use some advice on how to proceed from here.

Background: Met this women online. She is a few years younger than I am, successful in her job, works out a lot, intelligent and all around what seems like a good quality women. We seemed to have a lot in common, so we decided to meet up. The first date went really well and we were out longer than I thought we would be. Maybe this was the first mistake - being too available. The time flew by so I guess that was a good sign. The next day I offered to hang out again and she invited me over to her place. Got heavier on the kino this time around, and she seemed to respond pretty well. Since I was not really going for a ONS, I decided not to be that aggressive, but managed to at least grab a kiss.

During the date we chatted about sex, and all the important aspects of dating. Our opinions were pretty congruent and seemed to be on the same wavelength. She said she liked me and thought I was hot etc. I was also fairly straight forward in her attractiveness ( again perhaps another problem).

Since than she is not really interested in starting conversations as she was. Likewise I tried to back off a bit so not to seem too clingy. Long story short I feel the interest starting to fade again. yes this sounds like its straight out of middle school, and is still a sticking point after all these years. My general plan is to contact her sometime next week and see if she wants to meet up again.

Questions:

1- Should I be less liberal with compliments on a date?

2- Should I have cut the date short even though it was a good time?

3- Should I have not started heavy kino/ etc and tried being more aloof?

Also any suggestions on where to go from here would be helpful. I am kind of sick of having good dates/ women lose interest quickly. This also happened on a great date a month ago...the women completely stopped talking to me after. And no, maintaining radio silence does nothing...they literally will go away so you are left with no choice by to next. The issue is that you can only next so often before you are months into it and still have nothing to show for it.

Thanks in advance.

The fact that you are asking these questions shows that you are INSECURE.

You are INSECURE about complimenting her
You are INSECURE about the length of the date
You are INSECURE about touching her

She will see those INSECURITIES on you like a cheap suit, its killing the attraction

If you want to compliment her, then do it because you are SURE of it
If you want to make the date longer, then do it because you are SURE of it
If you want to touch her, then do it because you are SURE of it

 

[synergy1]

I'll agree 100% that insecurities, and acting with anything besides boldness is a game killer. I should make it clear that all my actions were confident and there was no doubt at the time that it was the right recourse. It was a genuinely good date and there was no "trying" at any point. If anything I might have come off like a player than anything else..

That said, this is hindsight and I am trying to see if my actions might not have been the best idea. I won't get better unless past actions can be a subject of scruple , and even better get the opinions of others to see if I am totally way off base here or on track.

I appreciate your feedback though. Any insecurity is a death knell. Perhaps this came out in conversation I was unaware of..

 

[Albatross953]

Plus if you are hunting online, there is going to be attrition. Some women will lose internet no matter what. Remember, they have a flood of attention, and sometimes will seem interested, then they're gone

It doesn't matter how good you are, a lot of the time (and not just online women) its not about you!

 

[synergy1]

Plus if you are hunting online, there is going to be attrition. Some women will lose internet no matter what. Remember, they have a flood of attention, and sometimes will seem interested, then they're gone

It doesn't matter how good you are, a lot of the time (and not just online women) its not about you!

Agreed. Most of them get more emails than they can read. Its a slight ego bruise to know that a chick finds someone "better" than you. It also underscores the importance of trying to date multiple women so that the ones that don't work out aren't as detrimental to ones self esteem!

 

[Scormus]

You were at her house alone with her. You should have gone for the lay and missed your chance.

 

[synergy1]

You were at her house alone with her. You should have gone for the lay and missed your chance.

Believable. Will go for that on the third meeting, if there is one. Otherwise yes having been in this situation before there is no recovering if you don't go for it. A similar situation in 2004 occurred and was one of the reasons I later decided to join this site!

 

[Desdinova]

The first date went really well and we were out longer than I thought we would be. Maybe this was the first mistake - being too available

The only time this is a mistake is if the content of the date is lacking. If you're somewhat boring for one hour, it's better than being somewhat boring for four hours.

The next day I offered to hang out again

THIS is where you're being too available. I NEVER have a second date the day after the first one. You should be letting the chick think about you for a bit before the second date. The next day is better used for setting up your second date.

During the date we chatted about sex, and all the important aspects of dating.

I NEVER chat about dating with a woman I'm not in a LTR with. Dating is pretty much a given, and sex is better when it "just happens" without any mention of it. You're conducting your dates like it's a business partnership rather than treating it as a "the neighbor's kid came over to play" type of interaction. Being a bit spontaneous, fun, and forgetting about the formalities is what makes dating successful.

Likewise I tried to back off a bit so not to seem too clingy.

If she hasn't reached a certain height of interest, backing off will only make her think that you're not really interested in her. I always tend to keep the iron hot in the beginning, making interactions more frequent and fun. You can turn it down after you've been with her for a month or two.

1- Should I be less liberal with compliments on a date?

In the beginning, the only time I compliment her is during sex. After a few months, a well placed (or even a misplaced) compliment does wonders.

2- Should I have cut the date short even though it was a good time?

Date length isn't as important as the quality of the date.

3- Should I have not started heavy kino/ etc and tried being more aloof?

You must initiate kino as soon as you can to break the sexual barrier between the two of you. The sooner you initiate it, the sooner you can start elevating it until you reach the point of intercourse.

 

[synergy1]

Well the positive is that the date wasn't lacking so that wasn't the game killer. Being too available and liberal with compliments might be an issue - will not do that next time. Agreed that talking about dating/ sex is pretty bad idea, but it wasn't real detailed and more along the lines of outlining experiences and the like. Didn't go into many details. Can't give everything away all at once..

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Synergy,
Well if you went on a Date without some clear cut options for a follow on activity date you are wasting a lot of chances...Mate if I read the Bible for long enough I will find things that offend my value system,so keep it short and sweet 30-45 minutes most!...these Women are wired to look for Red Lights on a first Date...however if after half an hour you feel you have clicked with her...then go Dancing,swimming,bowling...The first Date creates the mood for a Relationship that might last a Life Time,don't Fvuck it up!

 

[synergy1]

Dear Synergy,
Well if you went on a Date without some clear cut options for a follow on activity date you are wasting a lot of chances...Mate if I read the Bible for long enough I will find things that offend my value system,so keep it short and sweet 30-45 minutes most!...these Women are wired to look for Red Lights on a first Date...however if after half an hour you feel you have clicked with her...then go Dancing,swimming,bowling...The first Date creates the mood for a Relationship that might last a Life Time,don't Fvuck it up!

I'll confess I've never really read the bible - normally my dates aren't long. I had plans to meet up with friends after this date, but it lasted longer since we just got along. I used my best judgement and it lasted until the night was over.

I have already planned some follow up dates including a workout ( she does crossfit too), and skiing ( maybe later). Trying to get more of the action dates going... Of course this weekend is off the table since most people are away.

 

[synergy1]

Tried again to no avail for a meeting this weekend - perhaps being too available was again the issue - willing to meet up on a sunday afternoon? Either way as is the case with online dating, interest from the womens end is fickle at best until she meets someone else. Its just getting old playing second fiddle to everyone these days. It also doesn't help I've been on a cold streak since September so my confidence is starting to wane ( admittedly I've turned down two sexual opportunities in that time ) - still lack of confidence begets failure which brings on less confidence.

Game plan for next time: Only plan dates/get togethers. Text less. Be less available. Fewer compliments.

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. This is not allowed anymore! Failure it starting to suck and add up.

(Aside from ONS which seem like a joke at times, I am bad at this post 33 dating thing )

 

[glass half full]

I had the parents of a girl I dated many years ago tell me on my two dates with their daughter, that I "gave too much of myself away". I got the impression that I talked too much. But hey somebody had to do the talking, she was quiet as a mouse. WhoTF knows...!