How Should Tonight Go?

[Fly By Night]

So this chick told me that we could go to a party and she will text me when she is going to go. She seems sold, but you never know... Anyway, I don't know if we are going to meet up then walk there or just meet up at the party, but when I see her I plan to open with a big hug then make small chat with my arm around her. I plan to escalate when we get to the party and see how far things go from there. It's probably going to be halloween themed, I was thinking about going in my cape and mask + hoodie, but I would probably burn up when I get to the party and I don't want to put my stuff where I don't feel comfortable about it getting stolen. This is a college party fyi.

So my questions are:

1. Should I attempt to meet up with her before the party or meet her there?

2. She would probably like my costume, but should I bring it or just the mask?

3. I have trouble coming up with good kino moves. You guys got any favorite kino moves you don't mind sharing?

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Sure - my favorite Kino move is not to make a move at all. I wait for her to give me the signals that indicate she's ready for me to touch her - i.e. by waiting for her to touch me FIRST - and even then I only touch her sporadically. Just enough for her to want me to do it more later, but not so much that I seem grabby and desperate.

But hey, feel free to not listen to this advice - I've only done this method successfully with the last 8 girls I slept with, so what do I know?

 

[spiegel549]

So my questions are:

1. Should I attempt to meet up with her before the party or meet her there?

2. She would probably like my costume, but should I bring it or just the mask?

3. I have trouble coming up with good kino moves. You guys got any favorite kino moves you don't mind sharing?

Most importantly you need to take the role of the Alpha Male. Don't question your judgment, don't be afraid to touch her, kiss her on the cheek hello, make the moves and do them with confidence do not hesitate just do it.

1. She said she would text you when she is going, so relax and wait for her to text you. When she reaches out if YOU want to meet up earlier say "Hey why don't we meet (here) or I'll meet you there." It is whatever YOU want to do, you are the Alpha male, you lead her.

2. Mask, no mask, cape, no cape, just bring it with you, dress to impress. If you want to rock a mask, rock a damn mask. Be confident with your choice to wear it or not.

3. With making Kino moves just do it. That's right just do it. You first see her, give her a kiss on the cheek and give her a hug. While you are at the party, flirt with her a lot, don't compliment her to death, but flirt, make eye contact when you talk to her, touch her arm as you are laughing over a joke. When you leave the party depending on how things go, put your arm around her whatever the moment tells you to do.


The most important thing brother is just go for it man. Don't be afraid to SHOW her you are interested in her. GL rock out hard.

 

[Fly By Night]

Okay, thanks. I keep forgetting that it should be based on what I want to do. And I really hope that she initiates it first Harry, I have never (or very rarely) had a woman initate kino on me, it's always been me to start it even if she liked me to begin with. Is it subtle to a point that I might not even be aware of it?

EDIT: I still haven't gotten a text, I'm thinking about texting, "I still don't know where the place is..." just to remind her. But, on the other hand, I was also invited to another party so I could still have a fun night with the guys, but I kind of wanted to get some DJ experience in lol.

I have only texted her TWO messages saying "Heres my number" and "Sure I'll go", So it's not like I've been texting her all week. I don't want to over-game the "Great catch" method that I will seem disinterested in her. Check the last post in here for the approach I made on her: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=197018

 

[Aristippus]

Hey Fly! How's it going? Just want to answer your question. I do more of what Harry was talking about. I let her initiate first. But there's a little secret to touch that most people are unaware of. I've never seen anyone mention this. This is the key to non-sexual touch. This is also the key to holding hands and to kissing and to sex.

When it comes to moving forward physically or her moving forward physically with you, DISTANCE IS THE KEY TO EVERYTHING!!

Other than TIMING, it's DISTANCE. I cannot stress this enough!!

DISTANCE, DISTANCE, DISTANCE!!!

Why do you think that once you know what you're doing, it's easy to move things forward on the dancefloor? DISTANCE! What allows friendly, non-sexual touch to happen in the first place? DISTANCE! Holding hands? DISTANCE! Kissing? DISTANCE! Sex? DISTANCE!

She has to be standing close to you to be able to REACH YOU. For friendly casual touch she has to be within arm's reach. For hand-holding, she has to be within arm's length. For hugging, even closer, but at least within arm's reach. Kissing, closer. Making out, very close. Sex, as close as you can possibly get.

Distance is the common denominator to all forms of physically advancing. Observe her closing the distance. Once, twice, three times, then inch closer to her. As you both inch closer, taking your sweet time, she will initiate some form of touch during conversation. Let her do it 2 or 3 times, then touch her back, in a non-sexual spot on her body. If she leans against you, let her, then maybe put your arm around her waist (one example).

Think of yourself as having this animal magnetism. You're both like magnets. Notice when you get 2 magnets close enough, they automatically pull towards each other. Get the magnets close to each other without touching them and you'll feel a pull. It's the same with women. If you keep inching closer to each other, it creates a "magnetic" pull. If you both enter each other's personal space repeatedly, while making good eye contact, she will eventually FEEL COMPELLED to begin friendly touches. You can then reciprocate.

Of course, this assumes she's a woman with high interest. Women with high interest will enter your personal space a lot. This is what we want anyway. Women with high interest. We then allow her to draw to us. You move forward by either showing enjoyment at her subtle advances and/or reciprocating with an advance of your own. Think of it like taking tiny steps. But these are tiny steps within only a few feet. So each tiny step actually goes a long way.

I can't stress this enough and will repeat myself. DISTANCE is the key to EVERYTHING! If there were a coin that represented the essence of physical intimacy with women, TIMING would be HEADS and DISTANCE would be TAILS.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Ooh, distance! Gotta admit, I actually do this but never thought about the fact that I make myself available to getting touched by her by moving in closer. Good, good stuff!

Anyway - to the OP, once the date is set, NEVER CALL OR TEXT HER TO REMIND HER ABOUT THE DATE. You are testing her interest level, and you need to make sure things are black and white clear. Meaning: if she remembers and shows up, she likes you; if she doesn't show up, she's not interested.

I know, I know, you want to think that a girl needs a reminder. She doesn't. I have yet to date any girls that liked me who forgot we had a date. If they like you, it's in their best interest to remember the date because they WANT to impress you. If they forget, it means you weren't a high priority.

So, don't hit her up to remind her, just show up and wait. If she flakes out, congrats - you just saved yourself time and money, and you can move on. If she shows up, congrats - you just might get some action. Either way, it's a positive outcome!

 

[Fly By Night]

Okay, I've had distance closed on me I know that for a fact. The rest is up to me then! I really have to get into the mindset of taking action and making big plays, I've been far too used to going safe mode.

And bad news, I already texted her... I just said "where is the party? and when is it starting?" (I don't know where the place is so I can't go there and wait) She then said the name of the place and I told her that I have no idea where that is... That's where it left off. She said she was pregaming and was going there in about 30 mins. So I am going to have a tipsy person giving me directions on getting to a party...

I really have to stop cutting girls so much slack on their side of the interaction.

 

[Aristippus]

Fly,

You have to lead. Not in a Mussolini kind of way. But you just calmly lead. Like it's normal and routine for you to lead. A man leading should be considered the default. And when I mean leading, I mean, women with high interest want to be led. Whether they verbalize it or not.

This means YOU decide what you're going to do and when you're going to do it and you make CONCRETE PLANS. Etched in STONE as if you were Moses himself bringing the ten commandments down from the mountain. I'm being overly-dramatic here but you get the idea.

You make decisions. You have a little bit of flexibility. But not so flexible that you're wishy-washy. I mean, you can be flexible with the day and time. But once you've both determined when you're both free, you call the shots. You choose the place and the time. Then you verify on the spot when you set the date.

There is no "calling to confirm". You don't call to confirm anything. You call to REMIND. You set up a date you both agree to. Let's say it's Monday. You set up a date for Wednesday evening. You can call Wednesday afternoon to remind her. If you don't get her on the phone, leave one message and one message only. "Hey! It's Fly. I look forward to seeing you tonight. If something happens and you can't make it, just call me and let me know. If i don't hear from you I'll just assume we're still on for 9:00. Take it easy!".

You allow for the unexpected, while also assuming she's going to show up. This is a way of showing courtesy but also of setting concrete plans and leading. You have to honestly enjoy the idea of spending time with her while also having the idea that sometimes life is unpredictable. If she had car trouble or an emergency or whatever, you can simply reschedule. It's no big deal.

 

[Fly By Night]

Well we made "plans", and it was to go to a place she knew there would be a party. The fact that she isn't actually helping me get to the place is the only problem. SIGH, low interest? Even after only 4 texts over the course of 3 days? Even after having a good conversation when I met her? I'm gonna start walking to my friends party in about ten minutes if she doesn't contact me.

EDIT: NEVERMIND. She texted me to meet somewhere nearby :l

 

[Fly By Night]

F**k... sh!t... guys...

I know some of you will be disappointed, but I had the chance to get some and I passed it up...

I didn't go for it because of a respect/attraction conflict.

First things first, the first chick I was supposed to meet up with ended up not having a party to go to. She promised she would invite me out tomorrow for another try. So I went to my friend's party and literally after 2 minutes of chilling and drinking, this chick came up to be (she was hammered) talking about how she is tired of having gay guy friends and she needs a real man. She was saying this RIGHT NEXT to me, so I had to move in for it. We start dancing and I try to escalate and she starts saying that she is a good girl and doesn't do that. I acknowledge, but confidently persist through it, and eventually we are making out and I am grabbing her ass while she is feeling up my abs under my hoodie while she is talking dirty about "how good I feel underneath".

NOW MY INNER DJ WAS SAYING: "Good job FBN, you're doing it!" But my infinite improvement mindset was saying: "What the f**k? Dude she is SUPER easy, you didn't work for her at all. Don't lower yourself to screwing random drunk chicks." She was all telling me that she was going back to her apartment and I should come with... My dumbass was like, "I can't tonight, lemme get your number for now" She gave me it, but then I texted her later in the night and got nothing... "YOU HESITATE, YOU MASTURBATE!!"

I don't know but when it comes too easily to me, I just get turned off. :l Plus, I didn't want to go to my friend's party for 5 minutes, then just LEAVE to screw some broad.
It kind of sucks, who knows if I will get this kind of chance tomorrow.

Full details of the night will go in the journal.

 

[Aristippus]

There's nothing wrong with passing up sex for the right reasons. Not wanting to abandon your friends is one good reason. If a woman is TOO drunk, I'd pass too. If she's just slightly intoxicated, in my book, she's fine. There's a difference between having a slight buzz and being sloppy-drunk. One has the capacity to reason and the other is an unattractive, drooling, unreasoning mess.

The ability to choose to pass a situation up for the right reasons is fine. I DO see a flaw in your reasoning at this one point. "I don't know but when it comes too easily to me, I just get turned off.". You said this RIGHT after you said: My dumbass was like, "I can't tonight, lemme get your number for now" ...She gave me it, but then I texted her later in the night and got nothing

So, you pass it up because it was "too easy" but proceed to get her number anyway (which means you were interested) and then you proceed to text her later and when nothing comes of it, you complain that you "got nothing". Make up your mind and either take it forward for the RIGHT reasons or turn it down for the RIGHT reasons. But once you've done that, stop second-guessing yourself.

Right reason- if she were too heavily intoxicated to the point of not being able to reason, this is a RIGHT reason to pass it up.

Wrong reason- It's "too easy". If a woman has HIGH INTEREST sometimes it will seem like everything just falls right in your lap. She will make every excuse in the book to either have sex with you as soon as possible or if you get a number and set up a date, she will circle her calendar for the day you set up your date and will go OUT OF HER WAY to make sure she gets to spend time with you.

Right reason to pass up sex- You meet this random woman but you really want to spend time with your friends and you don't want to ditch them. Or your friends are depending on you for a ride. You wouldn't want to leave them without a way back home.

Another RIGHT reason to leave a girl alone- You're afraid of catching an STD.

*I believe one of a few possible scenarios are going on here.

1)You REALLY did the right thing. Deep down you know you did but are also slightly wishing the situation had been different so the easy sex would have been justified. So you made a half-a$$ed attempt at setting something up later but your heart wasn't in it and you were just going through the motions.

2)You chickened out for the WRONG reasons and started rationalizing and making lame excuses as to why you didn't move things forward. Lame excuses like "it was too easy" etc etc. You can also do things for the right reason and use the same lame excuses. People tend to throw in real and fake reasons for doing things. There's a mix of real reasons and rationalizations that have nothing to do with the real motivations.

You can have 2 people do the same thing for exactly the opposite reasons who will use the same rationalizations on the surface, for why they chose to act a certain way.

3) You still have a hang-up about being a virgin and it's causing you to hesitate.... Being a virgin is NO BIG DEAL. And I personally don't consider you to be a virgin. I think if a girls gives you oral, then it counts as you losing your virginity. You've been making out with lots of girls and you have done everything just shy of sexual intercourse.

Either way, be willing to seize an easy opportunity and also be willing to walk away, for the RIGHT reasons. Then you'll be a man with integrity who also gets to enjoy the women he wants to on his OWN terms.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

I agree with Aristippus. In addition, drunk chicks can pose a danger if they decide later on that you took advantage of them when they were drunk. I hooked up with a drunk chick one time, and as soon as we were done - like, literally, as soon as we both came - she was saying things like "did we just have sex?" and "how did we get to my back seat?" "I don't remember getting into my car with you?" Very nerve-wracking for a few minutes there...

Anyway... and as for the first girl, it's pretty much a WRAP. Girl trying to set up a "date" situation where there are other people around? No bueno. Girl cancelling party plans when she could have suggested an alternative activity for just you and her to do together (i.e. movie, mini golf, coffee shop, walking around, dinner, etc.)? Also no bueno. Girl assuming you'll be available at any time to go out with her? Shows lack of respect, no bueno.

Hopefully I'm wrong, but it ain't lookin' too good right now... keep us posted!

 

[Fly By Night]

The ability to choose to pass a situation up for the right reasons is fine. I DO see a flaw in your reasoning at this one point. "I don't know but when it comes too easily to me, I just get turned off.". You said this RIGHT after you said: My dumbass was like, "I can't tonight, lemme get your number for now" ...She gave me it, but then I texted her later in the night and got nothing

So, you pass it up because it was "too easy" but proceed to get her number anyway (which means you were interested) and then you proceed to text her later and when nothing comes of it, you complain that you "got nothing". Make up your mind and either take it forward for the RIGHT reasons or turn it down for the RIGHT reasons. But once you've done that, stop second-guessing yourself.

Well my thought process was: "Okay, I don't want to leave my friend's party as soon as I got there, so I'll just grab her number and meet up with her possibly later in the same night. I don't want to wait for tomorrow because she is going to probably not feel the same way."

As far as the "too easy" goes, I feel like if she is going to give it up to me that easily, then who knows how many guys she gave it up to? And that in my mind = STD. And it doesn't help that she was the one to approached me. (not the female approach, she walked up to me and introduced herself) I had a condom on me, but it makes me feel stupid like "why did I bring this if I wasn't even going to use it?"

@Harry: Yeah, I now have no idea if she will hit me up to go out this time. She seemed like a good girl when I met her, but then showed up wearing a hat that said "Let's get naked!" How about that? I'm not even worried about it though, minus not having sex, yesterday was a great night (I really should get on writing up the FR on it).

I guess my lesson learned is if I am going to make a decision about effing someone, I need to STICK TO IT and not half-ass it.

EDIT: Quick update, the chick at the party texted me later that night (after i fell asleep) saying "FBNNNNNN, you should've came home with me "