Alanswer
Don Juan
Before to even try to get out of the Friend Zone, you should adopt a (set of) mindset(s) that are in phase with your attempt.
This is the first of a two parts article, the second will be about the behaviors you should implement to actually transform a friend into a lover (GF or sex buddy).
Don't hesitate to give some critics as long as they are properly argumented.
As you’ll soon realize, the state(s) of mind described here should be the one(s) you ALWAYS have. The fact that you’re in the Friend Zone (has been LJBF’d) only proves your incapacity for creating attraction (you only give comfort). It also attests of your lack of ‘game’ (taken in a broad sense), practice and ability to seduce GIRLS (note the plural).
That’s the reason why you’re focusing on this particular girl. It’s not because she is indeed the perfect fit for you (how could a girl that is NOT attracted to you be the only girl you want? You should ask yourself this question, for your own sake.) nor the most beautiful, intelligent, charming, xxxxx, xxxxxxx… (replace the Xs by whatever adjective you’d like). [For guys more experienced and successful with women, this Friend Zone looks more like ONE-ITIS to me. It seems it’s an ego problem, a glitch in their game, not a real LJBF problem.]
You wanna know why you‘re focusing too much on that girl?
It’s because you’re afraid. Afraid of not finding another woman like her (she must have some good attributes/traits of personality for you to like her that much); afraid of being rejected (you‘ve already been rejected by her, you may be unwilling to go for more with strangers); afraid of approaching other girls (approach anxiety problem?); afraid of being not good looking or interesting enough for you to be liked by other women…
In summary you lack self-confidence, at least with the girl(s) you are really attracted to. So, you need to work on this.
Ok, let’s start. Just know that you have to really BELIEVE the mindsets that follow and INTERNALIZE them.
1. You’re not the ugliest, stupidest, poorest, ‘nerdest’, most awkward… guy in the world.
I’m exaggerating on purpose. Still, stop seeing yourself as inadequate or not enough this or that for her. You need to get rid of any negative feelings, thoughts about yourself. Compare yourself with the guys she had in the past or you know is attracted to now. Are you that different from them? Don’t you possess some characteristics that she can like and desire in man? Of course you do.
BUT don’t listen to HER description of the perfect guy. She may even have told you something like: « I want to find a guy JUST LIKE YOU someday. » That’s obviously a load of crap or you wouldn’t be trying to get out of the Friend Zone now would you?
Keep on reading and follow these advices.
2. Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.
Meaning your life is not threatened, you won’t die if you NEVER get her. It’s LITERALLY true. So, try to put some perspective into your situation. You must realize there are a lot of girls around you, everywhere you look. Do you know all of them? How can you be sure there isn’t one who you will like/love even more and who will love you back? You can’t.
If it’s not about love but about ego, it will be even easier to forget about her or to make her yours… Because you don’t invest emotionally in the circumstances.
3. Accept the fact that you’re in the Friend Zone…
Which means she’s not attracted to you… Yet. That’s the harsh reality.
The quicker you realize she kind of using you as a shoulder to cry on, treats you like a girlfriend of hers, expect you to be always there for her but giving so little in return (at least not what you truly want)… The faster you’ll be in the right state of mind to make it stop.
4. Be ready to lose her.
That’s a very important point. Without accepting this, you’ll never get out of the Friend Zone.
For this method to work, you must acknowledge the possibility that she could be out of your life for good.
It’s for your own sake. Better to end a one-way (phony, imposed, unhealthy) friendship than continually being frustrated. You may believe that seeing her as a friend is better than nothing… But really, think about it, is that true?
You’ll be better off when you face reality and start to open yourself to the world (plenty of nice beautiful girls out there)… Instead of being border-line depressive and surely feeling miserable .
You’ll be a bit sad for a while… but at least you’ll have taken back your life…
You don’t want to be that masochistic/pathetic chump anymore!
By constantly being there for her, you ARE with her and hear her… Always reminding you how much you’d like more. It’s seriously unhealthy. You don’t want her to be(come) your ONE-ITIS.
So, just stop.
5. Don’t try to change who you are. Be yourself.
She should like you for who you are. You’re friends, right? So, she must like some things about you. Otherwise, she would simply ignore you.
Anyway, you can’t change the core of your personality simply by deciding to do so. BUT you should try to IMPROVE yourself (and your seduction game).
There are (PUA) methods and ways to do that. If you feel this need (IMO, everyone should want to improve themselves, always.) check out our article on inner game. (It explains what is Inner Game, why it's so important and make a short review of BradP's book on the subject)
True transformation/progress takes time, practice and it occurs incidentally.
Most of the time we realize a change took place after the fact or because someone tells us so.
What we propose here are simply some adjustments, in no way this article is a promise to ‘triumph‘, a means for a deep transformation.
6. Be sexual.
Not too openly or directly. But always remember that you’re a sexual being. Unconsciously and on a psychological level she castrated you (or more accurately you let yourself be castrated while being in her presence.) because she doesn’t recognize you as a man (you know, with a c**k, balls and stuff). As I said earlier you could be a girl that it wouldn’t change much for her. She treats you like one and the worst part is… You accept it. Maybe you like it… Are you gay or something? No?
Then SHOW IT, for frack sake!
Seriously, how could you have accepted this situation all this time? All you had to do was walking away. You could have accepted the fact that she was (is) not attracted and move on… you could have tried to find some other girls to seduce, even simply for sexual release. I’m SURE (100%) that you can… And you know it.
And why do you still want her? Don’t you see, feel there’s something wrong with this picture? I can’t accept you’re that weak. Neither should you. And now, YOU WON’T be anymore.
Which brings us to our last point (the last think you got to understand before trying to 'get her'.
7. Don’t wait. Do NOT save yourself for her.
If you do so now, stop. Find yourself some nice girl(s), one night stands, sex friends… Have sex or, as a minimum, make out and have some good time with girls who actually see you as a man, not some kind of eunuch. And you’ll see you’ll start to think a lot less about her. And, more importantly, you’ll be less needy. She won’t be the center of your world anymore.
If you feel you can’t or are afraid to do so… That’s the exact reason why you’ve been LJBF’d (explicitly or implicitly) in the first place. Because girls can smell fear from miles away.
It means (if you’re in this same situation with other girls, of course) you can’t have her because… You think/BELIEVE you can’t have ANY girl. So, you’re problem isn’t with her but with yourself!
If you think that, as a rule, you struggle with attracting women, then, my friend, you need more than a LJBF Destroyer that, I’m afraid, won’t do you much good.
You need to learn how to improve yourself as a man, as a seducer and for that you need PUA METHODS. Not some PUA routine/technique that will be insufficient for your case.
Next, behaviors. What to DO to make her your girl/sex friend.
This is the first of a two parts article, the second will be about the behaviors you should implement to actually transform a friend into a lover (GF or sex buddy).
Don't hesitate to give some critics as long as they are properly argumented.
I- The Mindset(s) Required To Get Out Of The Friend Zone.
As you’ll soon realize, the state(s) of mind described here should be the one(s) you ALWAYS have. The fact that you’re in the Friend Zone (has been LJBF’d) only proves your incapacity for creating attraction (you only give comfort). It also attests of your lack of ‘game’ (taken in a broad sense), practice and ability to seduce GIRLS (note the plural).
That’s the reason why you’re focusing on this particular girl. It’s not because she is indeed the perfect fit for you (how could a girl that is NOT attracted to you be the only girl you want? You should ask yourself this question, for your own sake.) nor the most beautiful, intelligent, charming, xxxxx, xxxxxxx… (replace the Xs by whatever adjective you’d like). [For guys more experienced and successful with women, this Friend Zone looks more like ONE-ITIS to me. It seems it’s an ego problem, a glitch in their game, not a real LJBF problem.]
You wanna know why you‘re focusing too much on that girl?
It’s because you’re afraid. Afraid of not finding another woman like her (she must have some good attributes/traits of personality for you to like her that much); afraid of being rejected (you‘ve already been rejected by her, you may be unwilling to go for more with strangers); afraid of approaching other girls (approach anxiety problem?); afraid of being not good looking or interesting enough for you to be liked by other women…
In summary you lack self-confidence, at least with the girl(s) you are really attracted to. So, you need to work on this.
Ok, let’s start. Just know that you have to really BELIEVE the mindsets that follow and INTERNALIZE them.
1. You’re not the ugliest, stupidest, poorest, ‘nerdest’, most awkward… guy in the world.
I’m exaggerating on purpose. Still, stop seeing yourself as inadequate or not enough this or that for her. You need to get rid of any negative feelings, thoughts about yourself. Compare yourself with the guys she had in the past or you know is attracted to now. Are you that different from them? Don’t you possess some characteristics that she can like and desire in man? Of course you do.
BUT don’t listen to HER description of the perfect guy. She may even have told you something like: « I want to find a guy JUST LIKE YOU someday. » That’s obviously a load of crap or you wouldn’t be trying to get out of the Friend Zone now would you?
Keep on reading and follow these advices.
2. Don’t make a mountain out of a molehill.
Meaning your life is not threatened, you won’t die if you NEVER get her. It’s LITERALLY true. So, try to put some perspective into your situation. You must realize there are a lot of girls around you, everywhere you look. Do you know all of them? How can you be sure there isn’t one who you will like/love even more and who will love you back? You can’t.
If it’s not about love but about ego, it will be even easier to forget about her or to make her yours… Because you don’t invest emotionally in the circumstances.
3. Accept the fact that you’re in the Friend Zone…
Which means she’s not attracted to you… Yet. That’s the harsh reality.
The quicker you realize she kind of using you as a shoulder to cry on, treats you like a girlfriend of hers, expect you to be always there for her but giving so little in return (at least not what you truly want)… The faster you’ll be in the right state of mind to make it stop.
4. Be ready to lose her.
That’s a very important point. Without accepting this, you’ll never get out of the Friend Zone.
For this method to work, you must acknowledge the possibility that she could be out of your life for good.
It’s for your own sake. Better to end a one-way (phony, imposed, unhealthy) friendship than continually being frustrated. You may believe that seeing her as a friend is better than nothing… But really, think about it, is that true?
You’ll be better off when you face reality and start to open yourself to the world (plenty of nice beautiful girls out there)… Instead of being border-line depressive and surely feeling miserable .
You’ll be a bit sad for a while… but at least you’ll have taken back your life…
You don’t want to be that masochistic/pathetic chump anymore!
By constantly being there for her, you ARE with her and hear her… Always reminding you how much you’d like more. It’s seriously unhealthy. You don’t want her to be(come) your ONE-ITIS.
So, just stop.
5. Don’t try to change who you are. Be yourself.
She should like you for who you are. You’re friends, right? So, she must like some things about you. Otherwise, she would simply ignore you.
Anyway, you can’t change the core of your personality simply by deciding to do so. BUT you should try to IMPROVE yourself (and your seduction game).
There are (PUA) methods and ways to do that. If you feel this need (IMO, everyone should want to improve themselves, always.) check out our article on inner game. (It explains what is Inner Game, why it's so important and make a short review of BradP's book on the subject)
True transformation/progress takes time, practice and it occurs incidentally.
Most of the time we realize a change took place after the fact or because someone tells us so.
What we propose here are simply some adjustments, in no way this article is a promise to ‘triumph‘, a means for a deep transformation.
6. Be sexual.
Not too openly or directly. But always remember that you’re a sexual being. Unconsciously and on a psychological level she castrated you (or more accurately you let yourself be castrated while being in her presence.) because she doesn’t recognize you as a man (you know, with a c**k, balls and stuff). As I said earlier you could be a girl that it wouldn’t change much for her. She treats you like one and the worst part is… You accept it. Maybe you like it… Are you gay or something? No?
Then SHOW IT, for frack sake!
Seriously, how could you have accepted this situation all this time? All you had to do was walking away. You could have accepted the fact that she was (is) not attracted and move on… you could have tried to find some other girls to seduce, even simply for sexual release. I’m SURE (100%) that you can… And you know it.
And why do you still want her? Don’t you see, feel there’s something wrong with this picture? I can’t accept you’re that weak. Neither should you. And now, YOU WON’T be anymore.
Which brings us to our last point (the last think you got to understand before trying to 'get her'.
7. Don’t wait. Do NOT save yourself for her.
If you do so now, stop. Find yourself some nice girl(s), one night stands, sex friends… Have sex or, as a minimum, make out and have some good time with girls who actually see you as a man, not some kind of eunuch. And you’ll see you’ll start to think a lot less about her. And, more importantly, you’ll be less needy. She won’t be the center of your world anymore.
If you feel you can’t or are afraid to do so… That’s the exact reason why you’ve been LJBF’d (explicitly or implicitly) in the first place. Because girls can smell fear from miles away.
It means (if you’re in this same situation with other girls, of course) you can’t have her because… You think/BELIEVE you can’t have ANY girl. So, you’re problem isn’t with her but with yourself!
If you think that, as a rule, you struggle with attracting women, then, my friend, you need more than a LJBF Destroyer that, I’m afraid, won’t do you much good.
You need to learn how to improve yourself as a man, as a seducer and for that you need PUA METHODS. Not some PUA routine/technique that will be insufficient for your case.
Next, behaviors. What to DO to make her your girl/sex friend.
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