themusicman
Don Juan
- Joined
- Apr 11, 2015
- Messages
- 13
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Hey guys. So I met this girl a couple weekends ago and for a couple weeks just could not get her out of my head. I work through my problems by writing about them, so I wrote a blog post on this topic and wanted to share it with you. Hopefully some other guys get some use out of it. I'm planning to start writing a lot more and possibly starting a blog, so if love any feedback you guys have.
It happens to the absolute best of us. Maybe you're out at the bar one Friday night, maybe you just started a new class, maybe she's a friend of a friend who just got introduced to the group. Whatever the situation, you've met a girl. And try as you might, you can't get her out of your head.
It sickens you. You're better than this! You're a strong, powerful man: so why are you waiting by the phone for text messages and reloading Facebook to see if she's accepted your friend request? Why have you dissolved into a puddle of mushy, weak puppy love?
You can call it whatever you like: being smitten, being obsessed, being head over heels in love. I prefer the term infatuated. Infatuation means "an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something." I love that definition because of the "short-lived" thrown in there. Look, every guy feels this way. It's totally normal. I'm feeling it right now, which is why I'm writing this post. The thing is, we need to learn to keep these emotions short-lived, because feeling this way about a girl isn't good for you or her.
First of all, it's a huge distraction. You lose focus on your work, your fitness, your friends and family, all the other things that matter in your life because you're so strung up on this girl. A woman should never be the main focus of your life! Women are great: they are kind, nurturing, intelligent in ways you can't imagine, and of course, beautiful. But to wrap yourself up in one is foolish. You are a man, and you have mountains to scale, buildings to erect, and nations to conquer. How are you going to do all that if you're laying in bed sighing longingly over her latest Instagram picture?
Second of all, she's going to be able to tell you feel this way. No matter how cool you try to play it, women are extremely intuitive and will smell your infatuation from a mile away. And putting her on a pedestal like that is extremely unattractive to her. It makes you come across as weak, needy, and like you have so few options that you're willing to dive right in with a girl you just met and hardly know. Not cool, dude. And when she sees you like this, it's bad news for both of you. You're shooting yourself in the foot by driving away the very person you want to attract. And she's missing out on dating a great, valuable guy because she's not seeing the real, strong, powerful you- instead she's seeing this weepy, Nicholas Sparks-esque creature that you've become.
So how do we break the cycle? How do we get her out of our heads so we can get back to our lives? Here are three steps below.
Rise and Grind
The first thing you need to do is shift your focus to something else. It's incredibly difficult to when all you want is to ruminate on "the one", but it's important to regaining control. Set up an ambitious to-do list at work, grab some coffee and put on a kick-ass playlist, and knock everything out. Fill your body with good foods- protein, complex carbs, good fats, veggies, and lots of water- so you physically feel great. Hit the gym, and hit it hard, every day you can. Also make some time to do some fun things that you've never done. Go to a shooting range and learn how to handle a gun. Go kayaking with your buddies (not with the girl). Take a martial arts class. Go skydiving. Whatever it is you've been wanting to do but haven't, go do it.
When we get in this puppy love frame of mind, it can feel like the only way we're going to be happy and successful is if we get that girl. The point of this first step is to expose what BS that thought is. You don't need that woman- or any woman- to be happy. Remind yourself of that.
Flip the Script
The reason that you're infatuated with this girl is that you've put her on a pedestal. You've made her into this amazing object that you worship day in, day out, and that you think you could never be good enough for. Dude, that's so not true. In fact, it's pretty likely that most of the "reasons" you have why she's way out of your league are things you've fabricated in your mind. I want you to confirm that with a simple exercise.
Get a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle, dividing it into two columns. At the top of the left column, write your name, at the top of the right, write hers. Now I want you to go down the left column and start listing all the things that make you valuable. These can be tangible- your salary, your physical strength, a talent you might have- or intangible, like your protective nature, your drive, your passions. (If you're having trouble listing values for yourself, then you need to take a step back and work on you.) Now go to the right column and do the same thing for her. Make sure her values are real, and not something you've made up in your head! You should have far more tangibles vs. intangibles in her column, because you don't know her that well yet.
What do your two lists look like? Hopefully, you've got a long string of things that are great about you. In her column, I would guess you've got "she's hot" plus potentially a couple of talents she's exhibited since you met her. What's the point of this exercise? To make you realize that you're the catch, not her. You know how great you are and how much you have to offer her. If you two are going to continue seeing each other, the onus is on her to show you what she has to offer, to give you more things to fill up her column until you're convinced she's the right person for you.
At this point, you've realized two important things: that you don't need this girl to make you happy, and that she should be chasing you, not the other way around. Now, the final step:
Treat Her Like Anyone Else
You've now proved to yourself that she's great, but nothing special, so treat her that way. Stop texting her relentlessly or stalking her Facebook or Instagram profile. You may be tempted to do the opposite- to completely ignore her so the feelings go away, which is what I tend to do in these situations. Don't do that either. Talk to her a normal amount, just like you would anyone else. As soon as you feel the urge, express your attraction to her and ask her on a date. if she says yes, congratulations! You've beaten your infatuation and scored an awesome girl. If she says no- oh, well. It's too bad she'll never see all those things you put in the left column. Now if she'll excuse you, you've got some skydiving to do.
It happens to the absolute best of us. Maybe you're out at the bar one Friday night, maybe you just started a new class, maybe she's a friend of a friend who just got introduced to the group. Whatever the situation, you've met a girl. And try as you might, you can't get her out of your head.
It sickens you. You're better than this! You're a strong, powerful man: so why are you waiting by the phone for text messages and reloading Facebook to see if she's accepted your friend request? Why have you dissolved into a puddle of mushy, weak puppy love?
You can call it whatever you like: being smitten, being obsessed, being head over heels in love. I prefer the term infatuated. Infatuation means "an intense but short-lived passion or admiration for someone or something." I love that definition because of the "short-lived" thrown in there. Look, every guy feels this way. It's totally normal. I'm feeling it right now, which is why I'm writing this post. The thing is, we need to learn to keep these emotions short-lived, because feeling this way about a girl isn't good for you or her.
First of all, it's a huge distraction. You lose focus on your work, your fitness, your friends and family, all the other things that matter in your life because you're so strung up on this girl. A woman should never be the main focus of your life! Women are great: they are kind, nurturing, intelligent in ways you can't imagine, and of course, beautiful. But to wrap yourself up in one is foolish. You are a man, and you have mountains to scale, buildings to erect, and nations to conquer. How are you going to do all that if you're laying in bed sighing longingly over her latest Instagram picture?
Second of all, she's going to be able to tell you feel this way. No matter how cool you try to play it, women are extremely intuitive and will smell your infatuation from a mile away. And putting her on a pedestal like that is extremely unattractive to her. It makes you come across as weak, needy, and like you have so few options that you're willing to dive right in with a girl you just met and hardly know. Not cool, dude. And when she sees you like this, it's bad news for both of you. You're shooting yourself in the foot by driving away the very person you want to attract. And she's missing out on dating a great, valuable guy because she's not seeing the real, strong, powerful you- instead she's seeing this weepy, Nicholas Sparks-esque creature that you've become.
So how do we break the cycle? How do we get her out of our heads so we can get back to our lives? Here are three steps below.
Rise and Grind
The first thing you need to do is shift your focus to something else. It's incredibly difficult to when all you want is to ruminate on "the one", but it's important to regaining control. Set up an ambitious to-do list at work, grab some coffee and put on a kick-ass playlist, and knock everything out. Fill your body with good foods- protein, complex carbs, good fats, veggies, and lots of water- so you physically feel great. Hit the gym, and hit it hard, every day you can. Also make some time to do some fun things that you've never done. Go to a shooting range and learn how to handle a gun. Go kayaking with your buddies (not with the girl). Take a martial arts class. Go skydiving. Whatever it is you've been wanting to do but haven't, go do it.
When we get in this puppy love frame of mind, it can feel like the only way we're going to be happy and successful is if we get that girl. The point of this first step is to expose what BS that thought is. You don't need that woman- or any woman- to be happy. Remind yourself of that.
Flip the Script
The reason that you're infatuated with this girl is that you've put her on a pedestal. You've made her into this amazing object that you worship day in, day out, and that you think you could never be good enough for. Dude, that's so not true. In fact, it's pretty likely that most of the "reasons" you have why she's way out of your league are things you've fabricated in your mind. I want you to confirm that with a simple exercise.
Get a piece of paper and draw a line down the middle, dividing it into two columns. At the top of the left column, write your name, at the top of the right, write hers. Now I want you to go down the left column and start listing all the things that make you valuable. These can be tangible- your salary, your physical strength, a talent you might have- or intangible, like your protective nature, your drive, your passions. (If you're having trouble listing values for yourself, then you need to take a step back and work on you.) Now go to the right column and do the same thing for her. Make sure her values are real, and not something you've made up in your head! You should have far more tangibles vs. intangibles in her column, because you don't know her that well yet.
What do your two lists look like? Hopefully, you've got a long string of things that are great about you. In her column, I would guess you've got "she's hot" plus potentially a couple of talents she's exhibited since you met her. What's the point of this exercise? To make you realize that you're the catch, not her. You know how great you are and how much you have to offer her. If you two are going to continue seeing each other, the onus is on her to show you what she has to offer, to give you more things to fill up her column until you're convinced she's the right person for you.
At this point, you've realized two important things: that you don't need this girl to make you happy, and that she should be chasing you, not the other way around. Now, the final step:
Treat Her Like Anyone Else
You've now proved to yourself that she's great, but nothing special, so treat her that way. Stop texting her relentlessly or stalking her Facebook or Instagram profile. You may be tempted to do the opposite- to completely ignore her so the feelings go away, which is what I tend to do in these situations. Don't do that either. Talk to her a normal amount, just like you would anyone else. As soon as you feel the urge, express your attraction to her and ask her on a date. if she says yes, congratulations! You've beaten your infatuation and scored an awesome girl. If she says no- oh, well. It's too bad she'll never see all those things you put in the left column. Now if she'll excuse you, you've got some skydiving to do.
