Here's an example of how I recently dealt with a girl with an on again, off again boyfriend. Now, to put this in perspective, we have known each other for almost two years, and we did fvck back in May. Then she went back to this dude who's a real beta loser. Meanwhile I studied and took the bar exam, passed it, became an attorney, and just this week got recruited by my mentor to join his new firm from the firm we were both at. I posted the news to Facebook. Around midnight - only hours after she added a picture of the two of them to her profile pic and called him her boyfriend in the comments, she likes my post, and then she texts me. ME - the guy who this dope said he didn't want her contacting. The guy who this dope told her I intimidated him. The guy who this dope knows she sucked and fvcked and spent the night naked in his arms. I haven't heard anything from her in over four months, since the last time I told her to text me when she's single.
Her: I saw your Facebook post, Congratulations!
Her: Although I expected nothing less
Me: Thanks, that's sweet. I'd love to see you and catch up. Are you single?
Her: I'm not, but I understand why you'd ask that and I'd still like to catch up if you'd like
Me: I'm sure it would be a blast to see you and catch up, but I prefer to wait until your status changes.
Her: I understand. Regardless I'm very happy for you
Her: You deserve all the success you receive
Her: Oh, and by the way, you're an awesome person to be around. So you have that going for you...Which I'm sure you're aware of
Me: Thank you, it's a blessing and a curse.
Her: Well if you do find time for a lunch let me know, it'd be great to catch up!
Her: You know, if you can squeeze me in
Me: It's not an issue of time. Of course I'd like to see you, but I'm simply not going to involve myself while you're unavailable. When you're ready, you'll make sure I know it in no uncertain terms.
Her: I think your response is respectable yet I still would like to catch up
Her: So if you find some spare time please consider grabbing a bite with me
Me: Until you are ready to openly explore your attraction for me, I'm going to have to decline. But it's great to hear from you, I hope you and the family are having a great holiday season. Keep in touch!
Her: Well thank you for your time, and I'm genuinely happy for you. I'm positive I'll hear about you soon
Notes
1. She was testing me to see if she could get me to capitulate and spend time and give her attention when she was unwilling to give me what I want. Not going to happen. You can see how many times she tried to get me to compromise myself. No way. In fact, if I'd finally relented, there would be a 99% chance she'd flake.
2. The time after the conversation ends is actually more important. Guaranteed, this kind of thing never happens to a hot girl. Most guys, including the guy she's with right now, will constantly compromise and fall all over themselves and enter her frame to please her. She's thinking about the guy who said "No," probably 95% of the time right now, and the longer I remain silent the more the sexual tension will build. It is key to be congruent with what I said and not throw in the towel because as frustrated and pissy as she might seem, she's actually incredibly aroused by my ability to resist her because it's not what I want. This is a negotiation, and she's not offering what I expect and deserve. So I turn down her offer and wait for the next one.
3. I knew she wasn't single, but I asked to make a point. In fact, I'll probably respond to any new contact from her pretty much word for word. She'll either finally relent, or stop texting me altogether.
