How perfectly we play the game...when we're not interested

[rum]

Isn't it amazing...and it kind of just struck me how we all probably have a few of these women in our lives

I met a girl in college years ago through friends...she's heavyset so a non starter.

We got to be friends, went to the same parties, bbq's, bars etc with our group of friends. Always gravitated towards each other, conversation flowed, we had a lot in common...similar jobs, upringing etc.

She's always said I was the most real and approachable in our circle, and when the booze starts flowing her inhibitions come downs and she sometimes cuddles up to me. Whatever, I don't really care.

Because I'm not attracted to her in the least bit, I'm almost unconsciously doing everything right. She texts/emails me "what's up, wanna meet up sometime" etc. Sometimes I reply and sometimes I don't...mostly I make up lame excuses but if I'm bored out of my skull, I'll go.

She'll have parties at her apartment, both times I went and left early (her friends told me she was worried I was upset or mad at her) I just had other plans later in the night.

I've kept this girls interest level up for YEARS literally. Kept myself close but at the same time out of reach. In her eyes I've kept a level of mystery about myself, I seem exclusive, hard to pin down and in demand. Not once have I ever tried to impress her in any way shape or form.

I wonder how different things would be if I found her attractive.

 

[SteveTheDon]

ur gonna marry fattie!

 

[rum]

ur gonna marry fattie!

in her dreams...we already are!

 

[Galactus]

I remember discussing this subject on this very forum about nine years ago. I'd hoped we'd gotten a little more advanced by now.

Yes, people want what they can't have.

However, you can't act as if you don't want her. When you meet a hottie that you don't really care either way if you fvck her, I mean, when you really just don't give a sh1t, you've developed the right mindset.

For most guys, that attitude comes with experience.

 

[Alanswer]

Here's what one needs to understand. Instead of telling you what you must have, here's what you shouldn't have:

1- No result pressure. You don't have to score with a girl. You won't be less of a man if you don't.

2- No neediness. There are plenty of other girls around. You don't need her right now (or never). So, no begging, bullying... You can put some pressure, but you need a good reason for it. A reason she must accept as valid... And in her own interest.

3- No one-itis. The more you want HER, the less likely you're gonna have her. (that's a combination of 1 & 2).

Confidence is the ultimate weapon because with it, you won't be 1 nor 2 and you won't have 3 (unless in a healthy relationship)

When you're confident, you don't feel the result pressure because you know you can, you have done it (multiple times)... And you accept you won't attract everyone (not everyone deserves you...).

You won't feel like **** if you're rejected. You won't even feel as being rejected.

When you're confident you're not needy, pushy because you know if it's not her it'll be another. And while one is still testing you or in phase 2, you have another ready for phase 3 and another you're having sex with already.

Everything goes smoothly, you have real choice because you're not focusing on one in particular... Which bring us to...

...When you're confident you don't have one-itis because or you don't fall in love quickly because
a) if you're rejected it's because she can't see straight or because you made one (or several) mistakes. If she can't see straight she doesn't deserve you. If you made a mistake you can (try to) overcome it (if you think it is worth it). You know you can.

b) You don't need to be obsessed or in love with her because there are others at least as good as her.


The only ways to acquire confidence are through experience (success as well as rejections - to get over both) AND understanding (of the point succintly mentioned above and more).
If you got only one, it ain't enough.

 

[Chickfight]

This is an interesting subject.
I dated this girl once. She was hot, and lot of guys were after her. I was physically attracted to her, but there wasn't that oomph for me. I couldn't really care less if were together or not and when I left for a month on vacation I felt no need to contact her. Complete indifference to the outcome.

Eventually I stopped contacting her all together and she started purposefully bumping into to me and telling me she loved me bla bla, so we became fvck-buddies and then I moved away without saying goodbye and yet she still contacts me til this day (to which I don't reply).

Looking back, I realize I had the perfect attitude with this girl. I still showed interest (because I was), but I just saw her as something easy to satisfy me sexually when there wasn't a girl around I liked more. It was definitely fun though.

Yet with a girl I'm really into, acting this way is so much harder to do. I have to force myself to through knowledge and discipline and I get better at ACTING like it, but it's not as genuine. If you place high value on her, you fear losing her or fvcking up and it can be a self-fulfilling prophecy. The problem with oneities is that it's a product of insecurity and makes you put unrealistically high value on a girl. She might have high value as a partner, but she can never have higher value as a man than you which I define as a dominant leader. Therefore that places her in a supporting role to you, yet for some reason so many guys are all too willing to hand over their balls.

Showing you're attracted to her, but leave all the mushy stuff out of the equation. You know that feeling you get when you want to spill out your heart to woman you're totally hooked on. This is DOES NOT make women fall for you. It often has the opposite effect.

Treat her like her value (as a partner) is yet to be determined.. which it is. So in a way you're being completely genuine that way.


That's really rambling, I'm tired, but I hope you get what I'm trying to convey.

 

[zekko]

Because I'm not attracted to her in the least bit, I'm almost unconsciously doing everything right. She texts/emails me "what's up, wanna meet up sometime" etc. Sometimes I reply and sometimes I don't...mostly I make up lame excuses but if I'm bored out of my skull, I'll go.

I think the real reason she is attracted to you is that you are higher value than she is (you said she's heavy and find her unattractive).

Disinterest is sometimes presented on this forum almost as some sort of magic pill, but if the girl is higher value than you are, why would she care if you are disinterested? She would have better options.

In your case, if you started to show interest in this girl, don't you think she would gladly jump on it? I think value (and some common interests) is the driving force here, not disinterest. You are probably one of the few guys who really pay attention to her, and she became enamoured.