how to get ex back

[newbeginning]

she wants to be friends and start seeing new people. she still has feelings for me but not enough to get back together. She is talking to someone right now. I know your first reaction is to tell me to move on, but i do want to be with this girl. Please advise.

 

[ThunderMaverick]

Look at the threads I've personally started.

Move on.

 

[kingwilliam]

Ask yourself if you wanna be with someone when you have to "talk" them into being with you.......she should naturally wanna be with you.

There are things you could do to get her back, but it will only be temporary. You will eventually end up back in this same spot......you are postponing pain.

1. Don't call her at all. Cease all contact. This will drive her crazy.

2. If possible, go on some dates with another girl and let her find out about it.



I do not reccommend any of these methods, as it is only prolonging what is bound to happen. MOVE ON, YOU'LL THANK YOURSELF LATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Warrior74]

live up to your screen name. find a new beginning with someone else.

 

[Sir-M]

... she still has feelings for me but not enough to get back together.

Dont force matters, dont let her keep you waiting " whilst she thinks about things".. find someone better than her please.. do not be stuck with yesterday.. move on.. the future has lots in store for you.. i know you diddnt wanna hear this.. but hey.. you wanna be with her (YES we know that).. but does she wanna be with you??? ( If she did would you have broken up) ???

 

[Sir-M]

live up to your screen name. find a new beginning with someone else.

:crackup: i back that statement up 110%..

 

[TheBaconator]

she wants to be friends and start seeing new people. she still has feelings for me but not enough to get back together. She is talking to someone right now. I know your first reaction is to tell me to move on, but i do want to be with this girl. Please advise.

Sounds to me like she has lost interest and is letting you down easily. I recently went through the same thing with my ex telling me she needs space and what not. Then she moved on and did her thing and I realized she never wanted to try to make it work. I assume that is the same thing going on here, she wants to keep you around for emotional comfort, or just in case the grass isn't greener on the other side.

The longer you stay around waiting, the longer you will be miserable, hearing about her with other guys and finally her getting a new bf or just telling you she wants to move into just being friends. Best to move on and cut off contact with her, it works wonders, trust me.

 

[newbeginning]

Thanks all for the responses. I will cut off communications to the bare minimum and start dating others.

This whole mess is my fault. I was stringing her along until she couldnt take it anymore and started talking to others. But before she started talking to others, I was actually trying to make things work because i saw qualities in our relationship. By then it was too late.

Some of you are right, i shouldnt have to persuade a person into wanting to be with me. And if she's not willing to make it work then there is nothing i can do but the aforementioned.

Thanks again for the advices. I'm sitting here at work and everytime i start dwelling over it, i read the responses and i gain a bit more strength.

 

[DannykDJ]

There is absolutely nothing you can do except let it go. I know that is extremely hard to do so take it slow.

The woman I have been dating for over a year who I love very much told me she wanted space after I acted like a A-hole and insulted her. I have spent the last 2 months completely miserable and fighting to get her back. I just realized last week that there is nothing I can do.

No amount of work or love can bring an ex back. They have to come back on their own. Only in the movies will gestures of love bring them back.

You can however do what I am doing. Make her regret it. Many will tell you it's a bad reason to improve yourself, but I think it's great motivation. Focus on making yourself smarter, stronger, richer, better looking, and overall a better man than any guy she will ever date in her life. It won't bring her back but it beats the hell out of sitting in bed crying all day like I have been doing for the past 2 months.

 

[Ollos]

I' in the same soup as you are. But what am I doing with it?? I'm making her feel it's her loss. In fact, we're in the same church, and there's going to be a church dinner soon. I'm taking this other girl as my date for the night- she happens to be a lil into modeling and TV commercials and stuff (I mean she is a popular HB9), whom my "ex" admires occassionally. I know it will send her tumbling down.

I'm into singing too, and guess what, the HB9 is also into singing. Now take another wild guess....we're duetting. And I plan making us the best dressed couple for the night 'cuz my ex will be there also.

All I'm saying "newbeginning" is that, right now, you can do a few things to get her very very very jealous, but you can't really maintain that for long. What you can do in the long term is what has been aforementioned. Launch yourself into SD - Self Development!!!!!!

 

[newbeginning]

update:

called her over to watch a movie. We got comfortable and she took off her bra because it was uncomfortable. I told her to take off her shirt too while she's at it and she did. I started touching in the right places and she got aroused. Needless to say we did it.

She wouldnt have done anything like that with me if she moved on completely. I think i still have a good chance. Her sister and some of her friends are giving her a hard time for wanting to break up.

My strategy now is to stay calm and act is if i do not care about the break up. Talk to her for 10 minutes if she does call. I don't believe in cutting off communications 100% because she will adapt and move on. I think she will realize how great our relationship was and will crave for more of it.

any thoughts?

 

[dannyegg4575]

Don't analyze too much into it. Just take things one step at a time.
there are various reasons why you guys are still having sex together. Remember one thing, women love sex just as much as men. You're in a good position because she's still seeing you and you come to a realization that she wants out.

Now is the time to prove to her you are the prize that she shouldn't let go vs you trying too hard. Don't act indifferent neither. That is the stupidest advice anyone can give you. She wants a break and you act indifferent... Does that make sense to you? Just start treating like you would treat her when you first started dating her. Put some spark back into the relationship and detach from any outcome. Be willing to walk away when necessary.

 

[newbeginning]

dannyegg, that is exactly what i am going to do bro, very good advice. she acts the same towards me as when we were dating, minus the affection. I think i can make this happen by letting her know that i care and that i understand what she's wantting and give her space. I am her first so she is curious about the possibilities. However, i will defintely walk away if she does decide to do anything physical with anyone. I know her enough to be certain that she doesnt want to be with anyone at the moment. I guess she wants freedom and the single life.

 

[dannyegg4575]

Don't believe a single word she says when she tells you she wants a single life.

Every woman wants a man to cling onto. What she feels is suffocation right now. if she tells you she's confused, walk away. Walk away and don't look back. A woman is never confuse when it comes to relationship.

 

[KontrollerX]

With the way she acted by having sex with you and how she seemed to come back to you it almost seems like she was bluffing with her seeming to want to move on.

Probably trying to manipulate the situation to see if you would react and show her that you care.

You can never directly bend to power plays and emotional manipulations like that directly as it will lose you respect from the girl whether she wants you to be more caring to her or not.

You must maintain your frame and how you've seen the relationship and keep your cool about it no matter what tactics she pulls. You must do what you want with a relationship and what makes you happy and if she is for that she is for you if she is not for that you can point her to the door.

You can give her more things you think that she wants from you over time but never immediately as a direct response to her power plays and emotional manipulations as that just shows her how desperate you are to keep her and again she'll lose respect for you and she probably won't even know why as it was what she wanted after all.

Stuff like this I'm saying usually isn't a conscious plot on a chick's part to screw you over its more or less sub conscious.

Keeping the frame is the answer as well giving her things she wants but gradually and on your time table and only after she exhibits some extremely good girlfriend behaviour towards you and in this way you subtley train her the better she acts the more good things she will get from you.

And definitely walk completely away no yelling, no screaming, no fighting if and when she decides she wants to sample someother man's meat.

No friendship either.

You must make it clear she loses you completely and forever if she does this.

This raises the price in her mind of betraying you and if she does betray you despite what you have said about this it either shows exactly how much you were worth to her after all or it shows she doesn't believe you were serious about your no tolerance for other guy's policy.

So make things very clear to her.

 

[DonGorgon]

she wants to be friends and start seeing new people. she still has feelings for me but not enough to get back together. She is talking to someone right now. I know your first reaction is to tell me to move on, but i do want to be with this girl. Please advise.

You dont want her back and she does not want you back...Time to start spinnin plates..

 

[Bible_Belt]

You have been on sosuave for almost FIVE YEARS and this is the best you can do? Here's what you sound like to me:

Now I'll relay this little bit
It happens more than I'd like to admit
Late at night, she knocks on my door
She's drunk again and, looking to score
Now I know, I should say no, but
It's kind of hard when she's ready to go
I may be dumb, but I'm not a dweeb
I'm just a sucker with no self esteem

Instead of pretending to be a dj, try actually being one. Pretending works a little, but not nearly as well as being genuine.

When a girl says:

she wants to be friends and start seeing new people.

She means - "I've been fvcking other guys, and I love it! Unless you go get some new pvssy yourself, I'm never going to respect you again!"

Does your girl still seem so precious when you imagine other guys banging the hell out of her and her loving it? If she will have casual sex with a guy she is trying to dump, then I really doubt she is that selective about putting out.

The only way to handle this is by fvcking other women - it's the only way. There is only one "ganji game" and that is it. If your girl respected you and believed that you would do that, then she would never pulls that friends bs and expect to talk to you again. If my gf told she she just wanted to be friends, instantly inside my head I would start doing mental cartwheels of joy, "WOO-HOO! YES! NEW PVSSY FOR ME!!!" And I love my gf, known her 17 years - that does not make her any less replaceable than anyone else on this Earth - including your own girl.

Go fvck some other women, and you'll find that your natural attitude is the same as what you're trying to pretend to feel now. You'll be happier, and your old girl will want you more than any other way, because you genuinely don't value her as much. Women can sense when you are pretending. Being a genuine dj works much better than pretending.

 

[DannykDJ]

Some of the others have already pointed out that she may be tricking you so be ready for that just in case, but from what you have said you still have a very real chance of getting back together with her. prepare for the worst and hope for the best.

The fact that she is still physical with you is a good thing. My ex doesn't even contact me. So you know it could be worse.

Again this could mean many different things so don't get your hopes up or get excited.

Also think about why she asked for space from you, but still wants to be with you. Take a step back and look at your actions because you may be the problem here not her. You may have gotten way to serious and put pressure on the relationship. Women hate being serious about anything and they crack under even a small amount of pressure. Asking for space may have just been her way of telling you to back off and tone it down a little bit.

Everyone immediately jumps to the conclusion that when a woman asks for space she is already seeing someone else. Not all women are *****s who jump from relationship to relationship. Whether it be a man or a woman, When someone pulls the "I need space line" space usually is the problem because you've been clinging on so tight that it's pushed them away.

I think you should act as though there is no hope for this relationship. You don't have to go out screwing other women, but you do have to focus on improving yourself.

Treat this like you would a regular break up and work on improving your physical self, financial self, and emotional self. Don't worry about her, don't initiate contact with her, don't ask her to do anything together let her do that, and don't go out of your way for her

Until she both tells you and shows you that she wants to officially get back together you owe her nothing and she owes you nothing.

 

[Effington]

The best revenge is living well...

Oh yeah, and having sex with her best friend and/or sister. That is good revenge also.

 

[WC2]

I've written several threads on ex's and so have many others on this forum. Why? Because we have experienced it.

I have experienced getting trashed by the ex while she manipulated me and took me for the fool that I was.

Not saying she is manipulative or that you're a fool, but you must realize that what goes on in your girls head is mostly subconcious.

When you cave-in and show her that your self-worth is not worth a whole lot, she subconciously doesn't want you anymore. And it takes awhile for her to regain that attraction, if she ever even does. That is what she is attracted to; your manliness and your ability to walk away from things. Sure, she wants someone who will care for her and keep her safe, but she also wants someone who isn't going to change his whole outlook on things just to keep her happy. That's called a servant.

Right now you're your ex's servant. She has you under the tip of her finger and she knows it. This whole fondling bs or w/e is just her keeping you on a tie at the moment.

I'm not saying that you'll never gain her attraction back, but at this rate you won't. If you want any chance of getting back to how things were, or close to it, you must go on with your life. Don't go on cause of her, go on because you want to grow as a person and you want to see what else may be out there.

If she bites, and believe me she will; don't be so quick to take the bait. Give yourself time to explore your surroundings before you turn back to your past. You never know, you may end up finding a more peaceful place.