How to break up because of college?

[lxr]

I've been dating a girl this summer, and we both really like eachother. sadly, she is going to college overseas. I don't want to keep it going over such a long distance, though.

I don't have one-itis; I will be able to move on easily in the short term, but i like her more than any other girl i've met.

so... how do i break up with the biggest chance that when she finishes her university studies (3 years) and comes back to my country we can try again? I know this is a long shot and i will definitely see many other girls (maybe some i like more) before then, but i know she's coming back so how do i keep it an open option?

I am out of town now, and I will see her for the last time before she leaves in a little less than 2 weeks.

thanks!

 

[jeffthechef]

you're thinking too hard...there's no magic line that will keep her open as an option..you're trying to control the future..

here's what i say:
Live your life. Meet other girls. Have fun. When she comes back, if she does, have fun with her. If she wants to be mroe than friends, then it'll happen.

The way you break up isn't going to be a big deal 3 years later, unless you really fck it up, but i doubt you will..

"hey since you're leaving..we shouldn't go out anymore..i dont want a long distance thing because they never work out. But if you come back, we can hang out and see where things go from there.*small smile"

 

[lxr]

thats what i was thinking. thanks for the reassurance! Just to be clear, I should NOT say anything overly *heartfelt* or be like "I'm going to miss you too much if we stay together overseas" or would that not be too bad?

 

[lxr]

the reason i'm asking is because Jeff's suggestion mentions hanging out when you get back, which is what my initial idea was, but after that DJhero said not to mention it.

I see this convo being before AND during our last date. which is better? to have our last date knowing its our last from the beginning or talk about it while we're together?

 

[jeffthechef]

"the reason i'm asking is because Jeff's suggestion mentions hanging out when you get back, which is what my initial idea was, but after that DJhero said not to mention it."

btw, i wrote that line without any thought..because it really doesn't matter as long as you dont say **** you *****...and even if you said that, 3 years is a long time..you can mention it or not mention it...it wont make much difference...dj hero emphasized how long 3 years is...he's right...

let's put things in perspective...my second "official" gf was the one who i was with between my transition from middle school to high school..we planned marriage after college..and children all that ****..lmao yes, very sad.
so we broke up right before summer because we wanted time to get over each other a little..and get back together at the same college...while being friends with benefits...well, 2 weeks into summer...i find out she was getting tested for std's when she said she hadn't done anything sexual with anyone before me..and that she was cheating on me..and so on

3 years now, and you're in different countries lol...dont worry about 3 years from now

"I see this convo being before AND during our last date. which is better? to have our last date knowing its our last from the beginning or talk about it while we're together?"

dont even bring it up at all..treat it like any other outing with her

you're going away from DJ/Alpha..you're worrying about this little issue, if you even want to call it an issue...who cares if things dont work out with this girl, you're young...and there are so many girls out there...have fun with her...then the weekned after she's gone, go and have fun with another girl..explore..experiment...see what kind of girls you like, and characteristics about girls you love..eventually, you'll weed out the girls you know you wont be attracted to personality wise...which will be valuable when time becomes more valuable

 

[lxr]

well i'm not worrying about it that much but shouldn't we atleast be on the same page about long-distance relationships before she leaves?

 

[jeffthechef]

"shouldn't we atleast be on the same page about long-distance relationships "

you could be reading different books and after 3 years, be on the same page on the same book...or perhaps you won't even be on any page on any book because you'll be in bed with too many girls. :woo:

i thought you were breaking up too...why longdistnace relationshipo...unles you mean longdistance friendship...in that case, just talk every now and then when it's convenient..perhaps email/IM/etc...

you're overthinking this...which shows you are toooooo into her..and you've only been together for summer.
just relax...check out other girls

 

[lxr]

sorry, i misunderstood what you said earlier. I thought you were saying not to mention breaking up at ALL but really you mean just not to mention it before and during our date, correct? otherwise it just be kinda like a cliff-hanger without any closure.

either way i totally know what you're saying. don't mistake my persistence on this subject for dread/worry... i will move on easily =D I just ask for advice on anything i'm not sure about so that later i can make the best decisions myself.

thanks, by the way!

 

[jeffthechef]

"sorry, i misunderstood what you said earlier. I thought you were saying not to mention breaking up at ALL but really you mean just not to mention it before and during our date, correct? otherwise it just be kinda like a cliff-hanger without any closure."

i wouldn't even talk about the break up at all...before/during/after the date...just have fun..if it comes up, it'll be because she asks..then you can talk about it...

i dont think it would be a cliffhanger...i think she'll assume it's over once she leaves...and if she doesn't assume this...once she is gone, you'll be able to figure out if she thinks you're still going out by the way she talks and what questions she asks...

 

[lxr]

I see. Should i avoid her when she comes back for winter break/summer break, etc.?

 

[lxr]

nevermind, you don't have to answer that =D I'm just going to have fun on our last date and then not think about her again. Tons of fish in the sea...

 

[Crazy Asian]

Seriously man, a lot of what this site preaches comes from the insecurities that us guys have. As a ways to keep our egos in place. It's definitely a good place, but sometimes you have to use your brain before you blindly follow what this site says.

You like this girl a lot, and she likes you.
I hope you respect her enough to tell her whats up straight forward.
Tell her at the beginning of your last date.

I may be wrong, but from what your saying, it feels like you're still trying to keep her interested.... thinking "what should I do to make her still want me after 3 years". Drop this mentality. Make sure she knows that you still care for her. I'm not saying that you should wait on her for 3 years of course... just make sure she knows how you feel about her, cause it sounds like she feels the same. And I wouldn't avoid her over breaks. Just say Hi, and see where that leads you.
College is definitely an experience. Have fun man. Make it a goal do something that scares you every single day.

 

[collegeaid]

hi i know this is not thread related, i am a writer and looking for highschool students who are intending to go to college. im writing an article about it. you can send me your email add...my email is collegeaid@ynasanpedro.com. thanks again!

 

[lxr]

I wouldn't say i was *blindly* following jeffthecheff... haha =D.. but point taken. I was thinking of doing exactly what you wrote in your post. I think it will be a hybrid response (between your ideas and those of jeff) if i tell her what i think straight up because that will be talking to her straight like you suggest but it will also help me just move on, clean the slate, and close the deal like jeff urges.

 

[jeffthechef]

she already knows you like her...there's no need to mention it..
there are some things that are meant to be said...and some that aren't..
but this isn't either of the two..
this falls into the third category..
things that are meant to be said at a certain time...and this isn't it


telling her you like her can either have no effect or ruin things..
i know, ironic..telling you like her can make her not like you as much

have fun, she already knows you like her and care about her.

 

[lxr]

sounds good. thanks for the advice!

 

[lxr]

/this will sound paranoid, but i'm not, k?
well i just got back in town and i found out that she planned a long trip for vacation... leaving tomorrow. She knew exactly when i was coming back and i told her not to plan anything so we could hang out before she leaves for college.
I think she's trying to get rid of me (do what jeff said i should do to her, just cut it off under the assumption that we're breaking up)

Abroad i emailed her about my trip and she responded a week later (saying she forgot) and then i emailed back and she never responded (it's been a week maybe).

I haven't talked to her yet. I think i will just go ahead and put this *issue on the backburner (i have tons of work to do before school starts) and let her contact me. She may not at all, considering she hasn't yet and ignored my emails, but that's O.K. with me because i'm a DJ =D