How to change her from a friend to a girlfriend

[GuanYu]

Your best bet is to take this little talk she wants and turn it into an unofficial date. Tell her to meet you at a low key pub, get a few drinks and initiate some smooth talk with her. Don't be the first one to mention that night at the club. Do everything you can to avoid that until you run out of sh*t to say or she brings it up.

When she does bring it up say you admit you were a bit tipsy and she's so fine you couldn't help yourself then go on to game her a bit. The only way to get this to work (even though it's doomed to fail ..10 years? lol) is to be straight up with her. Don't beat around the bush just blast your game and hope she's a h0 that won't mind leaving her boyfriend for you. Good luck

 

[HonestGuy]

Your best bet is to take this little talk she wants and turn it into an unofficial date. Tell her to meet you at a low key pub, get a few drinks and initiate some smooth talk with her. Don't be the first one to mention that night at the club. Do everything you can to avoid that until you run out of sh*t to say or she brings it up.

When she does bring it up say you admit you were a bit tipsy and she's so fine you couldn't help yourself then go on to game her a bit. The only way to get this to work (even though it's doomed to fail ..10 years? lol) is to be straight up with her. Don't beat around the bush just blast your game and hope she's a h0 that won't mind leaving her boyfriend for you. Good luck

this was pretty much my plan (didn't know if it was good though). It's probably doomed to fail but that will because of her bf, not because we know each other from high school.

 

[The Logical Player]

whats so special about her?

 

[GuanYu]

if you're already disqualifying yourself and want to save face - just forget about it eh? I know you're digging this girl but seriously think about a few things before proceeding:

1) You've pretty much been buddies for 10 years. Although there are cases where long time friends become lovers there's usually a mutual attraction present. This friend of yours was wasted and somehow still had enough sense in herself to not get it on with you because of that friendship. (Her bf probably doesn't even count in this regard. She very well could have hooked up with another guy if you weren't there.)

2) She has a boyfriend. I know on this site it's advocated that bf's are usually just placeholders girls use so they don't feel like a loser in front of their friends that are all in relationships. But, some women genuinely take these types of relationships seriously. If she's in love with her bf or if they've been together for a while then it's going to be damn near impossible to steal all that she's invested with him. Especially someone in your position that seems to lack a few key elements needed to be a true mack.

3) You lack confidence. That much is apparent because I don't think you have other plates if you're fixated on a "friend" you've known for 10 years that's also in a relationship. If you had other options you'd go about this casually and see if something can develop. You've done good so far being flirty and all, but to go from that to full blown love interest is a big a$$ jump to make. You should get more experience with other plates not taken and boost up your confidence. Where are those other 4 girls you mentioned?

 

[DonJuan11]

On the weekend we were out drinking and we started flirting (her bf wasn't there). We were dancing and eventually started getting dirty on the dancefloor.

Why are you spending your time and money on a girl who told you she has a boyfriend who she has sex with? You should focus on someone who is available.

She calls me the next day saying she wanted to talk about what happened but I was busy and couldn't talk. Haven't talked to her yet (left a message saying if she wanted to talk I'm up for it).

Translation: I have to talk to you because I need to feel better about myself about what went down last night. You were a good emotional outlet for me last night but I'm not a slut and don't think you'll sleep with me.


But I realize that I still like her, and even though I'm fine with her dating someone else I'd rather her be with me. How can I do this? It likely she finds me attractive based on how she acted with me.

Not so my friend. She could just had a bad day at work and was looking for some fun.

Hell, I probably could have slept with her if I was actually gaming her (I was just having fun). I know she's gonna bring up what happened, so do I say something to her then? Thanks guys.

If you want to be her boyfriend, you disappear until she tells you her boyfriend and her don't have sex anymore and they broke up. The more you are in her face while she's with him, the better emotional outlet you'll become for her and less likely sleep with her.

 

[Igetit!]

if you're already disqualifying yourself and want to save face - just forget about it eh? I know you're digging this girl but seriously think about a few things before proceeding:

1) You've pretty much been buddies for 10 years. Although there are cases where long time friends become lovers there's usually a mutual attraction present. This friend of yours was wasted and somehow still had enough sense in herself to not get it on with you because of that friendship. (Her bf probably doesn't even count in this regard. She very well could have hooked up with another guy if you weren't there.)

2) She has a boyfriend. I know on this site it's advocated that bf's are usually just placeholders girls use so they don't feel like a loser in front of their friends that are all in relationships. But, some women genuinely take these types of relationships seriously. If she's in love with her bf or if they've been together for a while then it's going to be damn near impossible to steal all that she's invested with him. Especially someone in your position that seems to lack a few key elements needed to be a true mack.

3) You lack confidence. That much is apparent because I don't think you have other plates if you're fixated on a "friend" you've known for 10 years that's also in a relationship. If you had other options you'd go about this casually and see if something can develop. You've done good so far being flirty and all, but to go from that to full blown love interest is a big a$$ jump to make. You should get more experience with other plates not taken and boost up your confidence. Where are those other 4 girls you mentioned?

Right on the money man. I agree with everything you said here,mainly because it's what I said in my earlier post to him. But it's good for more than one member to tell him the same thing.

Well,that's 10 posts for HonestGuy,so he won't be able to respond to any questions.

HonestGuy,since you can't respond,check out Maxtro's thread's,"It ain't over" and he has another one about the same girl,but I can't remember the title.
He had a similiar situation to yours,only it didn't take him ten years to ask her out. I hate watching a movie while someone is talking telling what's going to happen. I don't like it when the ending gets spoiled. Therefore,I won't tell you how his situation turned out,just look at it for yourself.

 

[mothballs]

How about this... don't go after girls that have boyfriends. Back off and let that relationship go where it's going. If she breaks up then make a move... you've waited 10 years... whats another year or two?

Seriously though... just stop it. Go get another girl.

 

[Maxtro]

lol, of course not. If something happens I'm fairly certain it will be soon. Obviously you can't help me (maybe you don't know how) but someone else might (not Maxtro though )

Hey! I resemble that remark.

HonestGuy,since you can't respond,check out Maxtro's thread's,"It ain't over" and he has another one about the same girl,but I can't remember the title.
He had a similiar situation to yours,only it didn't take him ten years to ask her out.

I actually have 5 threads on her. I made the first one right after we hung out the first time. Watch as I spiral deeper and deeper into the friendzone.

I think I almost got laid, want to make sure that happens with her

Then I made Want to have sex with friend but not really attracted

Fallowed by Should I end my friendship with this girl?

Then came I have compltely utterly failed

And finally It aint over yet

The first two threads I wanted nothing but sex from her. But from the 3rd thread on it was full-blown oneitis. I absolutely HATE how I didn't recieve any guidance from the 1st or 2nd thread. That was when I needed help the most. By the time I made the 3rd thread it was too late. No, I'm only extremely bitter.

Since I'm already talking about her I'm not going to bother starting a new thread.

---------------------------------
Today I apologized to her in person. I could tell that she was still mad even a week later after the fight. Since I was extremely nervous and my feelings were going crazy I actually don't remember most of what she said.

Some key things I do remember that she said; doesn't hate me but she dislikes me, can't believe that the things said came from me, thinks I'm not a good person for her life, will never see me the same way again, and can't be friends anymore.

So that journey is over. Everything from beginning to end is chronicled on SoSuave. I hope at least one person can learn something from it.

 

[Igetit!]

I actually have 5 threads on her. I made the first one right after we hung out the first time. Watch as I spiral deeper and deeper into the friendzone.

I think I almost got laid, want to make sure that happens with her

Then I made Want to have sex with friend but not really attracted

Fallowed by Should I end my friendship with this girl?

Then came I have compltely utterly failed

And finally It aint over yet

Wow man. I didn't know you had this many threads on the girl. This thing started way back in November. I think the majority of the forum was still working on The Master Disaster in his thread,"Well,I fvcked up". It was yet another case of a guy trying to date a girl after being put in the friendzone,and yes,it turned out the same way your situation did.
I keep saying this over and over again:YOU CANNOT GET OUT OF THE FRIENDZONE. PERIOD, I know there's a thread on the board right now called,"How I got out of the friendzone",but if you read it,you'll notice that the girl he's talking about is someone he had already be sexual with in the past. And as I said in that thread,to me,he didn't get out of the friendzone,he just rekindled an old flame with the girl.

The first two threads I wanted nothing but sex from her...

---------------------------------
Today I apologized to her in person. I could tell that she was still mad even a week later after the fight. Since I was extremely nervous and my feelings were going crazy I actually don't remember most of what she said.

Some key things I do remember that she said; doesn't hate me but she dislikes me, can't believe that the things said came from me, thinks I'm not a good person for her life, will never see me the same way again, and can't be friends anymore.

EXACTLY. This is EXACTLY what I said in my first post in this thread. Check out the first page of this thread,in reply number 12. I said that when you try to get intimacy(sex) with a woman WITHOUT having a connection first,you get frustration,confusion,awkwardness,and hurt feelings. And your story Maxtro just confirms it. In fact,what HonestGuy said about what happened on the dancefloor also confirms it. They got dirty/sexual while dancing,and now what do you have? Frustration,confusion,awkwardness,and (soon to be)hurt feelings. It'll be great if Honestguy can actually date the girl,but given the track record of guys in the friendzone on the forum,plus all the negatives HonestGuy has stated in his thread concerning his history with the girl,it doesn't seem too likely.

 

[Maxtro]

Wow man. I didn't know you had this many threads on the girl. This thing started way back in November. I think the majority of the forum was still working on The Master Disaster in his thread,"Well,I fvcked up". It was yet another case of a guy trying to date a girl after being put in the friendzone,and yes,it turned out the same way your situation did.
I keep saying this over and over again:YOU CANNOT GET OUT OF THE FRIENDZONE. PERIOD, I know there's a thread on the board right now called,"How I got out of the friendzone",but if you read it,you'll notice that the girl he's talking about is someone he had already be sexual with in the past. And as I said in that thread,to me,he didn't get out of the friendzone,he just rekindled an old flame with the girl.

In all honesty, I don't think I was in the friendzone in the beginning. But because I didn't know what to do with her it was the only logical outcome. I should have made a move or aborted around the time I made thread #2.

EXACTLY. This is EXACTLY what I said in my first post in this thread. Check out the first page of this thread,in reply number 12. I said that when you try to get intimacy(sex) with a woman WITHOUT having a connection first,you get frustration,confusion,awkwardness,and hurt feelings. And your story Maxtro just confirms it.

You're actually confused there. Intimacy is the feeling of emotional closeness.

(Taken from my Human Sexuality textbook) Intimacy: the emotional closeness two people feel. Includes such factors as wanting what is best for the partner, feeling the partner’s happiness, holding the partner in very high regard, feeling able to count on the partner in times of need, sharing a sense of mutual understanding, giving and receiving emotional support and being able to share private and personal thoughts and feelings with the partner.

Both of us felt intimacy with each other. BUT she had no passion (sexual interest) for me. That's why she kept saying that she liked me, but not in that way. It was simply intimacy alone. Because she had such high feelings of intimacy for me I basically freaked her out when I tried to bring in passion. I was like a brother who suddenly wanted to have sex with her. It just didn't match her reality of me.

 

[Rhoto]

Thanks but not really that helpful. I know I shouldn't bother and just find someone else but I'd still like to try. Don't want to have any regrets, ya know?

Here's my problem, have this girl that I've known for the better part of a decade...But we never dated...I was going to ask my friend out after that but before I could she told me she had started seeing this guy...It's been a few months since then and she's still seeing the same guy.

Do you not see the contradiction, or is it just me?

Don't be pathetic man, you're better than that. What would your father say? Is this how you honestly value yourself?

Questions to ponder man. Don't be a douche.

 

[HonestGuy]

Do you not see the contradiction, or is it just me?

Don't be pathetic man, you're better than that. What would your father say? Is this how you honestly value yourself?

Questions to ponder man. Don't be a douche.

Yeah, it's a contradiction. Here's the deal, in the past I thought about asking her out but chickened out. I just forgot about it and didn't pine after her or pursue her. And yes I did regret not asking her out back then, especially after she moved away (thought I'd never get the chance again). Now 4.5 years later I have another chance and I'd like to try (doesn't matter how it turns out). All I was looking for was tips, I don't know whether or not to game her like any other girl.

 

[Mr CIDH]

How old were you when you met this girl? Very young (high school age or before) or older? 10 years is long but yah sometimes its better to risk bump your head an extra time than run away never trying.

 

[HonestGuy]

How old were you when you met this girl? Very young (high school age or before) or older?

met her in high school. Obviously after high school ppl left to go to different colleges (hell, even I left my city for college). It's just a coincidence that she recently (well, 6 months ago) moved to the city where I live.

 

[HeMan]

Igetit

i think yr wrong.. u can defiantely get out of the friendzone...

the guy who got out of the friendzone and wrote a thread about it, was able to get out of it because he has superb game... he knew how to build attraction and it worked.. he is obviously very confident and it was a matter of time until his girl mates became attracted..

if u have no game and is soft, then i agree u cannot get out of the friendzone..

2 out of my 4 good girl friends, i have slept with and my hottest friend is def showing signs of interest towards me.. she is alot better looking than me but because of my personality and charm she is slowing caving in...

if u learn how to seduce and become a better person then u can def get out of any friendzone..

the issue is is it worth it thou as it will def affect the friendship, mostly for the worst...

 

[HonestGuy]

the issue is is it worth it thou as it will def affect the friendship, mostly for the worst...

Well, you have a point. It may be worth the risk but who knows...

 

[Igetit!]

Igetit

i think yr wrong.. u can defiantely get out of the friendzone...

the guy who got out of the friendzone and wrote a thread about it, was able to get out of it because he has superb game... he knew how to build attraction and it worked.. he is obviously very confident and it was a matter of time until his girl mates became attracted..

Yeah,I know of the thread you're talking about. I read it,and to me,it didn't seem as if he got out of the friendzone. He said that this girl was someone with whom he had "fooled around with on numerous occasions in the past". Now to me,that's not friendzone. To me,that's just relighting an old flame,resparking an old attraction,which isn't hard to do. You say you think I'm wrong. Well,you know what? I hope you're right. I actually hope I am wrong on this one. You think I want to believe that the friendzone is irreversable? Of course not. It'd be my pleasure for HonestGuy to break through the friendzone barrier with this girl. But through all my personal experiences,and the record I've seen of the members here on the board,is has always,ALWAYS been a lost cause.

So far from what I've seen,it's the friendzone-100 and guys getting out of it-zero. I've yet to see one,not even one case where a guy was in the friendzone(and I mean the true friendzone),and when he attempted to date the girl who put him there,it worked out. Not one.

Listen,HonestGuy came here for help. So if you know of something that may aid him in his quest to date this girl,let's hear it. I don't know everything,never claimed to. This type of info would be a benefit to me and other members as well. I ahven't given him any advice concerning dating this girl because TO ME,it's a lost cause. But to you (HeMan),you say that there may be something he can do. Well,go ahead and tell him what it is he needs to do. He's been waiting ten years for this info. Tell him what to do,then when he goes out and does it,we'll all be here waiting for the results.

HonestGuy said that he was supposed to have some sort of "talk" with this girl about the "dancing" the other night. I wonder how the talk went???

 

[HonestGuy]

HonestGuy said that he was supposed to have some sort of "talk" with this girl about the "dancing" the other night. I wonder how the talk went???

Haven't spoke to her yet. She wanted to talk to me about it but she's probably pissed that I didn't speak to her when she wanted. And for me it's probably less a problem of the friendzone as much as her commitment to her bf. I'll probably talk to her this weekend.

 

[GuanYu]

if u have no game and is soft, then i agree u cannot get out of the friendzone..

2 out of my 4 good girl friends, i have slept with and my hottest friend is def showing signs of interest towards me.. she is alot better looking than me but because of my personality and charm she is slowing caving in...

if u learn how to seduce and become a better person then u can def get out of any friendzone..

There seems to be some confusion. I think FriendZone only applies to men that have tried to engage in sexual relations to women, got rejected then designated to "friend" status. Normal guys don't approach women in order to just become friends. That means you're gay.

HeMan, as far as you're concerned, Igetit is right for the most part. In your case were those female friends of yours girls you game or are they simply acquaintances you know through mutual friends?

Either case is the same situation. If you ever did approach them and are constantly flirting with them they're not your friends they're acquaintances that you want to fvck. Real friends don't fvck friends ..feel me?

Is it possible to get out of the friendzone? Anything is possible, but once a woman flat out rejects you and places you in the "LJBF" more often then not their feelings won't change. A lot of women aren't even interested in being friends with men that have sexual interest in them unless they're complete chumps.

If they can't "play" with a certain man at the time of getting gamed due to a relationship, too many fvck buddies, etc then those men she's attracted to get put in reserve. She won't even toss the "LJBF" tag on those kind of guys.

 

[Igetit!]

Haven't spoke to her yet. She wanted to talk to me about it but she's probably pissed that I didn't speak to her when she wanted.

I remember one of the other members telling you to just ignore the topic of the "dirty dancing". I think that's a good idea,but somehow this just doesn't feel as something that can be just swept under the rug and forgot about,at least for her. This is weird. A girl wanting to have a "serious talk" about dirty dancing. A serious talk about dancing! Wow. That in itself would be enough for me to just forget about dating her. If she's uncomfortable just dancing with you,I doubt she'd be comfortable in a sexual relationship. I mean,that's just plain common sense.

And for me it's probably less a problem of the friendzone as much as her commitment to her bf. I'll probably talk to her this weekend.

So you think if she were single,then she'd be interested in dating you. I suppose anything is possible,but if that's so,you'd think she'd show some interest,some signal of that in ten years. And if she did at some point show signs of interest,but you were as you say;"a wimp" about doing anything about it,then that just made things worse.

But like I said,I seem to be in the minority of guys telling you to move on and forget about her,and as well all know,the majority rules. That's fine. I'd just like to hear some of the suggestion everyone else has for you. that's number one. And number two,I want to hear the results after you've applied those suggestions. I freely admit,I DO NOT KNOW HOW TO GET OUT OF THE FRIENDZONE. I know how to avoid it in the first place,that's so easy,it's ridiculous. But getting out of it,nope,haven't figured that one out yet.

Anyway,be sure to let us know how the talk goes,and if you do get some suggestions of how to go about dating this girl,and you apply those suggestions,tell us how things turn out.