How to get ex back?

[newbeginning]

Ladies and gents,

I come to you not as a teenager who is obsessed over his first gf, i come to you as a young adult who is 28 and have just lost the love of his life.

After years of dating and being in long term relationships, i can tell you that the woman i've lost is no doubt the person i'd like to spend the rest of my life with. I know many of you nay sayers will flame me for such statement, but whatever.

So here's the situation. We've been together for 1.5 year, i proposed to her a year ago on new year's eve and she said yes. The reason we broke up has nothing to do with our relationship but outside forces; thus, it is hard on both of us.

Often, she texts me or call me for chit chat and hints that she's miserable. She sometimes even calls me "hunie" and "babie" amidst the conversation. She wants to hang out and watch a movie sometime next week.

It is hard for me to say no to hanging out but i feel like she's still on the fence about the break up and that i need to give her time to think it through and not be there to ease her healing process. Now keep in mind that this isn't a girl i want to screw and forget about, this is a woman i have respect for and willing to spend the rest of my life with.

I feel like if i leave her alone completely she will eventually move on and there won't be another try; whereas if i continue to hang out with her, i can show her that what we had is special and whatever reason she had for breaking up is in-legit.

Please share your advice as to how to get back the girl of my dreams.

 

[Jariel]

There are a LOT of posts on this, but to summarise for you...

People value more what they stand to lose.

Basically, you need to withdraw, ignore her texts and contact and give her time to appreciate your value. If she knows you will always be there for her, she can go out, play the field and if it doesn't work out, she has you to fall back on. Take that safety net away from her and she will start to panic and will possibly come running back.

You can also let her know you're looking for other women, ask her advice on asking a girl out or encourage her to meet other guys. Yes, it sounds insane and goes against your instincts, but this is what works.

As I've said before, any decision that comes from the heart is the wrong one. Take a leap of faith and do the opposite of what feels right and you will get results.

 

[newbeginning]

If i know her as much as i think i do, the fact that i'm trying to meet other woman will drive her away even further. This tactic will work if we break up as a result of an argument of some sort, but if she's still in love with me then doing such thing will ruin it altogether.

 

[Jariel]

That's what everybody things, but generally with women, when you act counterintuitively that's what gets their emotions going and sparks their obsession with you.

I went through a similar thing not so long ago with a girl I considered really special to me. Hell, I was head over heels for her if I'm honest. Unfortunately, she'd keep showing high interest, then backing off, and I just couldn't get anywhere.

Then one day she was talking to my friend and he let it slip that I'd been on a date. She text me that night to ask how the date had gone, then started asking questions about what type I go for etc. At first I wanted to make it sounds like I was a good guy and still available for her and wanted to tell her she was the type I go for, but instead I took a risk. I told her my date was hot and we had a good time. I told her I like slim blondes (she's a brunette) and then I stopped replying to her texts.

At 1.30am she text me again to tell me she always thought I was sexy and she hoped we would get together. Things escalated from there and we got together.

Basically, when she realised I wasn't waiting around for her, it triggered her emotions and sense of loss. She knew she must act quickly or stand to lose me, and that's the key.

Women are very emotional. You have to make them feel what it's like to be without you and give her a taste of loss. Only then will she realise what she feels for you.

 

[Jariel]

multiple post

 

[Joe Stud]

posting error here too

 

[Jariel]

posting error

 

[Jariel]

posting error

 

[Jariel]

posting error

 

[Joe Stud]

broke up due to outside forces? hmmmm. what would that be? and why wasnt this deep love able to weather the storm? the above dj is right, less contact. and dont ask her about spinning plates, just do it. if she finds out about it (dont flaunt, but dont deny it either), fine. Tell her: "welcome to life in the NFL hunnie"!

(consider it a form of "tough love")

 

[Paintballguy]

The best advice is to go no contact and move on. There is a chance she might come back, but ex's are ex's for a reason. It's never the same in a relationship after you breakup and get back together.

 

[newbeginning]

The reason is my mother lives with me since my dad passed. I believe she's afraid that my mother will be living with me for good and that scared her. I assured her that my mother will be going back to her native country in a few years but she can't deal with the fact that my mom is going away as a result of her.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

Don't let yourself fall into the cycle of rationalizing and explaining why she did this and why she did that...there's a good chance she's getting plowed by someone else; more often than not.

It's a huge blow to the ego but take that pain and put it to good use, and I promise you, it will abate and you will awaken to a new you, strong and independent and ready to start a new life. You will face all the problems that got bigger and bigger while you had your gf; they were easily ignored when you had that warm blanket to crawl into.

To hell with the blanket; you're a free man. And you will learn to be a man who puts his freedom to GOOD use instead of wasting it like so many that we see. But not you. Not anymore.

You will use your freedom to build a new you. You should hit the gym, educate yourself, get a better job (or better yet, start a business), find ways to contribute to your community and make the most of your time on this earth. You were not meant to live this way; you will come to see this breakup as the gift from God that punched you in the face and awoke the potential sleeping within you. And as your star begins to rise, the women you will have long since forgotten about will suddenly come crawling out of the woodwork.

Will it be easy? What is, that later proves to have been worth a damn?

As you become stronger and more driven and more confident, you will no longer fear pain and failure; you will see that it was fear of pain that has held you back all these years.

I wish you godspeed and that you should live up to your name, newbeginning

 

[backbreaker]

are you serious man? your mom has to come live with you,k you are doing the honorable thing, taking care of your family and your girl is put off by this and you ****ing want her back? This **** is the love of your life, a woman so damn spoiled she is going to leave you becuase she is sick and tired of looking at your mother?

dude move the hell on. seriously

when i was 21 i was in a ltr and she was living with me by this time, and y dad got kicked out his house by his wife becuase he coudln't keep his **** in his pants. and dad is not broke he could have got an apartment, it just made no sense to go get a lease and all that when i had an extra room that wasn't getting used at all. So my dad lived with me while she did, and she didnt' say a damn thing about it, i wish she would have, she can go. blood is thicker than water brah. heck we kicked it actually


women try to weed themselves out from time to time, but we don't let them.

 

[Slickster]

This is ridiculous!

Don't kid yourself about the reasons "why" she broke up with you. Open your eyes! Her words mean nothing. They are merely excuses that make it easier for her to leave.

Her actions mean everything. EVERYTHING!!! It is a VERY simple message. Stop trying to confuse the issue with details.

She doesn't want to be with you. She doesn't love you enough to work through this situation. She doesn't want to stand by your side through the tough times in life. That is all the information you need. This is not the kind of woman you want to spend the rest of your life with. She doesn't care.

Sorry but you have given your heart to the wrong woman. Learn from this.

It is something we all have to go through but every single one of us has come out the other side stronger and better than before. Consider this the next step in your journey towards happiness. It's a tough one but you will make it.

You are a good man taking care of your family. Forget your ex girlfriend. You can't get her back. You deserve better.

 

[newbeginning]

Thank you everyone for your inputs. I already knew most of the things you guys have said, I just never was strong enough to stand of them. I see it clearer now.

I've always thought that if she had loved me enough she would work it through, ending it should never be the solution.

 

[Zarky]

Ask on lovesack.org

OP's either trollin' or in an extreme state of denial that no rationality will penetrate.

 

[jophil28]

The reason we broke up has nothing to do with our relationship but outside forces; thus, it is hard on both of us..

I can only speak in very general terms because you have withheld details of the reason for her retreat.
The "reason" that you and she broke up may not have originated in your intimate relationship, and it may have invaded your bond with her from an external source, BUT nonetheless it has now become the central point of difficulty because one of you (or both ) has allowed it to undermine the committment that you had.

At the very least this situation has revealed a defect in the permanence of your LTR.
It comes down to this- either you have handled this problem badly and allowed it to contaminate your relationship and with her, or her desire to be with you was tested and found lacking when it was put under pressure.

Only you know which of these applies.

 

[countermart]

Slickster said it all. It’s very hard, we have almost all been there, but in the end she failed the basic requirement (assuming you have not done anything stupid), she has decided not to be with you.

This does not mean she is right or logical, but so what, her actions are the only thing that matters.

While you will see this as very bad news, you should re-frame it because you are not married, given years of your life to her, have 10 kids and a mortgage etc.

A girl has to stick with you in the good times and the bad. You are very close to the situation. If she will not stick with you in the hard times she is not the girl you think she is.

Sometimes the best thing that ever happens to you is splitting up with a girl.

Good luck,
Countermart.

 

[sodbuster]

SO, if you'd been married with a couple of kids,she'd divorce you when your mom had to live with you? Dodged a bullet. MOST women would be attracted to a man who takes family commitments seriously. She's a selfish b1tch who wants everything HER way with none of the problems life brings us all affecting her.