How to deal with this situation

[sunlight44]

I have been dating tis girls for almost a year now, we have been through a lot! for the first 6-7months she was playing her games and dragging me along my mistake and i should of billed out but i stayed because i made a mistake that i never made in my life before i was dating only one her! and nobody else so i got trapped with here, we have through break ups on and off, before i meet her she brook up with her 7years boyfriend and start dating another dud for about six months then he left the country, then i meet her and start dating but she still see her ex for 7years once a while for drink as friends like she said and staying in touch with the other ex who left the country, i told her if we are dating you should not stay in touch with your ex, she didn't listen to me, one day she sent a message to me by mistake telling to her 6months ex she loved him! and i think she did and to make the story short i confronted her about everything and i left for a vacation and i got a message by mistake again that the ex she love got married, i told her about it and when i come back from vacation she had totaly changed and give all her attention to me but in my mind is too late so it has been good for the last 2-3months but i brook up with her anyway because i lost the trust and i can't gain it anymore, i told her i can only stay as friends but she keep calling me every day and crying to give her another chance and she does love me (she said she love me while she sent that message to her ex!) but i couldn't do it anymore, it's not easy for me either even if
i am the one who brook it of but she keep crying to me! but i say no to her even if she has changed! she trying everyway to get me back!

I hope i made the right decision because when you are in situation like this your mind don't think clear and other opionion are valuable! Thank you for any input

 

[( . )( . )]

No I dont believe you did make the right decision, she "loves" all her outlets equally. You thinking she should solely devote to you and you entirely is rubbish.

Unless you can give her what all her current tentacles have in place (which you probably cant) stop with the fantasies and delusions about yourself.

i told her if we are dating you should not stay in touch with your ex, she didn't listen to me

And she was right in doing so.

Now your pride and false notions have thrown away another lay, for what?

 

[joekerr31]

you did the right thing.

you were her back up, she really wanted to be with the other guy. now though that she can't, you're her front runner again.

if you take her back you are done. sure, right now she'll say anything you want. but if you take her back in the back of her mind she will know that even though you found out that she wanted to DUMP you and run off with this OTHER guy (and trust me, that was her plan if she was telling the guy she loved him), you stuck around. and she knows that makes you an AFC!

so she may be crying now, but if you take her back in six months from now she'll be busting your balls over whatever she wants, because she would KNOW that there is pretty much NOTHING she couldn't do that would cause you to leave.

she crossed the line and you did the right thing dumping her.

shes not with you becuase she loves you, she was with you because she can't stand to be alone - sound like a familiar song guys?

one of the major reasons you have to be very very careful trusting a woman is that they are so afraid to be alone that they will say whatever they have to in order to keep a guy around.

so many guys get the sob speech, stick around, then 3 months later get dumped on their asses. why? because the chic knew it was over, but wanted someone around until she could find a new guy.

when its over, ITS OVER. if you walk away, STAY AWAY.

if the two of you have six months of no contact and then bump into each other and the sparks are still there, then give it another go.

anyway, you did the right thing.

 

[sunlight44]

joekerr31, you are a DJ for a reason and everything you say is true and that what i was thinking too! you right i was her back up when the other guy is gone i am her #1 but even if she really love me like she said which i don't beleive i lost the trust, and it's hard for me to be with somebody i don't trust!

You said" if the two of you have six months of no contact and then bump into each other and the sparks are still there, then give it another go. "

I told her to stay friend and there will be contact somehow, i don't know if this friendship will work out or no! Thank you

 

[joekerr31]

its possible that both i and the above poster are both right.

you see, the funny thing with relationships is that they hinge on two people's perspectives towards life.

you are obviously looking for a mature, honest, trust worthy woman. she has failed to meet that criteria on all fronts.

so for YOU, she should no longer be a candidate as a mate.

sooo many guys take chics back because:

1) they dont want to be alone (fear, insecurity, etc.)
2) they think all women are the same and they'll never find one with the qualities they want. (urge to settle)
3) they think that women are the PRIZE (ie. they are LUCKY to have a woman in the first place)
4) they don't trust their own decisions. (second guessing themselves)

#4 is a BIG one. this is where women's power is rooted. you see, women, even when they are 100% WRONG, always think they are right. and thats a huge source of power. I encourage all men to steal this trick from women when walking away from a relationship - DO NOT second guess yourself. walk away and believe with 100% conviction that it is the right thing to do. and 99.9999% of the time it is. the very fact that getting regularly p*ssy isn't enough to stop you from seriously thinking about leaving a woman is a big red flag that you SHOULD get the hell away from her.

now, when you are in a relationship i dont think you should apply #4 - because to have a healthy relationship you have to find middle ground, and you can't do that if you always think you are right about everything. this is also a mistake that many women make, and one of hte major reasons men dump women - they get sick and tired of always being told they are wrong or not good enough.

anyway, most guys can't walk away because of the above 4 reasons.


and just for the record, i don't know if im much of a DJ. to be honest, i don't take a huge interest in most women - im too wrapped up in other areas of my life.

but handling women is no different than handling any other situation in life. you have to look at the situation objectively and then you have to be willing make the hard decisions.

if you have a job that sucks are you going to stay in it just because you get a pay cheque? most people do - and as a result they spend decades in jobs they hate.

if you aren't getting something rewarding back from a woman, a job, whatever - you have to have the strength to change the situation. only through change will you eventually find the job, woman, etc. that you are looking for.

 

[Bourne]

joekerr31, thanks for that. This comes at a perfect moment in my life with a girl and her b/f and me and the decision that will take place in less then 2 hours as she flies into the airport. good post, perfect timing.

 

[joekerr31]

good luck with that bud.
let us know how it goes.

 

[sunlight44]

( . )( . ) sorry i didn't mean to ignore your opinion, you may be right too but just that joekerr31 was agreeing with my deep gut feeling, and like he was reading my mind, i appreciate your opinion...

joekerr31, that was a great point you made that women gain power from always believing in themselves as 100% right...something like that and other small thing men don't see and that keep most men lost...
I think sometime i second guess my self not because i don't trust myself or i see that woman is 100%right but because i always have a hard time debating with myself if i hurt that person or not..even if she hurt me before... so mostly from guilt...

 

[sunlight44]

I have not been here for a while but since i brooke up with this girl it' s has been about three months now, it seems like i lost my confidence and when i got out i don't score with women like i used to... and now i am not dating anybody now because of that ( lost confidence) and this make think about the same girl i brooke up with it's she is like the only one i can see infront of me now.
Is this natural thing that people go though when they had a bad experience in a relationship? and what to do about it to gain confidence again? any feedback is appreciated.

 

[penkitten]

they get on a new girl as fast as they can.

 

[sunlight44]

Thank you penkitten for the tip, and also for the flowers