How to build a more interesting life

[LDD]

Hi guys,

I noticed only recently that I'm a frog-in-the-well, meaning that when in a group of friends etc, I always have nothing to contribute to the discussion cos' I can't relate to any of the topics discussed, unless it's some general stuff like girls and sex.

Is there any way to solve this? Should I start reading up on pop culture etc.? Now that I think about it, this is also affecting my conversation skills a lot, cos' I can't get past the small talk thing. The pattern is always like: Get very friendly with a new person, then as time goes by, our relationship (guys and girls) fade away cos' I'm unable to build any continued rapport.

When people talk about XXX, I dunno what they're talking about.
When they talk about YYY or ZZZ, I am clueless. This leads to people thinking that I'm just dumb.

I want to change all this starting NOW but need some advice on where to head specifically.

I've seen many guys who seem very wise, can relate to any discussion, knows about all things in the world, super eloquent (cos they know what they're talking about).

Another thing: How do I make my life more interesting? By taking up new activities etc.? Cos' currently, it's mostly going work and coming home with occasional dinner with friends.

I really wanna change my life now.

Pls advise! Tks!
LDD

 

[PlayHer Man]

First you need stop looking at things from the perspective of being a tool. Why do you believe YOU always have to be contributing or serving others? You don't. You have a beta/female mindset which is making you compete with others when you shouldn't be. Don't compete with people.. utilize them.

The key to having a more interesting life is getting off your ass and out into the world. Have a diverse group of friends that don't necessarily know each other, but all serve different purposes:

- Business connects
- Wing men
- Drinking buddies
- Inside contacts for "stuff"

Also.. learn to listen more than you talk. Let others sell themselves to YOU. Don't try to impress people. You don't learn much by running your mouth.. you learn more from letting people run theirs.

Also.. spin plates.

 

[LDD]

First you need stop looking at things from the perspective of being a tool. Why do you believe YOU always have to be contributing or serving others? You don't. You have a beta/female mindset which is making you compete with others when you shouldn't be. Don't compete with people.. utilize them.

The key to having a more interesting life is getting off your ass and out into the world. Have a diverse group of friends that don't necessarily know each other, but all serve different purposes:

- Business connects
- Wing men
- Drinking buddies
- Inside contacts for "stuff"

Also.. learn to listen more than you talk. Let others sell themselves to YOU. Don't try to impress people. You don't learn much by running your mouth.. you learn more from letting people run theirs.

Also.. spin plates.

Hi thanks, PlayHerMan.

The issue I realized that I'm facing is that say, in a group, everyone is usually talking (especially the extroverted popular ones) while you can see a couple of us being the silent ones cos' we've nothing to say, and this is especially awkward for me, and it lowers your social value too.

In a group, the extroverted eloquent guys with interesting topics are always the ones talking to girls, while beta guys like us.....well....kinda sad.

I want to change this aspect. Becoming a more interesting person.

 

[JohnChops]

Most people talk about totally ignorant topics like TV and sports.

The biggest handicap quiet beta guys have is refusal to watch sports. Why not just start watching? That should give you plenty to talk about with men. Identifying with women is more difficult, you should read about pop culture or something to do that. Newspapers and magazines on the web will do.

I used to hate watching sports, now i enjoy football and find myself having more conversations, especially with some fellas from work, so it helps. I still dont have time to watch every single game. aint nobody got time for daT!

 

[Johnny Alias]

I'm 38. The top things that are interesting to people include:
1) Travel
2) Eating Out
3) Hobbies
4) Goals
5) BEING FUNNY!

I don't know how old you are... but you can start being interesting right now. Your perspective MATTERS. If you're hanging out with guys who DOMINATE the conversation that might not be a good thing. Might want to make sure these are the right people to have around.

Here's some advice. Start traveling more and going to more restaurants. Do interesting things that are off the beaten path. Take the road less traveled.
This should provide you with many anecdotes to relay to people. Make stories you tell short and sweet and not drawn out or you will lose their attention.

The guys are right. Listenting is more important. Ask more questions. Ask for more detail. People love to talk. You being a good listener is MUCH more important than being a good talker.

Beyond that be funny. Remember, brevity is the soul of wit. Learn a few jokes. Watch a few comedians on tv doing standup for research.

Above all SMILE. Don't come across as all serious. People are much more willing to engage if you're a happy person.

My two cents. You'll get there. You have lots to say and will find more. Just don't let your life get boring. Be the most exciting guy in the room and have the experiences to back it up...

 

[noheroes]

Give us a little more info on your interests, or things that have seemed exciting to you in the past. Don't dive into anything that isn't genuine, i.e. only watch more sports if you actually enjoy it.

What sparked you as a child? Was it the outdoors? Travel? Philosophy? Music? Pick three things and maybe some of us can give you some starting points.

 

[LDD]

Much thanks for the advice guys!

Don't laugh, but I really don't have a life now. It's all work and no play.
My hobbies are drawing (also happens to be my full time job) and video gaming (console), and as you can see, these two are very solitary activities.

I'm thinking of taking up adult ice skating in the coming months, and also go to those singles dating events (though not speed dating; I always found that to be kinda pathetic, no offense).

@noheroes:When I was a child, I wasn't into sports, but more of the quiet kid type. Reading was my favorite hobby LOL
But I'm gonna change that by adding more non-solitary activities to my life.

One thing I noticed lately by observing beta boring guys and interesting ladies-man type of guys is that, the latter ALL either have an interesting life full of experiences, or they go out and talk to people a lot. And these are the guys who are always funny, laid-back, positive etc.

The boring beta guys (like me), on the other hand, all have a dull sleepy life, nothing happens during weekends, and they always seem dead and lifeless to be with.

So, I guess, in a way I've found my own answer.....

Another thing is......do building relationships with people actually take some effort? Most of the time, I just wait for people to come to me etc, cos' I find trying to maintain relationships (platonic friends etc, not romantic ones) to be kinda a chore lol.

Oh, and I'm 29 now, and desperately want to change for the better before I hit 30.

 

[BeDJ]

Hey man,

I was in your situation a couple of months ago, where I questioned what my passions were in life. I eventually splurged on a crap-ton of 'hobbies' from golf clubs to a miter saw. Out of it all, I'm mountain biking everyday and meeting up with a group every week.

Building and maintaining relationships take a lot of effort. Getting people to like you takes effort. The best way is to act interested in what they are saying and ask questions that pertain to them. Small conversations go a long way.

Stay away from singles events.

 

[LDD]

Hey man,

I was in your situation a couple of months ago, where I questioned what my passions were in life. I eventually splurged on a crap-ton of 'hobbies' from golf clubs to a miter saw. Out of it all, I'm mountain biking everyday and meeting up with a group every week.

Hey BeDJ! It's good to see someone who experienced the same situation as me.
So, after spending $$$ on those hobbies, did you find that your life became a lot more interesting and vibrant? And no longer the lifeless zombie type of life?

Stay away from singles events.

Any reason for this? Cos I figured that attending singles events (those setup by dating agencies) is a good way to get to know more people including girls, and best part is those girls are singles without boyfriends.

I plan to i) put more hobbies that I never done before into my life and ii) watch more anime (people here are quite big on anime) so that I can discuss with them and iii) read up on pop culture (speaking of which, what are the best sites for pop culture?)

Doing all these + me making a real effort to build relationships should make my life more interesting and expand my social circle greatly!

Tks!
LDD

 

[noheroes]

I'm going to say watching more anime might be detrimental to your social life. I'd suggest cutting out anime completely.

Books are fine, but attend a book club.

Video games aren't - save them for when you truly have female abundance in your life.

No singles events.

Pick one group physical thing (yoga?), one group mental thing (audit a class?) and work on those.

 

[Packers2010]

what are you doing this Sunday? are you going to be choding around and masturbating or are you going to be cheering for the spread in the superbowl!

I know where I will be! up at 6 am Drive all the way down to the pub. ( 20 mins away) and watch the game. haha.

don't do stupid things like play video games and watch animee. that's just dumb. ( i got back into games when gta 5 came out and it was a bad choice.)

the BEST thing to do is join clubs and go out and socialize. small talk is good. but you are forgetting the most important part. what ever YOU say is important. so what YOU talk about should be enough doesn't matter what it is.

 

[LDD]

Thanks, noheroes and packers!

No singles events.

You're the 2nd person in this thread to mention this, but I still don't understand why. Is it because it lowers your social value? Tks!

 

[noheroes]

I think singles gatherings put the women in the driver's seat by default. Not a place you want them to be (literally or figuratively!).

 

[tomtom16]

Instead of trying to build a life that allows you to be a part of a group of friends or people, begin to move in the directions of creating your life the way you want it to be. When you know what you want out of life, and have come to accept who you are, you will begin to move toward creating your life on your terms. By default, you will begin to attract people to you who are also interested in the life you are living. Create yourself and your life into something people want to be a part of instead of trying to be a part of their lives.

 

[JaegerPilot217]

Pretty much only guys are expected to have an interesting life in order to get girls, girls don't need to have an interesting life

 

[apprenticedj]

Pretty much only guys are expected to have an interesting life in order to get girls, girls don't need to have an interesting life

Damn I never really thought of it that way. It's funny how much we play OURSELVES by obsessing over women when they literally just need some T&A and we're falling all over ourselves. The best thing about racking up lays and relationships (of all degrees) is that with each one the veil slips a little bit. The facade starts to crack and you can see through the BS much better, in short your game gets tighter and tighter. I know I'm going off topic in this thread but DAMN! We brought this all on ourselves.

 

[adviceworld]

Unfortunately I'm going to have to be real with you. Most guys who have boring lives are usually passive agressive and refuse to take life by the horns. Life is going to happen to us wheater we like it or not, but it's up to you to take life by the horns and program it yourself otherwise it will program you. Dude you need to overcome your fears and get out there. Join Men's groups, start a new hobbie, and do things out of your comfort zone that will terrify you. The reason why you don't have anything to say in conversations is because you don't experence life like you should. This weekend I want you to start a new hobbie and stick with it. You need to create a new paradigm of thinking that will enable you to reach for new heights in life. I want to bet that you're the type of guy who don't like to venture out of his box much. Dude I'm sorry to say that nice guys don't only finish last in relationships, but life as well. So you must stregnthed yourself and gain the neccessary confidence to throw yourself out into the world. You have to call it what it is, You're afraid and probably have social anxiety, but that ends today.
Below is one of my article that I wrote a few months back that will help you out on this subject. Good luck!

http://live2conquer.com/top-5-reasons-why-youre-a-boring-person-2/