How to end things gracefully?

[Cavalier]

Hey team. I need some advice (again). I am back to dating after a LTR that ended several months ago. It has been tough to get back into dating and to find my "mojo" again. I met a girl about 3-4 weeks ago and we have been out on 4 dates. Things were going really well. We had great conversations and I escalated appropriately and she even spent one night at my place after the 4th date. However, we never did the deed because she wanted to wait until there was an emotional connection (maybe I was duped here). In any case, we were sitting on my couch the next morning and she revealed some specific aspects about her personality that made me realize that I will not be the kind of partner that would make her happy in the long term. I tend to do best when my partner is quite self assured and independent. This girl revealed that she can be really dependent and anxious at times. I feel uncomfortable going further into the specifics of what she said. The date ended on good terms and she was hoping to see me again for a 5th date. However, after taking some time to reflect on things, I realize that we are not a match for each other. I would hate to waste her time as neither of us would be happy in the long run. I think it would be wrong to ghost her at this point, but I also do not want to end things in a way that would directly attack someone's personality traits or past. I know that her self esteem will be hurt no matter what and I cannot control how she reacts to my decision, but is there a way to end things gracefully with her? Answers do not have to apply to this scenario in particular, but I am curious how you all go about ending things with women that you have been on multiple dates (but before the exclusive stage). It's easy enough to text someone that I did not feel a connection after 1 or 2 dates, but that seems too generic after having been on 4 dates and spending a night together.

 

[Cavalier]

Dude you have to get strong enough for the both of you. Pull that bandaid off. Short, sweet, to the point. She’s great, it’s been an incredible few dates, she’s one of the highest quality women you’ve ever met, but now’s not the time to continue with the relationship. You wish her the very best. NEXT!

What do you do when they ask you why you are ending it?

 

[pipeman84]

You say you realized you're not compatible. You could go a little bit into details and explain it to her (being nice of course). But if you think she won't take it well no matter how nicely you put it, just leave it at that....not compatible.

 

[Modern Man Advice]

The best way is like anything in life: Be honest. And wish her the best.

 

[Robert28]

I just received the very same rejection you’re about to give this girl. Here’s what pissed me off about the whole thing, don’t say “we can be good friends” or throw in a bunch of bs. Just get to the point and be done with it. She also waited two days to tell me even though she was acting shady those two days out of the blue. Anyways, all I replied with was “I’m not interested in being friends” and blocked her. I was pissed she waited two days after we’d seen each other 7-8 times, I felt jerked around and I felt it came out of nowhere instead of something that could have been talked about. Anyways, I’m glad I blocked her because fvck that *****.

 

[The Duke]

Every single girl that has ever broken up with me threw the "we can still be friends" card. Yeah screw that nonsense.

@Cavalier- just be honest, do what your moral code tells you.

 

[Robert28]

Every single girl that has ever broken up with me threw the "we can still be friends" card. Yeah screw that nonsense.

@Cavalier- just be honest, do what your moral code tells you.

Yeah even though half the time they really aren’t serious about being friends, I still like to shoot it down to hurt their ego.

 

[Canadian_Man]

This applies to relationships with Anxious Preoccupied people, though, you could apply or modify it for dating:

Be kind, concise, briefly explain (i.e., incompatible, + perhaps let her know it wasn't about s*x), and clear that there is no hope.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

Every single girl that has ever broken up with me threw the "we can still be friends" card. Yeah screw that nonsense.

@Cavalier- just be honest, do what your moral code tells you.

it has been two occasions when I got that sh1t thrown at me in the past and I threw a curveball back " my circle of real friends is very reserved but thanks for the offer" calm and collected but brutal

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

Hey team. I need some advice (again). I am back to dating after a LTR that ended several months ago. It has been tough to get back into dating and to find my "mojo" again. I met a girl about 3-4 weeks ago and we have been out on 4 dates. Things were going really well. We had great conversations and I escalated appropriately and she even spent one night at my place after the 4th date. However, we never did the deed because she wanted to wait until there was an emotional connection (maybe I was duped here). In any case, we were sitting on my couch the next morning and she revealed some specific aspects about her personality that made me realize that I will not be the kind of partner that would make her happy in the long term. I tend to do best when my partner is quite self assured and independent. This girl revealed that she can be really dependent and anxious at times. I feel uncomfortable going further into the specifics of what she said. The date ended on good terms and she was hoping to see me again for a 5th date. However, after taking some time to reflect on things, I realize that we are not a match for each other. I would hate to waste her time as neither of us would be happy in the long run. I think it would be wrong to ghost her at this point, but I also do not want to end things in a way that would directly attack someone's personality traits or past. I know that her self esteem will be hurt no matter what and I cannot control how she reacts to my decision, but is there a way to end things gracefully with her? Answers do not have to apply to this scenario in particular, but I am curious how you all go about ending things with women that you have been on multiple dates (but before the exclusive stage). It's easy enough to text someone that I did not feel a connection after 1 or 2 dates, but that seems too generic after having been on 4 dates and spending a night together.

Friends zone her.

 

[The Duke]

it has been two occasions when I got that sh1t thrown at me in the past and I threw a curveball back " my circle of real friends is very reserved but thanks for the offer" calm and collected but brutal

I told one "I'm not friends with girls I'm not fuhking" She jumped on me and started making out. I guess she couldn't handle the rejection. lol. Prolonged the relationship a few more weeks.

 

[EyeBRollin]

There is no need to “end” anything. This girl is nothing to you.

Simply stop calling / texting her. If she even reaches out, just give dry-one word answers. She will get the hint.

 

[Giovanni SouthSide]

I told one "I'm not friends with girls I'm not fuhking" She jumped on me and started making out. I guess she couldn't handle the rejection. lol. Prolonged the relationship a few more weeks.

straight shot savage

 

[bat soup]

Hey team. I need some advice (again). I am back to dating after a LTR that ended several months ago. It has been tough to get back into dating and to find my "mojo" again. I met a girl about 3-4 weeks ago and we have been out on 4 dates. Things were going really well. We had great conversations and I escalated appropriately and she even spent one night at my place after the 4th date. However, we never did the deed because she wanted to wait until there was an emotional connection (maybe I was duped here). In any case, we were sitting on my couch the next morning and she revealed some specific aspects about her personality that made me realize that I will not be the kind of partner that would make her happy in the long term. I tend to do best when my partner is quite self assured and independent. This girl revealed that she can be really dependent and anxious at times. I feel uncomfortable going further into the specifics of what she said. The date ended on good terms and she was hoping to see me again for a 5th date. However, after taking some time to reflect on things, I realize that we are not a match for each other. I would hate to waste her time as neither of us would be happy in the long run. I think it would be wrong to ghost her at this point, but I also do not want to end things in a way that would directly attack someone's personality traits or past. I know that her self esteem will be hurt no matter what and I cannot control how she reacts to my decision, but is there a way to end things gracefully with her? Answers do not have to apply to this scenario in particular, but I am curious how you all go about ending things with women that you have been on multiple dates (but before the exclusive stage). It's easy enough to text someone that I did not feel a connection after 1 or 2 dates, but that seems too generic after having been on 4 dates and spending a night together.

Tell her you just want to get it IN and don't have time for her BS.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

"Hey, I've really enjoyed spending time with you but I just don't feel we are the right fit for each other. I wish you all the best."

This isn't some mystery that needs to be over thought...any version of the above will work fine.

 

[Atom Smasher]

If she’s a decent lady, then tell her she’s great but that necessary “spark” just isn’t there. It’s a nice way to let them down easy, and they know exactly what you mean when you say the spark isn’t there.

 

[BadBoy89]

I know that her self esteem will be hurt no matter what and I cannot control how she reacts to my decision, but is there a way to end things gracefully with her?

Introduce her to your best looking friend who is taller and richer than you.

 

[corrector]

She will move on to next guy and forget about you because she has plenty of options. You will be the one feeling bad when you see how happy she will be that you gave her an out back to the CC.

 

[Murk]

You fed and watered her for a month without getting your d!ck wet, that's grounds for ghosting. Just think of all those guys she sucked off and let doggy her in an alleyway after meeting for 15 minutes. For shame on you my guy.

 

[Cavalier]

You fed and watered her for a month without getting your d!ck wet, that's grounds for ghosting. Just think of all those guys she sucked off and let doggy her in an alleyway after meeting for 15 minutes. For shame on you my guy.

Well said. At the same time, I’m glad I didn’t. On our 4th date, she started to reveal some aspects about her life that revealed she was professionally unstable and also had some mental health issues. Again, I probably should have tried to tease things out sooner, but she also didn’t feel comfortable to tell me about those things until date #4.