How often do you get flaked on?

[squirrels]

I'm just wondering...those of you who feel like their game is really "on-point"...how often do women flake on you? By "flake", I mean:

-Giving a number but not answering/returning calls
-Show interest at first but then disappearing abruptly

I seem to get a lot of it...I'll meet up with girls and they'll seem interested at first...numbers, kisses, making out, whatever...but then they suddenly disappear or drop off, and I honestly can't think of WHAT went wrong...everything seemed to be running so well.

I mean, is it normal to just run into a lot of flaky girls while searching for the good ones? (especially in younger age groups) Or am I fvcking up somewhere?

 

[white sox bill]

Its news when they DON"T flake, seems the older I get, you can count on a flake like the sun setting in the west

 

[Ol'BlueEyes]

Seemingly 90% of my flakes come after the first date. And not in a good way. It does get frustrating.
A lot of it depends on where I meet women. If I met her at a club, the chances of her flaking go WAY UP. After a night of dancing, deafening live music, and gin & tonics, a normal date is a bit dull.

 

[Evan_M]

Most women under the age of 40 are flakes. She can be the most sophisticated, financially stable girl and she still won't give the courteousy of telling you that she's not interested.

 

[Hitman10000]

Man, a lot of bitterness in here. I recommend that you guys stop blaming women and put some of that blame on yourself than her.

Dating is supposed to see if the both of you 1. can get along (on a deep level) 2. are sexually attracted to each other 3. can both be commited to each other.

The flaky behavior is good indication of incompatibility, they've determined right away that you're no good for them, but you can't see that because you're focused on the ideal of a relationship than the actual relationship. Would you guys do a search on Interest Levels of women? Interested women tend to have positive body language and a verbal deep interest (not about the weather, or fun things you do, but how you tick.) Give credit to women guys, they let you know they're incompatible whether they tell you or not.

 

[mrRuckus]

Man, a lot of bitterness in here. I recommend that you guys stop blaming women and put some of that blame on yourself than her.

Uh if a woman gives me her number and doesn't answer or just completely drops off the earth and stops talking to me after a date... i'm not blaming me.

She's RUDE. She doesn't get off the hook. Evan_M is right. Courtesy is required. I don't care about her reasoning. It's wrong.

If I met her at a club, the chances of her flaking go WAY UP. After a night of dancing, deafening live music, and gin & tonics, a normal date is a bit dull.

Actually it sounds rather pleasant compared to a club - where boring people go because they don't have to actually have anything interesting to say since the music is so loud.

 

[Evan_M]

The flaky behavior is good indication of incompatibility...

I agree however as a mature man I would like a girl to at least say "hey we're not compatible" vs. not bothering to have the courtesy to pick up the phone. This is after they tell you to call them. ******** for "call me" must mean "I'm not interested."

Man, a lot of bitterness in here.

You just haven't been flaked on enough. Trust me you'll see our side eventually.

 

[squirrels]

Lots of times on that first meeting, there's just not enough time to establish that kind of info up front, to determine compatibility.

Seriously, though, except in a relatively sparse fraction of cases, EVERY man and woman have SOME level of compatibility. Enough to date for a while, anyway, and see what shakes out. Sometimes it clicks, sometimes it doesn't. But I think women limit themselves by flaking after the first encounter.

I guess guys do it too...but not so much. If the girl's attractive, the guy is in for at least a few dates to feel her out.

 

[Phyzzle]

I think we're having trouble saying what's rude:

1. Not Rude
Making vague promises to get together, screning calls, not returning messages, saying she's too busy all this week and next. This is wimpy, but not rude.

2. Rude
Making a date for 7:30, waiting until 7:25, calling to say, "my cousin just came in from Norway this very minute unnanounced, and I never get to see her (blah blah)."

Don't say that giving hints is rude or immature. I mean, read Miss Manners or Emily Post if you don't believe me.

It's the standing you up that's obnoxiously wasteful and rude.

(Usually, you get some token last minute text message, but it's still standing you up.)

 

[Krang!]

Well you know, flaking is part of the game as is being turned down when asking for a number. It's ALWAYS a good idea to analyze what went right or wrong after a date or any encounter but don't ponder over getting flaked.
I mean you meet alot of women in this game and sometimes it clicks and sometimes it doesn't, sure it COULD PERHAPS have clicked during a second date but she flaked - try to figure out why and adjust that part of your game but don't let it bother you.
I guess I get flaked alot seeing that I try to date alot, but I'm not calculating my flake-% - I'm to busy meeting women. If you keep yourself busy in my experience many of the flakers will eventually contact you again - but not if she is the only girl on your agenda and you keep calling her voicemail. And if she doesn't get in touch with you that's fine aswell - her loss (for real).

 

[Jackman]

I guess guys do it too...but not so much.

I actually do it all of the time. Sometimes I go as far as setting up a day to get together, I'll tell them I'm going to call and *poof*. That's it. I just lose interest.

I probably do this because often after one conversation I find that it's the same old boring sh-t every time. Same damn get to know you stuff and so on. Even though there may be absolutely nothing wrong with the person, there just isn't anything intriguing enough about them to actually WANT to go through the dead motions, so when the moment comes for me to make that call I just don't bother. The only time I seem to follow through every time is when there is something a little different and obvious about a girl, like having a foreign accent, being a lot younger than me or sometimes it can just be as simple as having a different look (or all three!). With women like this, I can actually have the same old typical get to know you conversation, but I'll actually be into it.

It might be the same for women, perhaps on a much more simple, mood-based level. I don't know really.

But basically, I believe if you find yourself getting flaked on too often it might not be because you're doing something wrong, but because you're not doing anything different.

 

[Phyzzle]

I'll tell them I'm going to call and *poof*. That's it. I just lose interest.

I've never had that happen to me.

You mean, a healthy, thin young woman? Poof? No interest? When you don't even know a dam thing about her?

Anyway, I'm forced to point out: when you set up a date, just set up a freakin date.

None of this "Let's get together around Thursday in the afternoonish-to-eveningish range."

None of this "I'll call you the moment I'm ready to see you."

As you get older (out of college), you find that people have to set things up in advance, including you. Just get into the habit now.

 

[Hitman10000]

I agree however as a mature man I would like a girl to at least say "hey we're not compatible" vs. not bothering to have the courtesy to pick up the phone. This is after they tell you to call them. ******** for "call me" must mean "I'm not interested."



You just haven't been flaked on enough. Trust me you'll see our side eventually.

I've been flaked on plenty of times, usually it's either because they were uncomfortable with me or they didn't like me that much. Again, give girls a little more credit because they get hit on very often and they give you one or two chances to make it in before they start spinning you.

 

[Hitman10000]

I actually do it all of the time. Sometimes I go as far as setting up a day to get together, I'll tell them I'm going to call and *poof*. That's it. I just lose interest.

I probably do this because often after one conversation I find that it's the same old boring sh-t every time. Same damn get to know you stuff and so on. Even though there may be absolutely nothing wrong with the person, there just isn't anything intriguing enough about them to actually WANT to go through the dead motions, so when the moment comes for me to make that call I just don't bother. The only time I seem to follow through every time is when there is something a little different and obvious about a girl, like having a foreign accent, being a lot younger than me or sometimes it can just be as simple as having a different look (or all three!). With women like this, I can actually have the same old typical get to know you conversation, but I'll actually be into it.

It might be the same for women, perhaps on a much more simple, mood-based level. I don't know really.

But basically, I believe if you find yourself getting flaked on too often it might not be because you're doing something wrong, but because you're not doing anything different.

You see? We men flake out on girls too. Their thinking pattern isn't that much different, I do this a lot too. Just a couple months ago after dating this chick who was on the fence, after the "beer goggle" effect wore off, I saw her as some UG chick who was living a different life than I was. Using football analogy: I know if I'm not going to get in the "end zone" why keep playing running back when the quarterback (the girl) is making crappy throws at me? I just walk off the field ignoring the ball being thrown at me. I don't even say anything except "yeah, my grandma died or I'm busy and stuff" other guys say "I'm gay, or I am really super depressed" instead of "Yeah, I'm not interested romantically in you and we should stop seeing each other." Sometimes it's hard for us guys to do that, just like how girls just ignore all of your calls/emails. Don't feel bad being rejected, and you do have to blame yourself a bit. Be angry at her, and then at yourself. Improve yourself in that process see the rejection as a lesson than something you feel angry about.

Try to see the dating process as a job interview process. 1st/2nd dates are short under an hour "getting to know ya" dates and the 3rd one is the final date before you show the real sexual masculine self (not too heavy though.) And if you don't hear from her, then so be it. You shouldn't be angry considering you spent little time with her as well as little money. Unless you're one of those AFCs that fork out $20-50 for each of those first dates.

 

[MrCode]

So far my number of flakes is practically non-existant. But I don't usually ask for the number if I don't feel the girl is interested, but even that doesn't happen that much. If I talk to a girl and get to show my personality, she usually likes me. Therefore I think my inner game is pretty tight.

My problem is still approach anxiety and not seeing enough good targets when I go out. Given the first paragraph above you would think I wouldn't have a problem approaching. Still it is easier said than done...

But the point is it is possible to really reduce flaking.

 

[Jackman]

I've never had that happen to me.

You mean, a healthy, thin young woman? Poof? No interest? When you don't even know a dam thing about her?

Anyway, I'm forced to point out: when you set up a date, just set up a freakin date.

None of this "Let's get together around Thursday in the afternoonish-to-eveningish range."

None of this "I'll call you the moment I'm ready to see you."

As you get older (out of college), you find that people have to set things up in advance, including you. Just get into the habit now.

What I do works very well for me because I don't work one girl at a time. I need the flexiability of indefinate dates because I'm usually working with several schedules besides my own, and I don't always know in advance when everyone is going to be available. Sometimes I don't even know when I'm going to be available. So I stopped doing the first come first serve "definate" thing and just go with the best girl available when I'm available.

I used to reschedule one date to go on another, but after a while I realized the only reason I did that was because I wasn't really all that interested enough anyway. If you're boring, women will not stick around to give you the benefit of the doubt and get to know you. They move on. I'm just doing the same thing. I trade up just like they do. Is it ok for them to do this and not me?

I just spent 5 hours today on the beach with a 21 year old Russian hottie who bought me lunch, and I told her "maybe" we can get together today just like I tell the rest of them. She showed up when she could have just as easily went on to do something else. I'm really not doing too bad here.

 

[charlezz]

Flakes... Part and parcel of the Dating process.. Look at this link.. It may have the answer you all needed.
(I am experiencing flakes at the moment, and doing a different approach now, more on that later).

http://attraction-chronicles.blogspot.com/2006_02_05_attraction-chronicles_archive.html

I shared it with some of my friends.
Some think its a gold post. Some think its BvllSh1T.

What's your 2 cents?

 

[ElChoclo]

Sometimes a mature man meets a female colleague and they exchange business cards. There is supposed to be some sort of innuendo to this, but for me, it is an amusing way of calling a woman's bluff.

The mere giving of a business card is an innocuous act. It then becomes necessary for them to make the first move, but they are helpless due to social convention, unable to come on strong. When they angle by telephoning me, I find it amusing. This I suppose is the art of flaking without flaking (to paraphrase completely an old Bruce Lee remark from Enter the Dragon.)

 

[Evan_M]

Judging from that article to have a girl not flake on you she has to have insane interest levels. It's not just good enough being cute and attractive. Maybe if you physically assaulted her after getting her number you would rate a higher interest level than a friendly "I'll call you..."

Point being is that as we all know women think with their emotions. They could be having a great time one minute and then totally lose interest the next. I've found this to be very annoying. Guys like having a certain comfort zone in a relationship whereas women of course have to have that constant roller coaster of emotions to stay interested. Modern society with it's Jerry Springer shows has only made things worse.

 

[realsmoothie]

A lot of girls have some pretty serious issues when it comes to dating. If you add in the fact that you probably met these girls through a method different than what they're used to (i.e. you smoothed them, you weren't some friend of a friend deal), then it's a situation unfamiliar to them.

I've never been flaked on on a date. However, I do go to this one bar on the same night every week, and many of the same girls are there. On a given night, you can never predict the behaviour of a given girl. It sometimes appears totally random. Sometimes they're all over you... at other times they don't know who you are.

Age is a factor. Anything from 18-24 or so... watch out, they have no clue what they want. Their body is thinking sex, but society is telling them not to be a slut, they want to meet guys, but they're worried about what their friends will think.

I don't put up with this sh*t anymore. There's too many fish in the sea to waste time with a girl that's not ready for you. NEXT.