How often do you get the "i'm busy" excuse?

[jaymo]

Ok, I'm getting somewhat annoyed at this.

I don't have any problems getting numbers from women and stuff, but a lot of times, when i call em up, they're too busy to hang out or whatever and they don't exactly give me a clue as to what time *would* be good.

I'm sick of getting numbers, and then calling em up and being told they can't hang out because they got something else going on. I'd like to assume that they're telling the truth, but at the same time if they were even remotely interested in me you'd think they'd make it easy for me to hang out with em. I've tried asking them "what time are you not busy", but no luck with that.

So I'm just wondering how often this happens to you, and how you deal with it. One time I lost control and straight out asked one girl if it was because they were really busy or if they were just finding excuses not to be with me. I feel like after I get the "i'm busy" excuse 2 or 3 times, i shouldn't bother anymore and wipe the number off my cell phone.

I wish I could diagnose what it is I'm doing wrong, cuz i suspect it has something to do with me and I don't have a clue what it is.

 

[Sosa]

I would work on generating more interest initially, I'm guessing that's the problem and the females you're coming across are either being nice or just enjoy the attention. It's really hard to say considering I don't know how you're handling your initial contact with them. Also-don't put the number in the phone in the first place, wait till they've proven themselves worthy to be in it.
By the way this might be something others will find useful-carry around a pad and pen-when they say- let me put it in your phone,or why don't you etc..,just tell them considering you just met you don't want to have to spend the time later if she doesn't click with you or is flaky.

 

[blinkwatt]

Do you even try to build up their interest before you ask them out?

 

[jaymo]

Yea, I'm guessing that might be it. Maybe I come across as too nice or something.

One girl I tried asking out was one that I actually have in my social dancing class. Since everyone in the class has to dance with each other at one point, I've been able to have her as my partner a few times. However, it wasn't until a few weeks later that I saw her walking by, we talked a bit, and I got her number then.

However, I called her twice, just asking what she's doing at the moment and if I could come over and just hang out. Both times she said she was busy.

Another girl was someone i recently met. I introduced myself, and while we were doing that, a friend of mine walked over and just gave me a neck massage, and after he finished he went over to her. However he used a lot of pressure on me, so i assume she didn't like it. So I was like "hey, maybe he used too much pressure, lemme try", and i did the same thing. I did it softer for a few seconds, and she said to stop because it tickeled or it sent tingles through her body or whatever.

She joined in in a game of cards and I joined in as well. Later on in the night, she bumped into me with her elbow and i decided to tease her and said "hey!! stop touching me! i'm not a piece of meat yea know." in a scarcastic way. She gave me like a wierd face, so i was like "i'm just playing with you" and sort of lightly pushed her on the shoulder.

We talked a bit, i put my hands on her shoulders, then i got her number and left.

2 or 3 days later (today), I saw her again at lunch, but i didnt say much since i was in a hurry. When i was done, I went over to her, put my hand on her shoulder, and said that i had to leave because i had to go to my job, and asked what she was doing around 4 or so and asked if she was still gonna be on campus or not. She said she was doing something else at that time, so i said "maybe i'll talk to you later" and left.

 

[Sosa]

I think the whole "friend" giving you a neck massage would mess anything with a female up. You sure you're in the right board for your posts?

 

[jaymo]

I think the whole "friend" giving you a neck massage would mess anything with a female up. You sure you're in the right board for your posts?

heh

well he just snuck up on me and started doing it without my asking, and i didn't want to be rude and tell him to stop (maybe i should have i dunno). i dunno what his deal was...he was just sort of walking up to different people and giving neck massages.

 

[Centaurion]

With women with high interest level : rarely
With women with low interest level : often

No need to dwell further upon it. Case closed.

 

[mrRuckus]

carry around a pad and pen-when they say- let me put it in your phone,or why don't you etc..,just tell them considering you just met you don't want to have to spend the time later if she doesn't click with you or is flaky.

Carry around a pad? Who does that?

Should i carry around a compass, trail mix, a pocket knife and a flashlight too?

I'll just carry a backpack wherever i go.

 

[afc_2_dj]

I wonder with this, I had it the other day...

...had a coffee date, didn't go bad I thought, at the end I offered for her to join me walking that weekend [something we had discussed via email, walking] and she was "i'm busy this weekend", which I took as a "like i'd been seen in public with you again!".

But I wonder sometimes, maybe they really are busy?!? After all, we are taught to appear busy!! [and often are!]?? I assume that if she really was busy she should have counter-offered? As in "i'm studying this weekend, but how-about next?"

 

[synergy1]

But I wonder sometimes, maybe they really are busy?!? After all, we are taught to appear busy!! [and often are!]?? I assume that if she really was busy she should have counter-offered? As in "i'm studying this weekend, but how-about next?"

Well put. Everyone has busy stretches in their lives, but what differentiates the interested parties from the non interested parties is the ability to try and counter offer. I am speaking from my own experience, as an undergraduate in a major which required alot of time. If I truly wanted to make time for something I found enjoyable I easly could. That said, if I could do it, I firmly believe anyone else can.

A girl I am seeing sort of unofficially has work 6-7 days a week. So far, nothing has really happened between us, but if she was not interested, it would be easier than easy for her to blame work on why we can not get together. Instead, she is always counter offering days/ times we could get together. The effort is obvious. The point is if there is any interest, you will be able to tell without much trouble.

In closing, I believe "I'm Busy" is not only a poor excuse, but an insult. Even during my most difficult years, I have made time for friends whenever they needed it. If someone whom I think is dating material can not extend the same effort, I will pull break out my next card pretty fast.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

With women with high interest level : rarely
With women with low interest level : often

But why even bother with women with low interest levels?

 

[Anniqueginsky]

Flakes are always expected. So concentrate on building the interest levels to high levls then see if they can go out with you. If they wont be persistant by busting on their balls as Jlaix of RSD puts it. If that fails,just push the NEXT button instead of wasting your time on flakin b-atches

 

[ScrewIt]

yea flakes happen, but is it because of something you're saying to these ladies on the phone?

 

[Le Parisien]

With women with high interest level : rarely
With women with low interest level : often

No need to dwell further upon it. Case closed.

Exactly!

It still amazes that some guys just focus so much on "getting the numbers", and "cold approaches without any initial sign of interest".

I mean what's the point? She doesn't like what she sees, she's not interested, period.

It's like for getting a job. What's the point of collecting tones of random companies' addresses and phone numbers to blindly spam them all with your résumé hoping that maybe you will get an interview?
Sure you should be open and target "broadly", but before the word "broadly", there's the word "to target".

Always have the women interested, getting the number is just a mean to reach her and pursue things further later, not a goal by itself.:yes:

 

[flexion_]

It really is a numbers game. An important thing to understand is that you can't make a woman like you so don't waste your time trying. All that is happening is low interest.

Focus on women that are easier to make plans with - they are the ones that have more interest in you.

 

[jaymo]

With women with high interest level : rarely
With women with low interest level : often

No need to dwell further upon it. Case closed.

Yes, you are spot on.

I guess if I get the "i'm busy" excuse more than 2 or 3 times, then I should take the numbers out of my phone due to my failure to build sufficient interest.

Always have the women interested, getting the number is just a mean to reach her and pursue things further later, not a goal by itself.

Yes, that makes a lot of sense. I guess the way I've approached it was that I just get the number and try to build interest after I set something up. I guess I find it harder to build sufficient interest when I just met the woman on the street and won't know when I'll have another chance to see her. Its easier if I see them more often, like in a classroom situation.

So i guess the question would be how can you build up sufficient interest so that when you can call her you are less likely to get the "busy" excuse without a counter offer.

EDITED TO ADD:

I know that ball busting is one method, and using kino is another. Maybe some links to the relavant threads would be helpful.

 

[Phyzzle]

I guess the way I've approached it was that I just get the number and try to build interest after I set something up.

That was my approach. Turns out it doesn't really work with desirable women who have 3 guys calling every evening.

I know that ball busting is one method, and using kino is another. Maybe some links to the relavant threads would be helpful.

Building rapport. Make lots of eye contact and have a brief, intense convo about . . . something really interesting to the both of you.

 

[Aaron B]

never ask to "just come over and hang out"

way too passive

you have to let them know that you are in demand and that you are doing them a favor by letting them spend time with you

 

[jaymo]

never ask to "just come over and hang out"

way too passive

you have to let them know that you are in demand and that you are doing them a favor by letting them spend time with you

what would be a better thing to ask then?

 

[Centaurion]

Aaron B brings up a good point.

Rather than to ask vaguely, "Want to hang out sometime?", you should be more direct, ie "I'm going to X place on [date] at [time]. Want to tag along?".