How to get a girl to move with you

[FlexpertHamilton]

Has anyone been successful in convincing a girl (presumably an LTR) to get up and move to another part of the country with them? If so, what was your strategy?

Here's the kicker: doing it without moving in together, ie convince them to move to the same city with you but get their own place.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Not a good look. Would you want your daughter moving across the country for a man whose ring she is not wearing?

The best you can hope far in circumventing this question is to employ her (in your company).

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Not a good look. Would you want your daughter moving across the country for a man whose ring she is not wearing?

The best you can hope far in circumventing this question is to employ her (in your company).

In this particular case, the girls parents aren't too involved - they're in another country. She's fairly independent and isn't super "nested in" where she lives. There are other details that could work in my favor but for privacy reasons I don't want to say more.

 

[EyeBRollin]

In this particular case, the girls parents aren't too involved - they're in another country. She's fairly independent and isn't super "nested in" where she lives. There are other details that could work in my favor but for privacy reasons I don't want to say more.

That still does not address the question I presented-

Would you want your daughter moving across the country for a man who has offered no commitment? The answer is obviously no.

If not marriage, the alternative path is employment. People relocate for jobs or school all the time.

So what is it that are you offering to her?

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

That still does not address the question I presented-

Would you want your daughter moving across the country for a man who has offered no commitment? The answer is obviously no.

If not marriage, the alternative path is employment. People relocate for jobs or school all the time.

So what is it that are you offering to her?

I can offer commitment. Just not living together. My point was I doubt her parents would have much influence in this decision, if at all, but yes of course they in theory would not like that but it's kind of moot.

I kind of "planted the seed" already - idea being a change of scenery and lifestyle. Her job would be the biggest hurdle to overcome, though. I'm sure there is better work opportunities in real cities, unlike here.

 

[ubercat]

You have to sell the feels. And better social opportunities. And shared future. Don't concentrate on better job opportunities. That's encouraging her logical side. And too logical of chick is always opportunistic.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I can offer commitment.

Commitment is a ring. Is that what you offered?

I don’t think any father would approve of his daughter moving across the country for a guy who promises to be a ……

….boyfriend.

but yes of course they in theory would not like that but it's kind of moot.

It is not moot. You are asking for advice on how to finesse this girl into moving for you. That is a bad look. Pick a different target; a girl that already lives near you.

 

[ubercat]

Chicks finesse us all the time using the social qweapons they have trained their whole lives. My policy here is everybody is their own man and makes their own calls. So if this is a keeper aka the love of his life why not move her. If you are taking this chick with you out of fear or neediness like @EyeBRollin says don't.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

Chicks finesse us all the time using the social qweapons they have trained their whole lives. My policy here is everybody is their own man and makes their own calls. So if this is a keeper aka the love of his life why not move her. If you are taking this chick with you out of fear or neediness like @EyeBRollin says don't.

It's too early to tell but it's something you'd probably need to work on early on anyway instead of just throwing it out there last minute.

I honestly don't even think it would be that hard.

 

[EyeBRollin]

Chicks finesse us all the time using the social qweapons they have trained their whole lives. My policy here is everybody is their own man and makes their own calls. So if this is a keeper aka the love of his life why not move her.

Yes, they do finesse men. I’m posing the question for the OP to consider- what is in it for the girl? (She is thinking this as well)

If it were any of our daughters, we would not think highly of a guy trying to get her to move across the country with him before she has an engagement ring.

 

[Gamisch]

Tough one. It's like an extended version of asking her to be your girl but not your gf. Kinda half azzing , and that shyt never ends well . Been in a similar position but it simply ended by me moving, she stayed( on good terms).You have a point (living together might increase the chance of a quicker break up),but If you invite her for such an adventure then you should explore this adventure together.

Also logistically its gonna be hard one you ; she might hold you responsible and expect you to help her move , renovate, ect. Now you have two houses to take care of.
- she might live in another side of the city so there still might be a significant distance

And ofcourse you actually force her to renew her social circle. Lotta new d energy . New men (and women, maybe worse!!) will burn you for not living together with her. Might end up pretty stressful if she cheats on you , or you see her with her new bf sooner or later.

Dont forget a new lonely looking woman in town looks different then a new lonely looking man.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Can't have your cake and eat it too OP. Life doesn't work like that.

 

[KirthWGersen]

Not a good look. Would you want your daughter moving across the country for a man whose ring she is not wearing?

The best you can hope far in circumventing this question is to employ her (in your company).

I would have no problem with my daughter doing that. I certainly hope she never gets married; same as my son. If she wants to venture off to a new place, rent her property out and buy a new one of her own there, why not? The woman would not be doing it FOR him; she would be doing it WITH him. It could be fun to do when her lover is doing the same thing; and if the relationship ended, she would easily find someone else.

Where I live, there is no sharing of property in marriage, no alimony and practically no legal benefit compared with not being married.

I have taught my kids to depend on no-one but themselves and never to invest something they are not willing to lose.

Marriage would merely distract her from achieving her own goals.

 

[EyeBRollin]

I would have no problem with my daughter doing that. I certainly hope she never gets married; same as my son. If she wants to venture off to a new place, rent her property out and buy a new one of her own there, why not? The woman would not be doing it FOR him; she would be doing it WITH him. It could be fun to do when her lover is doing the same thing; and if the relationship ended, she would easily find someone else.

This is cap. OP asked how to get a girl to move for him. I don’t know any father that would be cool with his daughter moving across the country for some casual guy.

 

[s74rk]

Good question OP.

I think at the end of the day it comes down to her view of your relative value.

The better of a match she judges you, the more she will acquiesce to your demands. For example, if you are a famous rapper, your main girl will probably openly accept you having side bitches. If you're not, maybe best to hide those side chicks lol. If you a completely average man, you may find yourself in a provider role with limited leverage. In fact any intimacy and association you get from women may be contingent on providing; obviously a weak position to be in.

Edit - also you'll probably have to be providing both the alpha and provider value for her. Even a girl casually banging a famous celebrity won't upend her life for him unless there's a good possibility of commitment.

So to OP - you can consider how important the move is, mention you're considering moving for work, feel it out, and see how down she is. Right away may be hard, maybe you plan for it in the near future. It's gonna be a pretty hard sell if you're not the absolute best guy she's ever had; plus she's weighing this against family and friends being nearby, important social support systems for women.

 

[Scaramouche]

Hi Flexpart,
A choice between The Job or the Girl.

 

[bmp2cpm]

Easy to get a girl to move from across the country to live with you. Just act like you do not want her to move in with you. After she keeps insisting and persuading, finally agree. But make her work for it.

However, moving that far to not live with you? Well, women are not wired that way. Women are drawn to commitment. No commitment in this scenario. Difficult to impossible to achieve what you want.

Good luck!