how to get her back, if I've already tried all I knew form books?

[jafara]

Hi guys... I think I need some advice and ideas. Here's my story, and see if you can help me..

About 3 months ago my girlfriend (fiancée) broke up with me (after 2 years of friendship and 2 years of romantic relationships). She said that is tired of this relationship and needs space. My reaction was kind of needy, asked her for second chance and so on, but the answer was NO, and she asked me not to bother her anymore.

I was very upset and frustrated and read some books on dating, relationships and making up (one of them was your book, that I liked very much). I got good insights from those books and decided not to contact her for a while. About 3 weeks later, it was her birthday, and I wrote her text message, and wished her everything good…and I found out that her grandmother had serious health issue. So, next day I visited hospital, with some flowers but couldn’t see my ex-girlfriend there. I just left the flowers at her grandmother’s bad and went away. That evening my ex wrote me text message, saying that she was disappointed, because I did nothing to fix this relationship, and that my visit to her grandmother was inappropriate...and that she want to be my friend very much, but never my girlfriend again. I answered her back, but just asked her about her grandmother’s health condition, nothing more.

After this, I began working on myself. I solved all the problems that had been important in our relationship (house to leave after marriage, issues with my job and so on), and got in good physical shape and just tried to live good, satisfying life. During this time, she contacted me 2 times, just to know how I was doing, but refused to meet me, said it wasn’t time yet, and I just didn’t try to reassure her.

It was about 10 weeks after the breakup and I contacted and scheduled lunch with her. Meeting went normal, with light conversation and bit of humor. I didn’t mention our past and relationships at all, only positive recent events in our lives. After about 40 minutes, we were ending our conversation (and meeting), when she told me that was in love with other person (one guy who was perusing her for about 2 years) and was happy. I just tried to remain cool, smiled and wished her happiness and went away.

2 weeks later, she contacted me by Skype (internet), just to ask how I was doing. After 5 minutes of light, positive conversation I realized that I love her very much and want to be with her again. And I also realized that I need help and advice how to win her back. I have a feeling that I’ve already executed all the strategies I read in books about getting ex girlfriend back. So I need some new insights, strategies and ideas.

I appreciate your help very much. I think this girl is love of my love and if I get her back I’ll be the happiest man in the world.

 

[Commandante]

I think this girl is love of my love and if I get her back I’ll be the happiest man in the world.

Hey mate, a really don´t want to sound rude, but after reading PUA books you shouldn´t say anything like this. If you are a MAN, than YOU are the love of your life. You are the happiest man in the world, even if you are alone. In this case a woman will be lucky being chosen by you and share your interestingh life. If you think, that you can´t be the Nr1, the most important in your life, because this is the place of her, then you are still not ready. You have to work on yourself.

Give a shvt about her grandma, climb the kilimanjaro and send her pictures about it. It doesn´t get her back, but makes you more satisfied!

 

[jonwon]

I appreciate your help very much. I think this girl is love of my love and if I get her back I’ll be the happiest man in the world.

Your happiness is defined by another person?

Sad.

You've got a hard lesson to learn.

Maybe one day you'll understand.

 

[jafara]

You are the happiest man in the world, even if you are alone.

OK guys, I've got it! Thanks for straight opinion.. I think it's a journey and I'm already on that road, but anyway, thanks for reminding..

But I have the same questions again.. How can I get her back, if I want to..? Are there any effective strategies and ideas, other than No Contact and so on..?

 

[Jitterbug]

Your only chance of ever getting this one back is to MOVE ON with your life (as she clearly has) and date other women. If you two are meant to be together again down the track, it will somehow happen. Chances are, you'll find another girl that you will love more and will love you back just as much, than this girl. Accept that your ex is yesterday and move on.

 

[Commandante]

If you two are meant to be together again down the track, it will somehow happen.

Ehh, it sounds for me like some crazy religious stuff. Look, in my opinion all WOMEN want THE MAN. With capitals. Even if they say something else. And things doesn´t "somehow happen" to a MAN. A MAN does what he wants. He makes the things happen. It doesn´t mean, he succeeds every time. But if he falls, he learns from it. He says: "Yeah, shvt happens, but during this fall I learned this, and this, and this. Next time I will do it better." So my advice is: be honest to yourself. You fvcked up! Be honest to your ex as well. Tell her, you would like to talk to her f2f, because you want to understand, what went wrong, and you would like to learn from this situation, in order not to make the same mistakes in your future life again and again. Ask her being really honest to you. If she talks, and it hurts, I mean really hurts, not because she is rude, but because of the truth she tells, than you are on the right way. Make a list of meaningfull thing she says. Forget the girly shvt and overplay. Change your life in a right way.

Advantage 1: after that you will be more a MAN as before.
Advantage 2: you act in front of her like a MAN who admits his fall, but is ready to learn of it. It makes you seem like a man who stands up after a K.O.

If you have the balls, after clearing your side of the story you can be honest to her as well. Tell her, you don´t want to hurt her with that, but now you don´t have anything to loose, so you can tell her what should she do for getting a better WOMAN. You will find something. Nobody is perfect. Be prepared for same crying, but after that she will love you more than before.

Last advice: before doing this, read some good books abot a role of a man and role of a woman in a relationship. Unfortunatelly I don´t know english books.

Good luck!

 

[Jitterbug]

Ssshhh I'm only trying to talk in a language that a guy deep into AFC oneitis could understand.

 

[Commandante]

Ssshhh I'm only trying to talk in a language that a guy deep into AFC oneitis could understand.

"I didn't ask you to explain yourself to me.
The fact you feel you have to is enough evidence,
to see right through all the bull****"
/Nonpoint: Explain yourself/

We all are far away from perfect. Peace!

 

[jonwon]

Ehh, it sounds for me like some crazy religious stuff. Look, in my opinion all WOMEN want THE MAN. With capitals. Even if they say something else. And things doesn´t "somehow happen" to a MAN. A MAN does what he wants. He makes the things happen. It doesn´t mean, he succeeds every time. But if he falls, he learns from it. He says: "Yeah, shvt happens, but during this fall I learned this, and this, and this. Next time I will do it better." So my advice is: be honest to yourself. You fvcked up! Be honest to your ex as well. Tell her, you would like to talk to her f2f, because you want to understand, what went wrong, and you would like to learn from this situation, in order not to make the same mistakes in your future life again and again. Ask her being really honest to you. If she talks, and it hurts, I mean really hurts, not because she is rude, but because of the truth she tells, than you are on the right way. Make a list of meaningfull thing she says. Forget the girly shvt and overplay. Change your life in a right way.

Advantage 1: after that you will be more a MAN as before.
Advantage 2: you act in front of her like a MAN who admits his fall, but is ready to learn of it. It makes you seem like a man who stands up after a K.O.

If you have the balls, after clearing your side of the story you can be honest to her as well. Tell her, you don´t want to hurt her with that, but now you don´t have anything to loose, so you can tell her what should she do for getting a better WOMAN. You will find something. Nobody is perfect. Be prepared for same crying, but after that she will love you more than before.

Last advice: before doing this, read some good books abot a role of a man and role of a woman in a relationship. Unfortunatelly I don´t know english books.

Good luck!

You do realize he is never ever going to get this chick back?

The sooner he comes to terms with that the better.

Its all well and good writing all that, but it just seems an excuse in mental masturbation.

Far easier to reflect on what he did wrong without dragging her back into the mix.

Move on, live learn, reflect and grow!

Fuc* the ***** life goes on, in a few months and definatly in a few years she will be a distant memory, you won't even remember all this drama or if you do you will thank her for it, because it makes you 'stronger'.

Dont be a drama queen, accept it!

Its OVER!

Time to start living, your free, enjoy it.

If you acted like a needy, desperate, controlling, jelous prick, reflect, try not to do it again, control your actions, chill stay single for a while, get your head back in check and get back in the ring of life.

Last thing I would do is call her up so she can put the preverbial knife back in the wound, that never ever works out.

Also not all woman are the same, so no matter what she states in how he messed up, it won't mean **** to the next woman. Once that girls interest is gone, she will make any excuse to shut you out and get rid, but when there interest is high, girls even abandon family and friends for a guy, so no matter her excuse its going to be pointless anyway, if anything he needs to know at what stage he turned into a needy wimp, much like he is now.

Its not hard to imagine this guy being needy, clingy and desperate, the way he makes his posts, that turns a woman off faster then a fat guy on a street corner stinking of shi* drinking from a bag in a bottle.

Move on kid, don't waste your time with this drama any longer.

 

[eaglez1177]

Lol this is pathetic

 

[Commandante]

You do realize he is never ever going to get this chick back?

Absolutely! The only thing I´m trying to say is that he can LEARN from this dead relationship. All of you are exactly right, he has to move on! But he has to learn the lesson, otherwise he will make the same mistakes and will waste a lot of time in other dead-end relationships. Take my post as a description of a quick "learning process".

 

[Jakes21]

If its meant to be, its meant to be...u knw they say friends become lovers but lovers never become friends...but u say she's in love with a guy who perusing her for 2 years. Whats up with that?werent u in a relationship with her back then?and u prob didnt even know about the guy... But anyhow date other woman.flirt with her and other woman..live your live..u got to change what u doing nw becoz it aint working for her.like i say date other woman.enjoy ur live.

 

[scrouds]

Dude, I'm boning your ex. She wants me to tell you to get over her already. kthx

 

[sodbuster]

You acted like a needy wuss and begged her to come back? If we were in the gym and I coughed up a lunger and spit it inside your waterbottle, how thursty would you have to be to drink it? Thats what you did to her attraction. She threw away the waterbottle and grabbed a fresh one.

 

[drak_ool]

my first thought after reading your post: TROLL ALERT!
I mean come on, everything you write about is so stereotypical "broken heart boyfriend" story...

To make a long story short: you will never get this girl back!

she told me that was in love with other person (one guy who was perusing her for about 2 years) and was happy
How can a girl be more explicit? I would say 75% chance she's been getting boned by this guy for a while before she decided to break up with you. Women will do that a lot, it's called branch swinging: they just test their options, hoping from branch to branch but never letting go of the old branch until they have a firm grip on the new one... So for all you know, you were getting sloppy seconds from her for quite some time...

From what you wrote it seems like this girl is sick and tired of you, she sees you as a huge pvssy, she doesn't even want to meet up with you... I'm not saying she's right, just saying that's her perception of you. It will take months if not years for that to change, and it will only happen indirectly, if she hears good things about you from other people.

So, if you really want to get her back, no contact and work on achieving your goals in life. The funny thing is, IF she will ever want to get back with you, by that time you won't want anything to do with her anymore! But if you just spend your time fussing about how to win her back, you ll just end up a real loser and YOU WILL NEVER GET HER BACK!

 

[Cabal]

Dude...

LESS THAN TEN WEEKS after the end of a TWO YEAR RELATIONSHIP she is IN LOVE AND DATING another person who SHE KNEW WHEN YOU WERE TOGETHER.

You GOT DONE.

Now YOU RUN.

You must never, never, never ever, allow yourself to want a woman like this. Take it from me, I've been through something almost identical.

Her contacting you every now and then isn't care, IT'S GUILT. That bull about she was disappointed you did nothing to fix the relationship, that wasn't regret, that was PASSING BLAME. That meeting, the 40 minutes before she told you she's now with promoted-bit-on-the-side, that wasn't a jealousy test or honesty in the name of friendship, that was a CONFESSION TO CHEATING ON YOU whether she realizes or not. The fun conversation was just CUSHIONING THE BLOW.

Let me paraphrase...

"Although I dumped you, we dated for two years, so I think we should be friends...by the way, I'm in love with the person who was pursuing me for the two years we were together. Please pass the salt."

This girl SUCKS! NEXT!

 

[Captain]

Didn't read your post, just the title. You can read all you want, it won't help. You read, then go out and practice and get experience. You've read things, but have never used then, you have no experience. You need to get out and date some more women.

Forget about this one woman, if you've been dumped and you're asking "how to get her back", the relationship is gone. You were too clingy and she had all the power in the relationship. The only time you can get back together is when you were the one that dumped her, never the other way around.

She has lost all sexual attraction for you, if you do get back together, she will know that you were unable to find another, better woman, and any last shreds of respect that she may have had from you will disappear.

 

[penkitten]

you don't.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xD8uCjPXepE
speed away and stop spinning your wheels.