How to eliminate fear for GOOD

[Visceral]

No. The idea is to become less aware of yourself and to stop being dictated to by frames.

I once heard that most forms of mental illness stem from an excess of self-consciousness; sufferers were aware to the point of distraction of what they, others, and the world do, and often attached inappropriate levels of significance to it, which led to extreme behaviors. Sound familiar?

Frames, boxes, ruts ... they're all the same thing - limits. Baseless self-imposed limits that we use to define ourselves. You can only do these things, you can only think this way, you can only be this person. Inhibitory and therefore undesirable - destroy them.

Let go of yourself and be free - you've got nothing to lose, since the self is just an idea.

 

[Vibe]

Originally posted by Visceral
No. The idea is to become less aware of yourself and to stop being dictated to by frames.

Frames, boxes, ruts ... they're all the same thing - limits. Baseless self-imposed limits that we use to define ourselves. You can only do these things, you can only think this way, you can only be this person. Inhibitory and therefore undesirable - destroy them.

Let go of yourself and be free - you've got nothing to lose, since the self is just an idea.

And how!

~Vibe~

 

[.illadelph]

it's tough. like achieving enlightenment. we're human beings, created with egos that are hard as hell to transcend. we get jealous, we judge and are judged back. it's a harsh reality, but it's true. u can't just say to yourself one day, "i think i'm going to stop judging the people around me"....

although i believe what you speak is absolutely true. just hard as hell to attain.

 

[Visceral]

Zen Buddhist monks take about 30 years of intensive training to fully rid themselves of their egos, and Zen Buddhist masters of the past have said that you cannot practice Zen with the intent of escaping your ego, for it will have the opposite effect of strengthening the ego.

Conscious, deliberate, intentional, forced, self-conscious, and results-oriented - these are the hallmarks of ego-driven behavior, of looking over your own shoulder and prodding yourself to do or be something you have planned for yourself.

The Zen koan - the nonsensical questions asked by Zen Masters - are designed to short-circuit thought, to silence the conscious mind in favor of the "true self". The answer to them is simply to say or do the first thing that occurs to you ... without thinking or remembering to do so, of course.

The actions of the "true self" are seen as spontaneous, arising proactively from within and without the "assistance" of the conscious mind. It is acting on impulse, doing what you already know you want to do, rather than supressing it in favor of something you plan out. Applied to getting laid, it involves thinking with your d!ck, obeying your animal instincts instead of reacting to others or blindly following a plan.

 

[Vibe]

These are some Zen Koans that I found particularly interesting. I figured I'd post them up here:



My Heart Burns Like Fire

Soyen Shaku, the first Zen teacher to come to America, said: "My heart burns like fire but my eyes are as cold as dead ashes." He made the following rules which he practiced every day of his life.

In the morning before dressing, light incense and meditate.

Retire at a regular hour. Partake of food at regular intervals. Eat with moderation and never to the point of satisfaction.

Receive a guest with the same attitude you have when alone. When alone, maintain the same attitude you have in receiving guests.

Watch what you say, and whatever you say, practice it.

When an opportunity comes do not let it pass by, yet always think twice before acting.

Do not regret the past. Look to the future.

Have the fearless attitude of a hero and the loving heart of a child.

Upon retiring, sleep as if you had entered your last sleep. Upon awakening, leave your bed behind you instantly as if you had cast away a pair of old shoes.




Open Your Own Treasure House

Daiju visited the master Baso in China. Baso asked: "What do you seek?"

"Enlightenment," replied Daiju.

"You have your own treasure house. Why do you search outside?" Baso asked.

Daiju inquired: "Where is my treasure house?"

Baso answered: "What you are asking is your treasure house."

Daiju was enlightened! Ever after he urged his friends: "Open your own tresure house and use those treasures."



Your Light May Go Out

A student of Tendai, a philosophical school of Buddhism, came to the Zen abode of Gasan as a pupil. When he was departing a few years later, Gasan warned him: "Studying the truth speculatively is useful as a way of collecting preaching material. But remember that unless you meditate constantly your light of truth may go out."


~Vibe~

 

[Visceral]

According to Zen, we are already Buddhas; it is impossible for us not to be. It is only in thinking that we are not, and therefore in trying to become Buddhas, that we cease to be Buddhas.

Buddhahood, perhaps like masculinity, is not something that can be learned (because we already know it) or forced (because it flows freely of its own accord). But it can be stopped and forgotten.

Something happens, and the "true self" - your heart, guts, balls, whatever - immediately decides to do something. Every fiber of your being is compelled to do what you have dreamt. But then your ego slams on the brakes, reminding you "It's not that simple; there are things that must be done", muzzling your spontaneity. Your ego eventually reaches the same conclusion that your "true self" did, but by now the momentum has been lost, so you must not only think up something to do, but force yourself to do it.

I think the "true self" has but one flaw, that it is a hopeless optimist. It cannot conceive of difficulty or disappointment. Remember the first time you saw a hot girl: in an instant, your "true self" showed you how awesome you were going to be, how hard she was going to fall for you, and how great the sex was going to be. Remember the first time you went to the gym: all you could think about was how good it was going to feel and how big and strong you were eventually going to become. But then reality, and the ego, sunk in, and experience showed you just how much it actually sucked. Your motivation died a painful death and the only way you'd do it again was through ego force.

 

[The-Sultan]

I love posts like this.

I use to be shy and i can relate to this topic, excellent tips for people who lack confidence and have a lot of fear.

 

[Visceral]

I think real heart-pounding fear is not what's holding most guys back, simply because they never make it that far.

I think it's "sour grapes"; these guys are dismissing the goal as not worth achieving or suffering for because they're just so intimidated by what they'll have to do to make it that they can't bring themselves to even try.

The big things we're trying to change just don't have steps baby enough to take without needing more desire and discipline than we have - the ego squelches desire and the "true self" can't handle difficulty.

When you consider that pushing yourself is hard no matter what level you're at, the difference between success and failure has to be something on the inside. There are many ideas as to what that something might be - desire, confidence, self-discipline, etc. - but no-one's ever figured out how to actually create and build up these things from nothing.

My psychologist has said that fear never goes away. The closest thing any of us can get to true fearlessness is to want something enough to not care how hard or painful it might be. The question is how the hell do you get to that point? All the guys here who aren't doing anything to make their lives better are that way because it's just not important enough for them to suffer for it.

What causes this behavior? Isn't it illogical to not want better for yourself? Wouldn't happiness be preferable to comfort? The only answer I can think of is that these guys hate themselves and find their misery to be well-deserved. This comes from the judgements of the ego, of course, but what I can't understand is why it would not compel them to better themselves. Why do they surrender to their hatred and continue to offend themselves so? Hate usually moves people to destroy that which they hate, so why doesn't self-hate move people to destroy the aspects of themselves that they hate?

 

[Life-Trainee]

I guess my question is: How do you think your way into not thinking? How do I consciously become unconscious of myself?? Is there a unconscious path into subconsious bypassing the rational mind?? I'm confused..

 

[Tazman]

Currently, I'm engaged in a huge war between my ego and my fears. I've been more proactive lately because my stress levels are making it harder and harder to stay "positive" enough to get things going with women. There are times when I have an "I don't give a fvck" attitude, but rarely am I in a position to capitalize on it. I'm trying to reach a state where I can act more on impulse and feeling so my interactions don't seem "forced" and I tell you it is hard as hell.

I fear rejection but slowly the pain of not having any intimate female contact is rising to the top. I know soon I'll probably make an ass out of myself but if that's what it's going to take so be it.

I don't understand why I fear rejection so much, that's a huge mystery to me.

 

[Visceral]

Originally posted by Life-Trainee
I guess my question is: How do you think your way into not thinking? How do I consciously become unconscious of myself?? Is there a unconscious path into subconsious bypassing the rational mind?? I'm confused..

You can't and there isn't. If you are thinking to not think, then you are thinking. If you are consciously unconscious then you are conscious. These things are mutually exclusive; they don't lead to each other and you can't use one to create the other. If you try, it's just more ego.

The Zen state is what you're after - liberation from the ego, not harnessing it. Buddha himself said that enlightenment is nothing special, just natural, spontaneous, impulsive behavior - doing what you already know you want to do, instead of thinking, planning, and forcing. In the heat of the moment, when a thought enters your head, don't reflect on it; run with it.

Nietzsche and Rand both might say selfishness is a virtue, but when it comes to your mind, the focus should never be on you.
Focus on the HB ... don't focus on yourself focusing on the HB.
Focus on your friends ... don't focus on yourself focusing on your friends.
Focus on your work ... don't focus on yourself focusing on your work.
Focus on the barbell ... don't focus on yourself focusing on the barbell.

You should disappear from your own mind, leaving only the outside world for you to act upon. And without the ego to judge and control, your "true self" with all its machismo and horniness, is free to express itself ... which it will, without you having to make it. Don't hold anything back, but don't force things out either, for both are ego - the "true self" expresses itself spontaneously.

 

[Visceral]

Originally posted by Tazman
Currently, I'm engaged in a huge war between my ego and my fears. I've been more proactive lately because my stress levels are making it harder and harder to stay "positive" enough to get things going with women. There are times when I have an "I don't give a fvck" attitude, but rarely am I in a position to capitalize on it. I'm trying to reach a state where I can act more on impulse and feeling so my interactions don't seem "forced" and I tell you it is hard as hell.

I fear rejection but slowly the pain of not having any intimate female contact is rising to the top. I know soon I'll probably make an ass out of myself but if that's what it's going to take so be it.

I don't understand why I fear rejection so much, that's a huge mystery to me.

Fear is the ego protecting itself from pain, change, loss, and anything that contradicts it. When you realize that the ego isn't the real you, but just a model in your mind, fear will disappear. Forcing yourself through fear is still ego-driven, and the way most people function. When the ego integrates the new behavior, fear disappears because the ego does not fear itself.

Remembering to act on impulse is not acting on impulse. Trying to act on impulse is not acting on impulse. There shouldn't be any thought or effort involved, just doing what you already know you want to do without judging it or planning it out.

 

[Tazman]

Nietzsche and Rand both might say selfishness is a virtue, but when it comes to your mind, the focus should never be on you.
Focus on the HB ... don't focus on yourself focusing on the HB.
Focus on your friends ... don't focus on yourself focusing on your friends.
Focus on your work ... don't focus on yourself focusing on your work.
Focus on the barbell ... don't focus on yourself focusing on the barbell.

Yup, this is exactly what I do. I focus on myself focusing. Interesting though, how do you not focus on yourself and yet "know" that you didn't? I don't know how to do this without conscious effort, because I'm constantly "aware." Maybe I should try and be unaware?

 

[Visceral]

Originally posted by Tazman
Yup, this is exactly what I do. I focus on myself focusing. Interesting though, how do you not focus on yourself and yet "know" that you didn't? I don't know how to do this without conscious effort, because I'm constantly "aware." Maybe I should try and be unaware?

Yes, you can't be aware of yourself being unaware; you have to be completely unaware.

Don't try to do it, though, because that would be ego. Just let go; clear your mind and don't resist the impulses that arise.

 

[donovan]

This thread is brilliant!!

Eliminating fear is probably the most important thing you can do as an aspiring DJ or PUA.

A good book I read was called "Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway". I thought that was gold, but not as good as your Far Eastern philoshopies.. nice.

 

[mike88nf]

I think focusing on your ego as the source of your fears is the wrong idea. There are 2 main reasons for this...

1. If you ever did lose your ego, you would never be embarassesd or humiliated again. You would be the "real" you, with no image to uphold. You would be completely free.

But humans have an ego for a reason. Your ego also is your pride. Without an ego, you would not feel the same sense of happiness after winning a football game. You would not get that rush of pride after you beat up the bully in 8th grade.

Have you ever done something that made you real happy and made you want to go tell someone about it? Maybe you bought a new car, got a raise, won your fantasy football league. You want to show off your pride. That is part of our ego.

Now, imagine if we had no ego, if we didn't care what anyone else thought of us. It'd be as if we had just got a raise at work, but came home and had no one to tell. As if we just got a date with the hottest girl on campus, but had no-one to show her off too.

Without an ego your life would be in the middle ground, without any of the highs of pride or the lows of embarrasment. Your life would be BORING. Life is supposed to be a roller-coaster, it is those lows that make the highs that much better. It is those times you were made fun of that make your KO of your bully that much better.


2. Even if you ever could completely suppress your ego and lose your fear of rejection, sure, you might be able to talk to any woman on the face of the earth without being scared, but would you have the balls to start a fight? Would you have the balls to conquer your fear of heights? Go swimming with sharks? Ride that roller-coaster that you've always been too scared too ride?

Your ego-based fears are only one of the two types of fears we feel.

The other type is the physical fear. The fear of injury. Like your ego-based fears, most of the physical fears are illogical, most of our physical fears could never hurt us. (riding a roller-coaster, sky-diving, etc)


I think the key is to focus on overcoming all our fears (both ego and physical) at that "moment of truth", the moment when you ask a girl out, get on to a rollercoaster, jump out of an airplane, etc.

If you could do that, you truly would be free, from ALL your fears

 

[Visceral]

I can disprove your first conclusion. I personally am paralyzed by ego fear, which would suggest that I have an ego and a very powerful one at that. However, I have never felt any of the pride or ambition that you describe, which contradicts your claim that the ego is also responsible for these things as well.

It's possible that since I've never done any of the things you've mentioned, my conclusions are flawed, but since you make the claim that the ego motivates these actions in the first place, I find it difficult to believe that egolessness would deprive me of them since I clearly have an ego and it has not done any motivating.

Your conclusion may still be valid, but it's not always the case.

 

[eX-MdMa]

When you expirience fear just do it.You will feel much better for it.Like studying.It's not lazyness.It's actually a fear you won't learn it anyway so why try.Do it and fell much better about yourself.When you do alot of things that you fear and conquer your fears you will become more and more natural and impulsive.Also your self esteem will sky rocket.Little things count to.Don't be afraid.:cheer:

 

[brucevangeorge]

How do you say in english:


DJ BIBLE MATERIAL

 

[Vibe]

What's up, brothers. I know I've been gone for a long time and that this thread is pretty old, but it doesn't mean I haven't continued my studies, so I thought I might throw a little more info your way.

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Additionally, if you really want to transcend your fears and start attracting women via your positive heart energy, I would highly recommend purchasing his chakra balancing meditations. I recently started using these to meditate and, though I'm only on my second chakra, I have already had fantastic results.

Sign up for his newsletter and you'll get the links to the free materials, which have got a lot of things to teach you that you WON'T find in any other pick-up guide.

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Namaste

~Vibe~