How to be emotionally indestructible.

[Serenity]

It's really really simple, but hard to fully realize. Never ever tie your self worth to anything other than just existing at this moment.

Another aspect is to not think about yourself in any way, or better yet not think at all. There's nothing to worry about, you're alive and that's enough. So how does this tie into women? When you focus less on yourself you will focus a whole lot more on them. Because of that it's ridiculously easy to read them.

There are some things that caught my attention, and that's the people who tries to win a woman. Be it ex or any other girl, the bottom line is that essentially most are doing it for themselves and not because they wish the best for her. Your life and yourself is not worth less because you don't have something you want. It's not what being the prize is about, being the prize is about just being.

For those who obsess about the "red pill", there's nothing special about it. At the end of the rabbit hole there is nothing. Nothing to defend, nothing to hide, nothing to do, nothing to fear and that's freedom. At this point nothing can hurt you, because things are as they are and nothing anyone says or does makes any impact on you. It's your choice if you want to listen or not.

The goal is to be egoless in the sense that you're not worried about yourself. If you're not there's no problem in a woman leaving you, your life satisfaction doesn't depend on it. When doing pick-up or anything like that you would satisfy her, and by making her feel good and she will relate the feeling to you. By making her feel good about you she will chase you just because of her feeling.

It all comes down to careful observation of how things really are. If you think you know how it works you don't, when you truly see how it is you won't even say you know. If something feels wrong, look closer.

 

[Dgwizdal]

A bit all over the place here But funny thing is I'm trying to learn how to be the opposite after the library of knowledge I've gained here. It is impossible to build emotional rapport with a girl so she sticks around without investing and being vulnerable at times.

Although not giving a f*ck and making my own happiness has gotten me farther than I could've ever imagined, letting someone else contribute to it and reciprocating it in terms of validation that they mean something has been a catch 22 for me.

PHM always advises to care less than a woman does - but what if you don't care at all?? Even about what some may deem a "great catch" still are labeled and treated automatically as plates in my mind. Ultimately, they force themselves to leave in a fit of rage torn between still being attracted and resenting my lack of f*cks given. Still trying to find the right balance here...

 

[Serenity]

The point is to always care, but not having fear of being hurt. It's to feel whatever happens and knowing it doesn't last.

What's needed is perspective, that your happiness is equally important to everyone elses. It's fine to do whatever you want, but not at the expense of others. It's fine to make mistakes, but be sure to see it and take responsibility.

The thing is that when you meet resistance, get to the depth of why. You might actually have done something wrong, but nevertheless it doesn't mean you're a bad person.

For me my goal is to find out how to make people feel good, and to do good. And to figure out how I can feel good, so as to share that feeling. This means taking responsibility and overcoming any obstacle. All in all it's pretty damn complicated, but in my head it becomes simpler as I understand and relate everything around me. I think maybe just the act of understanding instead of resisting is all you ever need.

 

[JoeMarron]

Another aspect is to not think about yourself in any way, or better yet not think at all. There's nothing to worry about, you're alive and that's enough. So how does this tie into women? When you focus less on yourself you will focus a whole lot more on them. Because of that it's ridiculously easy to read them.

I understand how never thinking about anything that isn't in the present moment can be beneficial but I've never managed to keep it up for long. It just becomes so incredibly boring that my mind automatically begins to wander. I suppose meditation would help but that would probably be too boring for me to keep it up...

 

[Serenity]

What in your mind is so fascinating that it's more important than what's right in front of you? It's not wrong to have your mind wandering. But I certainly would say it's a good skill to know how to re-focus your attention quickly. Making thinking into a habit makes it easy to forget everything around you.

I thought meditation was boring too, but being in the present moment is in essence meditation. You don't need to sit in a pose in silence, only pay attention to everything.

 

[n52]

Essentially it's living like a dog.....in the now and now only. never holding grudges, everything that has happened is the past and irrelevant.

 

[JoeMarron]

What in your mind is so fascinating that it's more important than what's right in front of you? It's not wrong to have your mind wandering. But I certainly would say it's a good skill to know how to re-focus your attention quickly. Making thinking into a habit makes it easy to forget everything around you.

I thought meditation was boring too, but being in the present moment is in essence meditation. You don't need to sit in a pose in silence, only pay attention to everything.

Agreed. However, putting it into practice is difficult. I have a job that requires virtually no mental effort plus in daily life there are going to be times where the present moment just isn't that exciting. It's difficult to focus on what's right in front of you when that something isn't stimulating. I suppose making not thinking into a habit makes it easier to focus on the present. I just need to push through the boredom and stick with it.

 

[DragonBlood]

The goal is to be egoless in the sense that you're not worried about yourself. If you're not there's no problem in a woman leaving you, your life satisfaction doesn't depend on it. When doing pick-up or anything like that you would satisfy her, and by making her feel good and she will relate the feeling to you. By making her feel good about you she will chase you just because of her feeling

This really resonates with me, especially the part on seduction. There was plenty of times even in my recent past of 'seducing' a women and getting her to chase me. But was she chasing me or just more of that feel? Most of the time in these cases there inst much common ground anyway!

I think if you pick up girls you otherwise would never of got I think you have to accept that they will leave if you lose your balance. There is obviously things to learn and improve on but a positive and in the moment attitude to life is far better and saves so much energy that would otherwise be wasted on mindgames.

 

[adam225]

Excellent thread Grewd +1

You're spot on .

 

[Turuwal]

Top thread Grewd. Totally agree on the usefulness of meditation and being present. I use centering in field sometimes to control my emotions, practised at home of course so I can do it in a few seconds.

Oh and for the hard cases out there, another way to emotional indestructability is to find the biggest b*tch you can (hot or not, doesn't matter) and let her kick the sh*t out of your emotions for two months. It turns you into a rock.

 

[PlayHer Man]

A bit all over the place here But funny thing is I'm trying to learn how to be the opposite after the library of knowledge I've gained here. It is impossible to build emotional rapport with a girl so she sticks around without investing and being vulnerable at times.

Although not giving a f*ck and making my own happiness has gotten me farther than I could've ever imagined, letting someone else contribute to it and reciprocating it in terms of validation that they mean something has been a catch 22 for me.

PHM always advises to care less than a woman does - but what if you don't care at all?? Even about what some may deem a "great catch" still are labeled and treated automatically as plates in my mind. Ultimately, they force themselves to leave in a fit of rage torn between still being attracted and resenting my lack of f*cks given. Still trying to find the right balance here...

What balance? If your goal is to keep a woman around when she doesn't want to stay then you care more than she does. Don't you?

Looking for a soul mate is where most men get themselves into trouble. This soul mate crap was invented by society and romance novels. Its not reality. Marriage was created to keep women barefoot and pregnant taking care of a man's home and raising his offspring. It wasn't created for any type of sentimental emo faggot sh!t.

Infatuation (often mistaken for love) exists in nature to keep humans bonded long enough to protect the pregnant woman until she gives birth and to protect the offspring in infancy until it can function on its own.

There is no soul mate. Women are for sex and reproduction (just like men). That's it. I know we hate to think life is that simple but it really is.

 

[bigneil]

Anyone who has found real success with women has noticed that it is not based on their looks or what they say. It is based on this intangible power that we sustain. It ebbs and flows, but ultimately it is projected from within and tied to the health of our heart.

I agree with PlayerHer Man that there is no ONE. Success with women is based on how the AVERAGE woman who we are ATTRACTED to treats us! Unless they all treat us right, something is dreadfully wrong. Women are like feral cats who you are feeding. They only come back if the odds suggest it improves their chances of being fed. Stop feeding them and they go away. For that reason, take no shame in being a generous provider.

 

[Serenity]

I've gotten a bigger realization after focusing intensely on trying to integrate every aspect of everything I've heard being expressed. Really trying to understand difficult concepts and how they all fit together despite seeming opposites. An interesting question appeared, where does it all come from and why? And the solution is in the understanding, the act itself of trying to bring something together. That is all we really do, we all just do it our own way.

Essentially it's the quality itself of using our knowledge to maintain peace. If you know exactly how to operate this, then you can spot conflict at the moment it arises. And what bad quality women do best it's to generate drama and conflict, and what further bothers them will be your knowledge not to escalate it. In the end they don't know the consequences of their actions, and that harms themselves.

It requires clear knowledge of how emotions work, what people actually are doing and why they are doing it. Also why you are doing what you are doing, and how to do better for the sake of yourself and others. Understanding all of this brings me tremendous pain, but also extreme clarity into what's happening. I'm doing it because ultimately it's the right thing to do.

It's not about refusing to pay attention to your thoughts, but to pay attention to more than that. And then adjust to see if your ideals fit reality, until now they have never fit. I will never figure it all out, but I enjoy trying, and that's the point.

Don't believe it, see it. People have tried for thousands of years to explain it, and nobody has succeeded to explain what can't be explained including me. Buddha came pretty damn close in my opinion though, but this might be a bias. If you get it you won't really question what to do, because everyone is screaming the solutions to you.

 

[Tictac]

Or, just become a sociopath.

 

[Turuwal]

Buddha came pretty damn close in my opinion

I agree. Buddha came as close as he possibly could given the technology and knowledge that existed 2500 years ago. If he had known about physics, chemistry, biology, psychology, natural selection and game theory then he would have arrived at the truly correct answer.

There are three or four seals of Buddhism which show what a great understanding he had. In modern terms, they boil down to something like:

1. Life is a video game.
2. Keep playing until you realise this.
3. Even the person playing the game is not real.
4. So just have fun!

 

[Serenity]

I agree. Buddha came as close as he possibly could given the technology and knowledge that existed 2500 years ago. If he had known about physics, chemistry, biology, psychology, natural selection and game theory then he would have arrived at the truly correct answer.

There are three or four seals of Buddhism which show what a great understanding he had. In modern terms, they boil down to something like:

1. Life is a video game.
2. Keep playing until you realise this.
3. Even the person playing the game is not real.
4. So just have fun!

He wouldn't arrive at the truly correct answer, he made pretty sure to cancel everything out. Thus forcing you to think for yourself and see for your yourself. And that's how you keep it going, everything cancels out itself by the opposite. Thus all is one. It's an intellectual mindfvck, that's how you open a closed system.

Also as Socrates said "I know that I know nothing", from how I see it Buddha must have lived that except he probably didn't even knew that. Point is to always learn, because as soon as you think you know you stop learning. As you stop learning you lose track of what is (reality) and since the game is dynamic and always changing you will start losing. You can't play the game of life if you don't know the rules. And as always this is an expression of my current understanding and is not to be taken as absolute. Just think about it, or not. :crackup:

 

[Formerlyrossitheking]

A wiseman once said:

Winners act in the face of fear.

Losers run away from fear.

 

[Turuwal]

He wouldn't arrive at the truly correct answer, he made pretty sure to cancel everything out. Thus forcing you to think for yourself and see for your yourself. And that's how you keep it going, everything cancels out itself by the opposite. Thus all is one. It's an intellectual mindfvck, that's how you open a closed system.

I believe that you have the answer as well Grewd. Thanks for the advice on how to propagate it!

 

[skinnyguy]

Legit post. When you realize none of this matters and no one cares what you say or do, you will be happier

 

[Serenity]

I see now how ignorant I've been, but I was like that because I didn't know any better. For over a year I've been trying to connect the dots to fix myself, then comes the realization that the act of connecting is compassion. And the realization that what we all are doing day in and day out is to connect the dots so we can have peace. We all practice compassion. We all want the same thing, and every expression coming from a human being all points to love.

It's not about me or you, it's about all. I doubted I would make it, but I kept pushing through guilt, shame, fear, anger, depression and apathy. It's time to share with others, and to finally live free. I hope you all come to see, the answers are buried deep inside you all. Beware though, this makes looking at a wall into a highly interesting experience.