How to deal with a feeling of inferiority?

[ChalengeGuyFan]

I see men and girls my age (or ever younger) and I feel like they're so much more mature than myself; I'm actually feeling like a kid compared to them.

Needless to say: it sabotages me and it sucks.
I've tried thinking of myself as a mature man, but this can go only so far. The root of the problem does not disappear and the sucky feeling returns.


Sometimes I feel like I'm not worthy of being with a hot, "mature" chick because I'd just be a teenager around her.

Any ideas?

 

[Aiken_Drum]

What do you mean by "being a teenager around her"?

 

[oscarxp25]

I know how you feel, man. I am dating this chick who has a full time job, her own apartment, and just lives an adult life. I at times feel very immature around her and question where I am in my life. This in turn makes me feel very inferior.

I am sure you are a good guy... in the end that is all that matters. I know plenty of men and women who have full time jobs and still act like children. This statement goes into people in their forties and fifties. It is amazing when you grow older, you see how the majority of "adults" are just children with jobs.

 

[wonderbread]

Oscarxp25 speaks the truth, my older cousin is almost 30, has a full time job and an apartment and we are together we act like immature tweens. We went to Staples looking for stuff for when he was going to college, one thing led to another and we're banned for office rolling chair jousting.

 

[SLY]

Hey ChalengeGuyFan,

Quick question...Do you look young for your age?

 

[ChalengeGuyFan]

is this post intelligible?

@Aiken_Drum:
Do you remember when you were a youngster and you looked at the 20/20-something year olds and you thought how cool life would be at that age? You thought about them bonding all kinds of relationships and doing who knows what. Is seemed interesting.
And you thought of yourself as a kid who one day would do all those things.

Ok, maybe you didn't have these thoughts, but I did.
They still apply and I have reached THAT age!

Were those just illusions?
Well, by analyzing the lives of many of the people I interact with, they don't seem to be experiencing (much) more than I do.

But, behold! I see a very fine, mature looking chick (or man) on the hallways of the university and I automatically think that she lives the life I imagined when I was kid.
I imagine that if I were to hook up with her I'd be dominated by her maturity/experience.
Approaching such a girl is therefore very hard.


It's something that I can hardly find the words to express.


@SLY: - not a quick answer
- I asked the people who know me best and they say they'd estimate my age to be around 18 if I was the stranger they saw on the street.
- the young women (under 30) see me as a ripe young man. So do the "real adults"
- The kids on the block see me as they see my dad, lol.

I can't answer that question with a straight yes or a no. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't, but I THINK OF MYSELF THAT I DON'T.
The image that I project -whichever it may be- is not the same with the self-image.
Inside my head I'm the 17 year old, both physically and psychically.

By the way, how do you think of the average 22 y.o.? How does he look like?
Maybe I have a twisted perception of his looks.

------------------

My common sense says the solution to this is to get to experimenting everything under the sun, but I don't have the time or the money to do so. I'm a broke, final-year Uni student. I can't wait to get it over with!
And if you think that I'm deluding myself with fake obstacles, you are right! There's also fear of the unknown keeping me back from doing some affordable things I wish I'd do.

 

[radiodude]

@Aiken_Drum:

But, behold! I see a very fine, mature looking chick (or man) on the hallways of the university and I automatically think that she lives the life I imagined when I was kid.
I imagine that if I were to hook up with her I'd be dominated by her maturity/experience.
Approaching such a girl is therefore very hard.

It's something that I can hardly find the words to express.

Okay, I got ya.

Here's the problem. What you are experiencing is a realization that you are lazy.

Here's what I mean by lazy. AFC's by nature are truly self-centered and do NOT want to do the work necessary to truly experience and grow in life. They haven't earned their own self-respect.

Earning your own self-respect is a process that involves learning how to become your own man and learning what it takes to truly make it in life. It isn't that these other people really have it. But you might be realizing that they are starting to shoot ahead of you right now in their personal growth and that should prompt you to do something about it for yourself.

Example:

You probably feel that alot of other guys can do things that you can't. Ride a motorcycle, fix a car, do a job that requires dominance and particular skill when dealing with people, easily talk to someone knowing they'll have alot to say about alot of subjects, play a sport with ease and enjoyment without worrying about sucking, etc, etc.

And it's probably because they fill their time up with more activities, opportunities to learn and social ocassions. They have an urge to do something or expereiment or learn and they act on it and just do it. They don't ponder it for months or years, they don't fear looking stupid or being rejected because they know they'll learn from it.

You are just barely out of your teen years and thats the time when those thoughts and observations start coming to light. You are feeling stuff that will stick with you for many years and it's now just starting. I'm going on 30 and while I've learned alot and gotten used to certain things just being what they are, I know I should still be learning and doing more.

Your just beginning so it's not too late at all. It's not too late for a 50 year old, let alone a 21 year old still in college.

Go out and do things, don't be timid, don't be worried about how you look, just go do it. Even force yourself to if necessary because you know it's for the greater long-term good.

 

[TheWayOfAllFlesh]

I hate looking at everyone around me knowing they've had girlfriends and i haven't

 

[SLY]

@SLY: - not a quick answer
- I asked the people who know me best and they say they'd estimate my age to be around 18 if I was the stranger they saw on the street.
- the young women (under 30) see me as a ripe young man. So do the "real adults"
- The kids on the block see me as they see my dad, lol.

I can't answer that question with a straight yes or a no. Sometimes I do and sometimes I don't, but I THINK OF MYSELF THAT I DON'T.
The image that I project -whichever it may be- is not the same with the self-image.
Inside my head I'm the 17 year old, both physically and psychically.

By the way, how do you think of the average 22 y.o.? How does he look like?
Maybe I have a twisted perception of his looks.

I'm gonna get to the point. I think you feel 17 is because you look that age. But then your preception of what a man looks like might be different from some of us. And to me, you feel that you don't fit that description. You gotta work with what you have. If you look young just go with the flow and accept that.

It's what you do that makes you a man. What's worse than a guy that looks like a "man" but turns out to be a coward? Now what is he? A pus$y. I'm just saying walk your talk and remove cowardice from your vocab. Have no fear and face your challenges. Those might be some good steps for you to take before you can feel good about yourself.