How to deal with flakes that have no excuse?

[Newton]

Met this girl in class. We're both 21. We made plans for last Wednesday to have a shopping date. Sounds lame, but this area in my city is a popular date-spot. I text her on Wednesday asking where to meet up. She said she would let me know when she gets to the trainstop in a few hours. I never heard back from her since then. She didn't give me an excuse or anything. It's spring break, so that's a full week before I see her again in class. I was hoping to hang out with her over spring break, but after that flake, I really don't think it's going to happen. Should I text her at all or just wait until I see her in person?

Also, I'm sure the attraction is somewhat there. I see her taking glances at me in class and all that. We have a few inside jokes. She also texted me about a concert (she knows I'm a big fan) and I replied that we should go and she said it would be amazing and she would go. We usually run into each other on campus and hang out during the 2 hour break between classes.

I THINK my biggest problem is the fact that I don't really flirt. I'm able to get the girls to laugh at almost anything, but there's not much "flirting" like calling her cute or stuff like that. I'm only mentioning this because I've had a few girls tell me that I'm terrible at showing my interest.

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

You take it as disrespect. Do you really want to mess with a disrespectful female? Only way I'd mess with her is if she did something to make up for the disrespect. (Such as cooking for ya boy, etc)

 

[Newton]

You take it as disrespect. Do you really want to mess with a disrespectful female? Only way I'd mess with her is if she did something to make up for the disrespect. (Such as cooking for ya boy, etc)

I do feel disrespected now that you mention it. How do I play this out now? We have class together so I'd rather NOT have an awkward rest of the semester...

 

[sighsigh]

Go NC until she contacts you. If she doesn't, she's not interested.

Or, if you're absolutely burning to know what the deal is, text her once and only once asking why she didn't show up. If she doesn't respond, don't text again. You'll have your answer already -> she's not interested.

 

[Newton]

Is NC no contact? And I'm not going to text her just to find out what the deal was. That being said, what do I do when I see her in class?

 

[sighsigh]

NC = No contact.

You say "hi." Then you shut up, sit down, and see what she does.

EDIT: I'll add that I'm being very conservative with my approach. Really, what you should do is always give the benefit of the doubt the first time => do not presuppose that she flaked. Which means you should ascertain what happened before you come to any conclusions. That means contacting her and asking why she didn't show up.

 

[Newton]

NC = No contact.

You say "hi." Then you shut up, sit down, and see what she does.

EDIT: I'll add that I'm being very conservative with my approach. Really, what you should do is always give the benefit of the doubt the first time => do not presuppose that she flaked. Which means you should ascertain what happened before you come to any conclusions. That means contacting her and asking why she didn't show up.

I'm just browsing around these forums and I have to say I'm really impressed with the community here.

Anyways, the bold part is a really good point. Would it be better to just try to find out in person? In person, I was planning on going with something along the lines of "What happened? I didn't hear back from you so I went with someone else."

 

[Alle_Gory]

Don't bother. You simply don't contact, pretend she doesn't exist. You don't owe her an explanation:

"What happened? I didn't hear back from you so I went with someone else."

This is not an acceptable response. It's petty. Tell her nothing. She deserves nothing.

 

[sighsigh]

It really doesn't matter, at all. I would just text. That way you won't have to wait a week to get an answer. That line is fine. Lol @ nitpickers.

 

[Newton]

Don't bother. You simply don't contact, pretend she doesn't exist. You don't owe her an explanation:



This is not an acceptable response. It's petty. Tell her nothing. She deserves nothing.

Well damn lol. I'm not trying to cut ties completely with someone just because the relationship wasn't going the way I wanted. I would still like to keep her as a friend to expand my own social circle.

EDIT: Decided to text her.
Me: Hey I got a real important top secret end of the world type question for you...wat's ur drawsomething username? 1:11 AM
Her: Lmao im dying. I think its <abc> or <abc2> ....try the first one first. 1:12 AM
Me: You won't get this pic. And I thought you died the other day so I went with someone else.. what happened 1:18 AM

DEAD AIRRRRRRRRR.

 

[ezio]

Well damn lol. I'm not trying to cut ties completely with someone just because the relationship wasn't going the way I wanted. I would still like to keep her as a friend to expand my own social circle.

EDIT: Decided to text her.
Me: Hey I got a real important top secret end of the world type question for you...wat's ur drawsomething username? 1:11 AM
Her: Lmao im dying. I think its <abc> or <abc2> ....try the first one first. 1:12 AM
Me: You won't get this pic. And I thought you died the other day so I went with someone else.. what happened 1:18 AM

DEAD AIRRRRRRRRR.

hahaha you got pwnd didn't you?

 

[Newton]

hahaha you got pwnd didn't you?

Haha that's how I saw it... not sure why she's avoiding the question so much.

 

[Htienvu]

What you should have done is ignore her, then when you see her in class again just act like nothing has ever happened between you. She will see that it didn't effect you one bit, there's no point asking for an explanation why a girl flaked on you. Most of the time they lie and you feel worse for knowing.

 

[Newton]

What you should have done is ignore her, then when you see her in class again just act like nothing has ever happened between you. She will see that it didn't effect you one bit, there's no point asking for an explanation why a girl flaked on you. Most of the time they lie and you feel worse for knowing.

Good point, but it makes me not want to invite her to anything anymore.

 

[cordoncordon]

Good point, but it makes me not want to invite her to anything anymore.

Umm I don't think that matters because she is not going to go with you.

You failed this....miserably. First by sending her that lame text about drawing when SHE KNOWS the real reason why you texted her, and then by asking her why she didn't meet you. Think of it this way. Would James Bond or Brad Pitt or George Clooney or any man with a life contact a girl after she did that to them? Helllllllll no.

Live and learn my friend.

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Good point, but it makes me not want to invite her to anything anymore.

Umm I don't think that matters because she is not going to go with you.

Haha. Seriously. I don't think you understand what's happening here, Newton.

She doesn't want to date you. Whether you invite her or not...she's not interested.

There is nothing else to say.

 

[Newton]

Live and learn!