How to Find a Long-Term Relationship During the Hectic Life of Graduate School

[Jacer]

Hello, friends. I am a 24 year old current graduate student.
I am looking for a long term relationship, but my experiments, thesis almost fill my life. I work 6 days a week, from 9am to 9pm, and I spend almost all my time in the lab or office. This life is monotonous and boring, and I have little energy or time to go out and socialize. When I finish my experiments and papers, I tend to rest rather than socialize because it is really tiring. In addition, I do pretty much the same thing every day, which leads to me not having any easy topics to talk to girls about (i.e. show business, TV shows, etc.).
I would like to make some changes but I feel very powerless and it's hard for me to juggle school, rest and socializing. Do you guys have any suggestions please?

 

[Hamurabimbi]

I did a rigorous post-Graduate. Fortunately I lived on campus in upperclassmen/ graduate housing & the university had many social events. As did my department & housing.

 

[parabellum]

Right now you have a bigger issue than finding a woman. Work on your time management and priority setting until you balance your life and move those 12hr/day to an average of 8hr/day.

 

[Jacer]

I did a rigorous post-Graduate. Fortunately I lived on campus in upperclassmen/ graduate housing & the university had many social events. As did my department & housing.

Wow, that sounds great.
I studied in northeastern China, and our school had very few activities for graduate students. Students almost always spend time in labs and offices. Most female students are too lazy to go out in their free time and the breaks are almost filled with short videos. In addition, we have very cold weather here right now, -20°C, which adds to the difficulty of outdoor activities/dating.
I'd like to know how you balance socializing and academics, it sounds like you're doing a great job.

 

[Jacer]

Right now you have a bigger issue than finding a woman. Work on your time management and priority setting until you balance your life and move those 12hr/day to an average of 8hr/day.

Exactly! You are right.
I am a person who is easily influenced by those around me and seeing my former friends fall in love and get married makes me envious of having a relationship. However, it doesn't seem like the right time to be looking for a long-term relationship. Having very little to date girls myself already makes me unhappy. I'm struggling with this myself.

 

[SW15]

I covered the sex lives of graduate school students in an early post on the college sex thread....

Observations about college sex life from someone that went to a party school.

I thought I'd share this as someone who went to a party school and was in a fraternity there as well. Not wanting to give too much about myself but I went to UGA and graduated a few years ago. While Athens has its hot girls, I do feel like the quality got worse every year due to the admission...

www.sosuave.net

Graduate school is more intense than undergraduate in terms of the amount of coursework and quality of work you must create in your assignments.

Your sex and relationship life as a graduate level is somewhat dependent upon your graduate level program and your campus.

You have the greatest proximity to fellow graduate level students on campus. Women in graduate level programs are less appealing shorter term and longer term prospects for most men. If a woman is pursuing an advanced level degree, she is going to be more career oriented in the longer term than a woman who only has a bachelor's degree. The most convenient women will not be the best prospects.

You have the opportunity to interact with women from undergraduate programs while on campus. It takes a little bit more effort to meet women in undergraduate while you're a graduate school student. Extracurricular, socially oriented on campus clubs are going to be the easiest approach and socialization option. After that, it's going to be mainly on campus cold approaching at places like the gym, the student union, or other random places on campus. I'd recommend doing this over generalized daygame in your town/city or generalized nightlife. There is a reason why the university ranks above generalized daygame and nightgame in the rankings below. Make the time to at least do extracurricular club approaches.

Rankings of Every Way You Can Meet a Woman According to a YouTube Channel

Here is the complete list, ranked in order of best to worst: S-Tier: - Throwing an event or party - Instagram Cold DM- Creating Content on Instagram and Boosting it - Paying a club promoter to introduce you to women - Being famous, even just small-time locally famous - Being a musician A-Tier...

www.sosuave.net

 

[Dr.Suave]

I am a 24 year old
I am looking for a long term relationship

Arent you a bit young to give exlcusivity to a girl? Most guys your age would spin plates until they want to start a family (if they even want to start a family at all). Unless you find some sort of Unicorn (and at your age, you do have better odds than most members here), why limit yourself to only one girl?

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Wow, that sounds great.
I studied in northeastern China, and our school had very few activities for graduate students. Students almost always spend time in labs and offices. Most female students are too lazy to go out in their free time and the breaks are almost filled with short videos. In addition, we have very cold weather here right now, -20°C, which adds to the difficulty of outdoor activities/dating.
I'd like to know how you balance socializing and academics, it sounds like you're doing a great job.

I went to a large, West Coast US prestigious university. Not a party school compared to many others. We were pretty disciplined. Outside of academics. We worked out (the university had plenty of fitness facilities & the weather was mild), And there were plenty of opportunities to socialize on campus. I dated a girl in my program. Then a another at the dorm I lived at. And I had a side from my previous job and another from my previous social circle.
I was also accepted at a prestigious Midwestern school. I visited it and was told ‘this in not the place to get a girlfriend.’

 

[Jacer]

I covered the sex lives of graduate school students in an early post on the college sex thread....

Observations about college sex life from someone that went to a party school.

I thought I'd share this as someone who went to a party school and was in a fraternity there as well. Not wanting to give too much about myself but I went to UGA and graduated a few years ago. While Athens has its hot girls, I do feel like the quality got worse every year due to the admission...

www.sosuave.net

Graduate school is more intense than undergraduate in terms of the amount of coursework and quality of work you must create in your assignments.

Your sex and relationship life as a graduate level is somewhat dependent upon your graduate level program and your campus.

You have the greatest proximity to fellow graduate level students on campus. Women in graduate level programs are less appealing shorter term and longer term prospects for most men. If a woman is pursuing an advanced level degree, she is going to be more career oriented in the longer term than a woman who only has a bachelor's degree. The most convenient women will not be the best prospects.

You have the opportunity to interact with women from undergraduate programs while on campus. It takes a little bit more effort to meet women in undergraduate while you're a graduate school student. Extracurricular, socially oriented on campus clubs are going to be the easiest approach and socialization option. After that, it's going to be mainly on campus cold approaching at places like the gym, the student union, or other random places on campus. I'd recommend doing this over generalized daygame in your town/city or generalized nightlife. There is a reason why the university ranks above generalized daygame and nightgame in the rankings below. Make the time to at least do extracurricular club approaches.

Rankings of Every Way You Can Meet a Woman According to a YouTube Channel

Here is the complete list, ranked in order of best to worst: S-Tier: - Throwing an event or party - Instagram Cold DM- Creating Content on Instagram and Boosting it - Paying a club promoter to introduce you to women - Being famous, even just small-time locally famous - Being a musician A-Tier...

www.sosuave.net

I read your previous post and it fits well with what I encountered. Great post. I will try more extracurricular activities. In addition, there is another problem, influenced by Confucianism, Chinese female college or graduate students are conservative in their thinking and are reluctant to have sex easily, lest they be labeled as sluts. Even if you meet new people at extracurricular activities, it can be hard to get further into bed. I think it's difficult to find a stable sexual relationship.

 

[Jacer]

Arent you a bit young to give exlcusivity to a girl? Most guys your age would spin plates until they want to start a family (if they even want to start a family at all). Unless you find some sort of Unicorn (and at your age, you do have better odds than most members here), why limit yourself to only one girl?

Spinning plates sounds like a good idea. I would try if I could, but at the moment, in my opinion, it's not quite for me. There are several reasons.
1. Spinning plates on campus will be labeled as "bad men" by classmates, which will keep most women away.
2. I don't have enough time or money to spin the plate, and I am busy with experiments and papers most of the day.
3. I don't know how to spin a plate skillfully and I lack experience. I was a total nerd before I discovered this site, and I'm trying to change, but changing my own previously ingrained thoughts is a slow process.
To be honest, I'm not looking to start a family right now, I'm looking for a relationship that doesn't take too much time and effort.

 

[Dr.Suave]

looking for a relationship that doesn't take too much time and effort.

Boy do I have news for you!

 

[Agamemnon43]

Just don't. Literally can't think of any reason why it would be better to have a relationship in your current position than not to. Get yourself more busy and stop thinking about it.

 

[SW15]

there is another problem, influenced by Confucianism, Chinese female college or graduate students are conservative in their thinking and are reluctant to have sex easily, lest they be labeled as sluts. Even if you meet new people at extracurricular activities, it can be hard to get further into bed. I think it's difficult to find a stable sexual relationship.

It's great that you bring this up. The college sex thread focused upon sex at universities in the United States.

At most colleges/universities in the United States, most women are not influenced by their religion. Confucianism is described as a religion/philosophy. At larger public universities, there are some women who are practicing a religion, but I didn't notice them as mainstream women at my universities in both undergrad and grad school in the 2000s.

Most women who attend a public college/university in the United States are not opposed to either casual or non-marital sex. In the United States, some women in college might not be down for a casual sex situationship but almost all will have pre-marital sex with a boyfriend. Very few college women at most schools leave college with an engagement ring for marriage, though a small percentage of colleges have a culture around 'Ring by Spring'. 'Ring by Spring' means that having an engagement in place by college graduation day.

The Persistence of the ‘Ring by Spring’ Phenomenon

Around the country, the age of first marriage has been increasing for decades. But at Christian colleges, the pressure to get engaged before walking at graduation is still paramount.

www.vice.com

The sex environment at your college campus in China seems much like one of the more religious colleges in the USA.

Pre-marital sex on college campuses in the USA has been the norm since at least the 1970s. There have been changes in college sex lives even since the 1970s.

In the United States, graduate school is an interesting time for sex/mating for males. Graduate school isn't the same carefree environment as undergraduate. At the same time, it's not exactly comparable to be a working person in any town or city either.

I was also accepted at a prestigious Midwestern school. I visited it and was told ‘this in not the place to get a girlfriend.’

Some schools are not good mating environments. I considered this as a factor more for my selection of a university for undergrad than for graduate school.

 

[Jacer]

Boy do I have news for you!

Haha, happy to listen. What's the good news?

 

[Jacer]

Just don't. Literally can't think of any reason why it would be better to have a relationship in your current position than not to. Get yourself more busy and stop thinking about it.

It is a good idea. I've always been this way before, however, I've recently wanted to change it up because I think life should be filled with laughter and love. When I'm busy, I don't think about being single. When I'm idle, especially at night before bed, on state holidays, or when I finish a huge task at hand, I'm tired of the single life.

 

[Jacer]

It's great that you bring this up. The college sex thread focused upon sex at universities in the United States.
Some schools are not good mating environments. I considered this as a factor more for my selection of a university for undergrad than for graduate school.

Exactly！I'll try to make friends in the undergraduate program.I think that this religious belief becomes stronger with age and education. So an undergraduate college would be a good choice.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Just don't. Literally can't think of any reason why it would be better to have a relationship in your current position than not to. Get yourself more busy and stop thinking about it.

Disagree. Having a girl makes one happy and stable. There are a few individuals who are fine being alone, but OP’s original post makes me think he is not one of them. I went through a rigorous post-graduate program and it was rare when I wasn’t involved with some girl. And that didn’t affect my academic life negatively. A relationship enriches your existence. It is a positive.

 

[CornbreadFed]

Finish School first. Women will still be there when you are done. If you need a woman that bad right now, then you are too weak minded right now. Meet people through your network atm or Go to a Strip club or just be upfront on the apps.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Exactly！I'll try to make friends in the undergraduate program.I think that this religious belief becomes stronger with age and education. So an undergraduate college would be a good choice.

Just be out and available. Things happen.

 

[The Duke]

Bang randoms. Fun and easy. No commitment required. Focus on school.