How Should İ Embrance My Masclunity?

[Dalewine]

I am a sensitive and obedient person. And it's easy for someone to control me. I've been like this since I was a kid and they don't fit the description of The Real Men at all.
When I thought about why I was like this, it occurred to me that the answer was my father.
He was masclunie but violent, alcoholic, and beat his children and wife. Years later, my mother broke up with him, but the emotions he made me feel became my character.
example: my obedience is because of him. If I wasn't obedient, I would be beaten more.
And now I can't embrace my masculinity.
Fathers are role models for their sons.
My father, being a masculine person, took me away from the "masculine" role.

 

[Pierce Manhammer]

Sounds like something that is much better discussed with a mental health professional than the motley crew of assembled folks on the board.

 

[Dalewine]

Sounds like something that is much better discussed with a mental health professional than the motley crew of assembled folks on the board.

Yes, I am already seeing a psychologist. I was just curious about people's answers.

 

[AmsterdamAssassin]

You might not like it, but you could also have a submissive nature - eager to please, loyal, obedient - and a negative / low self image, but I'm pretty sure you can learn how to strike a balance to be more assertive and less likely to be manipulated by others.

 

[Plinco]

I am a sensitive and obedient person. And it's easy for someone to control me. I've been like this since I was a kid and they don't fit the description of The Real Men at all.
When I thought about why I was like this, it occurred to me that the answer was my father.
He was masclunie but violent, alcoholic, and beat his children and wife. Years later, my mother broke up with him, but the emotions he made me feel became my character.
example: my obedience is because of him. If I wasn't obedient, I would be beaten more.
And now I can't embrace my masculinity.
Fathers are role models for their sons.
My father, being a masculine person, took me away from the "masculine" role.

Apparently you have mental issues because the traits you're describing are not rational/conducive for happiness. You need a good therapist (unlike most of them out there) and some serious self-exploration. When you are able to resolve your mental issues it will be like taking a breath of fresh air for the first time.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Trauma suffered during childhood when your mind is like poured concrete is very hard to change once you reach adulthood and that concrete becomes hardened.

It's not impossible but you will need to do a lot of work on yourself.

 

[Black Widow Void]

Metaphorically speaking, you have to unweave all this negative 'tapestry' and retrain your brain. It can be done.

My father was obsessed with order. Once I moved out, I decided that the next time I'd voluntarily see him would be at his funeral (which was the case).

Best decision that I ever made.

 

[kleathe1]

I'm no expert, but if you are simply looking for opinions, here is mine. Try starting small with saying no to something little that someone wants you to do, but that you really don't want to do. One thing I have learned for myself about masculinity is that you need to be true to yourself. This is flowery language, but it was explained to me that if your cup isn't full then how can you be expected to share yourself with others. Always giving of your time and energy just because you think it will please others is a recipe for disaster and it sure isnt masculine. Changing deeply ingrained patterns of behavior is also something that probably won't come easy, but you are asking the question, so it seems you have the desire to do it. You don't have to transform instantaneously so again, try taking one small step toward doing something for yourself instead of giving your energy away when you would rather not, and do it in a positive way. Learn to enjoy your own company. My $.02

 

[Kotaix]

You can't "Embrace" your masculinity if your perception of it is utterly toxic..

You need to project your own masculinity. Not some formulaic behavior based on any theory of what masculinity is or should be, because in your case is alcoholism and violence. You need to find your own way.

I'd suggest joining some kind of activity or organization where you can be around guys who are "normal".

Stay away from things like biker gangs or any activities where there is a lot of structure, hierarchy or drama; that's just going to be more of the same and counterproductive. Also stay away from groups where the men are going to be a bunch of pvssies.