How the fuvk do I get over this?

[trent81]

I am still in love with a married woman I have had relations with for four months. I haven't seen her in six months. She is in my dreams, I think about her everyday, all the things we did, everything. It ended so bad, she vanished, I never contacted. I know this is stupid. I have fuvked over 15 girls since, it's not the same. As if she has a spell on me. These girls mean nothing to me, I am still tripping on her. What the hell do I do now? Sometimes I get very angry for her vanishing on me, sometimes it affects other women that I meet. I have already got into four fistfights, I was very emotional about this. I am on the path to self destruction. What the fuvk am I gonna do? How the fuvk do you get a married woman out of your mind? Do you fubkers think that I can maybe take that experiment of mind altering drugs they are working on? The one where you take a pill to forget the past. I would really like that. I want to forget some people in my life. Hope they come out with that shivt soon. I gave up the coke, I actually may even go to church or something. This woman is in my dreams all the time. It really upsets me. How do you let reality set in. Is there any real life articles or videos I can watch of husbands killing the boyfriend? So that it could scare me. This chick did a number on me. I guess, I feel like, he has something I want, but takes for granted. I know that's crazy cause she's a cheater but I think I'm a sociopath or something. I don't think I will see her again cause I live in a huge city but fuvk man, this sucks.

 

[Jamo]

Fuvk 15 more

 

[squirrels]

Get a life.

Worked for me.

 

[SHECHAFESMYFIGS]

I went through a similar experience to what you describe over a year ago when my LTR with a narcissistic personality disordered woman ended slowly and painfully. At one point I read about and used the prescription drug that you refer to, Propranalol (beta blocker). I had PTSD-type effects from the breakup (easily startled, random rage, dispair, broke things, fights, heavy drinking, impotency with other women). I truly believe that the drug took the hard edge off the memories of the crazy b*tch that I dealt with every minute of every day for the longest time. It is worth a try for you, but if you use recreational drugs or can't control your drink, don't use Propranalol. You don't want to medically damage your heart at the same time you are dealing with heartbreak.

I would love to hear forum members views on the addiction aspect of sex with a woman that does it just right for you. I believe it is as addictive as any drug due to the heavy natural chemicals that it releases, and the detox from true addiction to a specific sn@tch is extremely difficult. Have you considered viewing your feelings in this case as an addiction that you have to kick? I truely loved the imaginary woman projected by the NPD I was with, but treating her p*ssy like a drug addiction helped me greatly and makes no contact with mutual friends easier also.

 

[jophil28]

heartbreak.

I would love to hear forum members views on the addiction aspect of sex with a woman that does it just right for you. I believe it is as addictive as any drug...

Here is an abbreviated version.

Living through, and surviving a relationship with a Cluster B woman will cause a permanent change in the way that you live your life and the way that you think about women. You correctly named some of your symptoms as 'PTSD-like ."

Successful recovery from any addiction, whether from a chemical or a process tends to follow the same path.
In the case of a woman, "No Contact' is an essential. It parallels the 'abstinence' rule from the 12 Step programs.
Even one reply by you to one of her texts will push you into a relapse.

Secondly taking 'fearless personal inventory' will head you in a direction which is both enlightening and protective. When you become aware of what you were needing so badly that you 'invited' her to inject her sweet poison into the deepest and most vulnerable part of your spirit, then you really begin to KNOW who and what you are. Then, you can make better decisions IF another toxic woman comes your way in future.


Be careful about the supposed therapeutic value of "spinning plates" in these circumstances..
Just fukking other women is not really going to heal the damage that one crazy woman caused, anymore than switching brands of liquor will alleviate the damage than a daily bottle of JD did to your life.
AA strongly suggests a period of self improvement and reflection.
BY all means date and sleep with woman BUT do not expect them to heal you.
That is your job.

 

[The Asian Lover]

Here is an abbreviated version.

Living through, and surviving a relationship with a Cluster B woman will cause a permanent change in the way that you live your life and the way that you think about women. You correctly named some of your symptoms as 'PTSD-like ."

Successful recovery from any addiction, whether from a chemical or a process tends to follow the same path.
In the case of a woman, "No Contact' is an essential. It parallels the 'abstinence' rule from the 12 Step programs.
Even one reply by you to one of her texts will push you into a relapse.

Secondly taking 'fearless personal inventory' will head you in a direction which is both enlightening and protective. When you become aware of what you were needing so badly that you 'invited' her to inject her sweet poison into the deepest and most vulnerable part of your spirit, then you really begin to KNOW who and what you are. Then, you can make better decisions IF another toxic woman comes your way in future.


Be careful about the supposed therapeutic value of "spinning plates" in these circumstances..
Just fukking other women is not really going to heal the damage that one crazy woman caused, anymore than switching brands of liquor will alleviate the damage than a daily bottle of JD did to your life.
AA strongly suggests a period of self improvement and reflection.
BY all means date and sleep with woman BUT do not expect them to heal you.
That is your job.

This is very true.

I lost all my warmth and sensitivity for women. Now I am cold, a woman's only purpose is my sexual gratification.

 

[Jamo]

This is very true.

I lost all my warmth and sensitivity for women. Now I am cold, a woman's only purpose is my sexual gratification.

You have entered nirvana my friend. Let them weep in the attempt to get to your heart. One that fights hard enough to get it is the right one. I have entered this great state. Never felt so free and happy.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

This woman is in my dreams all the time. It really upsets me. How do you let reality set in. Is there any real life articles or videos I can watch of husbands killing the boyfriend? So that it could scare me. This chick did a number on me. I guess, I feel like, he has something I want, but takes for granted. I know that's crazy cause she's a cheater but I think I'm a sociopath or something. I don't think I will see her again cause I live in a huge city but fuvk man, this sucks.

What you have to realize is that she's doing you a favor. It won't work....it can't work...and that is exactly where the attraction, and the obsession lies. I have had a similar experience with a woman I met a couple of years ago....we met while I was on assignment in the West. My assignment ended, and because of our commitment to our kids she would have never moved for me, and vice versa. In the aftermath, the forbidden nature of the relationship, and the abrupt end of it became intoxicating. I still hear from her, but it's finally winding down two years later.

I've been with other women, but when I wake up in the morning it's still her I think about.

I had a date a few years ago that described it best -over dinner she asked "Hey Andy, ever wonder why some relationships last six months, and take two years to get over, and others last two years, and take six seconds to get over?"

It's just the way it is, Trent. Work out, rebuild your life, get it out of your head. Time heals. You are not so much in love with her, as you are in love with the impossibility.

 

[guru1000]

Double

 

[guru1000]

This can only happen when you make women your FOCUS, your GOAL, your PRIORITY, your LIVELIHOOD.

Do you want to move on with your life?

Change your FOCUS. It is only a matter of time before you fall into this trap again, if you CHOOSE to go against this advice.

The more emotion you attach to something, the greater you will be affected by the end result. Pull your emotional investment OUT OF women in general and into a worthwhile passion.

If you look a little deeper, you will see it is not the woman you WANT but rather the validation this women provided you.

 

[jophil28]

If you look a little deeper, you will see it is not the woman you WANT but rather the validation this women provided you.

^^ THis is truth.

 

[trent81]

you' re destructing yourself for nothing.
you need to calm down.

this married woman is living her life and you' re here driving yourself crazy and losing your mind for bs.
Move on.
i guees she had something you needed, or you believed or perceive something about her that you think you need:

whatever it is , it' s a lie.

Now listen: there are a lots of guys who are aroused and exited by the danger or something that is forbidden.
What is forbidden or unavailable like a married woman is what turn them on: maybe you ' re like that.
maybe this is what she had that you need or she ' s older than you and seems to be experienced, wise or whatever and she kinda dominate the relationship or makes you reaffirmed

do you have mummy issues ? just asking

whatver it is , you put her higher than what she deserves.

I told you recently to stay away from married women , single mother, drug addicts: do you listen ?

wtf am I bothering then ?

I know man, I am guilty, you have been looking out for me man. I just can't believe I can't forget her. You know what else may be the problem. I am currently unemployed right now. I spend everyday looking and everything but I think once I get my career going I may be ok, I may even do a PhD. I think I will be alright. I'm also moving, I think that will help. Thanks everyone, you guys fuvking rock. I seriously have to get over this girl, this is unhealthy. I should worry about the first thing, making money. Having a career and everything. Then, I think women will naturally come to me and I won't have to mess with married women, slutvs, etc.

 

[realsmoothie]

I have a question about "no contact". I see its value, no question, especially considering the chemical effects of oneitis. But what if you simply cannot afford to risk offending the girl over the long term?

I say this because I have middling-oneitis for a girl I fooled around with over the summer, a girl I was exceptionally close friends with for a couple of years and is my tie to a whole chunk of my social life. I'd like to get away for a few weeks without constant facebook and MSN checks, but am afraid if I just ditch her (she's gone back to her old boyfriend, it looks like) her BPD nature will explode and before you know it the whole town will hate me.

I know this sounds a little ridiculous, but believe me she's got her finger on the pulse of this town. Now, my first instinct regarding "no contact" is basically to actually TELL her I'm going to de-friend her and take her off MSN for a while so I can get my life back in order. It may be a little confrontational... I may mention the BPD thing (she's admitted she's stressing because of all this and is not only in therapy but on meds) as a way of making sure she knows it's not something any guy should have to deal with.

I realize this sounds a little wussy, admitting you have feelings and the such. But honestly, if I'm killing all emotional feelings for her, why should I care what she thinks? And also, doesn't breaking all contact without an explanation smack of being a whiny, sour-puss grump saying "screw YOU lady, I don't need you anyway, see how defiant I am?".

Feel free to hammer away at this post, but if you do so at least give me an alternative. I'm just throwing this out there because I feel like crap right now and can't afford it at the moment.

 

[trent81]

There is not a day that goes by, that I don't wish I would have called one more time with my married girl. You don't want to feel like I feel. If you want to call someone, call them. No contact does work, but if you want to know something, or will regret something, just tell yourself "this is the last time I will call, I will get my answers and move on".