How to break through with an interested chick who doesn't want to get close?

[Who is John Galt?]

The natural reaction of most here will probably be to next her. Ordinarly I would but I have to deal with her for over a dozen hours a day from Monday-Friday so I might as well try to salvage something. I am pretty sure she is into me, i.e. she laughs at anything remotely funny I say and I get a good vibe. However, whenever I do something to take things to the next level she becomes cold or rebuffs it. Then, I get cold in response, ignore her and then she tries to win me be back. So she clearly likes me and wants me to like her but there is something that is keeping her from taking it to the next level. Despite us being together nearly daily for a month, she didn't even give me her number yesterday (I hadn't asked for it before because I was taking things slow)! I thought I may have been LBJF'ed but this strongly suggests otherwise. If I were just a friend why wouldn't she give me her number??? It seems she is afraid of getting into something with me. I see two possible reasons for this: 1) She had a bad previous relationship and is reluctant to enter another one 2) Ethnicity (she is Jewish, I have a Muslim background). I had previously thought she was just an attention ***** but that doesn't seem the case. She doesn't even talk to anyone around us other than me and actually seems to have some social problems with being afraid to talk to anyone other than me, and I built comfort with her early via humor and kino. Perhaps she was a typical "nerd" in her past.

How can I gradually break through with her? I will see her nearly daily until May. I am planning on continuing what I have been doing and asking her to come to things I go to, i.e. a party or something. I won't ask her to do anything just with me. The idea is that over time she can get over whatever hang up she has.

 

[Eccentric]

It's very simple. She's a flirt, and that's all she is.

 

[Who is John Galt?]

That is what I thought before but wouldn't a flirt talk to more than one guy? She doesn't even talk to another guy (or girl for that matter), let alone flirt with another one.

Note: we are in grad school and I am in 3 of her 4 classes. The 4th class has a sub-group from 2 of our classes. If she even had a friend in that 4th class it would be apparent in the other two. She has no friends in that class, let alone a guy she has drawn to her with flirting.

 

[Phyzzle]

I thought I may have been LBJF'ed but this strongly suggests otherwise.

You've been LJBF'ed. I don't see how turning down the number close is a good sign at all!

It's a sign that seeing you at work/class/wherever is enough, and she certainly does NOT want to see you elsewhere (at night).

The best policy is here:
http://www.sosuave.com/articles/escaping.htm

 

[Who is John Galt?]

hmmm...it may even be worse. We sit together in all those classes. She has no other friends. She basically needs me as her passport to join any study group, which is crucial at this level of school. Yet, she is willing to be on bad terms with the guy she sits next to (essentially locked in for the semester), her only friend, and her only shot at getting anywhere socially or in a study group. I don't understand the number thing. She could easily just flake on me a few times and I'd get the hint. She should be smart enough to realize that not giving me the number would make me very, very angry...I freaking ignored her all day the last time I saw her, while I talked to my new friends (great week socially for me, although not great with the chicks I was targeting, plus a flake I meant at a party who has been nexted), who happens to be guys That should have sent the message...

All this is what led me to think there may be some deeper thing going on. Or maybe she just is a loner type--or views me as easy to "keep", i.e., by being on "good" behavior the next few times I see her.

Thanks for the link. I will be sure to apply those principles.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I am pretty sure she is into me, i.e. she laughs at anything remotely funny I say and I get a good vibe. However, whenever I do something to take things to the next level she becomes cold or rebuffs it.

Is it just me or is something a bit incongruent?

 

[rrrrr]

She's not interested.

 

[COMPTON]

ASK YOURSELF! How much do i like her. She is playin games. So play'em back. Go get yourself a girl. And talk about her all the time. If she's jealous she'll respond. if not you have a good time with your new girl anyway

 

[unorthodox]

Could it be that she's religious? Jewish girl is a red flag for me, they usually want long term, and they like money and status over anything else.

 

[Who is John Galt?]

The problem is that I am stuck with her Monday-Friday so I can't simply next her and move on.

The options I see are: 1) Simply becoming a friend with her 2) Basically ignore her, aside from token "hi"s 3) Treating her as an acquaintance

I can talk to friends that sit around us instead of her and that may lead to positive changes but I don't want to be on bad terms with her since I am stuck with her. I am thinking I will be cool toward her for the next few days and she how she reacts.

I would not have a problem with just being friends with her but it seems she doesn't even want that outside of school, unless she realized why I really wanted her number. Not even giving me the number is a huge insult in my book, since we were supposedly at least friends. It also embarassed me in front a friend. The anger about this colors my views toward this. I am even considering totally cutting her off by changing my seats. Let her sit alone all day.

Yeah, unorthodox she seems to be religious. I don't think money/status hurts me. If anything it helps me because I am one of the few interested guys she will meet who will be at her educational/status/income level. If religion is a factor it is due to the pressure of how her family would react if she brought a guy whose father's name is Muhammad over for dinner lol. I know it would cause some friction on my side.

Note: I consider her a HB7 but the three other guys I have talked to her about it consider her medicore. So I don't know if that factors into this. She isn't the typical HB9 attention wh0re.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

The problem is that I am stuck with her Monday-Friday so I can't simply next her and move on.

Why not?

 

[Mellow]

Just ask her out, if she says no, she doesnt like you.
if she says yes, she's intressted in you.

Or do as compton said.

 

[Who is John Galt?]

Ah, the plot thickens...

It seems she is a very shy, nerdy, loner type, not an attention wh0re as previously suspected by me...

I essentially NEXT'ed her and she did some little things on Monday and Tuesday to try win me back, including, for the first time using direct kino, as opposed to "accidently" touching my feet.

Today we had an informal lunch between classes that the professor organized. Maybe 1/4 or 1/3 of the class showed up. I wanted to go and asked her if she wanted to go. She clearly did not want to go but decided to go anyway after I pushed her a bit on it. On the way to it she mentioned that she had never been to the place before (indirectly asking me to take her there?). Tonight a bunch of people from our class go to a local bar and I asked her to go. She said no but she was very defensive and unusually passionate in arguing that she had too much work to do (somewhat legitimate BTW, although those of us who go simply sacrifice time doing other things to make time for it) so she couldn't come.

The key things here are that she does not want me to be upset at her, will apparently do some things for me as long as it doesn't divert her much from her studying (most people here are zealots when it comes to studying all the time). So it seems she may not be a lost cause after all...I will apply some of the principles in NeonBase's post in this thread about shy girls on her. I don't have oneitis or anything. I will talk to other girls but she sits next to me anyway so I can work on her too and it would be great if things worked out with her.

 

[tuxen]

I dont know what NEXT'ing is, but in your case i would:

Go cold, when she trys to win you back, make her try that little bit harder.

Then go caveman and kiss her.

If she pulls back just ask her what the fvck her malfunction is and leave.

Now ignore her. Now you've demonstrated that you can walk away and that you are a man.

She sounds like a fvck head to me, and you shouldn't put up with that sh1t.