Ugh, it's the middle of the night, I just got home from a party and want to sleep. So forgive me if my post isn't that structured, if my explanations aren't that clear or if my sentences aren't that well put.
Look, there's your intellect, your emotions and your instinct. Intellect and emotions get into conflict many times, they are of the same value: sometimes you listen to your emotions, sometimes you listen to your intellect.
Instinct, however, is always above those two. When your intellect or emotions go against your instinct, they are going outside their jurisdiction, so to speak.
Your intellect can get to a point where it thinks it can function independently from your instinct. That's a misconception, however. The intellect is there to serve the instinct, it should not try to become independant of the instinct and act on it's own. It has no ''own way'', all it can do is to serve the instinct. After all, how is the intellect supposed to make decisions independently from the instinct? The instinct provides the intellect with criteria on which the intellect can base it's decisions.
If the intellect was totally independent, it would not know what decisions to make. Is pain good or bad? Objectively, it's none of both. Your instinct tells you it's bad, and so you try to avoid painful situations, your intellect makes decisions that serve this purpose. If the intellect was disconnected from the instinct, it would not know whether to avoid pain or not, it would get caught up in some sort of deadlock of indecisiveness...
ABOUT EVERYTHING. Every single decision you make in your life, is based upon serving the instinct. The instinct provides the intellect the criteria on which it bases it's decisions. Without these criteria, the intellect would be totally paralysed, incapable of making any decision because it would have no criteria to base it's decisions on.
Just as it is nonsense to think about the possibility of "loving pain'' (you cannot love pain. It will never feel good, no matter how much you want it to feel good, you can't change this.), it is nonsense to think about the possibility of "not liking sex". Human instinct tries to seek pleasure and try to avoid pain. No way you can change that, no use to think about the possibility. Human beings try to get sex and try to avoid sex deprivation. No way you can change that either, and no use to think about the possibility either.
I'll tell you why the sex drive disgusts you. It's because you feel like you''re a slave to it. Well guess what, you are a slave to your instinct and this is just one of many manifestations. Why don't you get disgusted by the idea that a razor cutting through your skin causes you pain? You're a slave in that regard too! You have to always avoid painful situations! You can''t cross the street if cars are passing by, coz it will get you hurt. Oh, what a bummer! You can''t do what you want, you can''t cross the street. You're a slave to your instinct that tells you to avoid getting hurt.
DIGUSTING ISN'T IT?!?!
Don't you see how ridiculous that is? So why are you disgusted by the idea that you have a sex drive which you have to follow? (or else you'll feel bad). It's nothing different from follwing the drive to ''not get hurt'', or the drive to get nutrition in your body (Jesus, how disgusting! We have to put food in our bodies 3 times a day, otherwise we'll feel bad! We're all slaves to our "need for food''!! Let's write endless posts about how disgusting this is and how bothered we are by it!
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The reason you feel bad about this particular manifestation of your instinct, and not those others, has to do with the way your mommy treated you as a child. I suspect you've learned to control your feelings/desires as a child, coz mommy would hurt your feelings/desires if you let them flow freely. You don't want to be ''dependent'' of a girl, coz you've learned as a child that being dependent will get you hurt. You're projecting your experiences with mommy onto the women you are dealing with now.
It's not bad to be a slave to your sex drive, just as it is not bad to be a slave to your drive for food. You just
feel like it's bad to be a slave to your sex drive, because your subconscious has set a rule for you when you were a kid:
do not become dependant of mommy! Whatever you want from her, do not become dependent of it! Coz this will get you hurt! Now you long for other women and want things from them, just liek you did with mommy as a child. So the subconscious starts nagging:
"Hey Squirrels, wtf are you doing? don't become dependent of what you want from women, it''s the same as in the past, when you wanted things from mommy and ended up getting hurt!'' So you feel uncomfortable with this idea that you need something from women, that your whole life is almost based upon this need!.
Again, this need is not bad. Just as the need for food isn't bad. It's simply your subconscious and your childhood experiences trying to dominate your thoughts and behavior. Pretty understandable, but they are going against the instinct and like I said: Instinct is King, intellect nor emotions can overrule it!
So instead of going against your instinct, you need to get rid of this subconscious mechanism which is constantly convincing you that it''s disgusting to be a slave to your sex drive. How to do that? Fvck man, no easy answer. Go back to the core, get access to the pain you've experienced as a kid, re-live it and dissolve it.
That's what I meant with ''allowing yourself to be weak''. Re-living feelings of intense pain and helplessness from your childhood. They're buried inside of you, rotting and festering inside of you, paralyzing your thoughts and behavior from the inside, messing you up!
Most problems men have with women, are due to prblems they had with mommy as a child. Most of us just don't
want to know and acknowledge this, coz it is too painful. We'd rather tell ourselves that''s all Freudian bullsh!t and convince ourselves that we are now strong, independent
MEN. Truth is, the little helpless boy we once were, is still inside of us and we should acknowledge that boy, instead of burying him deeper away inside of us. Coz no matter how deep you bury him, he will not dissapear and he will keep causing great unrest from deep inside of you, until you deal with him and the negative experiences from your childhood.
The storm inside of you is caused by your childhood experiences, Squirrels. Gain access to them, gain acces to negative childhood experiences and the associated negative feelings. Let it all out, experience it, deal with it and eventually dissolve it. They are causing major unrest, setting your intellect up against your instinct etc. Your system is a mess. There's supposed to be harmony between your consciousness and subconsciousness, harmony between your intellect, emotions and instinct. Etcetera, etcetera. But you are totally out of sync, it's all out of balance.
If there's a tiny, little piece of rock inside your sock, you can put the most comfortable shoe in the world around your foot, but you'll still walk uncomfortable. No matter what you do on the surface, what kind of super soft texture the shoe is made of and how much Nika Air technology is integrated into the shoe's sole etc. etc. As long as you don't get to the core, which means removing all everything on the outside, the shoe and the sock...and get that piece of rock out, you will not solve the painful feeling that you experience while walking.
Just as well, you can do whatever you want: refine your thought processes, your ideas, your phillosophies, fvck hundreds of women, reject hundreds of women, do this, do that, whatever... As long as you don't get to the core of your problems, the sh!tstorm inside of you will keep blowing.