How to ask consent?

[chuk15]

You better bring a voice recorder with you all the time, you know just in case she changes her mind later and decides to say she never said yes, because then its your word against hers.

God, is it really so bad in the U.S. these days?

Yea I hope that never happens to me or anyone else.

Do you think a girl would actually sign on the dotted line to give consent to have sex? How would you explain that, "Hey this is just in case you decide to **** me over and black mail me with a rape accusation."

 

[Atom Smasher]

^^this

Have the Agreement for Consent Contract pre-typed out. Then all you need to do is have her sign and date it and your good to go. I have a stack of them always sitting on my bedside table.

Also remember you can not lawfully have sexual relations with a female who has a BAC level higher than .08%. The law has stated that she is too intoxicated to give consent for sex. So its also a good idea to have a breathalyzer handy, either in your bedroom or in the bathroom. You can find good deals on them at Amazon.

If in doubt dont hesitate to call your lawyer. Better safe than sorry!

Remember to get all your paperwork notarized.

 

[Igetit!]

No I'm not a virgin, but according to US law you need to ask consent before any sexual contact otherwise you can be charged with sexual assault or even rape.

Where did you get this from? You don't have to "ask" for a woman's consent,she just has to give it.

I didn't ask for consent then because I was younger than the girls I had sex with, so I thought that since they were older and more mature they would flat out say no to me if they so desired.

They would flat out say no. Younger women will too.

You just need to make sure that the girl knows you first,or at least feels like she knows you,to make her feel comfortable.


If you're just too paranoid about it,then go on at least 2 dates before you try to "go all the way". All you have to do is simply make the girl feel respected. If she says no,then back off,it's that simple.

Again, most rape and sexual assault occurs with the girl NOT flat out saying "no".

I don't believe that for a second.

If the girl is drunk or under the influence of some type of drug,this might be true,but if the girl is walking down the street,some guy grabs her and tries to rape her,she's not going to "hint" or "insinuate" for the guy to stop,she's going to YELL and SCREAM NO,and I believe it would be the same thing if a woman is out on a date with someone she barely knows and the guy tries to have sex with her and she doesn't want to.



I'm talking about legit cases of rape/attempted rape or assault,not that crap of women lying on a guy to get back at him for something,or where she had sex too soon and wants to cry rape so she won't look like a slvt to people.

The penalties are steep, but asking "can I have sex with you" at the wrong time feels to me to be a surefire way to destroy any interest the girl has in you.

It will destroy interest. She'll look at you like crazy or something. And not only that,but to do it everytime you want to sleep with her?


I wouldn't blame her for losing interest.

You have to understand that men,women,sex,and sexuality have been around LOOONG BEFORE these "consent laws" were passed.


Her consent is when she RECIPRICATES the escalation that YOU initiate. (Hey cool,that rhymed )

How would you ask for consent?

I wouldn't.

If you start to escalate and she says no,then there's your answer.

If she won't let you hold her hand,then she won't let you kiss her. And if she won't let you kiss her,then it's unlikely she'll let you have sex with her.


So you escalate. Start with something like holding her hand. If she's cool with that,you progress. If not,then you stop right there.


Dude,this really isn't that hard to figure out.

Most replies however suggested I don't ask for consent which is something I am not willing to compromise.

So you're not willing to compromise on this asking thing. Ok,fine...then ask for permission,we don't care,but I do have a request though....



The next time you do "ask for consent",come back here to this thread and tell us the expression the girl had on her face because I haven't had a good laugh in a while.

As a side note, if the girl says no when you advance sexually, how do you react, especially if you can feel it's definitely not going to go any further?

If she says no,you BACK OFF.

If you're in the bedroom when it happens,tell her to get up so you two can go in the living room to watch a movie or something. She'll "feel" the romantic vibe die off,and feel like it's her fault.


What usually happens is that she'll grab on to you to keep you there with her,and then she'll give in.


In this scenario,she can't accuse you of rape because when she said no,you got up to watch tv in the other room but SHE pulled you back and started doing things to you.



But yeah man,go ahead and start "asking" girls if you can have sex with them if it gives you piece of mind.

 

[joe henny]

Homie grow a sack your obviously one of those geek types that lurk on hear afraid of his own shadow. Unless your KObe Bryant you don't need a signed consent form. If a ***** says no then stop. Most people have banged chicks that start by saying **** like this is bad and we should wait cuz i dont want you to think im a slut. But there still here. get real dog

 

[chuk15]

Look, I just don't want to be sent to prison because I misjudged a woman's interest in sex. I want to be protected legally against charges of rape or sexual assault. I emailed some lawyers asking how you can protect yourself from a girl who consents but then lies to the police later that she did not consent and accuses you of sexual assault.

I understand what you're saying, and I agree, and of course if a girl says no you better back off, but I'm also going to be looking out if she is showing signs of disinterest in non-verbal ways because sexual assault is any sexual contact without consent.

 

[bam bam]

Something works once but now all of a sudden you develop paranoia. Dont like your bull**** reasoning for it. Why the Paranoia? It doesn't grow to this proportion naturally after watching the news.

question.. what happens if she tells the courts she changed her mind when you got to the bedroom? you where too rough and hurt her she said stop but you told her she signed the consent form and you dont care. lol You should also get a video of the act so if you ever get put in a situation where she try's the good old lie about the consent her you'll be safe. Make sure you get her to sign off that she's aware you've got her on video so you dont get in trouble with the h.s girls...

 

[Donnie Darko]

chuk15...you sound like a broken AFC record.

It's boring.

You won't compromise asking. OK...then ask.

You still need to escalate first and then get her naked and start fingering her or eating her out and then see if she offers her consent without you even asking. If she doesn't offer her consent, then you can ask her if you should grab a condom or ask her if she wants to put the condom on you.

 

[chuk15]

I made the topic because I'm watching sexual assault prevention videos for college. In the video they say over and over if there isn't a "yes" assume "no", and if there isn't consent it's sexual assault.

 

[Radharc]

I made the topic because I'm watching sexual assault prevention videos for college. In the video they say over and over if there isn't a "yes" assume "no", and if there isn't consent it's sexual assault.

Feminist agenda-pushing bullcrap at its best. What is scary is that ppl buy into that.

 

[BigJimbo]

In America ANY GIRL can scream sexual assault. No D.A. is going to let that slip. The bad PR from one questionable case will mean many lost jobs and dozens of lawsuits. So, the system HAS TO play it safe and pursue you like a DOG!! I love it. You are rolling the dice big time in America. BIG TIME. HPV, MILFS, and Criminal Charges. It is like the DARK FORCE. Hovering over you.

 

[Radharc]

One has to wonder how this will end up, this is getting so unbelievably twisted and detached from any sustainable notion of reality that it cant go on for much longer without some serious social and cultural collapse. This status quo is not sustainable.

The day a guy is seriously considering contacting lawyers as safe guard to having normal, healthy, sexual intercourse with an adult woman should be seen as a serious wake-up call. Common sense just went out of the window.

 

[maqnetik]

You don't ASK for consent.

You make a MOVE and ESCALATE.

And you keep ESCALATING until she is either fvcking you or she says no.

If she resists or says no, then pull back a step or two and then re-initiate progressive escalation until you are either having sex or she says no.

all the more reason to get to know someone better as well

:wave:

 

[chuk15]

Feminist agenda-pushing bullcrap at its best. What is scary is that ppl buy into that.

I can see from their point of view and it isn't total bullcrap. I sure would not want my mother, sister, aunt, or any woman for that matter to ever be raped or sexually assaulted. These laws protect both men and women, and they're there to help prevent forced unwanted sex. It's just frustrating asking for consent for everything sexual because it is very awkward/not sexy. . . it's the price to pay though.

 

[Tesl]

You are either a troll or mentally handicapped. A "Yes" can be given without being verbalised.

 

[Igetit!]

These laws protect both men and women, and they're there to help prevent forced unwanted sex.

I understand that consent laws were put in place to protect women from being raped and sexually assaulted,but you seem to be taking it a bit too far.



Do you actually say "Can I have sex with you?" or "Is it ok if I have sex with you?" to a girl who you're trying to date?


Do you really say those words to a girl you're dating or trying to date?


I can't even imagine someone saying that to a girl.



The laws were passed because of women being SEXUALLY ASSAULTED OR RAPED,they weren't meant to penalize the normal,natural dating interactions between men and women.



Flirting,handholding,hugging,kissing/making out....are all of these things you plan to ask for permission to do too?




The flirting,handholding,hugging,and all these other things are NATURAL,they've been around for thousands of years,whereas these laws are relatively new. If you have to ask a girl for permission to do what should be natural....I don't know man,it just seems like it would kill off the mood,and ESPECIALLY if you plan on asking her over and over again.

It's just frustrating asking for consent for everything sexual because it is very awkward/not sexy. . . it's the price to pay though.

I STILL want you to come back here and tell us how it goes the first time you do this with a girl.

 

[chuk15]

You are either a troll or mentally handicapped. A "Yes" can be given without being verbalised.

I'm neither, but you give off the impression you're both.

 

[chuk15]

I STILL want you to come back here and tell us how it goes the first time you do this with a girl.

You guys seem to have forgotten the question in the OP.

I understand that some of you choose not to ask content before sex, but that not why I made this thread. I posed two questions in the first post, and many of the responses don't answer them. Most of the posts in this thread instead attack me as a person (insults), or disagree with the premise (asking for consent before sex itself is wrong). These two things ignore the two question I asked in the OP. I would appreciate if you guys can get serious for a just a sec and give me some cool smooth ways to ask for consent without sounding like a robot (let me engage in heterosexual intercourse with you) or creep (can I insert my penis into your vagina?).

 

[Tesl]

You guys seem to have forgotten the question in the OP.

I understand that some of you choose not to ask content before sex, but that not why I made this thread. I posed two questions in the first post, and many of the responses don't answer them. Most of the posts in this thread instead attack me as a person (insults), or disagree with the premise (asking for consent before sex itself is wrong). These two things ignore the two question I asked in the OP. I would appreciate if you guys can get serious for a just a sec and give me some cool smooth ways to ask for consent without sounding like a robot (let me have sex with you fair lady) or creep (can I insert my penis into your vagina?).

OK .... Then how about trying to get your important question into the foreplay? "You want some of THIS, baby?"

 

[KingofHearts]

Reminds me of this http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?title=love-contract&videoId=219422

The OP actually brings up an interesting point. I wonder how many teenagers get sex ed with a dose of "let women control everything". I saw there is another topic about the chick from Paramore saying "never kiss a girl unless she asks you too" which is obviously girl-power BS. Women definitely do make the rules in this day and age. But they will make exceptions for a guy their attracted to. Problem is, if a woman gets upset and burns the guy, the law (and mainstream media) back her up. That means even "alpha males" still have to tip toe around to make sure they don't end up a daddy or in jail or get stalked.

My ex-wife one time accused me of raping her. One morning I was pissed at her for starting another argument over nothing, so I man handled her and had sex. I verbally and physically treated her like **** and ****ed her hard with no mercy. I called her every demeaning word in the book, "slut", "b****", "w****" etc. She wanted drama and that time I just gave it to her. Any anger I had at her, I just channeled into ****ing. We were always pretty rough, but I never really insulted her during sex like I did this time. As we're taking clothes off she tells me "do whatever you want to me". She always said that during sex. When I finished, I got up and put my clothes back on and told her to take me to work. On the drive there she tried to start **** again, crying that I raped her. I reminded her of what she said and that she verbally gave me permission to do whatever I wanted, so I did. "If you gave me permission, then I didn't rape you". She had no response to that. That was one of the few times in our relationship where she had nothing to say. The few minutes of silence was absolutely beautiful. The next time we had an argument (which might have been later that night, but I don't remember) she suggested with a smirk, "that we should have sex so you can take your anger out on me". Take what you will from that story...

Here is my advice to the OP - If you want to get anything out of life, you have to take risks. Don't be reckless like this guy that had sex with a girl on the club dancefloor: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=178585 But you have to take some chances, otherwise you're just going to sit in your room and doing nothing for the rest of your life. There is a risk of getting injured everytime you drive to work. There is a chance you will get fired every day you do your job. And there is a chance a girl will cry rape after having sex with you. But being paranoid about the what if's will haunt you more than the consequences of experiencing life.

Remember, "Dont ask for permission, ask for forgiveness".

OP, the reason you're not getting the answers you want from other posters is because your question is flawed to begin with. The law is seriously jacked up when it comes to rape cases. Even if you do everything by the book, you can still get burned. Look at the Duke Lacrosse team case. You just have to take calculated risks with women and use your best judgment. Do you think a women has ever asked for permission to have sex with a man? Do you think any woman is worried about not getting a guy's consent before hopping on his ****?

 

[chuk15]

Do you think a women has ever asked for permission to have sex with a man? Do you think any woman is worried about not getting a guy's consent before hopping on his ****?

The law doesn't discriminate against gender. Women can get into just as much trouble as men. It just happens that men usually crave sex more and would likely rape a girl if there were no repercussions.