How the hell do I even respond to this?

[Exoduso]

Sorry Ex, but I don't understand your reasoning here at all.

She's had a fight with her family and has decided that (besides her sister) you're the one who makes her feel good and wants to see you. This sounds like high IL to me.
If she had low IL, she wouldn't have even told you, she'd have just gone to her sister's and let you do the chasing.

Should've probably mentioned that this is like the 3rd time she's bailing a couple of hours before.

And yeah, she may have legit reasoning. But idk. I guess I'll just play it cool and see what happens.

 

[Zarky]

I have another idea. I think she wanted you to meet her friends. That's a good sign (if you're looking for LTR). If she's young (<25), which I'm guessing she is, it's highly likely that the family drama stuff is legit.

Now if she does this a few times then yeah she's not interested.

You guys aren't seeing the forest for the trees. If she wants to bring friends on a first or second date before you even know each other, that's bad. But after you've had a few good dates and she wants to bring friends, it usually means she wants to introduce you to them, which means she's taking your budding relationship seriously. Now it's up to you if you want to meet them, but at that point don't take it a sign of disinterest.

If you're not interested you can say something like, "Tell you what, I'm looking forward to meeting your friends at some point, but I was hoping to spend tonight just the two of us."

 

[andersonsmith969]

If you haven't ****ed her yet, don't meet her friends.

 

[Hydrak]

"I wouldnt want to humiliate you by letting your friends see how hard youll get owned in bowling"

 

[LongLostFriend]

Zarky's right. If you have not met her friends yet, she is likely seeking qualification from them.

Still, if she is flaking like you have said, I'd put her lower on the rotation for now. Spend the night you would have been bowling doing something socially, preferably around other women.

Bowling, perhaps?

 

[LMFAO]

Friends will just complicate things, you haven't even banged her yet.

Even cancelling and telling her you're tired can work. A friend of mine has done that to a girl twice in a row, genuinely because he couldn't be bothered with her and really was tired, and she's absolutely hot for him now.

 

[cordoncordon]

So I've been seeing this girl for a couple of weeks now... we went out three times, things are progressing nicely. I haven't seen her since Sunday, but I was busy with school this week and so we didn't talk a lot this week but kept in touch.

We end up scheduling to go out tonight, for bowling. We sent a few texts back and forth a while ago and then she randomly texts "do you want to also invite some friends or just us?" This is after her spending the whole week letting me know how much she wants to see me.

Now at this point this text dropped my interest gauge by a tenfold... how do you even respond to something like that? Honestly... haven't seen you in almost a week, we've only gone out three times and I barely know you, and this is what you suggest? lol...

How would you guys handle this?

I'm confused. Going bowling with a group of friends is a lot more fun than just two people. Everyone gets drunk and has a great time. I thought that was a perfectly reasonable question on her part and for you to even remotely be getting all hot and bothered about it tells me that probably have some deep seated insecurity and controlling issues when it comes to women.

Lighten up man.

 

[cordoncordon]

I have to assume you've either never been in this situation or have been out of the game too long to remember. "Hang out with me and my friends" last minute switcheroo is CLASSIC low-il/ljbf territory. He has not even f-closed. The shaming language is over the top, FYI.

Ive been in that situation 100000000000000000000 times and actually I think it is a sign of HIGH IL. They are going bowling. Who wants to go bowling with two people? I grew up bowling in the Midwest. Used to bowl 2-3 times a week in leagues and with friends. Some of my funnest times were getting me, whatever girl I was dating, and 6 or 7 other people to go bowling. And if I was with a newer girl and she wanted to bring some of her friends along? I took that as a sign of High IL. She wanted her friends to meet me and to see how great I was. That has always been my mentality. Now, if a girl I just met wanted to bring a couple friends to an intimate dinner we were planning on having? That is another story. That would be a sign of low IL. She doesn't want to be alone with you in a situation that calls for being alone. But it's all about context. Bowling is meant to be a group thing, not one on one. And in this situation, bringing friends along to go bowling is not only fun, it means she is into you.

 

[Exoduso]

Ive been in that situation 100000000000000000000 times and actually I think it is a sign of HIGH IL. They are going bowling. Who wants to go bowling with two people? I grew up bowling in the Midwest. Used to bowl 2-3 times a week in leagues and with friends. Some of my funnest times were getting me, whatever girl I was dating, and 6 or 7 other people to go bowling. And if I was with a newer girl and she wanted to bring some of her friends along? I took that as a sign of High IL. She wanted her friends to meet me and to see how great I was. That has always been my mentality. Now, if a girl I just met wanted to bring a couple friends to an intimate dinner we were planning on having? That is another story. That would be a sign of low IL. She doesn't want to be alone with you in a situation that calls for being alone. But it's all about context. Bowling is meant to be a group thing, not one on one. And in this situation, bringing friends along to go bowling is not only fun, it means she is into you.

I think you're actually right about this, and I was taking it in the wrong way (in the way you mention with the dinner thing)...
I just wanted to update and say that we didn't end up bowling that night, but she did come over here and watched a movie at my place. Didn't go all the way, but it got pretty heated up so I guess I really was reading the whole bowling situation wrong heh.

 

[cordoncordon]

I think you're actually right about this, and I was taking it in the wrong way (in the way you mention with the dinner thing)...
I just wanted to update and say that we didn't end up bowling that night, but she did come over here and watched a movie at my place. Didn't go all the way, but it got pretty heated up so I guess I really was reading the whole bowling situation wrong heh.

Thanks for the update and illustrating what I was saying. IMO too many guys on here are too quick to label a girl who does this or that as a slvt or having low IL or whatever. Mainly stemming from a personal bias and general angry mentality some guys have against women. It's all about context and situation. And in this situation, what she did was perfectly normal and expected, and in fact I would have been very happy to have her bring friends along.


Good luck.

 

[BadNews]

Edit

 

[Atom Smasher]

Here's the scoop, guys. She started feeling insecure. and was considering inviting her friends for one reason only - To evaluate you. They would have been there to provide here with their insight as to who you are and whether or not you are good bf material.

You would have been in the hot seat all night. It might have gone well, might not, all depending on their collective personalities, but it would have been a dangerous situation as it would have added many additional variables into the mix. Remember, when you first start dating a girl you are actually dating her and her friends (usually from afar).

The best answer would have been, "Alone this time. We'll get together with friends some other time soon." and left it at that. Your frame, no trial by jury, and one more get-together to help you set your hook.

The multi-date is always designed to evaluate you.