How to deal with My Girlfriends ex-Sexual Partners

[PlayToWin]

So long story short is that I have a girlfriend of about 5 months(plus 3 months dating) Well since we are in college, we happened to run into an ex or two she had at some of the bars. Well that plus the fact that a few conversations we had began revealing how many partners she may have had, has lead to me thinking the worst about what her life may have been like before. I decided to ask her to tell me the entire truth about her past, including her sexual numbers/experience. Well when she met me she was 19, almost 20, and it turns out she has slept with 9 guys including me, and hooked with several more in addition. A good amount of those were at least temporary boyfriends. So it could be a lot worse, but it could be a lot better.

The problem is that even though I don't know these guys personally, her inability to not show emotion when it comes to being in situations/bars where these guys might be is driving me crazy with jealously/hatred over her past. It makes me sick to my stomach to think of her with this many different guys especially since when one of them may or may not be in vicinity she always shows how uncomfortably she is, which makes me uncomfortable. Plus the fact that it some how comes up in conversation if I do something similar to any of those people that she has dated. I have had extended conversations with her on the subject but it simply comes down to, how do I justify/deal with the number of guys she has been with, and how do I move on.

 

[KontrollerX]

Take the number she told you she's been with and multiply it by 3 and you'll have the real number or something closer to it.

In anycase it shouldn't concern us guys how many sexual partners a woman has been with in her life, rather the only thing that should concern us is if our woman is loyal to us in our relationship with her.

So yeah you fvcked yourself over by asking her about her past since you can't deal with it so now you've reaped the consequences and will eventually have to dump her if you can't come to terms with her past.

So use that as a lesson to not inquire about the past of new girlfriends you get and even tell them upfront that you don't want to know.

If you are worried about coming off as insultive or insecure by saying that just make up some lovey dovey bullsh!t to go along with it such as you don't expect a girl to kiss and tell or you respect her too much to need to know all her past relationship secrets etc.

Something legitimate sounding that can get her to shut up about her past basically without her feeling offended or feeling you are being insecure.

 

[Captain]

Just imagine their c*cks sliding in, and out, and in, and out...

Really, don't think about it. Most women her age have had sex. She's actually had sex with quite a few more than she is letting on.

The problem is that even though I don't know these guys personally, her inability to not show emotion when it comes to being in situations/bars where these guys might be

Explain this a little more.

If she keeps bringing up her exes, tell her to stop it, if she keeps it up, leave her.

If you want to be less insecure, find some other women yourself.

 

[AAAgent]

it's none of your business and it will only hurt your relationship if you dwell on it. Take it from someone whose learned from REAL LIFE experience on this.

All that should matter to you about her is what has happened with you and what might come in the future between you two. Ignore all that happened before and if you see an ex or happen to actually have a conversation all together just don't let it phase you and act normally as you would to anyone else unless there's a problem. If you let it affect you, it will affect her as well and ultimately it will affect your relationship.

There's nothing you can do about the past, so just move forward from it.

 

[drak_ool]

here's the thing: the problem is not what her actual number is (99% chances she's lying about it anyways), the problem is how do you deal with the fact that her number is higher that what you feel comfortable with.

If you've had less sexual partners than her (and usually that's the kind of situation when a guy starts fretting over stuff like this), it could eventually eat you up inside. If you feel like you can't deal with it, then dump her...

However, before you do that, think about:
- it's hard nowadays to find a girl in her 20s who has had few sexual partners
- the less partners she's had the less good the sex will be (with some exceptions)

But if one of your requirements for a LTR is a girl who's only been with one or two guys before, that is totally legit, just be ready to work harder to get those rares gems

 

[EnjoysWatches]

That's why that is a road you do not want to go down.

 

[TheBucketOfTruth]

Don't ask questions you can't handle the answers to. Maybe she only feels uncomfortable around her past hookups because she is with you now and she knows it makes you uncomfortable. Or maybe it's just awkward to see some of them.

There's no point in thinking about it as others have said. You're either comfortable with it or you aren't. Think about it, say she started having sex right before she was 16, that would mean she only had sex with 2 guys per entire year before she met you.

 

[King Turi]

Just forget about it, I'm guessin' you haven't been with too many chicks?

 

[WhtRbt]

The key is to date the slutty ones when you're still a beginner. Both my last girlfriends have been with 30-50 guys and they were in their early 20's. Now I not only know not to ask about the past, because it really doesn't matter, but even if it does come out, now that I know what I'm doing, the numbers won't phase me. It can't get much worse than you're sweetheart having 50 guys before you.

You're girl's only been with 9 guys? You've found an angel my friend

 

[cola]

Dear Op,
As hard as it can be for us males to comprehend, females enjoy sex as much as us.
And it is wrong (atleast in my reality) to condemn a female for the amount of loverrs she has had.
Instead of her sexual escapades, evaluate her character and if you see it to be good than let go of your ego and just enjoy her company.
But I understand, easier said than done.
-chris

 

[MisterMcGee]

I condemn males and females equally for being sluts, so long as that is actually what they are. Being actively sexual and being slutty are two different things. Of course, I don't have to date guys, so I generally don't let it work against them if they sleep around, they may be alright as buds. Same with girls who sleep around. I likely wouldn't get into a serious relationship with one, though.

 

[DJDamage]

. It makes me sick to my stomach to think of her with this many different guys especially since when one of them may or may not be in vicinity she always shows how uncomfortably she is, which makes me uncomfortable.

I hear what you are saying, North American women are spreading their legs left and right these days with one meaningless fvck after another and then we men are suppose to believe when a girl after all this wants to be our girlfriend or marry us because she is finally satisfied and found a c0ck that isn't meaningless? get the fvck out of here!! I ain't buying it!

As much as people say it doesn't matter, well I say it does. I believe that action speaks louder then words and if your girlfriend hooked up with so many guys at this young age (whom she admit, the number is surely higher) and left them only to bounce on some other guy's d1ck what stopping her from doing this again? is it love? lust? what is it? Enjoy the ride with this girl because no matter what, her history is showing you that what you have with her won't last for long either.

 

[cola]

I hear what you are saying, North American women are spreading their legs left and right these days with one meaningless fvck after another and then we men are suppose to believe when a girl after all this wants to be our girlfriend or marry us because she is finally satisfied and found a c0ck that isn't meaningless? get the fvck out of here!! I ain't buying it!

As much as people say it doesn't matter, well I say it does. I believe that action speaks louder then words and if your girlfriend hooked up with so many guys at this young age (whom she admit, the number is surely higher) and left them only to bounce on some other guy's d1ck what stopping her from doing this again? is it love? lust? what is it? Enjoy the ride with this girl because no matter what, her history is showing you that what you have with her won't last for long either.

Dear dj damage,
I appologize but this is a bad perspective.
How can she know what she likes sexually if she doesn't experiment and furthermore who are we to judge?
If I have 20 one night stands from 18-21 but I fall in love(I know the words f.I.l aren't cool here) does it mean ill cheat on her? No. Just means I like sex. But isn't sex always better with someone you care about?

 

[DJDamage]

How can she know what she likes sexually if she doesn't experiment and furthermore who are we to judge?

But that's it really, how can you be sure she is done experimenting? You know whats really curb's women from having constant flow of multiple partners all the time?! Age.

As they age their sexual marketability goes down therefore they cannot afford to go around and sleep with so many guys (they cannot compete with their slutty younger selves in the looks department). They can't take that chance anymore so they tend to attach themselves to one guy as a security blanket. I believe with human's the key is in moderation and a girl that has fvcked close to 20 guys before her 20's birthday isn't going to stop anytime soon.

As for who are we to judge? you'd be a fool if you don't judge a person by their actions rather of what they say they are.

If I have 20 one night stands from 18-21 but I fall in love(I know the words f.I.l aren't cool here) does it mean ill cheat on her? No. Just means I like sex. But isn't sex always better with someone you care about?

You can't compare yourself to a woman so don't even try. You can create millions of sperms every day, she's got one egg once a month.

I am not saying that every woman who had lots of sexual partners will cheat but all I am saying be careful whom you choose to be in LTR with. A 20 year old girl is at the peak of her sexual power and value and tend to not make good long term relationships partners. Why should she settle now and forever if a BBD (Bigger Better Deal) comes along? She can afford to make the switch while she is still young and fertile.

 

[cola]

I suppose dj damage. I guess its a gamble like everything else..
But to quote a buddy of mine "scared money don't make money"
Let's agree to disagree on this one.

 

[pLaYtHiNg]

Take the number she told you she's been with and multiply it by 3 and you'll have the real number or something closer to it.

What on Earth... why would you say that? That would be 27 people! Good lord that's a lot!

She's actually had sex with quite a few more than she is letting on.

I should read all of the replies before responding... Why does everyone think this is not a correct number? I think it's quite high, but I'm not judging anyone.

OP, Take time to digest the shock, (I assume you feel). I wouldn't be so much concerned with her numbers, as I would be with her loyalty. If she is a good, kind, decent and an honest person I don't see any reason to not keep dating her.

It can't get much worse than you're sweetheart having 50 guys before you.

HOLY COW!!!! I bet she knows every trick in the book though!

 

[Outsider]

I think a changing your frame of reference on the situation would do you some good.

Look if you two have been together now for 8 monthes, that's a while that she's only been with you. If she's been with you only for almost a whole year, shouldn't that give you some peace of mind. Try thinking about it like that instead of, "shes been with this many guys," try thinking "she's been only with me for..."

I think if you lose the them attitude and get an us attitude it will help you cope with this better

 

[Leporello]

Don't even think about it. It won't do you any good.

 

[Scars]

It doesn't hurt so much when you've been with just as many if not more people than her. I've never been with a girl who's been with more partners than me (even following KontrollerX's 3x rule) so if I were to freak out over sexual pasts I'd be the cat calling the kettle black. But seriously, don't worry about it and especially don't let her know it bothers you or she is going to see it as a sign of insecurity.