How to get out of thought / attitude of "chasing"?

[harrison9876]

Hey guys,


Girl - 37 years old. Ended a relationship with her Fiance 12 months ago (bad break-up)...and moved to LA to get away from it.


Met her on an online Zoom class (acting) last month. She asked me if I would help her with a scene she needed to film for an audition, and we exchanged numbers.

Been helping her a few times the past weeks, and visa versa (over Zoom)...and after...we would end up chatting for 5-10 minutes. Joking, catching up, just typical, "getting to know each other" vibes...alongside my Superhero Awesome-ness.

She is single...and seems to be a bit of a loner right now...does not have a car.

Getting to know her the past few weeks, she ended up being a girl who was "not really my type"...to a being a girl who I thought was "sorta cute"...and now...a girl I am really interested in. Go figure.

Straight up...I am NOT a DJ, by this forums standards...no way.

When I was younger (I am 45 now, but look 35), I was more agressive...pursued women (mainly models and actresses), set-up dates etc...had some good experiences...but I was never had as much game as many of the DJ's who post here. I actually found that chasing women was a detriment for me, as I ACTED interested in them, if that makes sense. I chase girl...girl goes into defense mode.

For the most part, all the girls I ended up being in really nice relationships with, were women I put in the friends zone first, and then eventually they expressed interest, or made a move on me. There was really no "dating". In-fact I do not think I have ever "technically" dated any of them.

I find online dating terrible, as most women my age I do not connect with. Yes, I am 45...but I am healthy as shyt. I workout, and lean, ripped, & toned...and most women my age are not. I think out of the many women I have matched with online, I have only had 2 dates, and no one I was really that into.

So my dating game is really at an all-time low...even moreso with the stay at home order.

Anyway...

We live 40 minutes away from each other...and as mentioned, she does not have a car (I cannot invite her over)...

I would have asked her for a drink, but with everything closed and not being able to really do much...I asked her out for a hike a couple weeks ago. She seemed really excited that I asked her, and we made plans.

It was pretty casual...nothing crazy...and I found myself much more into her than I thought I would be. But...I also did not sense much "interest" on her part, which was a bit disappointing. My impression is that she is really trying to focus on her career and figure herself out (seems like she is not interested in dating anyone), as I know the break-up is still affecting her.

I am pretty sure she just wants to be friends...which I am okay with...BUT...as I am finding myself really interested in her, I feel like I am going back to an OLD habit of chasing her, regardless.

Since the hike, I have texted her twice, and called her once. All times felt like, "Damn man...be careful...you are chasing her..."

I messaged her yesterday, asking if she wanted to meet me for another hike...her response was pretty much what I expected, essentially, "I have just signed up for an intense online course, so not sure if I'll be swamped in it...let me know when you are thinking of going nearer the time though...hope you are well."

Pretty unemotional. Nothing to read into. Not a huge interest on her part. I wrote some funny shyt back in a reply and left it at that.

So.

She has low IL, likes me as a person and friend...and from what I can tell has no interest beyond that. Regardless...I feel like I am still chasing her.

I am thinking of either NOT following through on the invite...just not call...and see if she ever calls me or texts me again. Basically, drop of the face of the planet unless she reaches out. Only talk/message/call if she initiates. No exceptions. At the very least to keep myself from chasing a girl who does not want to be chased.

OR

Follow through on the invite...and go only as a friend. I am 99.9% sure any escalation beyond that is going to result in me embarrassing myself..

Thoughts?

 

[Atom Smasher]

She has low IL unfortunately. The chemistry isn't there for her. As I always say, if a woman likes you, she will move mountains to see you.

The only way to be 100% sure is to ghost her. If she pursues, then roll with it. If not, there's your answer. It is NEVER good for a man to be in limbo about whether or not a girl is interested in him. Make it sure. Ghost.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

A man stops chasing by realizing and accepting that females do the choosing. When she really wants you she will be bothering you and trying to get at you, she will be persistant. They can "want" one guy and allow a few others to "entertain" her ( string them along ), that's what they do.

 

[Atom Smasher]

That's why I've only ever gone after women who give me signs of interest. A man can get pretty good at seeing the signs, but few do. Women think they are giving very obvious signals of attraction when in fact their signals are usually so subtle that we don't even perceive them.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

That's why I've only ever gone after women who give me signs of interest. A man can get pretty good at seeing the signs, but few do. Women think they are giving very obvious signals of attraction when in fact their signals are usually so subtle that we don't even perceive them.

I replied to the Sosuave email that sends out email newsletters with the question "What are the IOIs that guys want to or easily see from women?" or a question similar.

Not sure that email was received but it would be nice to know which ones guys pick up on.

 

[Atom Smasher]

I replied to the Sosuave email that sends out email newsletters with the question "What are the IOIs that guys want to or easily see from women?" or a question similar.

Not sure that email was received but it would be nice to know which ones guys pick up on.

That's an automated system so it's unlikely anyone will read your reply. It sounds like a worthy subject if you want to start a thread about it though.

 

[harrison9876]

thanks guys!!

 

[Lynx nkaf]

That's an automated system so it's unlikely anyone will read your reply. It sounds like a worthy subject if you want to start a thread about it though.

I feel foolish replying to that system, but like becoming redpilled I'm glad you told me, thanks.

Postmalonelistener has one up on ioi ....I'll wait a bit.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Hey guys,


Girl - 37 years old. Ended a relationship with her Fiance 12 months ago (bad break-up)...and moved to LA to get away from it.


Met her on an online Zoom class (acting) last month. She asked me if I would help her with a scene she needed to film for an audition, and we exchanged numbers.

Been helping her a few times the past weeks, and visa versa (over Zoom)...and after...we would end up chatting for 5-10 minutes. Joking, catching up, just typical, "getting to know each other" vibes...alongside my Superhero Awesome-ness.

She is single...and seems to be a bit of a loner right now...does not have a car.

Getting to know her the past few weeks, she ended up being a girl who was "not really my type"...to a being a girl who I thought was "sorta cute"...and now...a girl I am really interested in. Go figure.

Straight up...I am NOT a DJ, by this forums standards...no way.

When I was younger (I am 45 now, but look 35), I was more agressive...pursued women (mainly models and actresses), set-up dates etc...had some good experiences...but I was never had as much game as many of the DJ's who post here. I actually found that chasing women was a detriment for me, as I ACTED interested in them, if that makes sense. I chase girl...girl goes into defense mode.

For the most part, all the girls I ended up being in really nice relationships with, were women I put in the friends zone first, and then eventually they expressed interest, or made a move on me. There was really no "dating". In-fact I do not think I have ever "technically" dated any of them.

I find online dating terrible, as most women my age I do not connect with. Yes, I am 45...but I am healthy as shyt. I workout, and lean, ripped, & toned...and most women my age are not. I think out of the many women I have matched with online, I have only had 2 dates, and no one I was really that into.

So my dating game is really at an all-time low...even moreso with the stay at home order.

Anyway...

We live 40 minutes away from each other...and as mentioned, she does not have a car (I cannot invite her over)...

I would have asked her for a drink, but with everything closed and not being able to really do much...I asked her out for a hike a couple weeks ago. She seemed really excited that I asked her, and we made plans.

It was pretty casual...nothing crazy...and I found myself much more into her than I thought I would be. But...I also did not sense much "interest" on her part, which was a bit disappointing. My impression is that she is really trying to focus on her career and figure herself out (seems like she is not interested in dating anyone), as I know the break-up is still affecting her.

I am pretty sure she just wants to be friends...which I am okay with...BUT...as I am finding myself really interested in her, I feel like I am going back to an OLD habit of chasing her, regardless.

Since the hike, I have texted her twice, and called her once. All times felt like, "Damn man...be careful...you are chasing her..."

I messaged her yesterday, asking if she wanted to meet me for another hike...her response was pretty much what I expected, essentially, "I have just signed up for an intense online course, so not sure if I'll be swamped in it...let me know when you are thinking of going nearer the time though...hope you are well."

Pretty unemotional. Nothing to read into. Not a huge interest on her part. I wrote some funny shyt back in a reply and left it at that.

So.

She has low IL, likes me as a person and friend...and from what I can tell has no interest beyond that. Regardless...I feel like I am still chasing her.

I am thinking of either NOT following through on the invite...just not call...and see if she ever calls me or texts me again. Basically, drop of the face of the planet unless she reaches out. Only talk/message/call if she initiates. No exceptions. At the very least to keep myself from chasing a girl who does not want to be chased.

OR

Follow through on the invite...and go only as a friend. I am 99.9% sure any escalation beyond that is going to result in me embarrassing myself..

Thoughts?

37 is a old beater. Not classic. You push a beater off a cliff and you get a new car.

Its a analogy to those who have autism. Not advocacy for violence lulz.

Date hotter and younger. Not doing it right kuz.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

To answer your question:

I don't chase. I replace.

There's a fine line between getting baeeeees and chasing. ***** beggar vs getting girls.

A better Q is, what you do impact your purpose in life? If yes, get your **** together. Women and the game is sport. Catch and release. #next

About my purpose > women & & & & yet, my D won't suck it self.

Exercise common sense happy hunting. .

 

[zekko]

Not sure that email was received but it would be nice to know which ones guys pick up on.

The really, really obvious ones

 

[Lynx nkaf]

The really, really obvious ones

lifting up a braless shirt, twerking, rolling tongue over lips that kind of overt sexual body part displays? lol imagine walking down the street acting like this female ape? lmfao!!!

 

[zekko]

lifting up a braless shirt, twerking, rolling tongue over lips that kind of overt sexual body part displays?

Those will certainly get attention, but they send a certain type of message: "I am a slvt, use me as such".

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Those will certainly get attention, but they send a certain type of message: "I am a slvt, use me as such".

all IOIs say that zekko; best just not to give them to defend yourself against being used.
I think women with high ASD are probably the ones with low IOI production ability and thankfully, low slay count.
You know what I wish?

I wish you could hang out with men in your personal life like at work.
Where there's no isolate/escalation step.
Just a natural freeflowing progression of intimacy.
Like how that male virgin took his time with that exparty girl in someone's recent thread. Kind of. Only they were coworkers, which isn't ideal scenario.

 

[zekko]

all IOIs say that zekko

Nah, sometimes a girl genuinely likes you, and isn't advertising to be the town bike.

I agree with your thoughts on work environment, or another example would be a school environment. People could get to know each other gradually and over time attractions might develop, sometimes unexpected ones. Instead, today dates are more about swiping right or left.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Nah, sometimes a girl genuinely likes you, and isn't advertising to be the town bike.

I agree with your thoughts on work environment, or another example would be a school environment. People could get to know each other gradually and over time attractions might develop, sometimes unexpected ones. Instead, today dates are more about swiping right or left.

school environment is the very best.
I miss the ability to take a class very much right now with this covid closure.

 

[Cool Breeze]

Hey guys,


Girl - 37 years old. Ended a relationship with her Fiance 12 months ago (bad break-up)...and moved to LA to get away from it.


Met her on an online Zoom class (acting) last month. She asked me if I would help her with a scene she needed to film for an audition, and we exchanged numbers.

Been helping her a few times the past weeks, and visa versa (over Zoom)...and after...we would end up chatting for 5-10 minutes. Joking, catching up, just typical, "getting to know each other" vibes...alongside my Superhero Awesome-ness.

She is single...and seems to be a bit of a loner right now...does not have a car.

Getting to know her the past few weeks, she ended up being a girl who was "not really my type"...to a being a girl who I thought was "sorta cute"...and now...a girl I am really interested in. Go figure.

Straight up...I am NOT a DJ, by this forums standards...no way.

When I was younger (I am 45 now, but look 35), I was more agressive...pursued women (mainly models and actresses), set-up dates etc...had some good experiences...but I was never had as much game as many of the DJ's who post here. I actually found that chasing women was a detriment for me, as I ACTED interested in them, if that makes sense. I chase girl...girl goes into defense mode.

For the most part, all the girls I ended up being in really nice relationships with, were women I put in the friends zone first, and then eventually they expressed interest, or made a move on me. There was really no "dating". In-fact I do not think I have ever "technically" dated any of them.

I find online dating terrible, as most women my age I do not connect with. Yes, I am 45...but I am healthy as shyt. I workout, and lean, ripped, & toned...and most women my age are not. I think out of the many women I have matched with online, I have only had 2 dates, and no one I was really that into.

So my dating game is really at an all-time low...even moreso with the stay at home order.

Anyway...

We live 40 minutes away from each other...and as mentioned, she does not have a car (I cannot invite her over)...

I would have asked her for a drink, but with everything closed and not being able to really do much...I asked her out for a hike a couple weeks ago. She seemed really excited that I asked her, and we made plans.

It was pretty casual...nothing crazy...and I found myself much more into her than I thought I would be. But...I also did not sense much "interest" on her part, which was a bit disappointing. My impression is that she is really trying to focus on her career and figure herself out (seems like she is not interested in dating anyone), as I know the break-up is still affecting her.

I am pretty sure she just wants to be friends...which I am okay with...BUT...as I am finding myself really interested in her, I feel like I am going back to an OLD habit of chasing her, regardless.

Since the hike, I have texted her twice, and called her once. All times felt like, "Damn man...be careful...you are chasing her..."

I messaged her yesterday, asking if she wanted to meet me for another hike...her response was pretty much what I expected, essentially, "I have just signed up for an intense online course, so not sure if I'll be swamped in it...let me know when you are thinking of going nearer the time though...hope you are well."

Pretty unemotional. Nothing to read into. Not a huge interest on her part. I wrote some funny shyt back in a reply and left it at that.

So.

She has low IL, likes me as a person and friend...and from what I can tell has no interest beyond that. Regardless...I feel like I am still chasing her.

I am thinking of either NOT following through on the invite...just not call...and see if she ever calls me or texts me again. Basically, drop of the face of the planet unless she reaches out. Only talk/message/call if she initiates. No exceptions. At the very least to keep myself from chasing a girl who does not want to be chased.

OR

Follow through on the invite...and go only as a friend. I am 99.9% sure any escalation beyond that is going to result in me embarrassing myself..

Thoughts?

If you are single, why focus on just one? numbers matters when dating, a simple fact of life is that horses run much fast around a track when racing other horses, quit LOOKING at just one as a single point of focus, play the field, find a few that you have FUN with, if you pay attention to all the little pieces of info and insight along the way that your mixed bag of women can teach you along the way, it will create a new reality for YOU, If you are outside your comfort zone, that is where you should be every single day, that where the real education happens. Everything you do and think is nothing more than a choice YOU make, you choose how you react, you choice how you see yourself, you choose to having a single women on a planet that has BILLIONS of single women, lol WHY choice just one!.

Quit caring about one women, there are more women on this planet than there are men, so having more than one is easy, and is always a good choice... don't grovel, don't argue, don't give in on what you want, and NEVER EVER change you for what someone else wants you to be... learn to walk away, while simultaneously thinking now, WHO DO I WANT NEXT in my toy box, I actually refer to the women I date as a TOY about the 3rd date, at times the first date, most don't like being called a toy, until they understand the value of being my toy!

Quit giving so much thought on what they are think or want, forget what the word "NO" means, often women will say no, when they want you to work for that yes answer, those tend to be a much more interesting and fun women, hell, I am testing them all the time, why shouldn't she be testing me? I love this game... and if you too can make this a GAME, then you are having fun, and not care WTH her problem is, her problems are only your problems if you you allow them to be, again, IT'S A CHOICE YOU MAKE! (never be willing to mold yourself into what ever she wants it will NEVER work in a million years).

What most women want and NEED is a strong man, does a strong man cut deals with a women to have a date with her? lol... does a strong man always care why she doesn't like you having other women you date? lol.... this could be a very long list, as a MAN, you are suppose to be strong, decisive, honest about what YOU THINK, be straight forward, and for the love of your own life be honest to those around.

Dress nice, be vocal about what YOU WANT AND EXPECT from her (dating for enjoyment of each others company), always be willing to just walk away for the simple reason, the odds of having at least 100 single women within a mile of you is pretty normal. Women are like a beautiful flower, the majority are beautiful at first sight, but once you take a better look, they are full of thorns and and 1000 other problems.

Best advice, Walk with your head up, always be clean and well dressed, always smell good (you can`t get that cheap, always wear a -=good=- Parfume (oil based, it lasts all night long), Polo Green always gets lots of compliments and the vast majority love it. Talk to all as if you have known them for years, don't give much concern how they take some of the things you say, always be a lil ****y, honest and say what you MEAN and mean what you say, and ALWAYS be a lil silly and funny...

You will never get a good deal from a position of weakness.

 

[Lynx nkaf]

Female daydreaming. If there is no escalation women how on earth are you supposed to have a man fck you senseless?
Secs is the glue without it you are siblings.

thanks for replying brother; I'm stronger mentally and emotionally w/o secs.
I just can't see being slvtty a good thing even if I was dying of cancer and had two days to live.
I'm not chasing, not looking, fuk it. Secs doesn't give me strength, it saps me.
I'll avoid and be careful of posting about this subject from now on. Hope you have a good day string, I wonder if your music is on this forum, what sounds/music do you like?

 

[mrgoodstuff]

thanks for replying brother; I'm stronger mentally and emotionally w/o secs.
I just can't see being slvtty a good thing even if I was dying of cancer and had two days to live.
I'm not chasing, not looking, fuk it. Secs doesn't give me strength, it saps me.
I'll avoid and be careful of posting about this subject from now on. Hope you have a good day string, I wonder if your music is on this forum, what sounds/music do you like?

I have a female contact that due to her religion has not been penetrated in 11 years according to her. She will do HJ and Head. She thinks an American guy is going to intentionally be celebate for a long period of time and marry someone without even knowing they are compatable in that way.

WIth that being said, going sexless for a woman makes them "bytchier", anger rises much more quickly, never relaxed, getting mad for irrational things. Also she'd be more beautiful if she had someone inside her that loved her right, that part of her esteem is not being fed. Plus her hormones would flow more properly and stress would be subsided ( stress is not subsided thru orgasm, but rather some mechanisms in play ).

Sex doesn't mean laying with and rotating in and out a bunch of guys. It can mean you allow someone who really likes you and you like in return.

A sexless woman can be a terrible azzhole....

 

[mrgoodstuff]

thanks for replying brother; I'm stronger mentally and emotionally w/o secs.
I just can't see being slvtty a good thing even if I was dying of cancer and had two days to live.
I'm not chasing, not looking, fuk it. Secs doesn't give me strength, it saps me.
I'll avoid and be careful of posting about this subject from now on. Hope you have a good day string, I wonder if your music is on this forum, what sounds/music do you like?

Of course you sexxing with the ultra rigid Alpha who pumps and dumps you, will feel like getting slapped in the face if you are new to it. You'll feel like something is missing. Like you are disrespecting yourself. Some of the experienced pump and dump ladies take it out on the less game aware guys who like them alot, you know a guy who might actually be able to love her.