How to deal with possible user

[drZaius09]

I've been seeing this girl for the past few weeks (one of two, but this one I like the best)... anyway, we've been out a few times but I suspect that her interest in me may not be sky-high. Whenever I call to ask her out she seems to be busy most of the time I'm free, but I've been able to get together with her a few times regardless.

One of my customers gave me a pair of Red Sox tickets last weekend, and even though I despise the game of baseball (I'm a hockey/football guy all the way) I figured I'd put them to good use. I know this girl loves the Sox, so rather than give the tickets away to a friend, I called her up Monday and asked if she'd like to go with me (the game is next week). She couldn't have been more enthusiastic about going. So with that all set-up, I asked what she was doing the rest of the week (this week). She proceeded to rattle off a whole littany of plans which totally booked her for every single f*cking day. "Tomorrow I'm doing this, Wednesday I'm doing that, Thursday, Friday, Saturday..." Every f*cking day she's busy. I realize now I probably should've asked her out for this week first before mentioning the tickets, but now it's too late.

This girl could very well be a user. You know, the professional dater type who uses guys to fill her social calender. I really don't feel like taking this girl to the game (at great personal suffering to me) if there's not going to be any chance of "something" in return. I know one of the more popular caveats on this board is "if she's interested, she'll make it easy on you." Well this girl is certainly NOT making it easy. But then again, she does accept my calls every time and she has gone out with me a few times as well. Maybe she's just a real busy girl? Usually they won't take your calls at all if they don't like you, which is why I fear she may be using me. Right now I'm just looking for your opinions on how you'd handle a similar situation.

 

[TheCollector]

yeah man that sounds suspicious. This girl sounds like she wouldnt even be worth your valuable time. I'm in a similar situation right now where im feeling this girl is trying to use me i'm just going to have to cut off contact with her. As for you it sounds like she is busy on every other day but when there is red sox tickets shes running to you. Her interest level doesnt sound very high.

 

[am4591]

If you hate baseball, then don't take her to the game. Don't kiss her a$$ for brownie points. Take her to something you both enjoy.

Also, instead of asking what she's doing the rest of the week, suggest a specific day and a specific thing to do (dinner, drinks, concert, whatever).

Anything physical going on? If not, after having gotten together with her a few times, it's time to dump her and move on.

 

[drZaius09]

I do hate baseball, but it's still something to do. The tickets were free, so it's not all that horrible.

And I did ask her out on a specific day for a specific thing, that's when she went into the whole rant about being busy all week.

Physical? Well, we've kissed, but it was kinda weak.... I don't really consider that "physical" anyway, but then again, I am used to filthy f*cking wh0res and she may be a "good" girl (and I use that term loosely). If you advocate nexting this girl, how do you suggest I back out of this without coming off as a complete ass? After all, she does know some people I am friends with.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Dr. Z,

Give the tickets to your friend. Keep the date with the girl, when you guys meet, tell her that your friend really wanted to go, so you, always the good person, gave him the tix. Tell her you two can go do something else together. Pay attention to her reaction. That will tell you a lot more than going along with plan A. One, you will know wether she's interested in hanging out with you, two, if she can't appreaciate a philantropist like you, then she's not worth it. Haha. Good luck man, better yet, go out and create your luck!

 

[Ronin I]

Originally posted by drZaius09
I've been seeing this girl for the past few weeks (one of two, but this one I like the best)... anyway, we've been out a few times but I suspect that her interest in me may not be sky-high. Whenever I call to ask her out she seems to be busy most of the time I'm free, but I've been able to get together with her a few times regardless.

One of my customers gave me a pair of Red Sox tickets last weekend, and even though I despise the game of baseball (I'm a hockey/football guy all the way) I figured I'd put them to good use. I know this girl loves the Sox, so rather than give the tickets away to a friend, I called her up Monday and asked if she'd like to go with me (the game is next week). She couldn't have been more enthusiastic about going. So with that all set-up, I asked what she was doing the rest of the week (this week). She proceeded to rattle off a whole littany of plans which totally booked her for every single f*cking day. "Tomorrow I'm doing this, Wednesday I'm doing that, Thursday, Friday, Saturday..." Every f*cking day she's busy. I realize now I probably should've asked her out for this week first before mentioning the tickets, but now it's too late.

This girl could very well be a user. You know, the professional dater type who uses guys to fill her social calender. I really don't feel like taking this girl to the game (at great personal suffering to me) if there's not going to be any chance of "something" in return. I know one of the more popular caveats on this board is "if she's interested, she'll make it easy on you." Well this girl is certainly NOT making it easy. But then again, she does accept my calls every time and she has gone out with me a few times as well. Maybe she's just a real busy girl? Usually they won't take your calls at all if they don't like you, which is why I fear she may be using me. Right now I'm just looking for your opinions on how you'd handle a similar situation.

I'm in a very similar situation - I'm having a hard time telling if she's just really busy, has low IL, or is playing hard to get.

It's hard to tell sometimes.

Does this girl ever call you?

My strategy right now is to be confidently persistant.

I'll let you know how it turns out though.

 

[drZaius09]

Re: Re: How to deal with possible user

Originally posted by Ronin I

Does this girl ever call you?

No... but I have a feeling I'll get a call at some point before game-time, because I'm not going to call her first. I've decided after some consideration that if she does get ahold of me then I'll just go and give it one more shot. Only because I really have nothing else to do that day anyway. But this is the last straw. If significant progress is not made by the end of that evening, f*ck her.

(actually she has called me a couple times... once to return my call, and another time when we made plans to hang-out she called to confirm before I picked her up)

 

[TesuqueRed]

Step back a ways and sum it up:

a) a lot of negatives.
b) no positives.
c0 everything else is falls into the "much confusion" category.

Eject. Do so before she flakes on you.

_______________
Now, along the lines of Pook's "get a life" or "lose that desperation"... I would point out the following:

You don't like baseball. Who gives a shyt if the tix are free? If it were nude midget mud wrestling, would you go? (Ok maybe you're a freak, but pretend you're not and answer the question...)

You don't have anything better to do that afternoon, and it's something to do (I'm quoting you here)---that is pyss-poor reason and she can smell it off you, too.

Short term: next her, she's not interested and you've wasted enough time already. The last chance occured long ago and she's merely using you (you're perceptive here) to fill up her social calendar (you don't want to know how she describes you and her date with her to her friends, trust me.)

 

[drZaius09]

Dude, Tesuque, I value your input, no doubt. But don't hit me with that "kill the desperation" sh1t. There's no desperation here, bro. I don't give a goddamn if I never hear from this girl again. Let me tell you what, if a male friend came to me and offered me a free ticket to the same game on the same day, I'd more than likely go with him too because it IS something to do. Perhaps I just don't feel like glueing myself to the couch that evening when there are other options.

 

[JustDoItAlways]

I don't know if this is the case with your girl or not but there is a lot of women today who brainwash themselves into thinking that they always have to be busy doing something.

In some ways, it is just a bragging thing "Oh, I have some much going on, that I have no free time at all. On Monday, I go to the gym, on Tuesday I have ceramics class, ... On Saturday my cousin is coming into town and on ... "

I know this one girl who suddenly had one free night per week when one of her evening classes ended. What did she do? She signs up to volunteer in the children's ward at a hospital. Jeez.

This girl was hinting to me that we should go out. I asked her out. Got the "Oh, I have basketweaving class ..." No counteroffer. Next. Almost that is. She keeps hinting, I ask again. Same thing. Six months later and this chick still has no boyfriend and has not gone on any dates and she is an absolute knockout (besides being the type that volunteers at a hospital.)

These chicks aren't playing with guys but breaking into the 24/7 schedule is nearly impossible. This is true for dates but even more so for an actual relationship.

If you do break into it, be prepared to rarely see her as well as being constantly coaxed to join some ceramics class (not with her but on your own.) You have to be a busy person just like she is.

 

[Ronin I]

Originally posted by JustDoItAlways
I don't know if this is the case with your girl or not but there is a lot of women today who brainwash themselves into thinking that they always have to be busy doing something.

In some ways, it is just a bragging thing "Oh, I have some much going on, that I have no free time at all. On Monday, I go to the gym, on Tuesday I have ceramics class, ... On Saturday my cousin is coming into town and on ... "

I know this one girl who suddenly had one free night per week when one of her evening classes ended. What did she do? She signs up to volunteer in the children's ward at a hospital. Jeez.

This girl was hinting to me that we should go out. I asked her out. Got the "Oh, I have basketweaving class ..." No counteroffer. Next. Almost that is. She keeps hinting, I ask again. Same thing. Six months later and this chick still has no boyfriend and has not gone on any dates and she is an absolute knockout (besides being the type that volunteers at a hospital.)

These chicks aren't playing with guys but breaking into the 24/7 schedule is nearly impossible. This is true for dates but even more so for an actual relationship.

If you do break into it, be prepared to rarely see her as well as being constantly coaxed to join some ceramics class (not with her but on your own.) You have to be a busy person just like she is.

Wow this describes the girl I posted about earlier in this thread to a tee. She hasn't had a boyfriend in 2 1/2 years and it isn't because of her looks (she is very attractive).

It seems like I go from one extreme to the next. This girl is in complete contrast to the girls that I've had in the past that absolutely have to be in a relationship to have any self worth. I get the vibe from this girl that she really doesn't care all that much whether she's in a relationship or not. (It's been 2 1/2 years after all!) Kinda strange.

 

[drZaius09]

That's an interesting take, JustDoIt. I rarely tend to recognize any possibilities that aren't inherently cynical in nature.

 

[1utfan1]

Originally posted by Gangster Of Love
Dr. Z,

Give the tickets to your friend. Keep the date with the girl, when you guys meet, tell her that your friend really wanted to go, so you, always the good person, gave him the tix. Tell her you two can go do something else together. Pay attention to her reaction. That will tell you a lot more than going along with plan A. One, you will know wether she's interested in hanging out with you, two, if she can't appreaciate a philantropist like you, then she's not worth it. Haha. Good luck man, better yet, go out and create your luck!

I like this idea!