How to get to know a woman without being friend zoned?

[msi]

I've been thinking about what I want in my life right now, and tons of casual sex is not it. I'm a pretty introverted person and not one for bars or clubs, and I'm not interested in the type of woman who would frequent bars or clubs. I talk to a lot of women at school, some just for practice and some because I think they're pretty cool. I'm not actively trying to get into a relationship, but I often qualify a lot of the women I hang out with as relationship material or not, and I'd say 99% aren't good enough anyway. I really just want to test how much I enjoy their company.

To minimize effort and time, I set up study dates on campus with these girls, so it's not like I'm inviting them back to my place. Basically I've been trying to make "friends" with women and go from there, rather than trying to have sex with them right away -- I see a psychologist weekly and he suggested I do this. Don't mistake me, if I have a girl alone and my instinct tells me to kiss her I will, but I'm more-so aiming to bond with women and see how things go. I feel like a lot of the women I'm actually attracted to would appreciate this more than trying to get in their pants the day I meet them. The type of women I like are the introverted artsy types, you know what I mean. The ones who are cute, but maybe not well-endowed, but intelligent and artistically talented.


My theory is, if I don't initiate much verbal/texting contact, never sit next to these girls in class (basically keep talking to a minimum unless we're actually hanging out on our own time), and actually express some disinterest, but touch them a little bit, they will really question whether or not I'm into them and this could potentially drive them crazy. I suppose it's like leading them on until they've qualified themselves and invested into me. If she's attracted to you, but you're not all over her, she might think she's in your friend zone and that would really drive her up the wall.

Has anyone ever done this to try and meet relationship-quality women? I think I'm physically attractive and interesting, women respond fantastically to me. Women who I haven't had interest in but talked to anyway eventually start chasing me.

Thoughts? What actually puts a man into the "friend zone" besides neediness/desperation/etc? I think if a woman is attracted to you, the attraction will not die until your gut screams "kiss her" and you don't do it. Women who you meet in a place where you won't see them again might need you to move faster, but the women I'm referring to are in my classes so I see them multiple times a week whether I want to or not. I believe attraction expires, but it won't expire until you let it pass.

 

[ScottMustaine]

Stalk on facebook.

 

[msi]

Stalk on facebook.

I don't do Facebook.

 

[msi]

Well the one girl is pretty cool, we studied together once, probably only talked for 15 total minutes besides that and we actually studied. How can I work this situation into something more sexual?

 

[SeymourCake]

When you first meet her, bring her out sexually with kino, sexual innuendos, etc..

 

[Krueg]

If you wait too long to make a move she may dought you or think your not interested. I've gone in for a kiss several times and been REJECTED. Other times I been successful. You just cant take it personal.

Other ways of staying out of friend-zone is being a mystery. Don't see her all the time, dont text or talk on the phone everyday.

 

[msi]

I need to get into a position where I can make a move. Is setting up another study session with the intent of flirting with her more and possibly making a move a solid plan?

 

[Igetit!]

I've been thinking about what I want in my life right now, and tons of casual sex is not it.

Well it's your life,so if you don't want tons of casual sex,then so be it,however,you may just wanna hang out and kick it with your male friends instead of women you could potentially be interested in one day cause what you're trying to do CANNOT be done.



It's like you're jumping into a swimming pool and not wanting to get wet. You're wanting to get to know girls and not get into the friendzone,but the way you've chosen to go about getting to know her is what CAUSES the friendzone.


Check out something you said here....

To minimize effort and time, I set up study dates on campus with these girls, so it's not like I'm inviting them back to my place. Basically I've been trying to make "friends" with women and go from there, rather than trying to have sex with them right away

See what I put in BOLD? You said you're trying to "make friends" with women,then go from there. Huh?


You want to avoid the friendzone,yet you try to make friends with women? That doesn't work. You're overlooking the fact that women are EMOTIONAL.


If you spend time acting and behaving "friendly" with chicks,they'll get used to that and start to develop "friendly feelings" towards you. They'll also get used to you NOT BEING SEXUAL towards them.


Then one day,when you are ready to date and try to ask them out,you'll get the "I don't see you that way" speech,and they'll be right. It'll be cause you spend the whole time acting friendly and "making friends" with them instead of flirting,teasing,complimenting,using sexual innuendo,asking them out,and acting in a sexual way towards them..

I feel like a lot of the women I'm actually attracted to would appreciate this more than trying to get in their pants the day I meet them.

Well in their "minds" they might appreciate it,but far as their EMOTIONS and FEELINGS go....all their FEELINGS will know is there's NO CHEMISTRY there. And the absence of attraction will OVERRULE their minds,and you'll be friendzoned.

The type of women I like are the introverted artsy types, you know what I mean. The ones who are cute, but maybe not well-endowed, but intelligent and artistically talented.

That DOESN'T MATTER. Doesn't matter what type of chick she is,if she's FEMALE,she want chemistry...passion...excitement....PERIOD.

That's true for ALL WOMEN,whether she be the chick flipping burgers at Burger King,the head of a corporation,goth,or an artsy chick.

My theory is, if I don't initiate much verbal/texting contact, never sit next to these girls in class (basically keep talking to a minimum unless we're actually hanging out on our own time), and actually express some disinterest, but touch them a little bit, they will really question whether or not I'm into them and this could potentially drive them crazy. I suppose it's like leading them on until they've qualified themselves and invested into me. If she's attracted to you, but you're not all over her, she might think she's in your friend zone and that would really drive her up the wall.

Don't know where you got all that from,but what I'll say is this....


The SECOND you meet a woman,if she's someone you're going to be seeing a lot of,like everyday or every other day,the COUNTDOWN to sex or friendzone has begun. It WILL BE one or the other.

What actually puts a man into the "friend zone" besides neediness/desperation/etc?

"Familiarity WITHOUT Sexuality". In other words,when a chick gets used to you being around her while NOT being sexual. You just hang out,laugh,talk,joke,kid,and play around with her on and on for days,into weeks,doing all that,but NEVER showing interest in her.


That's what causes the friendzone,the "true" friendzone.

the women I'm referring to are in my classes so I see them multiple times a week whether I want to or not. I believe attraction expires, but it won't expire until you let it pass.

You're mistaken. These women you see multiple times a week,you actually have a GREATER CHANCE of getting friendzoned with them,especially if you talk to them everyday.

 

[msi]

Well it's your life,so if you don't want tons of casual sex,then so be it,however,you may just wanna hang out and kick it with your male friends instead of women you could potentially be interested in one day cause what you're trying to do CANNOT be done.

Alright. So given my post above, I haven't talked to this girl much, we did study, I haven't really expressed much sexual interest, how do I plan to hang out with her to put myself in a position where I can be more sexual?

Should I set up another study date and flirt with her there? Or should I just say, "let's go get a cup of coffee" the next time I see her?

 

[Igetit!]

Alright. So given my post above, I haven't talked to this girl much, we did study, I haven't really expressed much sexual interest, how do I plan to hang out with her to put myself in a position where I can be more sexual?

My suggestion would be to ask her out on a DATE.....not a "study",but a DATE.

That act ALONE would let her know you have sexual interest in her,then if you were to escalate while out on the date,i.e...put your arm around her,try to kiss her,hug her,or whatever,it wouldn't be a shock or surprise cause hugging,kissing,and/or touching is NORMAL out on dates.


If you try to pull the same thing while at a "study session" it might shock her cause it may seem out of the blue. Another thing is,she might feel the whole study session was just some sort of scheme or plot to get her alone to try and have sex with her.


So I say ask her out.


So you've never said or done ANYTHING to show any interest? Well you need to do something cause the more you hang out with her NOT DOING ANYTHING the closer you get to the friendzone.

 

[Iceberg]

As usual, IgetIt is right.

Okay, so you're not up for a life of casual sex. That's fine. You can still take girls on actual dates, and get to know them, before escalating to sex.

Your ideas about attraction are off, right from the foundation. I think you're of the same mindset that I had. "Sexual guys are bad. Girls want a gentleman who gets to know them, and then flirts with her once she's comfortable. I hear girls complaining all the time about how some jerk used them for sex and then dumped them. So I'm going to be the opposite of that jerk guy."

And then reality sets in....the jerk is the guy who dated that girl. And the gentleman nice guy is on the outside looking in.

Basically I've been trying to make "friends" with women and go from there, rather than trying to have sex with them right away -- I see a psychologist weekly and he suggested I do this.

All due respect, this psychologist is probably on some message board somewhere asking why he can't keep himself out of the friend zone.

Don't mistake me, if I have a girl alone and my instinct tells me to kiss her I will, but I'm more-so aiming to bond with women and see how things go. I feel like a lot of the women I'm actually attracted to would appreciate this more than trying to get in their pants the day I meet them. The type of women I like are the introverted artsy types, you know what I mean. The ones who are cute, but maybe not well-endowed, but intelligent and artistically talented.

I date a lot of artsy chicks too. But the male/female dynamic is always the same. The male is an aggressor. The male doesn't beat around the bush, pretending to be friends when he really wants to date.

Whether she's an artist, lawyer, teacher, introvert or extrovert...a woman wants a man. That's universal.

Part of me wonders if you're confusing the word "introvert" with the word "shy." Because at its core, your post seems to be asking, "How can I get a girl I want without acting like I want the girl?"

Alright. So given my post above, I haven't talked to this girl much, we did study, I haven't really expressed much sexual interest, how do I plan to hang out with her to put myself in a position where I can be more sexual?

Should I set up another study date and flirt with her there? Or should I just say, "let's go get a cup of coffee" the next time I see her?

As IgetIt said, you gotta ask her out. Or at least escalate things beyond her comfort zone...kino, light touching, flirting, etc. You need to put a stamp on this "friendship" that says "I'm a man, you're a woman." It can't just be two asexual buddies reading textbooks.

 

[msi]

Is coffee a strong enough date? It seems like a valid way to sit close to her.

 

[Iceberg]

Is coffee a strong enough date? It seems like a valid way to sit close to her.

You're worrying too much about specifics. Coffee can become whatever you want it to. You're the one guiding the interaction.

I personally prefer drinks. But if you're not a drinker, then you gotta do what works for you.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Find a bookstore that has a coffee shop in it. It's two dates in one, and it allows you to walk around a bit and find easy conversation starters.

One brief comment: don't worry about appearing obvious in your like for her. If you ask her out, she'll know you like her; she just won't know how MUCH you like her. THAT'S the part you want to keep to yourself for now. If anything, she'll be excited that someone wants to take her out - its a huge ego boost for a girl to be able to go back to her friends and talk about some guy who wants her.

 

[bigneil]

"How to get to know a woman without being friend zoned? "

You f*ck her.

 

[DonJuanabe]

So many men worry about appearing obvious or forward when interacting with a girl. There is nothing wrong with that with respect to spending time with a girl -- i.e. going on a date. That means you are confident and go after what you want. That is very different than appearing *needy*. You ask her out; she says no. Whining about that and begging her to say yes is being needy and no one ever suggests doing that. You want to have sex with a girl? The first step is ask her out. No games, no trying to make it appear to be something it isn't. If she knows you're interested because you asked her out then she is going to let you know whether she is interested too. It might not be as overtly as what you did but she will let you know.