How to forget the past and move ahead?

[BornWinner]

That's it.!!!!

That's my question!!

I want to know what can I do to forget about the past. I kept on getting stuck into the past. I cannot forget what others have done wrong to me and I keep on getting into a kind of obsession and getting angry for years.

I can still remember those exes of mine... I got pissed off with them until I wish to punish them back..... The same goes to other people in my life. I just feel like killing my enemies to get the pleasure out of it for what they have done wrong to me.

Pls help. Do I need therapy here?

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Stop being the victim all the time.

Seriously.

you sound just like a friend of mine.

boo hoo...it's everyone's fault but my own...

Grow up and take charge of your own life. Nobody cares about you but you. It's your choice.

 

[Dirtheart]

I have been suffering the exact same thing my friend. An ex I was madly in love with did some unforgivable things to me many years ago and basically used and lied to me for 5months. For a long time I had trouble trusting any girl I dated and it ruined a lot of potential relationships and made my life a continual misery. Why? Because of a single person I had the misfortune to meet. That's less than 0.000001% of the people I've known in the past 5 years. The problem is, some of us place too much importance on this minor percentage and too little on the rest.

Whatever people have done to you, no matter how cruel, YOU are not a lesser person for it.

You cannot control the past or external problems, but you can control how they affect you. Or rather how they don't affect you.

Revenge is not constructive nor is it satisfying because it ultimately means that these few people have taken control over you, your thoughts and your actions.

 

[Dirtheart]

Another suggestion: turn your resentment into motivation. Use it to push yourself into improving your life some how. Thing about how you want to look and feel the next time you see those people and make it your mission to succeed.

There's nothing more satisfying than meeting up with a bully or an ex-girlfriend years on, speaking to them with civility and confidence and letting them see you have accelled in life and left them behind.

 

[iqqi]

bump!

 

[BornWinner]

Is it that easy?

Originally posted by Dirtheart
Another suggestion: turn your resentment into motivation. Use it to push yourself into improving your life some how. Thing about how you want to look and feel the next time you see those people and make it your mission to succeed.

There's nothing more satisfying than meeting up with a bully or an ex-girlfriend years on, speaking to them with civility and confidence and letting them see you have accelled in life and left them behind.

It's easier said than done.! I am so obsessed with whatever they have done until even after years, I still couldn't forget it. I even have thoughts of going back to give them a piece of their own medicine to make them suffer. But according to a book I read "How to deal with people who make your life miserable", an author who is a psychologist as well, she said "Never take things to an extreme such as causing physical harm to them" as it will land you in jail.

The author suggests imagination such as thinking of your enemies as someone disgusted, hated and even doing things to them to relieve your anger, but never make things real.

But I dont find that helpful at all. The only way I could find pleasure is to punish them and make them suffer to the extreme then I will feel the relieve.

I know, I know, some of you might think I am a psychopath cause I am unable to forgive someone or I am an obsessed person who just needs to learn how to forgive and forget.

But sheesh, aren't there any of you out there who feel obsessed like me before to the point that you find that you need to punish your enemies even after years?

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

But sheesh, aren't there any of you out there who feel obsessed like me before to the point that you find that you need to punish your enemies even after years?

I don't think you're a psychopath at all.

You just gotta grow a thick skin and not take what some people have done to you so personally.

Let it go. You aren't gaining anything by holding onto those feelings of resentment.

Try and wipe the slate clean and forget about it. It's your life. fvck them.

 

[squirrels]

Work on self-esteem. That way you don't feel like you have something to "prove".

The past is done. I don't know what people did to you that was so horrible, unless you got like, beaten up and butt-raped in the locker room or something. In which case I'd probably be looking for vengeance too. But unless it's something of that magnitude, you're over-reacting and you need to focus on you.

 

[Dirtheart]

Is it possible to tell us more on what people have done to you? It may be that you can get revenge, just by reporting it or taking out a lawsuit.

But what you have to think is that events of the past are only memories and there are a number of ways of re-defining your memories and your feelings towards them. It's your head, and you have more control over it than you think.

Try looking into Neuro Linguistic Programming, Buddhism and human psychology. I'm not a preachy person, but these are the things that have helped me and continue to help me rebuild my life. They can give you some direction on how to control your mind, feelings and attitude.

Since reading the importance of confidence on this site, I have spent a week building my confidence and that's all it took. I'm now a very confident person. If ever I'm stressed, I take a day or two to rid myself of it. It's as simple as that when you know how, but you have to accept the problem as an internal one rather than external.

 

[Cremasta]

Originally posted by BornWinner
[BThe same goes to other people in my life. I just feel like killing my enemies to get the pleasure out of it for what they have done wrong to me.[/B]

I don't know if I have enemies as such anymore, but there are definitely days when I would love to beat the hell out of a few people.

What helped me was taking up martial arts. For a bunch of reasons, it has helped me with anger management. Partly because I know that now it would be so easy to beat up some of the people who really deserve it... so now it doesn't seem worth the effort to get worked up over them anymore. People annoying or challenging you just loses its impact. I find it great that when people seem to be going out of their way to frustrate me, I can usually just laugh at them on the inside thinking that they are prats.

I think that any other activity which gives you a sense of achievement (i.e. confidence in your own abilities) will help you pull yourself above these petty irritations that get you so worked up right now.

 

[BornWinner]

So you guys wanna listen to my story? Well, let us begin the depressed story

Throughout highschool and college, I am not likable to other people. I was all alone all the time. Nobody joins me......So here it comes Friday night and Saturday night and it's 11.00 p.m, everyone is out with their friends to enjoy. But what am I doing?

NOTHING!!!!! All I do on weekends is watching tv, VCDS, surfing the internet and coming here to read and read and read.! Don't you know how bad it is to live your life through high school and college alone without any fun. I just don't fit in with any groups at all. I just don't know what kind of image should I present to get accepted!?

And during my education life, all I do is study and never did anything at all. Parents were strict. The clothes that I wear, the things that I do and whatever I do is controlled by my parents. My life is hell. High academic expectation is put on me and Im expected to do very well in final exams. I am hardly allowed to go out like my peers. Each time I tried to leave my house, there will surely be World War III going on between me and my mom.

Friends laughed at me for being such a little boy (because I hardly get to go out). Everyone laughed at me for being a f*cking loser. Parents get pissed off when they see me wearing clothes that make me looked like punk. I am expected to wear decent clothings, and no earrings and tattoos and no smoking.

I hardly get any dates at all. I guess the girls wouldnt want to go out with a guy like me, a guy that people think is a loser, pathetic moron.

Nobody joins me in class. Nobody joins me after class. and this goes on for years and years. So here it comes again every weekend, and I am alone in the house at night while everyone is out to drink and enjoy in clubs. Parents are glad to hear that nobody joins me and that I am a loner all the time. That's what they want.

If I don't have any friends, then they will feel happy because I couldnt get to leave the house to enjoy. I will always be with them then. And until now, I've already graduated and I've been looking for a job for almost a year and I am still unemployed.! Parents called me a useless person and even told me I will forever be a jobless loser.

WHY??? WHYYYYYYYYYYYY?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Im without friends, without anything!~ My parents are freaking creatures!~ I am nothing!!!!!!!!!

And now, do you understand why I am f*cking mad with the world!!!!!!!! and that I am so obsessed with all my enemies in college and why I see my parents as enemies too!?!??!!?

 

[BornWinner]

I'm very tired, exhausted and depressed......

I just don't know what to do .! I have been isolated too long.........
How miserable it is to live such a life? It is so meaningless. So I heard people said helping out others make you feel good so I volunteered in a hospital to help others out in various departments while I am still unemployed. This could help me not to think of my problems. Parents argued with me day and night because I signed up for volunteer service. I told them I am unemployed and I needed things to do to fill up my free time.

They told me that I am a stupid fellow, volunteering gets no money. I told them I am applying for a job and they still don't understand me that I am actually helping out temp while on a job hunt to pass my time more easily and get to know more people since I hardly have friends.

I can't take this anymore. There's so much stress in life . I think I need to attend public service counselling. I need help here. I am going to pick up the phone to make an appointment soon. I am going nuts!!!!!!!

Now can you see why I can't seem to live my life happily and forget my past? How can I live my life now when I am rejected during my teen years and even my own parents turn against me?!
No one is around to back me up during my tough times. I survived through all of it alone. No one knows the pain and sorrow except me. !!!

 

[DJ Alejandro]

juz go do something you like. or you're great at. that should be a good start. gradually, it will come to pass.

 

[crisis]

OK BW. Let me give you some advice, if your parents treat you like ****, move out. Don't talk to them, don't give them any respect and eventually they'll come begging for you to come back. A good way of forgiving people sometimes is just to see it from their perspective, if you were them what would you be thinking? If you can see no incentive to what they did, which you often can't because there's a lot of bully's out there. Seek revenge anonymously if you must.

I know what you feel like to be rejected from everyone. Their was a time when I was bottom of the school social Hierarchy, not just down the bottom end. I was the lowest of the low. But slowly I worked my way up, and are still in the process of getting higher.

If you've done the DJ boot camp, then you should have some social skills under your belt. The thing a lot of people don't realize on this board is that the skills don't just apply to girls, they apply to work as well. If you can't get a job, create your own work. I do and I'm in grade 12, and I earn more then my parents simply by using my confidence thanks to the forums. If you want a job, so bad. Just drop your Resume off at every single place in town, and one will surely accept you.

I wish the best for you..

Ciao..

 

[iqqi]

BW, i think you are doing great. volunteering at the hospital is a great thing to do, and i am proud of you. aren't you proud of yourself?

give your parents a break. maybe they have (poor) reasons for their sad way of thinking and judging you. just realize that maybe you'll teach them a thing or two. i said give your parents a break, but don't let them break you!

good luck, i think you made a step in the right direction. just push on!

 

[ToP DoN]

dude i only agreed with one person on their post bowrn winner....you need to fvckin move out...u need to leave...u need to get away from ur pycho parents....man leave dude...it aint worth it....find a new life......leave the house...if i were u...i would have left the house at 16...fvck that...u need your freedom

you need to find yourself and that aint gonna happen being stuck at home and being dictated by your parents..dude...from a guy that is speaking the best for you....move the fvck out....ur are a grown man...damn...leave the house....your parents are psycho



your parents are psycho

 

[ToP DoN]

crisis

is right too

 

[squirrels]

You know what I hear coming from you??


WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!!!!!

Stop blubbering over your nihilistic existence and take some goddam responsibility. Yes life is hard, yes people can be harsh, and yes one day you're going to die.

How the hell old are you? You said you've been through high school and college. And during this time it never occurred to you that the SUCCESSFUL people in life, the ones that everyone else liked, are the ones who didn't go around blaming other people for their troubles (even if other people WERE responsible), but the ones who went out and sought to improve their condition??

I hate to be this harsh, but it's no WONDER no one likes you. You're a victim all the time. You let your life be run by other people and you sap off of them for support.

WHY are you still unemployed? Why are you living with your parents? Unless you have some kind of disability that keeps you from getting a job, there is NO reason you should be "unemployed." Get off your video-game-playing azz and get a part-time job at least, two if needed. Bust rocks with your head if you have to to get some coins to rub together.

Use the money to buy some books and educate yourself. Stop trying to "get even" by undermining the rest of the system like a vengeful **** and start getting even by IMPROVING YOURSELF. Be the one who rises above it. Take some f'ing PRIDE in yourself. If you're seriously f'ed up in the head and depressed, buy yourself a shrink.

Find a hobby for yourself. TV isn't a hobby. Video games isn't a hobby. You spend a lot of time sitting at home...learn to play guitar. Start painting. Write a novel. Start working out. Play sports with a local recreation program. Start hiking, camping, mountain climbing. Take up some martial arts.

If your parents are bringing you down so much, MOVE OUT. Get some money together and rent a room somewhere, even if it's a closet with a friend or a POS flat downtown.

Sorry, but you're past the age of sympathy. No one's going to feel sorry for you or help you out any more...that would just be ass-kissing and wasted effort. It's time for you to take ownership of your own life. Lose the whining and start doing SOMETHING, ANYTHING for yourself. Start slow, but at least get in motion before you rot.

If you want to "move on", the first thing you need to do is learn how to MOVE.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

BornWinner, you are not doing justice to your screen name - you were born a winner and then what happened? You seem to be losing - your mind that is!

First off, never base your self worth on the 'acceptance' of others - your worth should be determined from within you, from the actions you take and the deeds that you have accomplished - things that make up your character.

If you are alone on weekends, then join the club - tens of millions of people are alone - many of us don't aspire to go out to drink and shake our behind to music and go carousing looking for club hos, just because it is Friday or Saturday.

Also, there are other factors in life besides our physical needs and material wants – a spiritual journey may help your lonely existence – seek the company of friends where you never sought before.

The only escape from your parents is to get a place of your own - but you need money to do that - get a job no matter what the pay, this will at least get you away from your parents and make new acquaintances.

Squirrels gave you good strong words that you need to consider – how a ‘Squirrel’ can have such insight is beyond me – typing on a computer must be hell for this little vermin!