How to get out of thought / attitude of "chasing"?

[Lynx nkaf]

Every women loves the idea of having a multitude of men chasing after them, it conveys a sense of value and perhaps an acknowledgement that their feminine charms work.

Reality is of course very much different, women might not want to admit it but they enjoy chasing after men, they are everywhere where men are, even in Sosuave where its supposed to be for men, women will be sniffing around, they can't help it.

They will create an illusion that its you chasing after them WHEN it is them who actually initiated it by sending covert and sometimes overt signals to get ur attention.

That's the mating dance.

A women is like a cat and the man a mouse, the more slippery the mouse is the more she wants to catch him.

The more available he is the more bored the cat becomes.

Coming of age I had my Dad almost challenge me...'you're going to have guys lined up out the door' and 'you'd make a good wife someday to a man'

Mixed messages, lmao

 

[harrison9876]

A women is like a cat and the man a mouse, the more slippery the mouse is the more she wants to catch him.

The more available he is the more bored the cat becomes.

Well....I tossed her number a few weeks ago. Not calling her again, not asking her to do anything. BUT...it is a foregone conclusion that she will be initiating a text or calling me again within the next week or two. Probably for EXACTLY the same thing - helping her with an audition.

That said. I was just not going to reply. Ghost her, and drop it. Move on. Next. etc.

How would you guys handle it, given what is going on?

TIA

Mike

 

[Blacksheep]

Hey guys,


Girl - 37 years old. Ended a relationship with her Fiance 12 months ago (bad break-up)...and moved to LA to get away from it.


Met her on an online Zoom class (acting) last month. She asked me if I would help her with a scene she needed to film for an audition, and we exchanged numbers.

Been helping her a few times the past weeks, and visa versa (over Zoom)...and after...we would end up chatting for 5-10 minutes. Joking, catching up, just typical, "getting to know each other" vibes...alongside my Superhero Awesome-ness.

She is single...and seems to be a bit of a loner right now...does not have a car.

Getting to know her the past few weeks, she ended up being a girl who was "not really my type"...to a being a girl who I thought was "sorta cute"...and now...a girl I am really interested in. Go figure.

Straight up...I am NOT a DJ, by this forums standards...no way.

When I was younger (I am 45 now, but look 35), I was more agressive...pursued women (mainly models and actresses), set-up dates etc...had some good experiences...but I was never had as much game as many of the DJ's who post here. I actually found that chasing women was a detriment for me, as I ACTED interested in them, if that makes sense. I chase girl...girl goes into defense mode.

For the most part, all the girls I ended up being in really nice relationships with, were women I put in the friends zone first, and then eventually they expressed interest, or made a move on me. There was really no "dating". In-fact I do not think I have ever "technically" dated any of them.

I find online dating terrible, as most women my age I do not connect with. Yes, I am 45...but I am healthy as shyt. I workout, and lean, ripped, & toned...and most women my age are not. I think out of the many women I have matched with online, I have only had 2 dates, and no one I was really that into.

So my dating game is really at an all-time low...even moreso with the stay at home order.

Anyway...

We live 40 minutes away from each other...and as mentioned, she does not have a car (I cannot invite her over)...

I would have asked her for a drink, but with everything closed and not being able to really do much...I asked her out for a hike a couple weeks ago. She seemed really excited that I asked her, and we made plans.

It was pretty casual...nothing crazy...and I found myself much more into her than I thought I would be. But...I also did not sense much "interest" on her part, which was a bit disappointing. My impression is that she is really trying to focus on her career and figure herself out (seems like she is not interested in dating anyone), as I know the break-up is still affecting her.

I am pretty sure she just wants to be friends...which I am okay with...BUT...as I am finding myself really interested in her, I feel like I am going back to an OLD habit of chasing her, regardless.

Since the hike, I have texted her twice, and called her once. All times felt like, "Damn man...be careful...you are chasing her..."

I messaged her yesterday, asking if she wanted to meet me for another hike...her response was pretty much what I expected, essentially, "I have just signed up for an intense online course, so not sure if I'll be swamped in it...let me know when you are thinking of going nearer the time though...hope you are well."

Pretty unemotional. Nothing to read into. Not a huge interest on her part. I wrote some funny shyt back in a reply and left it at that.

So.

She has low IL, likes me as a person and friend...and from what I can tell has no interest beyond that. Regardless...I feel like I am still chasing her.

I am thinking of either NOT following through on the invite...just not call...and see if she ever calls me or texts me again. Basically, drop of the face of the planet unless she reaches out. Only talk/message/call if she initiates. No exceptions. At the very least to keep myself from chasing a girl who does not want to be chased.

OR

Follow through on the invite...and go only as a friend. I am 99.9% sure any escalation beyond that is going to result in me embarrassing myself..

Thoughts?

This is not good man! Sorry for that =/

When a woman wants to be with you, she will find a way to be there. If she want to have sex with you, you don't even have to play the DJ Game. Whatever you say or do will have the same effect.

The more we desire something, the more we will suffer by that, cause we cannot fullfil our expectations 100% of the time. Same for that girl, you feel that passion and desire, but she don't. Then, everytime you stay around her you will suffer inside.

IMO I don't believe in female friendship... the ones I considered friends were women that didn't attracted me sexually, but all of them wanted to be sexually aroused with me. So they were around on a expectation that someday it would happen, and some of those women tried to have sex with me even if I was there talking normally.

The same happen to us... We kinda pursue that fantasy, because in some ways living that fantasy is somehow pleasurable. I felt that during my life for some women too... The pain of not having and the desire/passion is so intense. So we think that if we do our best, showed our best side to that woman, she will fall in love for us. But the sad reality is that: it won't happen... cause she would probably be chasing another guy or dating another guy.

Not trying to delude you or being negative, just trying to help you see that situation outside that emotional feelings. I know how it is to be in that situation cause I lived that so many times and in some many ways.

I suggest you to ask yourself: What does she have so special that other women don't? Also, is she so worth investing your time by the way she is treating you? Do you deserve that?

There is more to do with your time. Like being with a woman who really wants to be with you or doing something pleasurable. On what you said here, this will only hurt you.

Hope that I could help in some way. And good luck on that man! Keep it up! =)

 

[Spaz]

Coming of age I had my Dad almost challenge me...'you're going to have guys lined up out the door' and 'you'd make a good wife someday to a man'

Mixed messages, lmao

Femininity is many many things but a big part of it is manipulation, smoke and mirrors.

What is seen is actually all an illusion, part of the reason why women are so competitive to other women is because if one is successful, she'd have a man under her tiny palm whilst he is completely oblivious to it, thinking he's the man who is in charge and the other woman relegated to obscurity.

It's a high stakes game and that's why it's vicious.

Yet at the same time, if a man is easily controlled then he is of little value, because it displays that he is a man that isn't actually a man but a mere boy.

And a boy would tremble in fear and might cower or worse, run off during a storm.

Consider urself to be lucky, you gals have an inbuilt mechanism to weed out the weak and seek the strong.

Just imagine u r carrying on a weak man's DNA and passing it off to ur offsprings...

 

[2Rocky]

Would somebody PLEASE sticky the above post?

I (as a woman) am constantly jumping up and down around here trying to get men to understand that the best/prettiest/hottest/most high value women are NOT going to come running after a man. They are NOT going to initiate. These women want a MAN and if guys expect them to take the man’s role? Poof. They vanish thinking you’re a wishy washy wimp and they move on fast without wasting time.
.

But as a man, if you have your stuff together, and are confident , and go for what you want you WILL have women initiating and approaching. Usually they will be below your potential, but every now and then, a quality woman will put herself in your orbit. It is up to you to recognize that.

 

[BeExcellent]

But as a man, if you have your stuff together, and are confident , and go for what you want you WILL have women initiating and approaching. Usually they will be below your potential, but every now and then, a quality woman will put herself in your orbit. It is up to you to recognize that.

Correct. 100%. However this still isn’t a woman chasing a man. It’s her pausing to allow him opportunity IF he isn’t clueless.