Greasy Pig
Master Don Juan
Great thread.
I've been guilty of some of the worst AFC crap you can imagine (I think we all have) and wondered why my previous girlfriends treated me like shyt.
But after coming to these boards for a few years now, I realise that there are better ways to handle LTRs.
I subscribe to many of the solid posts by others here (nipping shyt in the bud early, setting boundaries and not being afraid to upset her by expressing your anger or displeasure), but I also adhere to the following and it's having pretty good results.
#1: Silence is golden. Sometimes it's just better to say nothing, especially if you disapprove (ie mentioning other guys). The awkward silence can be very powerful.
#2: Agree and amplify. She says: "You're going a bit grey there..."
You say: "Yeah, I've found that chicks dig the salt and pepper look.
Or (and I'm stealing this epic comeback from Danger): Her: "Well you're not getting any (sex) tonight!"
You: "Not from you at least."
#3: Don't be too serious unless absolutely necessary. Make her laugh, point out her flaws (in a playful way), be bold and above all, be confident.
I act outrageously confident with my GF and she loves it.
For example: Me: "I'm cooking you my special dish tonight. In fact, it was so good, Gordon Ramsay had a taste and swore he'd never cook again. I once cooked it for a woman and she got down on one knee and proposed on the spot. I declined her proposal, but while she was down there, I couldn't stop her from going for my junk....." You get the idea.
#4: Take a keen interest in her career, passion or interests. Ask her questions that enable her to feel like she's contributing meaningfully to your world.
My GF is a nurse and passionately loves it.
I'll often take note of medical jargon I hear and ask her about it later. When I do, her eyes light up and she starts raving on about causes, symptoms, treatments etc. I see these conversations as `positive reinforcers', ie, when I'm around, she gets to talk about stuff she loves and interact with a man who (at least seems to) share her passion.
#5: Don't be afraid to hold the line in the face of overwhelming odds.
As a man, you want your girl to see you as good guy with heaps of likeable qualities and who isn't a controlling ogre.
I have a problem with not wanting to upset the applecart but as others have said, women crave direction and boundaries.
They learnt this from the first alpha male they encountered: Daddy.
Daddy was the first man to say "No" to her, he has always been the one man in her life who doesn't say things just to get in to her pants (hopefully!! LOL), he is never afraid to correct her or point out her bad behaviour.
The other night, my GF wanted to leave me at a birthday shindig and see her friends at a club.
The AFC in me wanted to be the good guy and grant her wish, but I knew the club and I know what her slore friends are like, so I swallowed hard and said no, fully expecting an argument to ensue.
I said: "That club is a shyt hole and I'm not entirely cool with you going there alone while your friends will be trying to crack on to men."
Instead of losing her temper as I feared, she just said ok, gave me a kiss and and we had a great night.
#6: By far the best advice (given by many here) is be prepared to walk and (thank you to Danger once again) be prepared for her to walk.
I love my GF but I feel I've developed a mindset that will enable me to walk if circumstances arise and get back in to the game.
Likewise, if she turns around one day and tells me she's been fvcking a doctor from her work, I feel quite comfortable with the thought of just making an excuse to be somewhere, leaving and going complete ghost.
Yes, I'll be hurt, but from what I've learned here, I know that each unworthy woman who leaves your life gives you the chance to meet someone better.
Same for if she breaks up with me, I'll just shrug my shoulders and get back out there.
I've been guilty of some of the worst AFC crap you can imagine (I think we all have) and wondered why my previous girlfriends treated me like shyt.
But after coming to these boards for a few years now, I realise that there are better ways to handle LTRs.
I subscribe to many of the solid posts by others here (nipping shyt in the bud early, setting boundaries and not being afraid to upset her by expressing your anger or displeasure), but I also adhere to the following and it's having pretty good results.
#1: Silence is golden. Sometimes it's just better to say nothing, especially if you disapprove (ie mentioning other guys). The awkward silence can be very powerful.
#2: Agree and amplify. She says: "You're going a bit grey there..."
You say: "Yeah, I've found that chicks dig the salt and pepper look.
Or (and I'm stealing this epic comeback from Danger): Her: "Well you're not getting any (sex) tonight!"
You: "Not from you at least."
#3: Don't be too serious unless absolutely necessary. Make her laugh, point out her flaws (in a playful way), be bold and above all, be confident.
I act outrageously confident with my GF and she loves it.
For example: Me: "I'm cooking you my special dish tonight. In fact, it was so good, Gordon Ramsay had a taste and swore he'd never cook again. I once cooked it for a woman and she got down on one knee and proposed on the spot. I declined her proposal, but while she was down there, I couldn't stop her from going for my junk....." You get the idea.
#4: Take a keen interest in her career, passion or interests. Ask her questions that enable her to feel like she's contributing meaningfully to your world.
My GF is a nurse and passionately loves it.
I'll often take note of medical jargon I hear and ask her about it later. When I do, her eyes light up and she starts raving on about causes, symptoms, treatments etc. I see these conversations as `positive reinforcers', ie, when I'm around, she gets to talk about stuff she loves and interact with a man who (at least seems to) share her passion.
#5: Don't be afraid to hold the line in the face of overwhelming odds.
As a man, you want your girl to see you as good guy with heaps of likeable qualities and who isn't a controlling ogre.
I have a problem with not wanting to upset the applecart but as others have said, women crave direction and boundaries.
They learnt this from the first alpha male they encountered: Daddy.
Daddy was the first man to say "No" to her, he has always been the one man in her life who doesn't say things just to get in to her pants (hopefully!! LOL), he is never afraid to correct her or point out her bad behaviour.
The other night, my GF wanted to leave me at a birthday shindig and see her friends at a club.
The AFC in me wanted to be the good guy and grant her wish, but I knew the club and I know what her slore friends are like, so I swallowed hard and said no, fully expecting an argument to ensue.
I said: "That club is a shyt hole and I'm not entirely cool with you going there alone while your friends will be trying to crack on to men."
Instead of losing her temper as I feared, she just said ok, gave me a kiss and and we had a great night.
#6: By far the best advice (given by many here) is be prepared to walk and (thank you to Danger once again) be prepared for her to walk.
I love my GF but I feel I've developed a mindset that will enable me to walk if circumstances arise and get back in to the game.
Likewise, if she turns around one day and tells me she's been fvcking a doctor from her work, I feel quite comfortable with the thought of just making an excuse to be somewhere, leaving and going complete ghost.
Yes, I'll be hurt, but from what I've learned here, I know that each unworthy woman who leaves your life gives you the chance to meet someone better.
Same for if she breaks up with me, I'll just shrug my shoulders and get back out there.