How to get over her?

[NewMan]

I need advice.

I've broken up with a girl. I'm not calling or writing or anything like that. I'm getting on with my life - I've a date tonight, a new apartment, a new wardrobe, new cologne - I'm hitting the gym, going out with friends.

Problem is, I can't stop thinking about her. not an hour goes by without me thinking about her. It's driving me crazy, and I can't get her out of my mind. I think about what I could have done to improve things - what I did wrong. How I could get her back, make it work etc etc.


It sucks - it's eating me away - the more I try and get on with things the worse it gets. When I think about her I even block out the things that casued us to break up... and only think of the good times.

Is there anything anyone can recomend? meeting other women is not working. perhaps there's a book or a website someone knows about that enables someone to heal their emotional scares?

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Time heals all wounds.

Concentrate on being busy - gym, work, other women.

Majority (90%+) of the time getting back with ex's doesn't work - remember that.

What you're going through is normal.

Books to deal with this specifically? Dunno. But NLP, Psycho-Cybernetics (Maltz) and others are very useful reads.

HTH,
Oscar.

 

[DJ Jeff]

Just want you to know that you're not alone...I had the same problem, and your right, going out and meetnig new women does not help to forget her. I have things i've always focused on...and believe me it DOES get better.

Today was the first day i woke up and said to myself "I don't give a ****." Try it because it WORKS...just don't give a ****, don't care about anything except the things that are for YOU.

 

[squirrels]

If you cut yourself, the wound isn't going to close up immediately. Of course there's going to be some pain.

What you have to understand is that while your life may be different now that she's gone, YOU are still the same. You're not damaged or lessened by this event. You're just in a different environment. You're experiencing "being single" and it's an unfamiliar, and thus frightening, environment.

Get your fears under control, life could be a lot worse. Close your eyes, shut all the fear out. You may not know how to live without her right now, but you'll LEARN. You're a MAN, you're born with the capacity to learn this kind of stuff. You're doing the right thing...you just can't be afraid of the past. Life changes around us all the time. You incorporated this girl into the foundation of the life you built and now it's shattered. Now would be a good time to rebuild from scratch...and this time be your OWN foundation. That way you'll have a nice stable house (life) for your next girl to move into and pick out curtains for.

And if SHE leaves, she may take the curtains with her, but the house is still standing.

Dumb metaphor, but you get the idea. To paraphrase Sun Tzu, unconquerability lies within the self.

 

[8ball]

It sucks. I'm w/ you man..I know exactly how you feel. Here's what got me through a divorce and child custody. It may not work for you, but it had me feeling better and helped take my mind off of things.

Buy the game Half-Life. Make sure it has Counter-Strike and Team-Fortress. Learn to play these games. Try to become proficent. For some reason, the fast pace of virtual combat and the fact that I was playing against other people help the feeling of isolation and depression and you'll forget ALL about her while you're playing these games. Trust me on this one. (Disregard this if you don't have a broadband connection. )

Go out to a bar..( by yourself if you have to ) and just sit and have a couple of beers. Chances are, you'll strike up a conversation and make a few friends. It'll take your mind off things for a while.

Here's a website: www.ogrish.com.

It has very graphic photos of death scenes ( accidents, murders, etc. ) It helped remind me that no matter how bad things were, at least I'm still in one piece. Seriously..it sounds stupid..but, given your mindset..it will help put things in perspective ( your healthy, alive, free, not handicapped, nobody is stopping you from going out and meeting somebody else ). It helps.

As far as books went..I found myself reading a lot of war books. Again..I kept telling myself it could always be worse. Reading about the hell of combat from your comfy bed makes you think: 'Hey..at least I'm not in fear of my life every waking second..at least I have a warm bed and food. '

Buy Melontonin & Tylonel PM if you have trouble sleeping.

Some of this may sound stupid, but it worked for me.

 

[nan3109]

GET A NEW GIRL! your on the rebound so use your MASTER DJ skills like me and lay a girl within 20 minutes of meeting her (ive done it 2 times before!)

 

[Starman]

Hello Newman!

I thought I sent you some PM's regarding helpful books?? GET CRACKIN!!

hahah 8-ball is right

what helps me is to see people in wheel chairs, with fvcked up lives, poverty, not knowing where the next meal will come from..then I compare their lives to mine..and it makes thinking about 1 little slvt in this world trivial

#2 GET ANGRY!!! GET ANGRY at HER!!! so your anger doesnt turn towards yourself..then builds into guilt(was it my fault??) ..then into a state of hopeless depression
(by angry I mean go punch a heavy bag..get some agression out.tear up anything that reminds you of her..emails, letters, Voicemails, gifts)

#3 No MAtter HOW HARD it is..MAINTAIN the DJ attitude..YOU ARE THE PRIZE..SHE was a dumb immature byatch and lost out!!

#4 Find an inexpensive psychotherapist and bounce back your ideas/emotions back and forth...Part of the problem of breaking up for men..is that they have no body to talk to about their feelings (while women talk/cry/share with ALL their friends)

#5 (this works wonders for me) Listen to some EMinem Lyrics/songs..I really dislike Eminen..but his Lyrics about women momentarily soothed me

 

[Matt ala Casanova]

Hey....


You have to move on! She is gone and man it hurts but you can't stop your life now. Keep up with going to the gym, get in the mindset you are better off. Find some girls to hang out with, practice your DJ skills. Keep a healthy circle of friends. All in all, you have to keep your head up!

M.A.C.

 

[seulaxplaya]

yeah man that is so normal. i was like that for five months until i found out the truth why we broke up. but ull get over it bro. like they all say time heals all wounds. just wait till u meet a great girl and ull totallly forget about her.

 

[comote]

Been there myself. What helped me was developing a new skill. I learned how to dance swing and salsa. I will tell you no better way to put her out of your mind than learning how to dance and meeting tons of beautiful women while doing it. I don't think getting angry helped me any however, look at things objectively, realize what things you did wrong and correct those mistakes for the future. Look at the red flags that you missed and learn to avoid women who exhibit those red flags.

 

[flexion_]

Yep been there as well. For me I find looking at it as "how will this affect me 5 years from now - ie. it won't" and kind of gradually decrease the timeframe in my mind over time. Sometimes its takes me a few days... sometimes a week and once it even took me a month to realize that this feeling I have isn't forever.

For the most recent significant break up I just randomly picked people I knew and performed acts of kindness - like catching up on old friends or bringing someone coffee who I hadn't talked to in a long time. For some reason that really made me feel good about myself. It helped me because I opened myself up to some new environments.

Good luck with it...

 

[Walden]

One solution to get you over anyone.
F.T.O.W.
Find ten other women.

Seriously , by number eight , you won't even remember her name.

 

[bugsquish]

My ex of 4 years is on my couch asleep here. We broke up last year but we hang out a lot. No it's NOT AFC, she's a good friend and great social proof. I'd still like to **** her if I got a chance but there's PLENTY of other women, and better women at that. Time really does heal.

 

[Starman]

Yea Doing good deeds and things that make you feel good about yourself also help..

hang around positive people who compliment you

give money to a homeless person
volunteer

these help you get over the idea that "She broke up with me because I was less than perfect!"

 

[bludb0i]

yo man it happens to everyone. pain from stupid hos happen all the time. right now as i am typing im going thru the same $hit. just try to make your life better, do things for yourself now stay busy, and hopefully soon she will just be a memory that you bearly can remember. fuk it dawg we don't need women to be happy we gots to learn to be happy by ourselves before we can have any good relationship. holla back n e one else thats hurting right now.

 

[Player_Supreme]

I've been broken up with my ex going on 2 years now and everyday atleast once I still thing something in relation to her. It gets fainter with time.

What I'm saying is that it will get fainter with time...the pain will lesson...the thoughts will lesson...

What you need is lots of women on your team to keep your mind occupied. After I broke up with my ex: I went out and started doing lots of bad things with women and ended up with 10 women I could call in a moments notice for sex or company.

Don't make that kinda mistake but I do recommend at least 3 for your team, all dedicated to your happiness. Your goal is to take your ex outta your head and focus on getting into other womens heads so that all they can think about is YOU!:

"hi daddy
I think about you
often and wonder how
you are.....I'm okay....
miss you
babyg"

**************************
How is your day going? Are you out of bed yet? I enjoyed our evening together yet again. I love how we move together. If I sit and fantasize about it long enough I can take my mind to where my body was last night and feel you inside me. It is enough to make a girl go wild. I am doing some searching on the net today to find the local chapter of "**** Anonymous" <WINK> A girl is an addict, what can I say? *SIGH*

Have a fabulous day and try not to think about me too much <WINK>

*********************************
I really try to contain myself sometimes when it comes to you but I fail miserably. I don't mind it. I never was good at hiding my feelings or trying to deny them. Thoughts of you fill my head constantly. Just busting at the seams with nothing but good, loving, warm thoughts. And if someone mentions your name just to see how we are doing the smile across my face is usually answer enough for them to know just how happy you make me. I think it is one of those permanent smiles because I don't believe I have stopped smiling since we first met. It is so magical for me. I want you to know that every part of me wants to make sure your every desire is met. Nothing makes me feel like I have done my job until I know you are satisfied in every possible way.

<<<KISS>>>


See what I mean by my above examples. Your focus should be on just you, and improving who you are. In the area of women your focus should be to just have fun in the game and come out on top.

peace

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by NewMan
I need advice.

I've broken up with a girl. I'm not calling or writing or anything like that. I'm getting on with my life - I've a date tonight, a new apartment, a new wardrobe, new cologne - I'm hitting the gym, going out with friends.

Problem is, I can't stop thinking about her. not an hour goes by without me thinking about her. It's driving me crazy, and I can't get her out of my mind. I think about what I could have done to improve things - what I did wrong. How I could get her back, make it work etc etc.

You seem to be doing everything that you should do to move on. You are rebuilding your image, hanging out with friends and most importantly dating. However your mind is still on your ex and what you could have done to make things better.

If you weren't attempting to get on with your life I wouldn't say this but its apparent that you still have deep feelings for her. On top of that, you never mention anything that SHE had done to upset you. Does she have all of the qualities that you like in a woman? Is she the one???!!!

You may need to think about which path you want to take. Is your ex someone you could never be able to work things out? Is she a lost cause? Is she your future?

Life's a b1tch, ain't it.....