How to get better at approaching girls?

[James_holmes]

Hey guys,

I ve been with my ex for so long that completely forgot how to date. I now found myself being stuck, I have no idea how to strike a conversation or even make a small talk (( I feel odd, frustrated and confused, and I think it shows.

I pretty much given up at this point, I see plenty of fish in the sea but can't have it. Would be cool to hear some women's feedback too on what does it take to charm you and where do I start? Any help would be much appreciated.

 

[TheGambino]

Work out in the gym at least 5 times a week, eat healthy and take care of yourself.
Chat up everyone, the casheer, bartender, everyone at work and get used to making small talks even if its awkward.
Walk up to girls for a chat randomly and get used to rejection.

I got rejected 100s of times and I forgot about my ego completley. Now I could approach even a model and number close every girl everywhere anytime.

 

[James_holmes]

@TheGambino , Thanks man! Exercising helps, but only short term. Every time I try to initiate a conversation, i just don't know what to talk about, all my prepared topics are gone. I ll try though! I wish there was a "safe" way to practice and make my game stronger.

 

[RedZone]

The only way to get better is to just do it. At first you might not know what to say but the more you do it the better you will get. Personally, I struggle with this too and I go out of my way to make conversations or to even just say hi to someone.

A few weeks ago, I saw two girls eating outside of a bagel place I was walking into. I made up my mind I was just going to say hey. I walked up said hey which was my goal. They said it back and that was that. I'm not gonna lie it was awkward and not comfortable but I did it. If I could do that so can you!

 

[Von]

Make approach, like you would approach a friend

Start with : ''Hi''

Aim to talk about something you noticed her doing... something she wear, she's doing, a positive vibe she giving.

Make her talk 80%, you do 20%

The more you approach, the easier it will get.

The good tips: Focus on keeping a balanced frame, make her feel invested, number close in the process not for a ending.

It works ? Good, repeat

It doesn't work? At least you talked to her, and the longer the better. Move to the next

Repeat

 

[TheProspect]

"How to get better at approaching girls?"

Keep doing it.

Through repetition you'll learn what works and what doesn't work, and in the process you'll build confidence, which is more important than the content of your conversation.

Do what works best for you.. stick with it, and drop what doesn't.

The first few times you pick up and play a guitar you're going to sound like sh!t no matter what great advice you get beforehand. Are you going to avoid playing because you're frustrated with your CURRENT skill level? Practice until you don't have to mentally micromanage what you're doing. You naturally just do it.

No consistency and no repetition = no improvement and no positive results.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

Like people. Be interested in them. EVERYBODY has an interesting story.

Ask questions that can't be answered in one word (if possible).
-is that a new coat? Yes. Wrong.
Vs
Great coat. Where did you get it? [insert store name here]
Oh. Where is the nearest one? [insert location here].
I think there is a really good coffee shop near there. Damm what is it called?
You now know where she buys some of her clothes and maybe a coffee shop she likes as well.

 

[Scars]

Improve yourself, work out, hygiene, work on your style.. better yourself basically.

Second step. GO OUT THERE AND DO IT.

Rejection will happen. Practice makes perfect.

 

[Rainne]

Hey guys,

I ve been with my ex for so long that completely forgot how to date. I now found myself being stuck, I have no idea how to strike a conversation or even make a small talk (( I feel odd, frustrated and confused, and I think it shows.

I pretty much given up at this point, I see plenty of fish in the sea but can't have it. Would be cool to hear some women's feedback too on what does it take to charm you and where do I start? Any help would be much appreciated.

@TheGambino , Thanks man! Exercising helps, but only short term. Every time I try to initiate a conversation, i just don't know what to talk about, all my prepared topics are gone. I ll try though! I wish there was a "safe" way to practice and make my game stronger.

Internet James, i have friends who swear by just connecting with women for conversations (voice , video , whatever) to sharpen their game as you mention , and they just get used to talking with girls they don't know (by Skype, Dating sites , social media etc). There is a part of our brains that doesn't know the difference between practice and the real deal (that holds true for when you are preparing for a presentation or in sports). Put yourself in more of these situations in real life and on line (but not texting on line, that is BS and won't get you anywhere !!!).. on-line just happens to be more efficient for practice, and by sheer volume and options you can accelerate your practice. Practicing with better looking girls will give you even more confidence , and you will also realize that they are human as well ,with their own insecurities, imperfections and flaws like everyone else.

 

[wifehunter]

Don't go out of your way. Talk to them where they are. Use minimal effort.

 

[James_holmes]

Like people. Be interested in them. EVERYBODY has an interesting story.

Ask questions that can't be answered in one word (if possible).
-is that a new coat? Yes. Wrong.
Vs
Great coat. Where did you get it? [insert store name here]
Oh. Where is the nearest one? [insert location here].
I think there is a really good coffee shop near there. Damm what is it called?
You now know where she buys some of her clothes and maybe a coffee shop she likes as well.

@daddymonsterpoodle so true! Nothing is better than genuine interest in the person. Too bad I loose all my words and can't deal with walking away with shame if it doesn't work out as expected!


@Rainne whats your suggestion, I should start calling random girls on Skype and strike conversations? Not sure how well this would go lol. I like the idea of having a videochat with the girl though, I think it would be a cool way to practice.. I spoke to few girls before I met through dating sites, it takes forever to have them agree to chat, sometimes by the time we would set up a call, my fear would only escalate, or I would be no longer interested.

 

[daddymonsterpoodle]

It sounds like you are way too outcome dependent.
Relax. Forget about getting the date or being super-charming guy. Just enjoy talking to people AND listening to people. I have had 30 min conversations where all I have said is "uh huh, really! Why's that?, "
Everybody has something they love to talk about. Old people talk about family or the good old days, young people talk about movies and music, men like to talk about cars, hunting abd fishing, and sports. Women talk about everything but fashion and people are good starters. HUGE GENERALISATIONS I KNOW.

Look at the person properly and you wil have a topic starter. Does she have amazing hair, is there flecks of paint on her clothes (doing reno? ), walking a dog, listening to music, have a fancy case for her phone, wearing a concert t-shirt, have a tattoo, running shoes, a great smile, look like someone famous, is it raining, do they have any unusual piercings, do they wear glasses, do they look like a student, are they wearing thriftshop clothing....
There is always something.
If the conversation dies then they are probably a boring person or for whatever reason were not interested in a conversation. No need to be embarrassed ot get butthurt.

 

[Roober]

Just reiterating mostly, but...

-PRACTICE PRACTICE PRACTICE... do it to everyone, guys, girls, bartenders, cashiers, people picking apples next to you, people standing in line, people everywhere
-"How are you?" is such an easy genuine opening
-If a woman has odd shoes, clothes, hair, or anything, she WANTS people to notice it. Women do things to get noticed, not just cause they like it...
-If the conversation dies with you engaging and asking questions, they are either a) a boring person, or b) distracted/disinterested
-Your body movments are 80% of communication: smile, don't fidget, hands at your side, calm gestures, eye contact, speak clearly - could write for years on this one...
-If women consistently seem uncomfortable then you are coming accross wrong with your eyes or body language... work on that
-Try to make some sort of emotional connection, don't be boring!
-Let your personality shine!
-If you feel it starting to die, nothing wrong with saying, "It was a pleasure to meet you, have a good day" and walking away before it gets awkward

And remember...
rejection is better than regret!

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

This what you do. Start with any woman, talk to her until you run out of stuff to say. Then go home and write in your journal. Come up with things you COULD have said. Based on the environment, the situation, anything. Then NEXT TIME try some of those things. Keep doing this until it's easy.

1) Practice

2) Review what happened and imagined what you can do better/different next time

3) Try "next time"

Repeat steps 2 and 3 until you're dead.

You can also hang out in crowded places, listen to other guys, take notes (later at home, not while you're sitting there listening) to get ideas.

Practice small talk with dudes at the gym, etc, old people in line at the store, etc.

There's no "secret way" there's only "skill level" and all skills will get better with practice.

 

[Rainne]

@daddymonsterpoodle so true! Nothing is better than genuine interest in the person. Too bad I loose all my words and can't deal with walking away with shame if it doesn't work out as expected!


@Rainne whats your suggestion, I should start calling random girls on Skype and strike conversations? Not sure how well this would go lol. I like the idea of having a videochat with the girl though, I think it would be a cool way to practice.. I spoke to few girls before I met through dating sites, it takes forever to have them agree to chat, sometimes by the time we would set up a call, my fear would only escalate, or I would be no longer interested.

If you think Skype is strange , what about "Charly" ? App to talk directly to influencers by one on one live video on demand ..have a buddy who says it is a confidence builder and people seem really keen to help w/lots of hot women (not strippers or pornstars) on there. And what about the app "happn"?....it is dating app but cool since you can send voice notes to people you cross paths with, that is better than texting ! But also agree with few comments above , better in person and as much as you can. My issue is that where i work i don't get to socialize with good looking woman, office is all dudes and the business complex is literally all dudes or old grumpy people, brutal!

 

[James_holmes]

@Rainne, what would I talk to them about on that Charly thing and where do I find it?

I ve tried happn.. Posted professional pics on my profile, but never really heard back from anybody.. Met one girl through it, but still stuck in a friend zone.

 

[Rainne]

@Rainne, what would I talk to them about on that Charly thing and where do I find it?

I ve tried happn.. Posted professional pics on my profile, but never really heard back from anybody.. Met one girl through it, but still stuck in a friend zone.

Charly is pretty new i think, I don't have link. My buddy seems to be addicted though...