How to Be More Comfortable Alone?

[cs_w2011]

I'm 24 and just moved to a new city for school this Fall. I don't know anyone here, and I left a lot of close friends when I moved. I basically lived in the same area my whole life, so it was pretty hard to move away from everything.

Last Fall, I broke up with a long-term GF, and for the months after that, I worked on my game, stayed out of committed relationships, and ended up getting with several different girls.

I noticed that since I was about 17 to 23, I had generally been in a relationship of some sort. It wasn't until this year that I liberated myself for such a long period of time. Part of this had to do with having a strong core set of friends that I spent time with.

Now in a new city, however, I'm feeling a bit isolated. There was a girl that I started getting emotions for right before I moved here, and even though she was really interested in me, she cut contact with me now since I've moved (I think she's afraid of what would happen now).

She was really the main person I'd talk to daily and even though we couldn't see each other after I moved, it helped to have that.

Now she's basically not even responsive to me anymore, so I've been a little down lately. My question is what tips do you guys have who have moved out to a new city, getting to know people, etc?

Also, it seems like when I'm in this type of position (no strong social circle), I end up falling into a relationship in order to have someone "there" for me. Any tips on breaking away from this dependency? I don't want this to be a constant pattern where how I feel (good or bad) is dependent on always having a girl around me.

Thanks

 

[bigneil]

Adjusting to a new city takes time: between 6 months to 1 year before you can become part of the local clicks (which is what it normally takes to date the HB9's). Assume everyone knows everyone. Make good impressions and remember names.

Also: take advantage of "beginners luck" which happens in the first 2 weeks in a new town because:

a) You still smell like a different place - you haven't become saturated in the local environment. Women love the new kid on the block.

b) You are still excited to be there and it is conveyed as confidence (your move is not old news yet).

c) (Possibly) you have a strong accent.

 

[EvilAgenda]

I love that "Beginner's Luck," that's good bigneil.

Also, some things to broaden your social circle right off the bat:
Join a gym, Take a group dance class, take martial arts.

Staying busy like that and having a purpose in your life will help keep distracting thoughts away.

 

[TheJazz]

To be independent of friends and people in general, spend a lot of time with yourself. Take yourself out on dates, do things you love doing. It really is that simple! If you like a new movie that's out, GO FOR IT! If you like swimming, go to the beach! There's nothing wrong with enjoying yourself in your "me time". Enjoy life! Oh, and if you want to broaden your social circle & meet new friends, join a church!

 

[loveshogun]

Everything in my life that I've ever done, cared about, and would consider "defining my life" around was something that, when I first started, made me feel uncomfortable, and was honestly daunting.

You have to have the perseverance to follow what's best for you, even when it doesn't feel like it right away. With self-improvement, you have to stick with a plan for a few months before you can accurately gauge whether it's helping or hurting.

Note that women/dating aren't considered self-improvement. So... you don't necessarily need to stick around a woman for a few months to gauge whether she's helping or hurting.

 

[latino158]

you have to be born an introverts, in order to be completely ok with being alone

introverts do not need others or the company of others in order to be happy, all they need is themselves, the rest are just supplements

 

[Mike32ct]

Latino is correct. Only a true introvert can be totally ok being alone.

But whether you are an introvert or not, there is plenty you can do to fight lonliness.

Like the other said, stay busy. There is no reason to ever be bored. We live in a world with WAY more to do than time allows.

Finally, get some action. Like bigneil alluded to, women want to F the new guy in town.