i am 17 and i never got rejected before but i am so scared of the after effect ,i never kissed a girl, and never had a girlfriend i have alot of friends but i end up on the friend zone i cant even even sexualize a conversation. i try to push myself to approach girls but i cant do it what should i do to kill this fear once and for all!!
How to get rid of being afraid of rejection?
- Thread starter Joey23
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Will you DIE instantly a horrible death if she says no?
of course not.
So what exactly is the problem?
Get used to being turned down....it WILL happen absolutely and you know what? The more it happens the less you will care.
So jump in that fire!
of course not.
So what exactly is the problem?
Get used to being turned down....it WILL happen absolutely and you know what? The more it happens the less you will care.
So jump in that fire!
By not caring if you get rejected. Realize that its just another human being, and nobody is special. You don't need anyone's approval, nor will you gain everyone's acceptance. This is all fine. This kind of mindset will also eliminate desperation, insecurity, pedestalization, approval-seeking, and other major issues plaguing most men these days. It really does not matter if you get rejected, and says nothing about you.
Any kind of fear is bad, because acting on it causes the same thing you're trying to avoid. The reality also isn't as bad as you make it out to be. It's all a mind thing. It's better to take a chance and get rejected than wonder if someone likes you or not. Not that you should be wondering this in the first place.... Just sayin'.
Any kind of fear is bad, because acting on it causes the same thing you're trying to avoid. The reality also isn't as bad as you make it out to be. It's all a mind thing. It's better to take a chance and get rejected than wonder if someone likes you or not. Not that you should be wondering this in the first place.... Just sayin'.
One good method is to TRY to get rejected. Have a contest with your friend to see who can get rejected 5 times the fastest.
You see, provided the girl is not repulsed by you, your boldness will increase her interest level. By showing her you don't care about what she has to say, you become more attractive. Likewise, by appearing self-conscious, you destroy (irreversibly) attraction.
By getting rejected you also build up a thicker skin to rejection. If you're not getting rejected you're not trying hard enough. It's like a hitter, if he's not striking out sometimes, he's not swinging hard enough.
If you've never kissed a girl at 17, chances are you are still developing, so be sure to get on a healthy diet, and do 50 push ups a day (they don't have to be all at once). Raw, organic, unprocessed foods. I didn't lose my virginity until I was almost 20, and then I had 4 girls in the next year.
You see, provided the girl is not repulsed by you, your boldness will increase her interest level. By showing her you don't care about what she has to say, you become more attractive. Likewise, by appearing self-conscious, you destroy (irreversibly) attraction.
By getting rejected you also build up a thicker skin to rejection. If you're not getting rejected you're not trying hard enough. It's like a hitter, if he's not striking out sometimes, he's not swinging hard enough.
If you've never kissed a girl at 17, chances are you are still developing, so be sure to get on a healthy diet, and do 50 push ups a day (they don't have to be all at once). Raw, organic, unprocessed foods. I didn't lose my virginity until I was almost 20, and then I had 4 girls in the next year.
Getting rejected is nothing, and honestly, if you ask her out the right way, it won't even be awkward the next time you see her. Just be nonchalant, act like you're the one doing her the favor of inviting her and if she doesn't want to come its no sweat. Just say oh ok, well that's too bad, or whatever. Just blow it off.
But the true advice, is just like sports. Never go in thinking you'll lose. Always know that you're gonna win.
But the true advice, is just like sports. Never go in thinking you'll lose. Always know that you're gonna win.
Mike32ct
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Don't think in terms of getting rid of it. You might never COMPLETELY get rid of this fear. But you need to chip away at it by approaching. Then it will weaken big time.
Also understand that every night you go, every party you go to, etc., you have to WARM UP. Even experienced guys do this. You might start out the night scared sh*tless. Start talking to people. Girls, guys, young, old, etc. It doesn't matter. Then move on to more attractive females. After talking with several females, you get in "the zone" and it becomes really fun. I know that is hard to believe when you are on the other side of the "wall," but it's true. Then the next night you might feel that you are "starting from zero" and have to warm up AGAIN. That's normal.
Also understand that "non-naturals" are actually capable of a HIGHER tolerance for rejection than naturals IF they apply themselves, do the work, and develop that thick skin. The "natural" is the guy who always got girls. They responded well to him since he was very young. He doesn't really have to try much. As a result, he's sort of spoiled. But a guy who struggled with women from the beginning can develop a thicker skin than the natural if he applies himself.
Anyway, that's too much theory. Let's get back to the practical.
Steps
1. OBSERVE other guys meeting girls. Go to a party or somewhere you think other guys will be meeting and picking up girls. Just hang out and observe. This should do two things for you. First, you'll see that what they are doing isn't rocket science, and it's no big deal when they are rejected. Plus, it might trigger a competitive instinct. "If these guys can do this, I certainly can too."
2. Focus more on getting warmed up as mentioned above.
3. Finally, you gotta believe that you are a cool and attractive guy. Even if you don't believe this at first, pretend it's true. Fake it until you make it.
4. Just talk to girls.
Also understand that every night you go, every party you go to, etc., you have to WARM UP. Even experienced guys do this. You might start out the night scared sh*tless. Start talking to people. Girls, guys, young, old, etc. It doesn't matter. Then move on to more attractive females. After talking with several females, you get in "the zone" and it becomes really fun. I know that is hard to believe when you are on the other side of the "wall," but it's true. Then the next night you might feel that you are "starting from zero" and have to warm up AGAIN. That's normal.
Also understand that "non-naturals" are actually capable of a HIGHER tolerance for rejection than naturals IF they apply themselves, do the work, and develop that thick skin. The "natural" is the guy who always got girls. They responded well to him since he was very young. He doesn't really have to try much. As a result, he's sort of spoiled. But a guy who struggled with women from the beginning can develop a thicker skin than the natural if he applies himself.
Anyway, that's too much theory. Let's get back to the practical.
Steps
1. OBSERVE other guys meeting girls. Go to a party or somewhere you think other guys will be meeting and picking up girls. Just hang out and observe. This should do two things for you. First, you'll see that what they are doing isn't rocket science, and it's no big deal when they are rejected. Plus, it might trigger a competitive instinct. "If these guys can do this, I certainly can too."
2. Focus more on getting warmed up as mentioned above.
3. Finally, you gotta believe that you are a cool and attractive guy. Even if you don't believe this at first, pretend it's true. Fake it until you make it.
4. Just talk to girls.
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nismo-4
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Rejection is unavoidable.
You just need to roll with the punches, don't be afraid, and take your lumps.
You miss all the shots you don't take, and you only got one life to live. Will you make a move on girls to get one, or will you wait on the sidelines hoping for something to fall in your lap? That's up to you.
If there were a way to totally avoid rejection, we'd all be employing it. But there ain't.
Get off your ass and handle your business.
Case dismissed.
You just need to roll with the punches, don't be afraid, and take your lumps.
You miss all the shots you don't take, and you only got one life to live. Will you make a move on girls to get one, or will you wait on the sidelines hoping for something to fall in your lap? That's up to you.
If there were a way to totally avoid rejection, we'd all be employing it. But there ain't.
Get off your ass and handle your business.
Case dismissed.
killercat2007
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Dude I used to have this fear like a stone in my throat. It was really bad for a while there. I missed so many great opportunities of women giving me all the signals and being too afraid to approach. Now that I tried doing cold approaches it is not so bad. I have been shut down a lot and thus rejected a lot. It sucked big time for a while there. The fear is worse than we make it out to be. Now that I know how much it sucks biting the bullet I am not afraid of approaching.
The thing you have to focus on my friend is "timing". Timing is everything. Don't just feel obligated to approach every women in sight or you are going to stress yourself the heck out and make women very uncomfortable which is going to suck for your confidence building.
What you need to focus on is approaching when the mood is right and you feel it in the air. If you are freaking approaching women at the wrong time in the wrong place you are going to crash and burn hard and beat yourself up for it. Approach but approach when you feel in the mood. Don't force yourself to do something to just do it. Do it when you know you can do it.
The thing of it is I have made a lot of approaches and what I've learned is not to approach certain women because I don't think it looks right. Make sure it looks right so you are not looking like a complete loser. But even though that gets you off the hook as far as forcing yourself to approach don't chicken out either. For the longest time I would never approach women and I saw a lot of good opportunities wasted. Don't err on the side of never approaching but don't err on the side of approaching every women you feel compatible with either. You are just going to make yourself look like a jerk. Approach when the time is right and get some practice and you'll do fine.
The thing you have to focus on my friend is "timing". Timing is everything. Don't just feel obligated to approach every women in sight or you are going to stress yourself the heck out and make women very uncomfortable which is going to suck for your confidence building.
What you need to focus on is approaching when the mood is right and you feel it in the air. If you are freaking approaching women at the wrong time in the wrong place you are going to crash and burn hard and beat yourself up for it. Approach but approach when you feel in the mood. Don't force yourself to do something to just do it. Do it when you know you can do it.
The thing of it is I have made a lot of approaches and what I've learned is not to approach certain women because I don't think it looks right. Make sure it looks right so you are not looking like a complete loser. But even though that gets you off the hook as far as forcing yourself to approach don't chicken out either. For the longest time I would never approach women and I saw a lot of good opportunities wasted. Don't err on the side of never approaching but don't err on the side of approaching every women you feel compatible with either. You are just going to make yourself look like a jerk. Approach when the time is right and get some practice and you'll do fine.
