Tar benders are not easy pickings. A guide.
Knowing a lot of bartenders. Having been a bartender and managing bars, I can give you some inside information.
First, you are nowhere near being able to ask for her #
Second, once you get closer your chances are still quite slim. And getting her # is probably not the goal here. You want to try and set a date with her in person. Or, better yet, go out with her directly after her shift. In all my years I dont think any, not one, of my bartenders gave out their # to even the most handsome of dudes over the bar barrier. Its just taboo. Its just not done. FB maybe, but even that is pretty personal nowadays. Instagram maybe. You get this girls # and Ill slow clap you forever.
Id love to see you succeed though so allow me to expand on what you will need to try and do.
Phase 1: Establish a routine. Become a friendly and familiar face. Get her to learn your drink. She'll remember that long before your name. Then try to get her to remember your name. Try and sit in the same general location when you go. Dont be weird about it though. If its not avail. have a back up location. Trust me, we work on routines. Makes our lives easier.
Make her life easy and DONT bother her when she is even slightly busy. Drink the same thing all the time. Or at least start with the same drink all the time. If you are a beer drinker always order a pint. Bottles are tacky and we will usually buy back pints over bottles. Inventory reasons.
NEVER drink to much! Im not talking don’t get drunk that’s obvious. I talking don’t even get visibly buzzed. The minute you get loose we can tell. She will immediately become guarded. Anything you say at that point will become immediately less effective.
Don’t try to talk to her. She will always be polite but understand your conversations with her must be short and sweet in-between her obligations.
If she feels like she is going to get trapped talking with you every time she attends to you, even if she likes what you have to say, she will avoid your area. Then you might get the dreaded section switch and up being served by the duhn duhn duhn "male bartender" ahhhhh.
Your best bet is try to go in during off times but when you know she will be there. You will make much better time with her while she is cutting fruit then when she is trying to sling drinks.
Tip well but do not over tip. Depending on where you live 20% is fine. Once in a while a little more. Say if you hit quick draw or made her make you a off suit sort of a drink.
Im starting from the ground up here in case others read this, but if you already ready, we can move to phase 2.
Phase 2: Any men that work there, managers, servers, and especially other bartenders are the gatekeepers of your princess. They must like you also. Try to make as much good time with them as you do with her. If they get the slightest whiff of negativity about you its curtains for you. Not to mention they will be trying to **** block you even if they do like you.
Here is a trick to winning the hearts and minds of these soldiers of your misfortune. Treat the bar like you live there. Did someone leave behind a scarf? Bring it to the manager and tell him the location it was left. Learn his name. Does the bathroom need attendance of some kind, offer to help out. (depends on how well known you are at this point)( Im not saying plunge toilets either) “Hey I noticed WE are low on paper towels in the bathroom can I throw some in there for ya? “Hey, I noticed some guy out on the sidewalk puking and stumbling. Do you have a regular cab company I can call for him?” Pick up an obvious tripping hazard like a slippery napkin on a tile floor and throw it away. Stuff like that. Don’t go out of your way to do this stuff or you’ll seem weird. Just get noticed for good behavior and it will be appreciated. Do NONE of what was mentioned above to the girl!
Phase 2a-f.
Bring in something cool to talk about one day. Books work well for this. Book that back handedly pertaining to something you learned about her is even better. Or something you might have in common, even better. The latest band biography maybe? No, don’t know anything about eachother yet. OK. A travel guide could work. Lots of pretty pictures and gets the juices flowing in her about your worldly-ness. I guarantee she will ask “what is that for”? Your answer should be “O, my boss just gave this to me because we might one day be opening a location there” Or, “Right before I came here I met a friend for coffee and they were asking me if they should have a destination wedding there. Asked me to look through it for them. Hey check out this picture or fact or whatever.” It will be good to have a reason you brought it with you. If you say “O I was thinking about going there someday, shell wonder why you are not reading it at home.
Learn a really cool bar trick or more. AN EASY ONE! Something short too, with readily avail items. (The coolest tricks that take more than 30 secs are f^cking useless and boring in the bar)(I don’t care if someone produces a hand glider from inside their wallet. If it took more than 30 sec. from start to finish Im bored and too busy. Id say “That’s great. Put your hand glider away please and tell me what I can I get you”) (and please, for the love of all that is holy. NO f^cking riddles. No-one wants to be mindf^cked at work. Weirdos do that sh!t.
Learn something that is easy to execute, easy to teach and easy to pass on. Now practice it. Don’t go there and blow it. Now you are cooking with gas! You show her something that she can then show others (and make better tips with)and you just made a huge impression. Every time she does it and others are impressed by what you showed her and she gets a good feeling about it…She will equate that with you! Might even report back to you her success and buy you a drink.
P.S When the inevitable question ”Where did you learn that?” Please have a decent answer. Something cool and plausible. Saying in a bar or on the internet is crap. Saying “This guy I volunteered with at the children’s hospital in Caracas taught it to me” much better! Ok. That’s a bit overboard but you get the idea.
This is BIG. Every bar has a gimmick. Join in it. Try and get her to team up with you. Crack that door open by once in a while playing a quick draw for/with her as a tip. You pick a number and she picks a #. Then..Football boxes? Split one with her. Closest to cork game? Dice game? Every bar has a gimmick to keep people coming back find out what it is and try to get her to team up with you. If the bar does not have a gimmick. Create one. Something you can do together when you come in. I cant go into that any further because anything I can show you is to long an explanation.
Phase 3: You will know you have arrived here when you know:
Her relationship status without EVER having asked directly. No, you cannot talk about your old relationships to broach this topic with her.
Her living situation and does she have pets. Pets are her family if she has them. She will not talk about her home life if she doesn’t feel comfortable with you.
Generally her work schedule. What else does she do, if anything. School, what did she go for? No one aspires to be a bartender.
You follow each other on some kind of social media. No, do not ask her for hers. Try to get her to offer. Maybe follow the bar first. See if that gets you in the door. “Hey, does this place have a(social media) site I can follow. I want to hear about the next time(something the bar does)”
What does she like to do in her spare time. And that should be your in. Running? Reading? Cars? Skiing? You know whatever it is. “Hey we should do that sometime” Be great to see what you look like in the sunshine” “You wont melt will you?” “There is this great place I know to (do whatever).” Now, if she agrees, DO NOT ASK HER FOR HER #. Wait!
The following week, say “ I was at that place this week I told you about last week and thought about you and how much you might like it” “Give me your # so I can tell you exactly where to meet me when you get there” In her tiny mind, and the speed and confidence in which you tell her she is going will determine everything.
You have been softening the bar barricade for what should be no less then 12 weeks now. Now, you punch through.
Again, if you ask for her number you will not get it.
If you tell her to give it to her expecting she will want to do what you already know she will want to do and you give her a reason to give you her # Then you will get it.
Later that night she will be wondering if she is going on a date or not. This is good. Because it is not a date in the standard sense. So she will not show up with standard date defenses. She is meeting a guy she ”knows” from the bar.
“ That guy with the cool trick. Drinks vodka soda. I won a hundred bucks with that time. Always sits at the corner. Volunteered in Venezuela. You know T510. The charming handsome one. “ He texted me where to meet him at this great place he knows to see a live band play in the park. Says he loves reggae also.”
Phase 4: Escalate quickly!!!!!!!! You have had to unwittingly put yourself in the friend zone while softening all the hurdles of pursuing a professional “Can I have your #” rejecter. So, you must absolutely end that ruse within the first 30 min of her showing up. After she realizes that you are not going to skin her alive, and her nerves settle a bit from meeting the guy from the bar on what is rapidly coming into focus as a date….HEAVY KINO!!!
The rest you need to know is everywhere else on this website.
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