How to deal with getting old?

[Maximus Optimus]

Pros:

I’m biased as an engineer, but it is probably one of the best undergraduate degrees you can pursue. It will teach to how to think, analyze, be logical, and solve problems. In the end, it can help you with ANY future work.

Cons:

Age discrimination is very real, and experience is also ultra critical. At the very minimum, can your school hook you up with at least one short (even part time) internship with a company? Your only chance is to snag some experience BEFORE you graduate.

Group projects as an engineering major suck ballz lol. (The rest is pretty cool if you like to geek out on stuff.)

Do you think I will face alot of age discrimination at age 45? My college does have some pull for internships. In order to graduate, one of our classes is to complete an internship actually.

 

[Maximus Optimus]

Life is short when you stay busy and active because then you are actually living but very long for those who are idle and waste it away. Life might seem pointless if you have no goals or are lacking a purpose and direction but if you do have that than it will be wonderful. I’m sad to say but you should have figured this out by now.

Engineering is a tough major and requires you to take a lot of hard sciences. Unless you are good at those subjects or are in love with calculus, physics, chemistry and a whole bunch of other very tough subjects I would recommend you pursue something else. Even though engineers make good money you having a career change at 40 is not going to solve your existential crisis. Why the career change anyway? What have you been doing all these years?

Don’t compare yourself to Elon Musk, Bill Gates or any other people that are in the public eye that you deem very successful because they have an insane work ethic, a lot of responsibility and a lot of stress that comes with being in that position. On top of that they are an anomaly or “outliers” and even though it’s inspirational...trying to aspire to be like them will age you very quickly and lead to death even faster than you can imagine. They get hit with constant lawsuits and have to deal with all types of people trying to fack them over for money which you don’t hear about too much.

I get the feeling that even though you have been chasing women and according to you have done “exceptionally well” with them you seem like you are lost in life or are having some sort of a spiritual crisis. You need to do some soul searching and look within to find out what is it that you want to do with the rest of your life.

You nailed it! I am going through an existential crisis big time. I am doing the career change because I wanna give my son a better life. I figure with an engineer's salary that I can provide him with a better salary then what I am currently making. I have had various jobs throughout the past years. I cant really find an answer on what exactly im supposed to be doing with my life and im really afraid of death. I can feel the clock ticking and its seriously scaring me. There isnt one day that I dont think about death. Ive looked at religions bu in the end I have realized that I am not religious. I figure there is probably nothing after death.

 

[rjc149]

I wanted to start a new career path because I hate the current job that I am doing now. I chose engineering because I wanted the quickest way to make the most money in a bachelors degree. My main reason for doing all of this is to give my son a better life. I want to send him to the best schools and ultimately I wanna live in a gated community someday. He is 8 years old btw. Im seriously concerned about age discrimination when I graduate though. Do you think at 45 that some employers wont hire me simply because I am 45?

Engineering is a huge commitment of time, energy, focus, and money. I knew guys with engineering majors in college and they just burned out. It's not easy.

I don't know much about the engineering field. I do know, however, that being a 45-year old rookie in any professional field can be a major obstacle, regardless of what line of work you go into.

Engineers also top out at $100k in most cases, I think the top 5% make more. Will $100k/year land you in a gated community? I don't know, depends on where you live. But making it to the top 5% will take time -- time you don't really have on your side. If you want to make serious bank with no credentials or education, I would look into real estate -- but keep in mind, there's no income in the first few years and it's commission-only. No limit to how much you can make, but you could make nothing.

Although you don't like your current career, there's merit to sticking with it and gaining tenure and seniority. Unless you really hate it and it's dead-end in terms of advancement, I would consider gritting your teeth and staying on the horse, and see if you can improve your position/status within the field you're in. Because, what if you fvcking hate engineering? You're just trading one bad situation for another, and now you've really burned all your ships.

 

[rjc149]

im really afraid of death. I can feel the clock ticking and its seriously scaring me. There isnt one day that I dont think about death.

Not sure this is normal or healthy.

Part of maturity and self-acceptance is making peace with your own mortality. I would do it soon. I had my weird existential crisis about dying when I was in my late 20's. After I accepted my inevitable death, I felt peace, calm, and motivation to start being more fearless. It was actually liberating.

Your only purpose in life is to do good, create positivity, and leave a legacy -- even if only for your son. If you're doing that, there's no reason to be scared of natural death.

 

[Stoic]

I turn 38 next week. I see what you're getting at OP.

I focus 100% on what I can control. For me this means:

1. 6 pack. Anyone can achieve this with discipline.

2. Dress well. Doesn't have to be expensive. Just dress neat and cleanly.

3. I realize not everyone can afford this. But, I get brotox 3x a year to get rid of the wrinkles. Takes years off my face.

4. I'm getting invisalign to have the straightest teeth possible.

5. I earn as much as I can and maximize my time. What I lack in youth I make up for in lifestyle and money. Is that superficial? I dont care. The competition is fierce!

6. Experience. Like it or not, us older guys compete with the younger bastards. Use your experience and maturity to your advantage. Make smart decisions. Lead your life well.

 

[Lookatu]

I've already boinked over 100 females, traveled around the world, gotten married, had 3 kids, gotten in 4 near death accidents, had Covid, been laid off twice. I'm ready for death. Come for me when it's convenient Mr. Death.

Live your life to the fullest so you can be at peace dying at any point.

If a higher power wants you for whatever reason, it will happen. If not, it won't. It's not something you can control or should worry about.

Worrying kills more than the disease...

 

[Guitar_Whizz]

I'm the same age, but I've never given it a single thought to be honest. The problem isn't your age, but your insecurity about it and your negative, disempowering mindset.

I'm of the firm belief I'm getting better and better with age, and still feel like I'm in my 20s. I'm still relentlessly pursuing my goals and passions in life, and still approach girls much younger than me (direct and in person... absolutely NO dating sites or apps). I'm very much in my prime....in fact it may still be yet to come, and I definitely haven't peaked yet.

Change your mindset, OP. What you believe becomes your reality. Don't even think about age, just live your life to the full and don't give it a thought. Age is merely a number, end of.

 

[Stoic]

I've already boinked over 100 females, traveled around the world, gotten married, had 3 kids, gotten in 4 near death accidents, had Covid, been laid off twice. I'm ready for death. Come for me when it's convenient Mr. Death.

Live your life to the fullest so you can be at peace dying at any point.

If a higher power wants you for whatever reason, it will happen. If not, it won't. It's not something you can control or should worry about.

Worrying kills more than the disease...

Exactly how I feel

 

[Çharismo]

You nailed it! I am going through an existential crisis big time. I am doing the career change because I wanna give my son a better life. I figure with an engineer's salary that I can provide him with a better salary then what I am currently making. I have had various jobs throughout the past years. I cant really find an answer on what exactly im supposed to be doing with my life and im really afraid of death. I can feel the clock ticking and its seriously scaring me. There isnt one day that I dont think about death. Ive looked at religions bu in the end I have realized that I am not religious. I figure there is probably nothing after death.

I don’t want to make this a religious discussion or get too deep into it and I respect everyone beliefs but most of the major religions are essentially the same, have almost the same stories, preach the same ideas, talk about the belief in one god which is the same god that Moses, Jesus and Mohammad prayed to. Religion is very old and just because something is old doesn’t mean that it’s right or you will find the answers you are looking for. I’m not saying religion is good or bad because it depends on how the individual interprets those ideas but in your case I don’t believe it will help you.

You have to go within and come to peace with the fact that no one gets out of this thing called life...alive. No one. You might find some texts or maybe some books that discuss your dilemma but this is something very individual to you and your life. Your not the first person to have this sort of a crisis and you won’t be the last and it can happen to anyone at any age. All the great sages, wisemen, and mystics discuss this idea at length but one thing that they all agree on is that you have to search your mind, heart and soul for the answers and if you do it long enough you will find the answers you are looking for. This is something you have to figure out on your own because we are all on this journey of life together trying to figure stuff out.

Be patient, face your fears, and conquer your demons and you will come out of the other side better then before. Hang in there my friend because time will bring you better understanding of your life and where it fits in this big puzzle we call life.

 

[Grinderman]

There isnt one day that I dont think about death

This should be a positive if you let it make you live better today with appreciation and let go of what's not important.

Ive looked at religions bu in the end I have realized that I am not religious.

Try Stoicism, more of a philosophy on living and dying well

I recommend:
The Enchiridion by Epictetus
How to be a Stoic by Massimo Pigliucci (Falls on the works of Epictetus throughout)

Also read Bukowski for a lighter, more crude philosophy (he's 50 in the book Women )

 

[Xanderson]

I'm 38 but can pass for 30 clean shaven , live it up as no rewind button in this life !

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Hi,
I just turned 40 about a month ago. I did extremely well with women in my 20s all the way up to age 39. I have noticed for the past year that I fail alot more at getting womens numbers then when I used to. People in public refer to me as "sir" now which makes me feel really old. Is there any point in working out or doing activities anymore if people are gonna look at me as an old man? Even if you workout at this age, you are still gonna have an old face. Its depressing to say the least. Are there any guys on this forum that are in there 40s and beyond that are actually getting women in there 20s and lower 30s without having to pay for it? I feel like I cant reverse this. I feel like it was just yesterday when I was in my 20s and now im 40. Time is going by so fast and its scaring me. Any advice guys?

Yes.

 

[metalwater]

Do you think I will face alot of age discrimination at age 45? My college does have some pull for internships. In order to graduate, one of our classes is to complete an internship actually.

the short answer is yes. but it only takes one chance that works out to have it be ok.

I have experience w/ engineering. It is a lifestyle choice and fits well for men that are driven to solve problems.

Upper engineering positions can earn a lot of money, more than discussed in this thread. but it is a lifestyle choice... and requires not only effort but talent. same as being a musician. competition is fierce now that most companies have access to world wide talent pool.

If the goal is to increase wealth for a reason to use that wealth to improve life for yourself and loved ones, I would suggest looking for a side hustle that you can be excited about. It can actually be fun for example to buy and sell stuff. Can make a lot more money and faster than with school and employment. Many many 40+ men go the side hustle route and become wealthy after getting sick of the daily grind. If possible keep the boring job while getting something started. It's not much fun not having any income when something in a small business goes bad.

On the other hand, the school thing is cool also. It's fun taking the classes, especially later in life when you already have so much perspective to apply the new knowledge with. It creates a different type of engineer than the one that is younger. If your only doing it for the money, consider health care and nursing also as a possibility.

 

[EyeOnThePrize]

@Maximus Optimus
You have no idea what lies beyond the reach of your senses. You have no idea what comes after death. Don't believe some self defeating story you completely made up based on nothing, that's like punching yourself in the face for no reason.

The events of your life don't drive your mindset directly, that's why you multiple people doing the same thing can each have wildly different perspectives. You ultimately decide how things affect you. You are the only one that can reach the deepest parts of yourself.

I can tell you don't workout, because the pain that comes from lifting makes any pain of existential dread seem like child's play. In a lot of ways it makes any women trouble seem like child's play too.

The ego is funny when it's main complaint is lack of immortality. Who is to say we aren't immortal? We have no idea whatsoever. And if we aren't, better to face oblivion head on, sliding into the grave, than cowering in fear or anxiety.

 

[graves992]

I've been thinking about this recently, and I realized that the most important thing is self-discipline, to take care of your health, to train, to develop. Then you won't be afraid of time either. May Musk said that she is not afraid of her age and that she is more productive than ever. Everything depends on us.

 

[ThisIsSparta]

Hi,
I just turned 40 about a month ago. I did extremely well with women in my 20s all the way up to age 39. I have noticed for the past year that I fail alot more at getting womens numbers then when I used to. People in public refer to me as "sir" now which makes me feel really old. Is there any point in working out or doing activities anymore if people are gonna look at me as an old man? Even if you workout at this age, you are still gonna have an old face. Its depressing to say the least. Are there any guys on this forum that are in there 40s and beyond that are actually getting women in there 20s and lower 30s without having to pay for it? I feel like I cant reverse this. I feel like it was just yesterday when I was in my 20s and now im 40. Time is going by so fast and its scaring me. Any advice guys?

Reading through all your posts here, i get the impression you are depressed and insecure about yourself/women/career.

My guess is you fail mostly because of the negative energy you are sending out.

The bad news:
To be honest, i am scared too. I keep looking back, wondering where the last 15 years have gone and according to elderly people this is only becoming worse the older you get. That is why you have to be aware how fast time goes by AND master your fear about it.

The ugly news:
*Get your mindset right! You sound frustrated, depressed and insecure. No woman wants that guy.
*Get in shape! Find yourself some rolemodels. F.e. look at Stallones body in his 60´s, its amazing what older people can achieve.
*Fix up your stile (haircut, clothes etc), if you are in need to.

The good news:

*I have 2 friends in the lower 50´s, they are in shape, work out, keep themselves well kempt and have their financial **** together. They get women down to early 30´s. If they can do it, you can do it!

*I have met a lot of girls that had 45 +/- year old boyfriends while in their mid 20´s.

The market for 40+ guys is out there, become the best version of yourself!

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Nope.

Reality is something we all have to accept. "Game" is most important in your earlier years to set you apart. Game at 40+ is different than game at 28. For you to pull younger women, not only do you have to look handsome, attractive and distinguished, but you need to have the bank account and demeanor to match. Why else would a young girl choose you over a younger stud?

I'm a few months shy of 32 years old. I've been successful at the game for better part of 7 years. Things change as you get older. My approach now I'm finding is too direct for early 20s women and they are much harder to pull. Also, cougar flings aged 37+ are extremely hard for me to pull also (they were flat out easy at 25). We have to adapt and keep all of this in mind.

OP, what do you want out of life? Ask yourself that question. Do you want a family? Do you want wealth? Do you want to spin plates for another 30 years? Proceed according to your goals.

There's at least one. I know him personally and myself.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Max,
If I may be so familiar...I am a qualified Structural Engineer worked as such and spent 23 Years lecturing Builders and Engineers...I had many mature age Students,all were dedicated Students and having steady lives concentrated on their studies and performed well,but none cut the Mustard in Industry...You will be fifty when you finish your Course and your energy levels will be running down,for the first five years or so you are really just learning the practicalities of the game...An employer will chose a young malleable Guy over you every time with good reason!

 

[Maximus Optimus]

@Maximus Optimus
You have no idea what lies beyond the reach of your senses. You have no idea what comes after death. Don't believe some self defeating story you completely made up based on nothing, that's like punching yourself in the face for no reason.

The events of your life don't drive your mindset directly, that's why you multiple people doing the same thing can each have wildly different perspectives. You ultimately decide how things affect you. You are the only one that can reach the deepest parts of yourself.

I can tell you don't workout, because the pain that comes from lifting makes any pain of existential dread seem like child's play. In a lot of ways it makes any women trouble seem like child's play too.

The ego is funny when it's main complaint is lack of immortality. Who is to say we aren't immortal? We have no idea whatsoever. And if we aren't, better to face oblivion head on, sliding into the grave, than cowering in fear or anxiety.

You make a great point about not knowing what is beyond my senses but how can we experience life without a body and there is zero proof of a soul throughout human history. I appreciate you for reminding of this. I agree theres more to this world then what we can sense. I used to workout in my 20s and mid 30s but then I stopped because of what somebody told me. They told me that you can have the best body but our faces get old so I figure theres no point in working out anymore. Its kinda ironic that im afraid of nothing. How can I be afraid of something that doesnt even exist but thats what i view death to be because of what science tells me. Overall I agree with what your saying. Sometimes I need to be reminded that I really dont know what is after death.

 

[Maximus Optimus]

I've already boinked over 100 females, traveled around the world, gotten married, had 3 kids, gotten in 4 near death accidents, had Covid, been laid off twice. I'm ready for death. Come for me when it's convenient Mr. Death.

Live your life to the fullest so you can be at peace dying at any point.

If a higher power wants you for whatever reason, it will happen. If not, it won't. It's not something you can control or should worry about.

Worrying kills more than the disease...

I agree with you Lookatu about worrying. Stress is underrated.