How the date went - post date problems/confusion

[star69]

Hey people here's how my date that i had on Thursday went.

Check out my previous post here -

http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?threadid=29240


Thursday night.

I called her at 6pm to see if she was still up for goin out at night. I got no answer so left it for an hour and called at 7.30pm. General small talk then i asked her what she wanted to do tonight? She replied with " well i can't really stay out late tonight as i was out last night and have work early tomorrow morning."

I replied with "no problem i'm working early tomorrow too" We arranged to meet at 9 and and decide then where to go.

Met at 9.30 and went to a pub but decided that we would have a mini pub crawl. First pub the conversation was just normal small talk/ polite conversation she also bought the first set of drinks.

Next pub she had never been to before and the conversation picked up about movies nad music - conversation went great and we stayed for ages having 6/7 drinks each.

Third pub more drink and had a really good laugh just talking about weird stuff. We both laughed alot then it was closing time.

Instead of getting the bus home She (laura) persuaded me to walk home with her. Again the walk home was great, just talked alot and laughed. Time came where my place was one way and her place was another way. She said she's show me a short cut to mine. Went through the short cut got to mine put music on Spoke more then at around 2.00am i asked her if she was staying here to which she replied with "yeah if its alright".

Got into bed together, put the lights out (she slept with her trousers on and one of my old t shirts!). Spoke for another while then i asked her if i could kiss her (bad move i know) she laughed said "thats so sweet!" then we kissed ................


Nothing happened the rest of the night...............

In teh morning it seemed a bit ackward as she left and i kicked myself for not giving hr a kiss goodbye!


On the date asked her if she wanted to go on monday night as my mates band is playing. She said yeah and we should go out after the gig too. Cool i thought.

But now 2 day (sunday) i tried to call her at 6pmish - no answer
7.30pm no answer.

I sent her a txt at 8 asking "yeah hows u, do u still wanna come to the gig 2morrow then go out after? Call/.txt when u can.


I got a reply sayin -"Am gonna have to cancel, as am goin 2 c my mum. Its her bday2 day and had to work. Sorry maybe some other time?"

I then treid to call her to no answer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This isn't a good sign is it?

I sent her a txt back saying "cool , just call me when u r free to go out"

What do u think - has she lost interest since i didn't do anything with her in bed/ kiss her goodbye!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What do u think?

The date went really wel and she even told me that she doesn't normaly give her number out to random guys/ go back to someones flat on first date!!!

Please help - i'm very confused

 

[Y Trallwng Am Byth]

She was in your bed and you had to ask for a kiss? I think you know what went wrong here!

You've also given her all the cards by asking her to call you.

Give her a week, then call.

 

[Eternal]

Yeah, she might have lost interest because you didn't make a move in bed, aside from asking her for a kiss...Try calling her back in a few days and if there is no answer, either leave a short message, "Hi, this is Star69 and you aren't home, so give me a ring at *phone number here* soon." Then go out and get more females! That's all I can think of.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by star69
Thursday night.

I called her at 6pm...
and called at 7.30pm...
i asked her what she wanted to do tonight...

now 2 day (sunday) i tried to call her at 6pmish - no answer...
7.30pm no answer....

I sent her a txt at 8...

I then treid to call her to no answer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I sent her a txt back

Not exactly being a challenge, are you?

Either way, she obviously digs (or digged) you. I'd say yeah, wait a couple days - a week and then call again. Propose a specific time & place and see if she either accepts or makes a counter-offer.

My guess is that you probably could've "gotten some" when she was in your bed. LOL I remember one time this hottie invited me up to her apartment and I was sitting on the bed with her...waiting for a sign she was interested. The next day she was asking my friend what was wrong with me.

Luckily, I got a second chance at that girl (which I also blew )

Usually when a girl says something is "so sweet", there's a "but" waiting right behind it. Give it a shot, though. This time show her you're not afraid to pursue what you want. The way I see it, if you're lying in bed with a girl and she gets ticked off if you try to kiss her without asking, she obviously doesn't have a firm grip on reality. That kind of stuff is to be EXPECTED.

 

[violator]

Similar situation

I had a very similar situation with this HB last week. I took her out on a first date and every thing seemed cool; ended up in my apartment, kissed her (without asking) and kissed her goodbye, but I did not initiate sex.

I called her several days later and she seemed cold and distant and said she would call me back in 10 minutes. That was last week and she has not called me yet. Her IL went from about 75% to below 50% which Doc Love says is unrecoverable.

My instinct tells me that her IL plummeted when I should have gone all the way when I had the chance and maybe that is why your girl also flaked out on you apart from the fact that you asked her to kiss her.

The bottom line is and a rule I am going to follow from now is that whenever a girl agrees to stay over assume that she wants sex and act accordingly. Forget the no sex on the first date rule that some advocate.

It could also be other factors. The only way to find out is to give her call in about a week to gauge her IL.

 

[star69]

I got a txt back from her saying "sorry again, i'll be in touch"......

Yeah i know i'm kicking myself for not doin nothing - but i'm pretty shy when it comes to sex due to inexperiance, should i have just gone with the flow???

Cheers

 

[Mizer]

The bottom line is and a rule I am going to follow from now is that whenever a girl agrees to stay over assume that she wants sex and act accordingly. Forget the no sex on the first date rule that some advocate.

Good philosophy, my young Jedi.

If they sleep in the bed you must make a move even if you think you may be turned down. Just go for it! Don't ask or plead; just go for it.

Female want to be desired and they, for some reason , don't want to feel safe in your bed.

I am often called nice but I tend to bring a bit of drama with it so I am not worried about it when I am called nice. But "sweet" doesn't sound to good when you are trying to be sexual.

On top of that, you did not kiss her good bye?

Whew! hey, I am just as optimistic as the next guy but it seems as if your lack of action may be almost irreparable. If for some reason it can be fixed, you absolutely must make a strong move on the next date. No asking fro any thing!! If you get turned down, smile and act like it's no big deal. Good luck!


Mizer

 

[star69]

Question - what should i do now? Should i txt her or call her asking if she wants to go out again????

Help

 

[Paranoid]

Dont keep txting her so often....will make you seem desperate.
let things cool off for a week or so and then get back in touch with her.

 

[-Zero_h0uR-]

Definitely agreed...

LIMIT your contact with her.

Remember the movie 'Tommy Boy'?
Remember the part in the restaurant where he wants the wings, and he starts talking about his sale, using the dinner roll?

That's exactly what I pictured when I read ALL those call attempts and txt's.

Lay off the txt's, and don't call for about a week. You still may be able to salvage this. However, if you call 3 times a day, every day, you will blow it.

And read this -- "Kill That Desperation" by Pook. Also, read the rest of the DJ Bible, which can be conveniently found in the upper right hand corner of every page on the forums.
http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=16926

-- Zero-

 

[Quick]

I slept in a girl's bed and didn't attempt anything. Luckily she was so mystified by all aspects of me that she thought it was for reasons other than that I was a virgin, and insecure with woman. I have some natural DJ habits and succeeded in spite of myself. She kept being with me because she wanted to figure me out. I was lucky. She had never met a guy who declined to sleep with her and didn't hit on the reason. In 99/100 cases, the girl will think that you're gay, a wuss, or didn't find her attractive. Any girl that gets into your bed wants you to try something. No girl in your bed would get offended if you did try. Pass that up, and you may never get another chance.

Don't ever tell a girl to call you when they're free. You'll be waiting forever, and you'll look desperate when you're the one who ends up calling her. Now, you need to wait about a week and then call her. Don't text either. Tell her you're going someplace and invite her to join you. Don't ever keep calling her when it's clear she's not picking up on purpose.

She's blowing you off, and you may never get her to go out with you again. If so, chalk it up to a learning experience.

 

[drZaius09]

I don't necessarily see anything wrong with asking for a kiss, it just depends on how you ask. For instance, if you say "May I kiss you?" with your hands behind your back staring at the ground shuffling your feet, then obviously you look like a total mook and you deserve rejection. But there are ways to ask which won't give that impression. Example, the last girl I took out gave me a cheap hug at the end of our first date. On the second date she did the same thing, only this time I piped-up and said "Can I get a kiss or what?!?" using an aggressive, almost irritated tone of voice. She cheerfully obliged.

 

[star69]

i've read a fair bit of the bible and know about not wanting to seem to deperate.

Last time i was in touch with her was on Sunday afternoon - via txt - i was thinking of calling her tonight - is this 2 soon?

Should i not call her until next week?

Also i've just noticed that when i was trying to call her on Sunday i had caller id switched off - does this make a difference????

I still hope that i have a chance with her as we really did "click" on the date and she did say that she really enjoyed herself 2.......

We spoke about suicide for a while as last week it was 2 years since my Bro had died from committing suicide - i tried to avoid teh subject but she spoke about her mates that had tried............. due to this i kinda went into a weird mood - should i say this to her??????????????//



Also one of my mates pointed out that since i didn't do anything whilst in bed and didn't kiss her goodbye she might think that i'm not interested in her

 

[star69]

anyone?

 

[Quick]

The reason i haven't replied again is because you're asking questions that have already been answered.

As for calling her, 3 people already said wait a week before you call her.


As for what she thought when you didn't sleep with her, that was answered a couple of times. From my 1st post: "In 99/100 cases, the girl will think that you're gay, a wuss, or didn't find her attractive."

What do you mean by caller id switched off?

No you shouldn't say you were in a weird mood. I don't think it'll come across like you want it to. Plus i don't see any good way of bringing it up. "The reason I didn't try to sex you up was because I was in a weird mood."

You might have a chance, but you won't get it by pursuing a girl that's backing away.

 

[9 sec quarter mile]

star69, stop beating yourself up over this situation, you need to step back a little. Hell this shyte ain’t easy, but it sounds like your really winding yourself up.

You’ve read the bible, how do you think you’re coming across to her then?

I personally would leave it until next week, before you contacting her.

No caller ID, she probably guessed it was you, that’s history now anyway.

The suicide thing, pretty heavy, leave it now. You’re over analysing things.

Being a DJ is a state of mind, as POOK said. You can’t try and act like one, without thinking like one, if you think like and become a DJ you don’t have to worry about acting like one.

This situation will run it’s course, it will hurt I know, we’ve all been there, but you will learn from it.




----------------------------------------------

I'm not your stepping stone (The Monkeys)

Life's what you make it. (Talk Talk )

 

[stormwriter]

Hey Star,

I think a good philosophy to have is this:

"When in doubt - DON'T!"

If there's a chance your actions could come off as clingy, or desperate, then DON'T DO THEM!

CHICKS DOOOOOOO NOT LIKE CLINGY, DESPERATE GUYS!!!

Ask any chick.

So, by text messaging them, there is a chance you can come off as clingy, so don't do it.

It's like Russian Roulette: There's a chance you could blow your brains out, so don't do it.

Once your eyes are opened to the power of WALKING AWAY when things are going rocky, you will be a believer. It's a WIN WIN WIN WIN WIN SITUATION, dude! AND IT TAKES NO EFFORT! Damn, what could be easier?????

I'm a believer for this reason:
Once i was seeing this girl who i thought was FANTASTIC. Oh man, PLAYBOY QUALITY BODY. Exactly my type, and for some reason she actually liked ME.
So, we are talking TOO MUCH on the phone one night, and i'm TELLING HER ALL SORTS OF STUPID ****. I EVEN TOLD HER THAT WE HAVE A NEW TEACHER AT THE SCHOOL I WORK AT, AND THE TEACHER IS GOOD LOOKING, and that the TEACHER THOUGHT I WAS CUTE.
Ok, its one thing to try and make your girl jealous, but i wasn't doing that. I was telling her CAUSE I'M TOO DAMN STUPID TO REALIZE I'M TELLING MY CURRENT WOMAN ABOUT ANOTHER WOMAN!
So, at the end of the conversation, the girl says, ".... you need to STOP telling me about this new teacher - it's like you don't think before you speak!" and we quickly got off the phone, and i promptly FUH-REEAKED OUT! It was our first skirmish.

I reallllly liked this girl. This girl had been playing hard to get for two months. She would NEVER tell me how she felt about me, and her game was to send me mixed signals all the time.

OK, so that phone conversation was on THURSDAY NIGHT. I didn't call her or email her. SATURDAY NIGHT ROLLS AROUND. (and by the way, its UNHEARD of that we don't go a day without talking..)

Well, she calls Saturday night. VISIBLY SAD. She said "why didn't you call me or email me?" and i said, "I thought you wanted some space after our conversation on Thursday..." and she said, "Well, you thought wrong..." Then she proceeded to tell me that , "yeah, i was mad Thursday night when you told me that stuff, but i knew you would email me the next day. There wasn't an email in my box when i got to work. I checked at noon. No email. I thought, "ah, he'll call me tonight." You didn't. I thought, "ah, he'll call me Saturday..." You didn't." Then she told me she WROTE ME A SAPPY LETTER TELLING ME HOW SHE FELT ABOUT ME!!!!!!!!!! This chick had NEVER talked about feelings, and prided herself in NOT telling me how she feels, and now she's taking the time to write me a schmoopy letter?

My backing off gave her a MELTDOWN. You know what happened the next day? We got together for drinks. She said, "what do you want to do now, go to a movie, or have sex at your house?"

And i said, "oh! Let's see what movies are playing!"

(OK, -THAT- my friends, is another story... don't ask. I'm retaaaaaaarded...)

Once i saw how backing off worked, i'm sold for life. You will have to experience it yourself to see how MAGICAL it is. I only hope you will have the courage to do it, in order to see those results, cause its PHENOMENAL.
It takes huge nuts though, but just DO IT! Its easy! You just don't talk to them for a couple days, or a week, and play Playstation instead!!!!!!!!!!

 

[Mizer]

Storm, you have been on point, man!

Once i saw how backing off worked, i'm sold for life. You will have to experience it yourself to see how MAGICAL it is.

Before I began to consciously pursue ways to DJ, my biggest weapon when dealing with women was my ability to always show a willingness to walk away and/or back off. It was something I just did naturally but it worked wonders back then and it still work wonders until this day. It is right up there with confidence, if you ask me.


Mizer

 

[violator]

Storm, I rather like your cathartic way of putting an anectodote together to express a point. But with the walking away thing, isn't it supposed to for good? I mean, when you walk away, I think it is expresses a decision to forget the girl and never look back as opposed to pulling away where you just forget about the girl for a couple of days or weeks.

That is where the misconception lies. When you walk away, you never look back because she did something highly disrespectful. You have made the conscious decision that the girl is not good for you so even if she melts and comes running back or expresses a new found interest in you, you see through the BS and not respond to her calls, e-mails, etc. The ability to walk away is a very important state of mind that all DJ's should have.

Yes, walking away is powerful. But, once you decide to do it, it should be done with the purpose that you will never go back to her or let her in your life. Pulling away is equally powerful, but serves a different purpose because you eventually wish to go back to her or have her in your life.l

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by Mizer
Storm, you have been on point, man!





Before I began to consciously pursue ways to DJ, my biggest weapon when dealing with women was my ability to always show a willingness to walk away and/or back off. It was something I just did naturally but it worked wonders back then and it still work wonders until this day. It is right up there with confidence, if you ask me.
Mizer

Dude, you couldn't be more on point for sure. The power of "Goodby" is tremendous. Confidence is the most important tool for getting a girl. the ability to back off or even walk away is the most important to keeping one. Bar none. I agree 100 percent. If you look at all those hopelessly whipped AFC guys in relationships, they all have one trait in common- They simply do not know how to back off or walk away.