how to deal with women/disputes in everyday life?

[Heretolearn]

Hi,

Now this question could easily be how to deal with people but I do find a difference between men and women.

Eg. working, socialising/friends etc.

Now if I have a problem with a guy, my direct approach works well. Whats up? Something cool and we deal with it. Express. This works for me.

Alas I try this with girls but does not work.

Eg. at work, 2 women treating me differently and badly. I act friendly and hope it will pass. It gets worse so I ask them both is there something up. They say 'nothing'. They keep acting badly. I just keep acting professionally and making efforts. It gets worse. I tell my boss who says just keep trying.

I then find out they complained to the Project director that I was not doing my job etc. (so that is why they were annoyed). My boss defended me as I do an awesome job. Never in question.

But how do you deal with disputes etc. I spoke to a friend (girl) and they said that I am very confrontational and when I am direct that makes girls back away instead of opening up and dealing with the issue.

Notice this? Any suggestions?

thanks

 

[Alexander the Great]

NOTICE this?

My friend, most women are LOUSY when it comes to solving interpersonal problems. Why else do you think it's always women at work who play the gossip and backstabbing games?

Confrontation in this situation doesn't work. Leave it be and do your job. And most of all, DON'T come sucking up to these women as you might be doing by trying to "fix" it. Women aren't ready to "fix" it until their feelings run so high they need to unleash. And even then, their idea of "fixing" it is to mess their opponent up so that he lashes out/confronts first. So, don't get sucked into that. Trying to fix it is just oil on their brooding fire.

Stay professional, aloof and to the point. Ignore them otherwise. Make them go crazy by not playing their game. Let's see who lasts longer. Don't be conscious about this of course, lest it soils your mind. Just do your thing at work.

Your boss says you're doing awesome? Then it's probably these two who f*cked up somewhere in the chain, or they just plain dislike you for some illogical womanly reason. F*ck them. Women don't play by men's ways, and we don't play by theirs. Until both sides realise that,nothing changes. In general.

And don't ask advice on this from women, especially not even women friends They don't even know the way they work themselves. Usually. They're clueless. Your friend is obviously telling you the way women work: lie low, lie low, until it can't be avoided anymore and then twist the truth so they appear innocent. Asking a woman for advice on this is equal to getting petrol on your hands to ignite yourself with. Unless you can read the subluminal truth in their words.

Be a man and do your thing. If your boss thinks you're doing awesome, then what are you worried about? Being considerate with your co-workers is admirable, but if your co-workers are only being considerate with themselves, then you're just being a doormat.

There is no reason for anyone to treat you badly if you didn't do it to them first. Feeling that you're not doing your job well is no reason to treat anyone badly. Not unless you've talked about it and the bad worker was being an ass about it. Has that occured? No, you say. This is what women generally are like: you did something in their minds, and now they're entitled to their brooding until you change. What's there to change? They didn't even tell you, not even when you asked.

What kind of childish behaviour is that? I wouldn't act like this. Would you? Of course, we are men. Most women see this diffently. Most women expect us to be mind readers. The funny thing is, they're not even themselves. Remember what I said about gossip and backstabbing at the office?

F*ck them. (In the head.)

My two cents, based on the limited info you gave. Alright, alright, 5 cents perhaps.

 

[Hooligan Harry]

Eg. at work, 2 women treating me differently and badly. I act friendly and hope it will pass. It gets worse so I ask them both is there something up. They say 'nothing'. They keep acting badly. I just keep acting professionally and making efforts. It gets worse. I tell my boss who says just keep trying.

I then find out they complained to the Project director that I was not doing my job etc. (so that is why they were annoyed). My boss defended me as I do an awesome job. Never in question.

But how do you deal with disputes etc. I spoke to a friend (girl) and they said that I am very confrontational and when I am direct that makes girls back away instead of opening up and dealing with the issue.

Notice this? Any suggestions?

thanks

****in drama in the workplace. Then they wonder why they earn 86c to the $. I dont know what american workplace culture is like but I have worked in the UK, South Africa, Australia and Singapore. Singapore was the only place where you can actually work alongside women without much issue, unless they are white women. So this advice has worked in my experience though. I typically work in an environment which is always confrontational and competitive so I am used to this crap.

As soon as they start their ****, IGNORE THEM. Nothing pisses off little miss muffet more then a peer not giving them any recognition or time whatsoever. You remain polite, greet them on the way in and the way out. Thats it though. No small talk about the weekend. No talk about what you think is a good idea. No "thanks for getting this too me". Nothing. You dont even address them during meetings unless its to hammer a point they raise.

Women prize recognition more then they do their paycheck. Its why they accept the same job for a lower wage. Most men dont care about the title they want x amount of dollars. She wants the title, which = recognition, which in her mind = dollars. As soon as she does not get the response the title deserves, it will get her back up. I have always joked that the best way to get cheap labour was to give a woman a fancy title and tell her that the job is vital to the success of the companies mission. She will man those phones and make that tea like no ones business.

Its natural for the silly little things to eventually seek out your approval because it kills them when they have to work with someone who may not approve of them or may possibly think they are useless. SO eventually they will try to be social with you. Then you can play it however you like. If she is normally ok and you get on well you can tell her you dont appreciate the moods and expect her to act professionally even though you consider her a friend at work. If you hate the *****, be frank with her and tell her you have no desire for small talk because all it leads to are mood swings and drama. Then you keep treating her like you have been.

One word of advice though, dont even ask them if something is up. All you are doing is acknowledging that there is a problem and you have noticed their shift in mood. The workplace has no place for their mood swings or emotional manipulation. Make sure they know you wont tolerate that crap and make sure you never acknowledge it

If this comes across as being the ranting of a sexist pig? It is the ranting of a sexist pig. I am a sexist pig. Most are crap at their job.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

I have dealt with this myself.

These girls (and I do mean GIRLS) have essentially sized you up as a chump and are trying to knock you down a peg in the workplace.

Don't fall for it. Don't argue or get emotional or stoop to their level.

Communicate with your supervisors and make sure they know exactly what is going on. Be as factual as possible when you are stating your case.

Best of luck.

 

[mrRuckus]

Another reason why women should not be in the workplace.

I don't believe in "sexist." We are not equal.

 

[Mr. Me]

Devoid of television access during work breaks in which to watch their soap operas, Babs and Mandy stir up drama at the office to satisfy their cravings.

 

[jophil28]

My boss defended me as I do an awesome job. Never in question.

" awesome job" This is your suit of armor. Your skills, competence and contribution to each project are your weapons .

When I was a junior employee I was given some sage advice.
" Be careful how you complain in an office. It does not matter in the long run who or what the facts are, the longer a person complains, the MORE they become THE PROBLEM. "

Women can quickly take a dislike to a man for the most trivial reasons, and they hold grudges forever. These are NOT your problems to solve and you should not try to "fix" them.

The way to defeat these harpies is to let them whine and backstab YOU out of their own jobs.

IF I were you I would be bright and breezy and do it publicly. BE uber polite to all and cooly pleasant to the baitch brigade.
Do not react to any of their drama or provocations. Let their b*tch campaign work against them. IT will turn the office atmosphere sour eventually, but you need to be above it all, and be seen to be above it all. The rumors about you may startup or the backstabbing may begin BUT do not react.The way to win is NOT to play.

Been there several times.

 

[Colossus]

For some reason women cant seem to get through ONE day at work without gossiping or being malicious towards each other. The WORST thing you can do is get involved.

They will come to you looking for validation, for sympathy, for company in their misery. The best you can do is just shake your head and say "hmm." I work in an office where I am surrounded by bickering wenches. EVERY day they come in to my room *****ing and griping about each other and saying they cant take it anymore and a bunch of other stuff I could give a rat's balls about.

Just DO NOT fall into the complaining trap. Do your job well and you will come out fine.

 

[jafyk]

I have dealt with this myself.

These girls (and I do mean GIRLS) have essentially sized you up as a chump and are trying to knock you down a peg in the workplace.

Don't fall for it. Don't argue or get emotional or stoop to their level.

Communicate with your supervisors and make sure they know exactly what is going on. Be as factual as possible when you are stating your case.

Best of luck.

Andy I think your signature quote is interesting pls PM me and explain what it means. Thanks.

 

[Heretolearn]

great replies guys thanks.

To summarise my understanding:

KEY: DO NOT PLAY THEIR GAME.

I can do this by distancing myself. Putting my energy into my identity,work and reputation. I be polite and super cool on the outside but nothing more. Limit interactions to only essential.

Do not acknowledge the issue and act differently. Act like everything is cool.

Then have I got this part right. If do this then eventually they will blow themselves up/be their own demise? or just get over it and be cool?

Meanwhile what ever happens, I am just improving my life

Is that about it?

*so biggest change for me will be not acknowledging the shift when it is super obvious.

Reminds me of gfs in high school.

girl: acting super moody
Me: Whats wrong
girl: nothing
me: something is clearly up you are acting weird
girl: nothing
me: ok, I am just going to pretend like everything is cool.
girl: pouts more

*I should leave but
me: was it this?
girl: no
me: guess 8 times and eventually say 'was it because I danced the last song with sofia not you'
girl:...................maybe

* and whoa presto.


So how do I deal with the inbetween times dealing with the girl when she is being weird. (both in relationships and at work). Ideally you have no contact but if you are forced to what do you do to prevent frustration and anger at their mood/behaviour?